So I dropped in this afternoon and everyone was wearing masks. I recognised old Crowther in the corner and Fraser behind the bar, but otherwise it's like Invasion of the Identity Snatchers in here.

Someone had to crack first...and the football's pretty dull, so here's your handy cut-out-and-keep guide to the new indentities.

What's that? A pint of Upps? Oh, go on then.

Edleaf --> TedLoaf
Tony Hunter --> Junior Wells
Mike Wazowski Mike Wazowski Mike Wazowski --> Joe Robert
Torres Bounce --> Lucifer Sam
Loki --> Pencilsqueezer
The Amorous Humphrey Plugg --> Humphrey Plugg
paddythedaddy --> Silas Lang
jamie d --> Spider-mans arch enemy
dannyboy3000 --> Mr Fade
daveross --> Dave Amitri
Hanwellboy --> Excitable Boy
Clockwork Creep --> Donald McTroosers
paul beard --> Sour Crout
Dave C --> Mondo
colynds --> Lynds
Andrew Moorhouse --> Benny Philadelphia
adamwilko89 --> Adam Wilkinson
francisgreavley --> Toffee the cat
richie vicious --> richard anothermusic
peterdasent --> Mousey
Our Bistro --> Ahh Bisto
Iain McKinney --> Iainso
godon --> Mudslide Slim
steveo59 --> Fear Manach
Mike Hill --> Mr Sparks
Doris Corleone --> Railroad Bill
Pete_M --> Pilleus Jr
Jonny Evans --> Razor Boy
lemagician --> Otis J Watermelon
captain crunch --> Remote Control
Tim McGuire --> Thomas the Rhymer
Lee Rimmer --> Leedsboy
embraman --> Lando Cakes
Mudslide Slim --> Ger The Boptist
Jim Thomas --> BigJimBob
John Waite --> Six Dog
vorgongod --> The Fat White Duke
Mikhail --> Black Type
James Taylor --> Adhoc Man
Azeem --> Theo Zoffrok
Counterpane --> Baron Counterpane
Tadorna Ferruginea --> Sven Garlic
Steve285 --> Sid Williams
dlusher --> Baskerville Old Face
Richard Salt --> Corvid Dahl
David Ellcock --> Red Umpire
davecowps --> Giuffre
Martin Chinnery --> Dan E Steel
Ricardo Invitado --> Clerk Kent
Mr Blue Sky --> Blue Sky
starkley --> Uncle Monty
Martin Langkjaer --> Los Aromas
Andy Barrons --> Beezer
daveyman1968 --> über-über
peterb --> el toro calvo grande