Entertainment For Lively Minds
Worst solo artist of all time
Last time, when we did the 'Worst Band of All Time' poll, there was bemusement and disagreement with our short-list - particularly the inclusion of Crowded House.
As such, we thought we'd share the long list. Ideally we'd like to whittle it down rather than making it bigger, so we can get the survey set up, but if there are glaring omissions or violent disagreements then we'd love to hear them. Remember, this isn't based on science, sense or rational thought.
You can vote on the artists you think should be included in our short list here: Click here to take survey
Vote for as many as you think deserve to be included and we'll put forward the Top 20 to find out the final decision.
Warning: does feature Canadians.
- More from Chimney Singing Cheryl Cole.
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No Question
In my opinion the worst solo artist of all time is Sting
Time to wheel out
David Quantick's greatest moment again: "Sting, where is thy death?".
Quanters, really?
I'll happily be disabused, but wasn't it the late, great Steven Wells who coined that deathless line? Anyroad, old Gordon's given us a lot of poopoo over the years, but We Work the Black Seam is a damn fine song imho.
You're quite right...
...here's his article. I don't know if it was him or a sub, but either deserve a (posthumus) nobel prize for literature.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2007/sep/06/stingwhereisthydea...
Thanx Pax
....particularly as I'd found myself more stumped than usual during university challenge tonight!
Hmm
I know the man is a bit of a knob, but I reckon there are quite a few on that list that are worse than sting? also his first 2 lps were quite enjoyable.
No can agree
I cast my votes for people who'd never done a single song I liked. Although most of Sting's solo stuff has left me cold, there are a few crackers in there, like Fields Of Gold - although I prefer Eva Cassidy's version - All This Time and Fragile.
The one exception I made to my own rule is that I voted for Britney Spears to be included, even though I like a couple of her songs; the reason being that I believe that she has zero talent and had next to zero input into things like Toxic.
You need to spell Senor Enrique's
name properly.
Pat Boone spent
the 1950's sucking the life out of rock n Roll classics while the originals were still warm, and for nearly killing the medium in its infancy, he deserves to top any such list.
Howard Jones' sh*tness is something I'm still having difficulty getting my head around, and I have stabbed to death every person I've ever come across who thought Daniel Powter added something to the canon. I used to have a boss whose ring tone was "You've Had a Bad Day", and he used to look around the room to see if we were impressed every time his phone rang.
Daniel Powter
Good shout.
You've Had a Bad Day is possibly my least favourite song.
Pat Boone
Good call. Well put.
Eno?
Strange choice.
Good list
Though I disagree with the inclusion of Steve Brookstein, Richard Thompson, Sonia, Joe Dolce and
Neil Young. Plus I thought David Coverdale's Northwinds was actually quite a good album, so I'd leave him out, too.
Of those left I'd have to choose Russell Watson, unless we're talking about the same Brian Eno who made Here Come the Warm Jets and Taking Tiger Mountain…, in which case I vote for him, obviously.
No question..
...Newton bloody Faulkner.
Newton Faulkner
Sounds like a motorway service station.
Or one of those haulage companies which has trucks called "Lulubelle" and drivers who wear ties and long-sleeved shirts to hide their prison tattoos.
I can't do venn diagrams, but...
Posh = Fine
Dreadlocks = Fine
Posh & dreadlocks = Naff
You forgot...
..."White bloke". Never saw a white bloke with dreads who didn't look effing ridiculous.
Why bother slagging
his look, his name etc etc when the music is so bloody awful?
It's just...
...another stick with which to beat him. I saw him play live a few weeks before his first record came out and was reminded of Salieri's alleged comment to Mozart; '...too many notes'.
So deaf people can hate him too
Dreads on white people...
is a bad look. Bob Marley looked cool. You don't. Off to the barber's with you, sir.
I don't really know
many of those on your list to be honest. Is Kate Nash that singer with the really terrible mockney voice, like Eliza Doolittle singing Lily Allen? If it's one and the same then Kate Nash is the worst - I win.
That's the one.
"You say I must eat so many lemons, cos I am so bittaaah."
Oh, do go away.
Thanks - I feel better
for ticking her now, I was afraid I'd made a terrible mistake.
Foundations
Is made less irritating by listening to the preceding Nash single (Caroline's a Victim) beforehand, which is ten times worse.
To be honest... there are quite a few of these who are
alright really, too many that clearly shouldnt be there - Eno?- and too many whopping omissions, How on earth does Nutini escape the burning torch?
have to say, this list would be in my top ten 'Worst lists of Worst solo artists of all time'
Probably.
There's a facility
to add Nutini should you wish.
I've thus far...
...managed to avoid knowingly hearing a note of Nutini. I did hear a godawful Damien Rice song on the wireless last weekend. All the way through I was wincing, 'What the blue blazes is this kack?'
Times like those only reaffirm my general anti-music radio stance.
I feel inadequate
I've only heard of half of them
But despite that, and confident in the knowledge that I am right... I choose Sting.
What about Chris Martin?
I know he's not made a solo album yet but he will one day.
What?
No Eminem? Nik Kershaw? Tina Turner? Midge Ure? Celine Dion? Nick Berry? Dannii Minogue? etc etc
Add them on
If there's enough agreement they'll make it into the final list.
I honestly really really really love Nik Kershaw
shh, don't tell anyone
Secret's safe with me
- he said humming Human racing - a great tune and folks, a lot of the time it's just about the tunes..
You can't beat a bit of
Radio Musicola. Try it and see if I'm wrong. Oh, and the guitar/synth solo in Wouldn't it be Good is a stonker.
