...but I quite like Absolute Beginners...

In my considered opinion, the worst film I've ever seen has to be Lust For a Vampire - a movie-sized chunk o' waste of time that you'll never get back.

That's "Fierce Creatures", the epically unfunny follow-up to A Fish Called Wanda.

Steve Coogan playing a wacky American schoolteacher. Need I contnue?

There's a Titanic 2. No, really.

Also The Room. Check out the YouTube clips.

"The Last Airbender" with my kids, one of the worst things I've ever seen

Fatal Deviation. An Irish mystical martial arts film.
Not that I think AB is a bad film, just that it should have been so much better.

But a special mention for Girl on a Motorcycle, starring Marianne Faithful.

Jennifer Aniston fancies the office cad who only dates attached ladies, so she pretends to be the girlfriend of the guy in the office who secretly fancies her. With no hilarious consequences of any kind.

Pirates Of The Caribbean 3 made me very angry. For three hours I sat there completely bewildered as to what was going on. I've read Ulysses and even liked it. I'm quite clever. But that film made so sense to me at all.

But don't take my word for it

Sex Lives Of the Potato Men 'starring' (and I use the word advisedly) Johnny Vegas And McKenzie Crook then? As a wise man once said on this site it's wrongity-wrong.

is best avoided. With the exception of Office Space.

It is unspeakably bad and destroyed my affection for David Bowie. But let's not forget "Peter's friends" and "Moulin rouge", both outstanding in their own ways. All three rotten to the core.

it was free from Apple last Christmas, it was overpriced

It came out in about 1985.
It starred Al Pacino.
It was sort of about the American War of Independence.
I think Annie Lennox had a very small role in it.
It was quite staggeringly bad.

the other day. It wasn't very good.

But surely it can't be worse than Forrest Gump?

Carry On Columbus wasn't very good, but I have to confess getting a fit of the giggles over the line about the sharks that almost made up for the rest of the film.

The Revenge of Michael F**king Bay Against the Whole World

...with that bloke off of The Wire and Jennifer or Julia or someone in it, and was watching a(nother) film about a year later when we realised about 3 minutes form the end that we'd possibly seen it before and were so underwhelmed the first time around that we'd completely forgotten about how bad it was to avoid it again.
And that bad weather thing The Day After Tomorrow. Christ...

Psyched up to watch a war film, esp one about 'Nam, when along came about 17 minutes of dross. it may have gone on longer but who knows?

...anything with Mel Gibson in it after Mad Max and Lethal Weapon.

It has to be Peter's Friends. Made all the worse by my suspicion that the cast is as facile and as ineffably pleased with themselves in real life as they are in the film.

I would rather watch Demolition Man the Sly and Sharon Stone disaster area - that's how bad it is.

In no particular order:

Sliver - a film so atrocious that even lots of footage of a naked Sharon Stone didn't redeem it, even for the horny single twenty something man I was then.

Velvet Goldmine - unspeakable. Misconceived on every level.

Ricochet - absolutely bonkers revenge-of-the-psychotic-murderer-just-released-from-prison-and-out-to-Get-The-Cop-Who-Put-Him-Away film. What were Denzel Washington and John Lithgow thinking of?

Magnolia - had some good bits, but dreadfully self-important and shrill, with the most horrible soundtrack ever (Not the Aimee Mann songs, which were great). I was very close to walking out. Seemed to go on for years.

I'll think of some more later I'm sure...

Vanilla sky - pants.

Title's all you need to know

That's my usual answer.

But even worse is Don't Go Breaking My Heart starring Tom Conti.

I didn't last the whole film as the tedium and the idea of someone's face melting in the desert made me feel ill. It was the first time I realized an Oscar was no guarantee of quality. I couldn't bear Lord Of The Rings part 2 either.

I enjoyed Absolute Beginners at the time, though the main man (as in the lead, not the Mainman man if you know what I mean!) was miscast. Mind you, I was a teenager on my first date so I would have enjoyed anything.

Robert Duvall with the worst Scottish accent ever. Or perhaps the best Hungarian.

Brigadoon in football boots.

Mr Handcart has yet to recover from seeing Ally McCoist in hoops.

Robert Duvall with the worst Scottish accent ever. Or perhaps the best Hungarian.

Brigadoon in football boots.

