Wish you were here?
If you haven't already booked your family holiday can we interest you in South Carolina's recently opened Hard Rock Park? Here you can:
* go on the Led Zeppelin Ride where you can be terrified by Robert Plant's screams as you are flung round hairpin turns
* enter the Moody Blues Nights In White Satin Trip - "a wild sensory encounter dark ride that must be experienced to be believed".
* take your kids to the Roadies Stunt Show - they promise "a killer soundtrack as experts work miracles to set up the stage for the next big rock show while showing the latest rookie the ropes".
Judging by some of the more tenuous rock and roll connections on display here - such as the Carnaby Street Cafe, the London Cab Ride and Love Snack Shacks - the organisers could do with a few ideas for combining the traditional theme park experience with star names.
We're doodling a few for them here. Such as the Amy Winehouse Karaoke where you see how many members of the "audience" you can lay-out during a 30 second "performance". Then there's the Ron Wood Hall Of Mirrors where the little ones can amuse themselves looking at their giant proboscis. Step into the Kinks Boxing Ring where you and a friend can don giant boxing gloves and beat the living daylights out of each other All Day and All Of The Night.
Any more?
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roll up roll
The Band running the last waltzers, ie very badly maintained 1 in 5 chance of loosing a limb...
The Kid creole and coconut shay ideal place for divorced dads to tell their kids who their real father actually is.
ABC's shoot that poison arrow through my heart stall.....
a mad tartrazine spectacle as Aussies "Operator pleas"e run a nurave just a stall, just a stall about Ping pong...
Also does Davis Essex and family run the place?
The Pete Doherty Squirt
Knock the pork pie hat off a donkey with a well aimed squirt from a syringe of (for a little extra) your own blood.
OR
The Deadrockstar flume: a rollercoaster ride thru a sea of vomit. See how many corpses you can identify from Hendrix, Bonham, Bon Scott etc etc etc
OR
The End of the Rainbow kiddies corner: (Won't you) ride the wall of death? Come play with the great Valerio and his chums on the high wire.
don't expect
cheery service from Burger van Morrison the portions are good every order comes with complimentary "pickled herrings and Jar of welks" "in case you get famished on the way home"
Van The Man?
I'll take that as long as he isn't offering a go on the harmonicas from his big harmonica bag ...
(from a HORA)
The Beatles helter skelter
When you get to the bottom you go back to the top of the slide....
I'll stop soon
Pin the tail on the donkeys
The anonymous guitarists, bass player etc from Coldplay, Keane, snow patrol line up to.......
Guess the Wait
Fans pay a fortune to see old Tom play and make bets on which if any of the songs they know he will play.
The Pam Ferris Wheel
Passengers see the sites of the fairground while a large cheery busty woman produces elaborate 1950’s meals and makes off colour double entendres (an unexpected hit)
Brighton Rock and Roll Booth.
Mad eyed teenage delinquents can queue up to make creepy vicious message to their girlfriends, like EMO but on wax cylinders.
Sex Pistol Range
Roll up roll up line up to take pot shots at random members of British hierarchy along with equally random comments about Arsenal.
Is there not a Caravan park on the site?
Keef's turf...
a fun-packed miniature golf course, on which one is encouraged to batter stray moggies with golf clubs whilst slurring the words "the cat was on my turf, so I cut the mutha dahn".
Old Hat
Disney have aleady got there with their Rock 'n' Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith. Take a virtual ride. Too scary for me, I prefer Prince's ride, "It's A Small World"
http://parks.disneylandparis.co.uk/walt-disney-studios-park/lots/backlot...
Can I just confirm
who the four heads in the Mount Rushmore style sand sculpture are meant to be?
I'm guessing (L-R) Elvis (based on quiff alone), Hendrix, Lennon and Bob Marley (not sure about this one!).
To me, however, they look more like Mark Lamarr, Lionel Richie, the Demon Headmaster/Jack Straw (one and the same person) and Bruce Forsyth.
Shome mishtake, shurely
L to R, it's Lou Diamond Phillips, John Conteh, Peter Glaze and Sammy Davis, Jr.
No the last one
is the albino chap on Big Brother
I sent them this thread
I sent them this thread hopefully they realize they made a mistake hiring that artist to make that sculpture i cant recognize any of them and the lou diamond phillips is spot on. I just hope they dont have any shinedown photos posted in the place.
I'd hazard that the rightmost
is Mr Garcia.
From the left
Kim Il Sung, John Mcenroe, Wilfred Brambell and Jackie Pallo.