Weirdly enough
I was just playing that last night (came to this thread today).
A great tune, and may be the only song to feature the words "numismatic" and "polity".
it's not cool to admit it
but Nik K is a fine guitar player, and once, on 'The Riddle' album, Mark King played some damn fine bass on this track:
Don Quixote........
Anyone who manages to write a song about Don Quixote and get it in the charts in ok with me....Almost, but not quite, as good as the Manics getting to #1 singing about the Spanish Civil War....
What was the answer to The Riddle??
Speaking of Sting
Has anyone heard brummie songsmith Mr Hudson yet? Very similar pipes to Mr Sumner. He has featured on recent hits from Kanye West and housewife-baiting hitmakers N-Dubz.
The first Mr Hudson..
...and the Library LP is actually pretty good. They were first on the Other Stage at Glastonbury 07, I seem to recall.
Mick Jagger
gets my vote. Fewer decent songs than Sting surely.
Just nominated him.
For this if nothing else.......
There is absolutely no way that
you can touch this...
or, indeed proto-white-rappers like Vanilla Ice or even proto-brit-white-rappers like MC Tunes, who were both badder than bad (but not in a hip-hop-style "good" way)
Cheryl
Cole isn't on there, tho maybe because she isn't an artist at all in any conventional sense (eg Sting) and is rather a trashmag icon. Nonetheless to me she symbolises the wretched state of contemporary "no talent, no problem" pop music and should be there.
The winner will be James Blunt. I am sure of that
Although Celine Dion may give him a run for his money as a write-in vote.
James Blunt Force Trauma
Surely...
...there's space for John Lennon on that list?
How right you are
.
Mariah
Carey
Ronan! Ronan! Ronan!
He's not on the list - is he?
A man immensely disliked by his own band.
And anyone that likes music.
Dead heat
between Jack Johnson and Roger Whittaker. Whittaker's more intense obviously
I'll leave Roger
Off the list just for this.
I've got a great Ronan Keating story..
but I don't want to hear from his people.
What about Daniel Bedingfield?
Is it the one concerning...
... a racing driver?
The Steady Eddie Irvine one???
If so, that's great value. If I was swerving Irvine, I would've done it twice!
Beck
or indeed anyone else who goes by one name only - Mika, Bjork, Enya, Dido, Nico, Cher, Sting, Toyah.
I rest my case, m'lud.
Big in Germany
Now wait a minute, I can't be having this...
the Hoff's uplifting anthems provided the soundtrack to (inspired?) one of the most excellent occurrences of the twentieth century. What's not to like?!
I know it's not cool to say it..
..but I'd rather listen to a lutefull of Stings than this...it's just bloody awful..and I liked Moby Grape too.
Phil Collins, Morrisey
nuff said
Paulo Nutini
has to be
JAMES BLUNT
The man is an a***w*** (former readers of Melody Maker's Mr Agreeable will know what the blanks are)
He is from the same school of inflated egotism as messrs Hucknall and Kay but with even less talent.
I may just have to murder James Blunt
"his own rhyming slang" - thank you Mitch Benn
Over rated growler
Bruce Springsteen and I will not accept any arguments as I have turned into a self opinionated arse.
The title of this message
suggests an entirely different list - better not start it on here though.
Chris de Burgh
Apart from being unbelievably awful, he recently responded to a less-than-favourable live review in the Irish Times by writing an interminable, humourless open letter rejoinder to the journalist resposible. Tool.
Seconded
As far as I'm concerned, writing and foisting The Lady In Red on us is a capital crime. He could be revealed as the true author of Shakespeare's sonnets and/or have secretly written all the Lennon / McCartney cannon but for this, he deserves top place on the Worst list.
I've already voted once....
....but I'm going to vote for James Blunt again. Not stricly cricket but I think we can make an exception in these circumstances
Bruce Cockburn
IMF dirty MF
Takes away everything it can get
Always making certain that there's one thing left
Keep them on the hook with insupportable debt
Agree with the sentiment completely, but it’s trite guff and the rest of his stuff isn't much better.
Elton John
Sorry but he is sh***
defining a solo artist
Since there are lots of lousy solo artists out there, the definition of this list should be artists that were ok in a band but when they went headlining on their own something truly awful happened. Call it hubris or something. That way Sting, Mick Jagger, Phil Collins, etc. rise as the curdled cream to the top of the list. The bands they were in were relatively enjoyable. But then....
How's about...
....Rod Stewart, leopard print lycra and all. Made some sense in the Faces, little since. And at least Sting hasn't done an album of standards. I'm starting to think the Jimmy Thudpucker character in Doonsbury might be getting some substantial inspiration from our scottish friend.
Fish
and that bird who used to sing for M People. Both have voices that could steer ships away from the rocks.
Hasn´t anyone mentioned
..the guitar-as-a-phallus -waving, faux rock-god, Hendrix-wannabee, look-at-me-laydeez, Mr Lenny Kravitz ?
John Lennon
Actually John Lennon did little of worth as a solo artist and produced one of the worst songs in "Imagine".
I always
used to like Imagine but over the years I heard so many people having a go at it that it's been a bit ruined for me. I think at some point as a teenager I became aware it was uncool to like Imagine so I stopped. I'm going to dig it out tonight and see how I get on.
Anyway, Instant Karma is undeniably great, so that balances it all out a bit. I also like 'Working Class Hero'.
I bought a Greatest Hits album a few years back and I have to see it doesn't get played very often - there's a lot of shite on there.
Good call
"Imagine" is easily in my Bottom 10 songs. My teeth start grinding the moment I hear that intro...