Mr Handcart has yet to recover from seeing Ally McCoist in hoops.

frankenstein with kenneth branagh.
the only film ive ever left the cinema halfway through. Saw the end on telly some years later and it was dire, though annoyingly it should have been good.Deniro, a good story, Richard Briers etc. Thr Back and white one wins hands down,
Oh and natural born killers.

I do like Peter's friends (maybe tied up with when i first saw it) and I get damp eyed at Love actually too, so feel free to ignore my opinion .

I believe Snakes on a Plane is pretty poor...never seen it. What's it about?

...oh!

Well I would put up a very personal nomination for 'Top Gun', everything about it makes me heave. So many and so varied are the annoyances, its impossible for me to watch from start to finish.

And another honorable mention for 'Moulin Rouge', which cannot have enough mentions in any discussion like this .

The Phantom Menace (George Lucas, what were you thinking? I mean, Jar Jar Binks? Explain yourself.)

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3 (so, so disappointing)

Both Matrix Sequels

... I sense a pattern here. Inexcusably bad sequels that ruin iconic movies.

unless I watch it because I've been told that it's a masterpiece.
And if it's on TV I'll just turn it off, no problem.
But when you're stuck in the middle of a movie theatre and can't get out of there without ruining the film for the daft sods who actually like the piece of garbage that is slowly but surely taking away your will to live.
And the film is extremely long.
And has no dialogue for ages, they just walk and walk and walk.
And then a sudden burst of frantic monologue about something useless.
And then they are walking again, for another five minutes.
And then a sudden close-up of something odd...it's under water...what is it ? It looks like a lightbulb...no it can't be...maybe it is...
After a few good ( well, bad actually ) minutes of this the camera then starts to move s-l-o-w-l-y across the water, you can feel your body twisting in a cramp from willing the camera to move faster, but when it finally get to where it's going, you end up with another close-up; this time it's definitely a naked foot filling up the screen for a second before a cut to the next scene.
You stare at the screen with your mouth hanging open, wondering if you actually are on Candid Camera ? They can't possibly be serious ?
But they are, oh so very serious...and they walk and they occasionally talk quasi-philosophical nonsense, and then they get where they were going, and don't ask me if anything happens there, because you just get to see them walking back again, just quicker and with less close-ups of feet.
And then there is a weird ending that I later got explained to me in a book about film, but I completely missed it at the time I saw the movie because by that time I was too tired to concentrate any more, plus the scene was very dark so I couldn't really tell what happened at all...
And I was so angry after seeing this pretentious garbage that I had to take a long walk home to blow off some steam.
And I'm sure there are people on this site who will tell me that I'm wrong and it indeed IS a masterpiece, but I don't care, it's the worst movie I ever had the misfortune to see.

Did you recognize it ?
"Stalker" - Tarkovskij. Don't see it.

...but I felt like that when we went to see Les Mis.

We were somewhere in the gods and just when I thought a break was due, I could see the stage hands getting ready for a scene change. I was nearly sobbing when the intermission eventually came round.

The tickets were horrendously expensive and I spent the second half in a pub nearby.

Never has so much money been thrown at such a load of old tosh.

There's 9 hours of my life I'll never get back!

BusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterPhilCollinsBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBusterBuster

At least Absolute Beginners is one of Bowie's finest songs...

Funnily enough the list of really terrible films at The Hovel is a long and illustrious one,so picking one film too rule them all isn't an easy choice.A number of Eddie Murphy films almost made the cut,the same goes for Robin Williams and Jim pigging Carrey.Then of course there is the serial offender Adam Sandler but in the end I've decided that today it's Avatar.The Smurfs on steroids playing cowboys & indians,utter tosh.

I object, Mr P. Your description of Avatar as being "The Smurfs on steroids playing cowboys & indians" makes it sound rather excellent, and a lot less po-faced, dull and ponderous than it actually is.

French thriller, which manages to take a superb set-up, perfectly good acting, scripting & direction, then spectacularly f*ck up at the very end.

The final shot (which lasts a few minutes) is so apparently pointless that when the credits arrived I genuinely thought there must be something wrong. So I immediately got up (this was at midnight at home) and went onto the Interweb just to check what I was supposed to have seen. And it turns there was this tiny detail which most people completely miss (like me). And even when you have that detail pointed out to you, it doesn't really explain anything.

Now I'm all for the idea that the director shouldn't spoon-feed the audience and tie up all the loose ends. But this was just pretentious w*nk in the end. And it had all been going so well.

