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Worst stage name

Rosbif's picture

We've had at least two threads about crap band names on this blog; as far as I can recall, however, there hasn't been one on the worst names for solo artists. There may not be quite as many candidates in this category, but there are certainly a few, and one in particular springs to mind as the gold standard, the benchmark by which all other heinous handles must be judged...

His real name is Taalib Johnson, which wouldn't have been a bad name for professional use. Instead he came up with a stage name that positively reeks of hubris and self-regard, while flouting the "show don't tell" rule that was originally coined for creative writing, but has far wider applicability. So give it up, hold your sniggers for:

Musiq Soulchild

Is it the spelling of the first word that induces the biggest cringe? Or the presumption in the second? Oh, and from what I heard the "musiq" wasn't up to much either, being highly derivative and featureless modern R&B.

Beat that, Massivistas?

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That has inspired me to form a band

We will be called The Seminal Quintessentialists and our debut album will be entitled "Going Seminal".

Our second album will be called "The Sophomore Outing".

We will then split up only to be re-discovered in 2030 by Uncut magazine as a great lost band of the 2010's.

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Uncle Wheaty | 5 February 2012 - 8:28pm

Elvis Costello?

Apart from the inevitable confusion when someone refers just to "Elvis", I remember a Punch article suggesting that someone born with the name Elvis Costello is just as likely to want to change it to Declan McManus, as the other way round.

There's also been recent discussion on a Jimmy Pursey thread about the decision to changne his stage name to James Pursey, and similarly Pete Murphy becoming Peter Murphy - both highly ill-advised, IMHO.

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Douglas | 5 February 2012 - 8:51pm

Whats so bad about Gerry Dorsey?

Not a lot - so why change to Englebert Humperdink

Eddie Izzard considers how the stage name was chosen

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Rigid Digit | 5 February 2012 - 9:01pm

Elvis Costello

Declan Patrick Aloysius MacManus* was called Elvis simply because it caught your eye in 1977\6 - "he can't be called that - oh he is" so you stop and take notice more than you would for plain old Declan MacManus which is a unwieldy name.

He has also been billed as

Eammon Singer
The Little Hands Of Concrete
The Imposter
Napoleon Dynamite
D P Costello
The Pope Of Pop

Nick Lowe tells a possibly not true story about being with Jake Riviera on the night that Elvis P died and Jake saying that he's have to change Elvis to Elton as he thought the name was now commercial suicide

*it is thought he added the Aloysius as a tribute to Tony Hancock when he changed back to Declan Macmanus in 1986.

I like the thought oif Jimmy Pursey changing to James so he would be taken seriously as an artist.

The almost but never was name for New Order was The Witchdoctors Of Zimbabwe. All but Hooky wanted that and because he vetoed it they sullenly went with New Order. That could be a way of getting round his current legal attempt to stop the rest of em using 'New Order'

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DogFacedBoy | 5 February 2012 - 9:04pm

Whigfield

I had thought this was a terrible stage name, until I just had a butchers at her wiki entry and found that it's in tribute to her old piano teacher, which is rather sweet.

However, she apparently performs these days as Naan. Huh??? [cue cury jokes]

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Rosbif | 6 February 2012 - 12:06am

Elmer Twitch

Who was never unleashed on the music world, but was what Larry Parnes wanted to call Joe Brown.

Brown fortunately dug his heels in.

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Brookster | 6 February 2012 - 12:22am

Reminds me of that Peter Sellars

pop star character Twit Conway (real name Cyril Rumbold)

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DogFacedBoy | 6 February 2012 - 12:52am

The First Band I Ever Saw...

...at a "proper gig" was at McGonagles in Dublin in 1983, supporting Aztec Camera - still one of my favourite gigs ever. They introduced themselves...

two blokes in blouses with a drum machine (or even a tape machine) I'm not sure...

"The name of this band is...(Talking Heads reference presumably)...Ambition in Glass".

Cue spontaneous laughter from the assembled fans of the Sound of Young Scotland.

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Bamber | 6 February 2012 - 1:02am

When multi-coloured mullets roamed the earth

Pop stars made themselves more interesting by slightly changing their names. Even people who weren't pop stars did it. Andrew Collins in one of his books confirms this trend by his brief adoption of the enigmatic alternative persona, Andrew Kollins.

The examples are many, but the saddest, most try-hard one was Russell Bell, of Dramatis. His name was written as rRussell Bell.

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Austin | 7 February 2012 - 11:07pm

Ah yes, "artists who can't spell their own names"

To which category we can add Nik Kershaw, Amii Stewart and Leee John.

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Rosbif | 7 February 2012 - 11:26pm
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