You're the one for me, Fatty
Posted by MatDavies on 20 February 2008 - 7:01pm.
After chortling at the "he had a good Christmas" pictures of Morissey in the most recent edition of Word, it struck me that those of us who had been too friendly with the Guinness and Mars Bars in the past have tended to get a rum deal when it comes to success on Planet Rock. With the perhaps notable exception of Black Francis, is there anyone else who has noticed this subtle fattism? Am i right or should I just get the next round in?
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"Modern Classic? No Sir, it is Rubbish"
If ever there was a phrase that is sure to send my already high blood pressure through the stratosphere, it is the way too often used phrase of "modern classic" in reviews- that journalistic shorthand for "I love this record and it deserves a place in the canon of marvellous tunes". Nay, nay and thrice nay! Whatever happened to the use of adjective, adverb and clever syntax to express emotions and feelings? I now have an internal alarm set so that whenever I read said phrase I tend to approach with extreme caution. With this in mind, I was wondering what other phrases got Word readers' proverbial goat?
Tea and a Biccie
If Rock Stars were biscuits, would Bono be the half coated Digestive? and, if so, what would that make Michael Stipe? I think we should be told...
Lip Up Fatty
Probably the LARGEST exception to the rule.
Valid
point. If Kurt Cobain looked like Bob Mould Mould and vice-versa then Husker Du would've been huge and the far-less-talented Nirvana mere footnote in rock history. The big boned always get a raw deal - goddamn the (skinny) man.....
Tad, Poison Idea, Screaming Trees...
...Grunge was quite a time for the porky wasn't it?
Indeed
Wonder whatever happened to the girth-shattering Tad. I believe Poison Idea are in abeyance after the death of the mighty Pig Champion - not the name he was Christened with, one suspects, or that he was born to Mr and Mrs Champion. He was a reputed 40-plus stone - good going bearing in mind he had a terrific appetite a la pre-cleaned up Ms Winehouse by all accounts
5,000 Volts
The evidence for fattism is here:
The voice belongs to Tina Charles, who isn't allowed to show herself on TOTP until a couple of years later:
But her presence is OK in Germany:
didn't something similar happen with...
Black Box's 'Ride on Time'?
I seem to remember on TOTP an alarmingly 'jiggly' but slim lady miming to the song and thinking that it was a surprisingly 'big' voice for such a slight frame to generate.
Imagine my surprise to find out some while later that the TOTP lady had not actually sung on the track but someone rather 'bigger boned' had been responsible...
Loleatta Holloway
"Ride on Time" was patched together from bits of two minor dog-end-of-disco hits, "Love Sensation" and "Dreaming", both by Loleatta Holloway. The first she knew of the existence of "Ride On Time" was when it became such a hit in the UK that her lawyers encouraged her to have a word. An out-of-court settlement was reached, apparently.
This the real her:
Thanks but...
...have you not got a clip of the jiggly one?
If you don't like fat guys.....
I'll send Jackie Leven around to have a wee word.
But it does seem unusual how few stout yeoman of rock there are, at least off the drum seat. I can only seem to think of Leslie West apart from those who have broadened their beam with time like Graham Crosby.
Quick shout for John Popper, fantastically talented mouth-organist with Blues Traveller who eventually had a gastric bypass.
And yet...
Bulkiness was never much of a hindrance to the careers of Aretha, Solomon Burke, Barry White or B.B. King, was it? More evidence, I suppose, of the racism that has always run through most A&R departments: the great - and mostly white - record-buying public are supposed to just listen to them, not fancy them.
Although now I come to think about it, Johnny Foreigners in general have always been allowed to be non-Adonises, as long as they're vaguely exotic: Demis Roussos and Charles Aznavour both managed to get on Top Of The Pops in their day.