It turns out it's some obscure allegory about Algeria. As dreamt up by a 5th year school boy, though.

Someone saw the Fast Show's 'Right Royal Cockney Barrel O' Monkeys' and didn't realise it was a joke.

Ken Russell

I walked out of that film on a beautiful sunny day, feeling as if I wanted to end it all. Awful, ludicrously bleak, mannered, garbage.

Just appalling on every level.

And continuing the tennis them, Woody Allen's bizarre Match Point. That's at No.2.

And all Richard Curtis films of course.

....many fine suggestions above. I'll just add that for the first time I walked out of a movie last weekend, which might mean my selection filters for actually going to a movie are generally ok, but this time it was to entertain the kids on a rainy long weekend. 'Diary of a wimpy kid' was just unbearable. Badly written, badly acted, badly directed, incredibly bad role modelling, no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Basically Malcolm In The Middle without the wit. I walked out and left my 10 year old to it. The other dad in there with us was thinking the same and was about to walk out, I just beat him to it so he sat through the whole thing. Poor bastard. I actually enjoyed sitting in the foyer reading the local restaurant guide more.

And adding to the crappy sequels theme - Speed 2 anyone ?

Mystifying, god-awful....

And how about Lost in Translation - extremely disappointing....

Starring Kevin Costner and a very young Elijah Wood. I saw it at the cinema with a friend when I was about 12, and it was appalling. A dull drama about a Vietnam veteran and his son.

'Flesh for Frankenstein' (aka 'Andy Warhol's Frankenstein') is pretty diabolical as well.

With Eddie Murphy - now, that was awful..

It may not be THE worst film ever but the one that I saw at the cinema and sticks in my mind is the mighty BATMAN AND ROBIN. I've never walked out of anything but this was the closest. A travesty after Tim Burton revived the franchise.

Not the worst (again, with feeling, petersfriendsistheworstfilmevercloselyfollowedbyabsolutebeginnersandmoulinrough) but it is very boring. I saw it after an early supper involving cider and after 30 mins of Johnny Depp plodding along on a horse my eyelids were dropping. Finally I succumbed, slept happily for a hour, woke up, JD still plodding along, dozed a bit, JD still plodding, then thankfully he died and, much refreshed, we repaired to a bar.

Remember being horrified at how awful it was and have never dared to prove myself right.

Also glad to see no one chose Waterworld. I hate futuristic/ fantasy/ whatever, but that's not as bad as some people would have us believe.

The worst film ever, one flew over the cuckoos nest. Appalling in the first instance because most of the audience i shared it with thought it was funny. At all the most unfunny moments and secondly? The most overated actor of his generation jack nicholson was trying to elevate himself from his usual B-actor roles and become premier league without the faintest modicum of ability to do it. In fact the script, the story, the acting and everything about it was. Total rubbish. Hollywood will get nicholson to play the top role as the leader of the brain addled Chilean miners trapped underground for two months i would wager. And he'll do what he always does. An image of hysterical toothy pervy madness, as in the final scene he comes up in the cage from the underground and states to the worlds waiting media. Heres jose...

tonight on ITV4, just turned it off with less than 30mins to go.
I was suckered into watching it as Tim Robbins was in it, thanks Tim it's noted.

I can barely gather enough energy to even write the words "Give My Regards to Broad Street". The music should have redeemed it a bit, but no.

A second place goes to "It Couldn't Happen Here", which was a Pet Shop Boys film from around 1988. I think there was a Peter Greenaway influence going on with a smattering of Gilbert and George imagery - but beyond that, it was all quite baffling. I am sure that they knew what they were doing, but I don't the think the audience had a hope of being in on whatever was going on. The music redeemed it, in places.

Like Locust, I don't care if a film's shit unless I've been told it's brilliant. At which point I get cross.

So for me it's Wag The Dog, just for thinking it's so FUCKING clever and witty, without actually being. Not even a bit.

Also Swingers. Can there be any more irritating experience than having Vince Vaughn say the word "money" 3,459,827 times over the course of ninety minutes?

For sheer utter unparalleled "HOW DID ANYONE EVER SAY THIS WAS WORTH A WATCH?", dropped-jaw amazement, though - it's Driller Killer. When I was at uni, it was re-released on video after being banned in the "video nasty" wave in the eighties. I'd read write-ups that claimed it was a schlock masterpiece, a fascinating document of an auteur learning his craft - any amount of bollocks. No. It wasn't. It was unconscionably shit on every conceivable level, and if Abel Ferrarra's an auteur, I'm Theresa May.

