Worst Record Ever Made (and then some...)
Posted by kinkywolfgang on 9 August 2008 - 10:19am.
Preposterous lyrics, prehistoric keyboards, early 80s production, US poodle rock. This is surely the worst of the worst. Can any readers top this?
Sing along, if you can....
I've got a secret
I've been hiding under my skin
My heart is human
my blood is boiling
my brain I.B.M.
Bookmark/Search this post with:
- More from kinkywolfgang.
- Login or register to post comments
You may have trumped yourself.
You have to leave some room for debate.
You can't just go straight to Mr Roboto! No one could possibly top that. Everything about it is truly awful. Wasn't it part of a concept album? Kilroy! Kilroy! I hadn't thought of that song in years! Thanks!
I can't do fancy things with youtube but see if you can hunt out the song Paralysed by The Legendary Stardust Cowboy. It is the worst racket ever recorded. However, unlike Styx, it would have had about a recording budget of $0.25c
At least Paralysed makes me laugh. Styx never caused anyone any sort of enjoyment.
Legendary Stardust Cowboy
I'm rather fond of this. Paralysed is a great record. David Bowie liked him. So did Kenny Everett.
Kenny Everett's World's Worst Record Show album is a must for stuff like this. Vinyl only, K-Tel NE 1023. Get some.
Nice
It's not the first time The Ledge has been mentioned on the blog. See our Top Ten Outsider Musicians list.
Classic
Shame the original video at YouTube doesn't allow embedding.
*weaves sneaky download/conversion/upload magic*
Ooh, look, here it is.
You're spoiling us, Mr Ambassador,
with your Mr Roboto video. Until a few minutes ago I had never heard nor seen this. Just didn't know when I was well off, did I? I must agree that it's truly awful (and includes a strong contender for Worst Rhyme Ever, too - whole new thread here, surely - with "under my skin.../...my brain IBM").
I feel I must argue once more* for Tijuana Plays Motown, however, as it's a collection of tunes anyone with an ounce of good taste would love, covered in such a way as to render listening to them an ordeal akin to undergoing root canal surgery without anaesthetic, while having one's fingernails pulled out - slowly - as boiling oil is poured into one's ears. Whereas no-one in his right mind likes Styx in the first place. Case proved? God I hope so, because if there's anything worse out there waiting to be posted I just know I won't be able to resist a quick peek.
*See "Just plain wrongness" blog a few weeks ago.
2:03
That's how long I could take. Now I need a lie down with a cold flannel over my forehead.
2.54 - but that's not a good thing
Truly awful
The song is bad....
but the video is worse! I also like the way he says "modrin" instead of "modern"! However, surely it's not as bad as this!!
This has to be the worst songe ever, although looking at the comments underneath it on youtube it does have its fans!
I think
my "no-one in his right mind" quote above applies equally to Jefferson Starship. (But yes, fecking dreadful indeed.)
Well you should...
read the comments on youtube! Especially the fifth one! Excellent!
I have now,
and see what you mean. I did say "in his right mind", though.....
That is...
true! I've discovered that I'm starting to read the comments more after the recent blog that was posted by Chris G (http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/lol-wtf-this-so-ga).
I also think that Homer Simpson got it spot on when, travelling through the River Stxy in Hades, he sees skeletons on the shore playing 'Lady', he says "This really is Hell!". I couldn't find the Simpsons clip but I found this on youtube, The words 'Spinal' and 'Tap' come to mind!
Up there with the Tap, it's true,
but it seems on this evidence that it might be D major that's the saddest key.
you can't beat manilow
For Lyrics manilow's Bermuda Triangle..
Bermuda Triangle makes people disappear....
(i hate it )
Ladies and gentlemen...
I bring you... OBUS.
Spinal Crap
man that was hilarious.
are we sure these guys were for real?
Oh yes...
I bought a tape of one of their albums when I was in Spain 20 years ago and it provided no end of laughs when the sangria was being knocked back...
They're not much worse than Judas Priest
though really. Are they? I might have crap metal ears but they seem to follow the standard recipe.
Connection
There's a connection between the Starship and STYX songs. They were both endlessly plugged on Jonathan King's "Entertainment USA" TV show.A Smugger man never existed and He loved all that 80's fm Rock C***. Here was another he loved. Be warned it's awful
This is sooooooo dumb...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Earth%2C_a_Small_Man%2C_His_Dog_and_a_C...
