with Maureen's of Brimfield, fudge fans

I stammer.

Jesus Cant Save Me - Dog Faced Boy

-

.

"I've Been Bummed, Shag!"

My colleague's first words to me at the factory where I spent my university summers, where 'shag' is a term of endearment and to be bummed is to be left a lot of work from the previous shift.

Nobody can beat Vic Reeves's effort.

To wanking for fun and profit.

My Life In Cakes, or She Was A Massive Bird

Beany:

Lucky Sod
Mad Hatter
Born Bonkers
Massive Mingler
Jammie Dodger
Stackridge Bore
Bolton Wanderer
Accountant? Never!

.

Rum bugger
Boxing fanatic
Thatcher hater
Dry bastard
Loyal
Off for a pint.

Forty Years of Moaning About How Stuff Used To Be Better

By Captain Underpants

- a beautiful marriage of my given and Word names :-)

...which wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't left me her granny's reject.

Bizarrely, I was talking to my parents about old adverts this afternoon before I saw this OP, and my mum said 'Your Dad used to be an Ovalteenie', to which I replied : 'That will be the name of my autobiography', so ....

or maybe...

There seems to have been some kind of mistake...

Or possibly Parallel Chins.

The true story of how I got halfway there.

It would improve sales, wouldn´t it?

But the unauthorised biography will be:

Gauntlet: by those who laid her down.

Subtitle: It has? Oh bugger.

.

I came, I saw, I couldn't be arsed, so I went home. My life by Geacher.

Dad was in the merchant navy

Sub-titled: From birth to adolescence. Well, a man's got to have hope, eh?

The hardback edition of the book would come with an acorn embedded in the spine, along with instructions to read it fast, bury it deep, and leave a beautiful copse.

Being Green

or even

Green: Before It was Cool & Trendy

My Life and Other Missed Opportunities

I'd go with either:

"The Man Who Thought Too Much"

or

"You're A Nice Guy, But..."

Looking at the Scottish market really.

it would have to focus on my total obsession with music.

'O-CD'.

Oh Bollocks!
Shit, Is That The Time?
How Much?!
The Man Who Knew Too Little.
Music Was My First Love... And Cost Me A Packet.
Obscurity Beckoned.

..parts 1-25

Let's say Ronan Keating's is called "Life is a Rollercoaster - My Autobiography". Is it right for the cover of the book to say
"MY Autobiography"? Most of them do - and it causes me no end of grief. I suppose the alternative is rather more aloof-sounding, "Life is a Rollercaster - the Autobiography of Ronan Keating".

(By the way, I have no idea whether that is the title of his book - but I bet it is.)

..Autobiography" is enough?
I hate the ubiquitous "My Autobiography" too.

- though I suppose dad would have to write it.

Published in fifty monthly parts with a self-assembly action figure.A snip at only £3.50 a month.

As it's always considered a bit upmarket to have a quote from the Classics as your title (and pretend that you're clever and have read a lot), I have always thought that a bit of Shakespeare would be good for mine. In particular, from that famous speech of Macbeth's towards the end (Act V scene V), which also includes "All our Yesterdays" and "The Way to Dusty Death". So, here it is:

"A Tale Told by an Idiot"

as it happens and it's called Let's Be Other People. The rate I am rattling through it it should be on the shelves for 2063

"Needless to say, I had the last laugh!"

It's a phrase a friend told me had been hollered from behind a locked door of a friend of his at college. My friend wanted to go out for a drink. All he got was: "Fuck off, I'm having a wank!" I always thought that would make a great title for something, anything. A book? A song or album? An autobiography even?

What I Might Have Been Doing The Day...Uh...That Big Event Took Place That Shook The World
or simply
What Are You Asking Me For ?

Balancing the Brookes
Second-hand Brookes
Vintage Brookes

etc.

Richard Blakey's (ex Yorkshire Wicket Keeper) autobiography.

My wife went into Waterstones to get it. I suggested she ask for it at the counter if she couldn't find it and she spent some time making sure she found it!

..... and with a nod to everyones favourite air hostess botherer, I spose I'd have to name my autobiography : Finished Monkey Business

.... or maybes Superfreak, Superfreak : I'm Super Freaky!

BR
FT

Harry Potter - The Final Chapter

Grab the first day receipts from the till and get the hell out of town before the backlash starts.

what I would like on my tombstone is "still surrounded by braindead cunts"

..will jump in at the last minute and change it to "Cheers up Chabsy, it's all over now..who gets your LPs?"

The defense would like the court to take into account the following..."

Only way I can imagine needing to write an autobiography.

How about a sneaky peak at the highlights of the index:

Beer p86; 95-125; 200; 202-254
Cinema p45-56; 86-97; 100-149; 289
Civil Service p125-266; 299
Cooking School (washing up) p67-75
France p90-100
Gigs p87; 95-167; 200-289
Hull p100
Kids p150-235; 237; 239-299
Lens (Racing Club de) p90-100; 145; 203-276
Libraries p10-65; 70-80
London p110-167
Manchester p95-109
Mrs SPT p100-300
Nottingham p1-87
Nottingham forest p5-299
Parliament p130-150
Pies p55; 64; 80-82; 101-123; 145; 156; 200-243;275-289
Record shops p60-97; 101-275; 298
School 23-85
Sheffield 149-299
Whisky 145;250-267

Has it been used before?

always a Tosser - Stories of self abuse and incidents of embarrassing gaffes.

Would adequately sum up my life so far but would fall short the bestsellers list.

A marvelous description of Peter Mandelson's autobiography in today's Sunday Times.

Mine would doubtless turn into a "what might have been" story so I think I'd call it:
"If I'd Just Gone Round That Corner"

To quote the movie that is on as i read this thread

"Young, Dumb & Full Of Come"

That should cover the first volume then.

Based on a True Story