Like a boot being stamped on a human face, forever.

didn't get any of that, cheif, I was too busy selling fruit, me old china

Nope was fine with it. Saw "Ratcatcher" on Canadian TV and it was subtitled which I found v offputting.

Anton Dix' Alien Autopsy
acht well I fancied an early night

The worst scene in the worst film by the world's worst director featuring the most objectionable actor of his generation playing the biggest tosser in rock history.

What's not to like?

It's so bad they've even disabled embedding.

features the acting talents of Billy Idol

"We need a two and a half hour movie about the Doors? Folks, no we don't. I can sum it up for you in five seconds, ok. "I'm drunk. I'm nobody. I'm drunk. I'm famous. I'm drunk. I'm fucking dead." There's the whole movie, ok!? Big fat dead guy in a bath tub, there's your title for you." Denis (thieving Bill hicks jokes) Leary

That's an easy one - The Happening by M. Night Shyamalan is a load of turd encrusted pants! I cannot believe a mainstream studio agreed to fund, release and distribute this crap. It's summed up by the scene in which the guy commits suicide by running himself over with a sit on lawn mower. Everyone in the cinema pissed themselves laughing!

To be truly bad a film has to aim to be Art and miss terribly. This will have the added advantage that many people will have been taken in by it and honestly surprised that you could disagree.
Anyway, The Piano. So there we go.

A film so bad that my memory made a unilateral decision to excise it from the hard drive. However, it has recently surfaced during an unrelated search of the back-up disk. I give you Robert Altman's Pret A Porter. It is genuinely difficult to explain how a man who could make films as brilliant as Short Cuts and Gosford Park (I know he made loads, some great, but I think this is his masterpiece) could have dumped this malodorous turd onto an unsuspecting public. Everything about this film is just plain bad, with much of it excruciating (remember Marcello Mastroianni constantly stepping in dogshit?). The direction is ham-fisted. The writing is atrocious. The "outrageous" finale is nothing more than an excuse to put the maximum possible amount of tits and fannies on display.

Has any great director ever made a film this bad? Altman himself had a go with Cookie's Fortune, but that did not manage to plumb the same depths, try though he obviously did.

with "Revolution" being one I'd certainly suggest, but the all-time stinker for me is Fassbinder's "Querelle". I nearly got lynched watching it at the Cornerhouse (po-faced arty cinema in Manchester) in the mid 80s for giggling so much at it. IIRC, it was recorded in English, dubbed into German and then given English subtitles, and seemed to involve lots of gay men in sailor suits hanging around dockland bars which were clearly very cheap movie sets (I think this was part of the "arty" message).

Just refreshed my memory on Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Querelle - it is as bad as it sounds.

Titanic by a mile. Especially the Oirish dancing. James Cameron's quality has declined as his films' budgets (and his ego/bank balance) have risen.

and utter drivel from beginning to end

Easy Rider

Whilst Green Street itself was no Citizen Kane, this one plumbs the real depths.

German director, does British hooliganism in a British prison with a cast of "actors" so wooden that woodworm has taken hold in their brain. And this one had no comic "Hobbit as a Casual" turn either.

A shocking waste of time, money and effort for all concerned.

I suppose a pay day is a pay day though.

Meryl Streep, hang your head in shame.

Truly awful.

Nauseating, sentimental pap. Ditto anything starring Jennifer Aniston.

Honourable mention for the horrific piece of miscasting that is Keanu Reeves in Bram Stoker's Dracula. So wooden he could be nominated for Best Set Dressing.

...is far and away the greatest waste of celuloid ever. I am amazed that no one has mentioned it before; I can only think that is because everyone who saw it apart from me is still asleep at the back of their particular cinema and will soon wake up Rip Van Winkle like and blinking at the daylight.

...of Howard the Duck? Am I the only one who's seen it?

of "House of the Spirits" despite being fully aware of the awful reviews it had received but calculating that we really loved the book and it had a good cast & director so how bad could it be?

Oh my God! I have never in my life seen anything so bad. Worse than the reviews had lead me to believe. Topped by a performance by Meryl Streep as a 13 year old!!

The 90s remake...I'm still haunted by its arse-cruddingly awful plot and its terrible actors (Joey from Friends is the best thing in it!).