REO Chuckwagon
I worked at a radio station earlier this decade, which still had this song in rotation on a daily basis. Like most radio stations, the programming was fed through the PA system so you couldn't escape the horror by hiding behind a closed office door. One day I finally snapped and started walking down the hallway bellowing along to it, "I'm gonna keep on huffing glue! Cuz it's the only thing I wanna do! I don't wanna sleep! I just wanna keep on huffing glue!" Many of my co-workers actually liked the tune, and reprovingly told me I had 'spoiled the song for them'. I retorted that there is no song on God's green earth that isn't made better by replacing "loving you" with "huffing glue". In this particular instance, I'm pretty sure I stand on firm ground.
Her sacred stitch
The Walker Brothers' swansong - Nite Flights - harbours within its tracklisting the unforgivably execrable Rythmns of Vision. This comes courtesy of John Maus, who was apparently channeling the same ancient Greek muse that inspired Spinal Tap vocalist - David St. Hubbins to pen Sex Farm.
Rythmns of Vision
The earth is the fire
and lust is the life
no stopping it now
your love for the knife
She knows the hard well
and making it twitch
just waiting to open
her sacred stitch
On the night of the moon
the rites of the witch
Odyssey's near
you've lost to the bitch
Rhythms of vision
tear at your mind
The evil you feel
feels so more than kind.
I rather liked
Paradise Theatre by Styx. Full of good songs.
Only this song is so bad it actually makes me angry
It actually makes my skin crawl. I have visions of the turd behind this song saying "Hey babe, I wrote a song for you" Don't know what it's called and I'm not going to find out.
It's by stinkin' Nickleback and it goes...
"I love your pants around your feet, and I love the dirt that's on your knees, I like the way you still say please while you're looking up at me, you're like my favourite damn disease."
I copied the lyrics from a recent story in the Melbourne Herald Sun about the worst lyrics ever, which you can read here...
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24141599-2902,00.html
Nickelback
Bad, but somehow just not quite bad enough.
Zoolanderesque
Perfectly bad. So bad, that if it were in Zoolander or Blades of Glory it would be hilarious.
Love Beach - Emerson Lake and Palmer
No matter how bad the Styx album (I haven't heard it) it cannot possibly be worse than ELP's 1979 swansong.
From the middle aged sex tourist cover (see below), to such classic lines as
"Call up room service, order peaches and cream,
I like my dessert first if you know what I mean" (Taste of My Love)
It's so poor that it's almost worth getting for amusement value. Here's the title track...
Piffle
I've liked everything you have thrown at me. So bad they are good I say.
Wing sings Mamma Mia. If you like this you may want to buy one of her 15 CDs!!! AC/DC songs too. Fab. http://www.wingtunes.com/music.html
I'll see your Mrs Wing...
And I'll raise you by Mrs Miller
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs._Miller
Utterly
brilliant!
Very loosely connected to the thread but any excuse to post
this.....
Each appears to be dancing to a different tune and each is losing any dignity that may remain with every 'move'.
Astonishing stuff.
It may be bad but it did inspire this...
by Polysics, one of Japan's finest at their best, and an awesome video.
P.S. The worst record ever made is actually Wonderful Tonight by Eric Crap, sorry, Clap-ton.
Right guy, wrong song
Worse than Wonderful Tonight is the contemporaneous Hello Old Friend, with lyrics so poor a blindfolded Simon Le Bon randomly striking a typewriter couldn't come close. Viz :
As I am strolling down the garden path/I saw a flower glowing in the dark/It looked so pretty and it was unique/I had to bend down just to have a peek.
I saw you walking underneath the stars/I couldnt stop cause I was in a car/I'm sure the distance wouldnt be too far/If I got out and walked to where you are.
An old man passed me on the street today/I thought I knew him but I couldnt say/I stopped to think if I could place his frame/When he tipped his hat I knew his name.
Even in his stupefied 1977 incarnation, Eric looks a tad embarrassed at his creation.
Clapton...
...I don't find much of his solo stuff to be worthy of the 'worst ever' nomination. However, I do find a lot of it to be amongst the most stupefyingly dull, which is maybe worse! His best work was in the 60s; after that Derek and the Dominoes album I believe he's coasted on the reputation he created, with only sporadic flashes of brilliance.