Press release
"In true Hard Rock fashion, instead of U.S. presidents, ‘Mount Rockmore' as it was dubbed, featured the countenances of rock legends Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix. The monument, was carved by artisans as a tribute to rock n' roll legends who have inspired, influenced and entertained generations of music lovers."
So why no Barry Manilow? And don't call me Shirley...
I don't see Bob Marley in
I don't see Bob Marley in that line up, it is either Bruce Forsyth with a fright wig or the sculpture from the Lionel Richie "Hello" video gone badly wrong.
I would not be happy if I had paid money to see that !
There just has to be
a fast food outlet called Chicken Shack.
Serving, no doubt,
Gumbo variations and, um, hot rats?
More fairground attractions
The Spice Girls ‘gonna make you’ Hollercoaster
The most popular ride of the 1990s, reassembled from the original scrap metal and bedecked with all-new advertising hoardings, which hold the ramshackle structure together. Showing its age and in danger of falling to pieces.
Westlife’s Gentle Ride
Westlife take the best parts of other popular, non-threatening fairground rides and tone them down even further to make something that the whole family can enjoy. Known to provoke hysteria in girls of a certain age and gay men. Also popular with hen parties and grandmas.
The Libertines Miniature Railway
After a promising start, the track splits into two. Passengers on the Doherty Line can expect to endure mysterious stops and starts and unexplained driver disappearances. Trains on the Barat Line coast down a gentle slope under their own momentum, eventually grinding to a halt in a siding, long after the indifferent passengers have disembarked.
I thought
the Whack a Mo' where the fromer drummer from the velvet underground gets whacked when she pops out of her hole was a bit harsh .....
Bouncy Roy Castle: giant inflatable of the tap dancing trumpet playing straight man on which kids can jump up and down while singing "dedication".
The Tunnel of Courtney love erm, erm I think we'll move on.
Coldplay's Death Train: Legal Disclaimer
Patrons are advised that this ride may be interrupted at any time at the driver's sole discretion if he decides that he isn't enjoying himself very much, really.
Any similarities between the features of this ride and those of Satch's Wacky Noodle House are purely coincidental.
Dare you cross the generation divide!
The Marilyn Manson House of Horrors
Designed by Mr Manson to strike terror into the hearts of conservative, middle-American parents. Only those over the age of 40, with strong moral and religious convictions may enter. The owners wish to ensure all customers that the shock is all in your head. Step up if you dare and hear the real voice of the young generation:
“Today I learned all about evolution on my Ipod.”
“Mom, Jim Morrison says that God is dead.”
“My ideal female role model is a combination of Hilary Clinton and Kathleen Hannah from Bikini Kill.”
“I use the scientific calculator, that my atheist uncle got me for my birthday, to surf the internet for porn.”
“I’ve just set-up a Myspace page advertising a wild teenage party at our family home, while my parents are away on vacation.”
“LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“I’ve just watched an episode of Dawson’s Creek. Now all I want to do is experiment with drugs and work in a strip joint.”
“I can’t wait to hear the new Stephenwolf album.”
“Exposure to Goth music made me drop out of medical school in my final year and get at a job at a non-profit health food cooperative run by Satanists.”
“Neither me nor any of my brothers or sisters plan to have children.”
I'll get my coat...
Madness's House of Fun
What could possibly be more entertaining than a House of Fun?
What about a House of Fun filled with flesh-coloured balloons, many of which have been ribbed for your pleasure. Over 16s only.
Another take on Hall of Mirrors
The Horslips one, where you too can be a guitar toting celtic demi-god in one mirror, and, within only a few years, a bog standard (sorry) new-wave would-be rocker in the second.
Ronan Keating's..
..."Life is a..." rollercoaster. Basically he's just taken a lot of other rollercoasters and made them safer and less threatening. Or, indeed, interesting.
Also not to be missed, Leslie West's "Nantucket Sleighride". It's on the side of a mountain.
And why not finish off at the Stephen Stills Suite, where there are performances of Punch and Judy Blue Eyes (tuesdays and saturdays only).
Optional extras are available at the Status Quo massage and therapy centre, simply turn up, roll over and lay down before enjoying a relaxing maragrita at Maria Muldaur's Oasis. Opens at twelve in the evening. Face painting optional.
Circus folk ("You're my wife now, Dave!")
To give it that traditionally dark, edge-of-town fairground feel, I would employ Tom Waits and Nick Cave.
Waits would be the warped host at the entrance (see "Lucky Day Overture" from "The Black Rider").
Cave would skulk around as a carny:
Top Of The World Ma With Bono
A themed rollercoaster where the not small & hirstute frontman from U2 knocks the beejaysus out of world leaders on his way to world domination. 3D wrap around shades provided on entry.