I absolutely hate flying and will watch whatever the in-flight film is; lucky me then, when, on a flight to America, they chose to show Lost in Space. The back of a fat chap's head proved more entertaining.

I urge everyone to see this film, simply because it will transform the simple things in life - that you consider boring - into endless fountains of magical pleasure.

Ken Russell's follow up to Tommy.

It stinks out the cinema like no other film can! £7.95 at Amazon, for the masochists amongst us.

For the seriously demented, try Robot Monster or The Thing With Two Heads. Both unbelievably awful...

My top three (or should that be bottom three):

Boxing Helena - saw it at the cinema. My English teacher at school once said that anyone in the class who composed a story with an "I woke up and it was all a dream"-type ending would get the belt. If only film-makers heeded those words.

Young Adam - I had read great reviews of it and so went to see it - grim stuff. Porn pretending to be art.

And regarding Pirates of the Caribbean part 3 - I struggled to follow the obscure twists and turns of the plot, but for once I was glad that the ned sitting behind me wouldn't shut up. He seemed to understand it and kept explaining it to his girlfriend. It was way too long as well.

AI - certainly a prize for the worst ending ever. Even Indie and the Crystal Skull is better (just).

Meet Joe Black - from Midnight Run to this. Oh dear Martin Brest.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona - the stinkiest stinker of Woody Allen's career.

Surely the most truly awful films are those made by talented, occasionally even brilliant filmakers, getting it truly, horrifically, unexpectedly wrong. Above three are perfect examples.

I'd give it my vote.

Mainly because of the awful, awful CGI flying sequences. The irony being that the B&W original footage shown in the film as it was being edited by LDC's Howard Hughes looked way, way better - proper cameras, in aeroplanes, held by skilled hands, filming other aeroplanes. Great. Cut to the modern equivalent - clunky, awful, lumpen, intelligence-insulting CGI. A pox on all its houses.

'The Happening' was just bloody awful, Mark Walburgh and 'Kooky' Zooey Deschanel mugging away for a couple of hours. Oh and 'Harry Brown' is a load of nasty unbelievable crap as well

I registered here just to nominate Oliver Stone's Alexander, and can'0t believe it hasn't been mentioned so far. It's by some measure the worst film I have ever had the misfortune to sit through all the way, three hours of utter crap, the horrific O'Oirish accents of Kilmer and the Greeks just because Colin Farrell was Irish, and Stone obviously thought it would be better if they all had the same accent, even if it was terrible, to the woeful, utterly unwatchable and equally bad accented Angelina Jolie - her accent was half cod-Jamaican/Rasta, half Eartha Kitt.
Absolutely frickin atrocious acting, terrible story, embarrassing script, drags on for hours and hours, unlistenable accents. So bad it made me want to fly to Hollywood, hunt down Oliver Stone and punch him right in the mouth. I have hated Colin Farrell ever since, and have been unable to watch Angelina Jolie since too.

I normally like Mike Leigh, but this was terrible-central character unbelievable and you just wanted to scream at her "Don't be some bloody childish". It was as if she had a strangely low IQ and she was supposed to be a teacher.

...is far and away the most terrible thing I've sat through. I forced myself to watch to the end. I think less of people who claim to like it.

It's not ironic, it's not a great laugh.

Muriel Strepsil and Julie Walters should be ashamed of themselves, wailing like banshees and taking it far too seriously. Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth are shockingly bad, but at least they seem vaguely self-aware of how terrible they are...

Apparently this is the biggest selling British film and DVD. God Help Us.

dear lord why didn't he just walk on by, like I do, and why did I suffer this bollix right to the end?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/gog/movies/best-worst-movie,1157080/critic...

Despite its name, "Troll 2" is not a sequel to 1986's "Troll." A mishmash of bad acting, inane dialogue and cheesy special effects, the Italian-made, Utah-filmed movie has a story line that makes little sense: A boy and his family vacation in a town where vegetarian goblins -- not trolls -- try to turn them into human plants in order to eat them.

Still, "Troll 2" has a mesmerizing, if misguided, sincerity to it. It's "a ferocious analysis of today's society," says Rossella Drudi, who wrote the screenplay with director Claudio Fragasso. And she's serious. "Troll 2" actor George Hardy offers a better description, calling the movie "the MySpace generation's 'Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I was trapped - no escape - on an overnight coach trip to the Alps. The bus driver put on this appalling waste of celluloid.