'God' seemed to have been resting...
on the day he recorded that.
Genesis - The Lady Lies
Masterful medieval-themed lyric and flawlessly outdated synth theme by Tony Banks. Mike Rutherford and his twin-necked bass/12 string guitar. Daryl Stuermer's hair. Theatrical antics from singer/actor/tory Phil Collins at the very start of his ascent to whatever. And the whole affair goes on for over six minutes.
Hopeless but kind of brilliant
Animotion's Obsession.
Mullets, swimming pools, crappy dance moves, band members dressed as Anthony and Cleopatra, crap sword fights, astronaughts, hexagonal drums, lyrics like "My fantasy has turned to madness/ and my goodness has turned to badness" and an air of very real embarrassment, this is the song and video which just keeps giving.
Strangely I genuinely like it. No idea why.
Safety Dance by Men Without Hats
This is the funniest thread on the internet this year. And now, the amazing Safety Dance by Men Without Hats.
The video is worse than the song
So that's where Peter Jackson got his inspiration for Lord of the Rings from...
Give me strength...
Your move
On the subject of...
Mr.Roboto. I was in town yesterday and passed a family whose son (about 8 years old) was singing said song! Where in the name of God could he have heard it?! If it was from the parents surely they should be reported?!!
"Those tanks and those bombs in my head"
What's that truly awful song? I think by some indie band with a female singer with the most irritating fingernails down blackboard voice that I have had the misfortune to hear.
The Cranberries?
You didn't have to do that you know...
You could have just told me what the song was called...!!
Now that will going through my head all night, I'll never be able to sleep!
Worse
that one that has the "Don't Do it" Lyrics.
Of course, you could argue...
That the very worst records aren't the ones made by hapless idiots who should never have been allowed near a recording studio, but those by people who can do & have done better. I give you Madonna & American Pie
Sometimes a record will turn a band hapless for good...
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I present to you Simple Minds and "The Ballad Of The Streets" ep. It began with the appalling Belfast Child. A "reworking" of the dreadful maudlin Irish ballad "She Moved Through The Fair." If you get to the end of this then you have my sincere congratulations.
They were formerly a quirky band with a real European pop art sensibility. "The Ballad Of The Streets" pretty much destroyed them for good. If anything things dip even further with track 2 Mandela Day.
If anything that's even worse than Belfast Child although you never know, perhaps Nelson liked it. As for the cover of "Biko" which ends things... jeez.
To think they were once in competition with U2. Not after this crap they weren't.
My ears, my ears
I've just opened all of the above YouTube clips at once. Believe me, they sound better put together than they do individually.
I suppose
that gets it over with quickly. Perhaps a better approach (though too late for you. And, sadly, for me) is not to open any of them...
These characters are huge in Germany
Modern Talking are pretty abject, a good example being:
I nearly chose 'Cheri Cheri Baby' but 'Geronimo's Cadillac' wins it in the end for its sheer stultifying banality. A 5 star video on You tube: super cool, sehr schoen.
Having a German wife I've had more than my fair share of awful German disco music experiences over the years, usually involving Modern Talking at some point.
Swine!
For inflicting not just the song and the group but the goddam awful video as well. From the early days of video when the director just HAS to play with every button, fader and flangewobbler, because they are brand spanking new.
Here's another example, I'm afraid, when you put together Mike Oldfield and Jon Anderson. Not even these 2 superstars can save this record.
I'm really sorry, folks......!
This is inexcusable. Sorry for reminding you...
Jeez... my grandma would've given them each a clip round the ear
and sent them off to the workhouse.
Hideous...
Oh put a sock in it will ya!
No!
Please, no!
copycat
C'mon Patrick I've been slagging this one off ever since i joined.
and how to make something bad Worse. It misses the bit where Des does air guitar.
I win
I've posted this before but what the hell
Eurotrash
A great programme for the weird and wonderfully bad records
Yeaargh! My eeeears!
My nominations:
"She wants to Dance with me" - Rick Astley
Not to this clumsy lump of shit, she doesn't!
"The Way You Are" - Tears for Fears
Made worse by the preceding excellent singles. Lazy, pretentious nonsense.
Prefab Sprout
the song about "jumping frogs" and "Alberquerque" just came on the radio - jesus, that gets my goat!