I'm trying hard to avoid making the obvious jokes about being furious by the time it finished,

My brother-in-law subsequently tried to tell me it was a very good film. I nodded, ignoring him, wondering why my sister chose to marry an imbecile.

Apparently, there is a sequel, "Too Fast, Too Furious". I've since avoided overnight coach trips to the Alps - just in case, like.

Breaking the Waves. Hand held dogma at it's worst. I only walk out of a movie if it's unbearable. I lasted twenty minutes.

OK, so no film starring Leslie Nielsson is going to win the Palm D'Or, but this film is dreadful.

The only funny bit was used in the trailor and it's when, as the vampire bat, Nielsson/Dracula tries to fly through a window and it's shut on him.

This film put me off cinema for 3 years

by The Style Council. Apparently a satire on England in the 1980s. Truly terrible.

by The Style Council. Apparently a satire on England in the 1980s. Truly terrible.

by The Style Council. Apparently a satire on England in the 1980s. Truly terrible.

by The Style Council. Apparently a satire on England in the 1980s. Truly terrible.

Saw this in Cornerhouse Manchester some years back...should have known better.....Charlotte Rampling takes a Monkey as a lover, but it`s set in Paris so thats alright

Plot Summary for
Max mon amour (1986) More at IMDbPro »
ad feedbackReserved and cool, Margaret is the French wife of Peter, a British diplomat posted to France with their son Nelson. She takes a lover, a chimpanzee she bought from a zoo and installed in a flat. Peter asks that she bring the chimp, Max, to live with them. He obsesses about Margaret and Max's relationship, hiring a prostitute so he can watch Max perform (Max declines) and peering through the keyhole as Margaret and Max sleep. He tries to kill Max, then finally accepts the ape's presence. When she is called away to her ill mother's bedside, Max stops eating. Worried, Peter takes Max and Nelson to the countryside so Max can be with Margaret; once there, Nature beckons. Is Max lost? Written by

I thought this was absolutely dreadful.

Also, even for an Art House film, Buffalo 66 was pretty unwatchable.

is possibly the most pointless film I've ever seen.

It documents the odyssey of Christopher McCandless, a self-described "aesthetic voyager whose home is the road" (read: a slightly nutty hippy).

In a nutshell, McCandless eschews the modern world, leaves his comfortable middle class life and goes off to live in the wilds of America. He eventually reached Alaska, where he lived in the woods north of Mt. McKinley for 113 days before his self-imposed death by starvation.

Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.

There is only one contender when it comes to the worst film I have ever seen. Michael Winner’s last film, Parting Shots, is so unbelievably bad it’s hilarious. I caught this on ITV1 a few months back and cannot recommend it highly enough. The plot concerns a terminally ill photographer who goes on a killing spree to avenge various individuals who have wronged him during his life. And who did Mr Winner chose to play his cancer-stricken, gun-toting leading man? Chris Rea!!! Yes, that’s right, Chris Rea, the ‘Bard of Teesside’, who clearly had no previous acting experience. Amongst those who fall victim to Rea’s vengeful hitman are Diana Rigg (in the role of the ex-wife), Bob Hoskins (corrupt businessman), Ben Kingsley (an obnoxious chef) and John Cleese (the bank manager). Completing a truly unbelievable cast, who should all be thoroughly ashamed of themselves, are Felicity Kendal as Rea’s love-interest, Tim Brooke Taylor, Joanna Lumley and Oliver Reed, playing the inept assassin Rea hires to finish him off before he succumbs to the big-C. There are too many moments of unintentional comedy to mention - terrible dialogue, grotesquely over-the-top characters, Rea’s acting, a soundtrack more suited to Last of the Summer Wine and a ridiculously predictable plot twist at the end. Sadly, it’s no longer available on DVD, you’ll just have to take my word for it.

'a comedy' - well, it was mildly amusing when the car hit a tree or whatever it did, but otherwise, no. Dire.

now I'm supposed to be quite Gothic n' all that, I even dig progressive rock but I really lost an hour plus this evening trying to not hit the FFWD button.
It does look beautiful but the acting, story, music and worst of all lip-syncing is dreadful.
I have Inferno next.

pray for me

Had the misfortune to watch "The Prestige" last night. Over bright gaudy effects - check. Risible fake accents - check. Unsympathetic characters you couldn't care less about - check. Feeble plot - check. Michael Caine being luvvable Cockernee geeza - check. Choppy editing - check.And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, certain death to any film appeared in the form of DAVID BOWIE playing an incompetent German inventor, yes, complete with hopeless German accent. Dreadful.

by an apparently legendary Italian director, featuring John Malkovich and a very naked Sophie Marceau, possibly disappoint? Well, watch Beyond The Clouds by Michelangelo Antonioni and you'll understand.

Pretentious skollob of the very highest order - and I saw it (at the Renoir) when I was in my 'arty' phase!

Come to think of it, Malkovich was in the truly dreadful Eragon as well. The credit card bills must have been unexpectedly high in 1995 and 2006.

Many of the films here are a matter of taste (Happy-go-Lucky), or in my view, were redeemed by one great performance (the woeful Damage, just about saved by Miranda Richardson), but I'm going to try to unite the Word Massive, with a film I hope we can all agree has no redeeming features whatsoever.

Friends, I bring you Highlander 2.

Believe me, as we all know, the first one was no great work of art, but this one:

* Brought back Sean Connery from the dead (eh?)
* destroyed it's own mythology (so now they're aliens...riiiiight)
* made no sense whatsoever
* and is possibly the worst film Connery has ever been in (and I'm including The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which I'd argue is rubbish, purely because he's in it)

In fact, this film is so bad, I still vividly recall coming out of the cinema with some mates, who actually grabbed the cinema manager by the throat and held him up against the wall, and demanded to know why he'd left out an entire reel of the film from the middle, because it made no sense.

The obviously terrified man said "I didn't! It's supposed to be like that!". I rest my case.

I'd rather see Dave Lee Travis play Macbeth

... though on another day it could be.

Today, though, we look down on the unpleasant, mawkish and just plain wrong 'Dead Poet's Society'.

I Heart Huckabees. Complete tosh.

And I'm almost certain nobody's mentioned Showgirls yet. How can this be? It's heroically awful. One of the the great unsolved mysteries of late 20th century culture is how the hell Gina Gershon managed to emerge from this fiasco with her dignity pretty much intact.

I recently watched the infamous 60s film Manos: The Hands of Fate.

Now, I like trashy cinema and have sat through many low-budget and exploitation films. Movies such as Plan 9 From Outer Space get regularly castigated, but it's great fun to watch.

However, nothing could prepare me for Manos. Completely inept on every single level; technical, acting, plot … anything you care to mention. It took all my reserves of willpower and bloody mindedness to make it to the end of this film. I should have known after the first five minutes, which was wholly footage acquired by someone sticking a camera out of a car window.

However, I still harbour an ambition to see They Saved Hitler's Brain.

Back in the 70's West Ham's current owner made several films starring his porno mags femme fatale Mary Millington. Hyped to hell in his mags( I only bought them for the literature) these films were a lesson in cheap tacky cinema as several well known British actors were included to make them acceptable to the censor.
Today these films make current cinema love making look positively pornograhic. One day maybe 'Movies for Men' will be featuring them in their 10pm slot.

The Time Traveller's Wife

What was that about? I didn't understand 1 second of it.

My mates all said 'you would've loved it if you'd read the book'. I don't think that should be a precondition.

I've just re-read 'Absolute Beginners' in less than a day and given the core material (i.e. the fantastic novel, the dawn of rock 'n' roll, superb characterization, and film scenes that spring up at you from the printed page) the film from the truly dire 1980s IS ABSOLUTELY the worst film that I have ever seen.

If you see anyone or know anyone who was even slightly involved in the making of it will you please kick them several times where it hurts next time you see them?

I'm asking kindly.....would you do that for me?

What seemed like days of unremitting seedy tedium. I felt unclean when I finally emerged from the cinema.

gave me a copy of Predators today, what are the odds that I'll be back here later?

Giant octopus vs mega shark... simply awful...worst monster effects i can think of and the story line just as bad!! Anyone else have to sit and suffer it?

Can't believe anyone hasn't nominated this yet.
Rom-com porn. No plot, just dozens of money shots. It's like Richard Curtis had ten piss poor ideas for Notting H*ll that he couldn't fit in, so he just created a 'gag' reel of them all. Some fine actors embarrassed themselves with this guff. And that line in the voiceover by Hugh Grant about 9/11....

"all the known messages left by the people who died on the 9/11 planes were messages of love and not hate"

Of course, the FPO loves it and the DVD lives in a draw marked 'not until I've left the building'