Entertainment For Lively Minds
When is a job simply a job? And why does it need to be given a stupid title?
Posted by Uncle Wheaty on 8 September 2009 - 9:05pm.
I worked in the 1990s for Safeway as a "Pharmacy Manager" which described what I did i.e. as a Pharmacist I managed a pharmacy department in a Safeway store.
My colleague who worked at night restocking the health and beauty products was known as an "Ambient Replenishment" person.
I left shortly after.
When does a job title become a bit silly?
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bargepole reports
that the car park at Sheffield railway station boasts 24 hour parking hosts - presumably they're the ones that used to be known as car park attendants!
Incidentally, should said host not be in attendance and one have the misfortune to encounter a problem, simply pressing the 'help' button will immediately connect you to their control centre - in Holland!!
Marvellous anecdote
And good to see that the bargepole collective is still going strong.
Bargepole
You have been rebranded as a 'Punt Propelling Tool' under new legislation.
Chorley General Hospital
has a sign stating that "guard dogs operate here" outside.
That is as good as the one..
..at Northampton Hospital which has a sign for the sexual health clinic that reads "Please use the rear entrance"!
You couldn't make it up really ...
PS: I'm an image posting novice, so I hope this is OK - the only way I can get the image to show is using the "a href" code - if the reference about not using this applies to pics as well as video please just delete - sorry Fraser!
Paddington Tube Station
on the Bakerloo line Southbound platform at the end there's a metal box mounted on the wall with 'Emergency Gap Jumper' written on it.
Very nice, but why would anyone need a Gap jumper in an emergency. Would it fit? And surely a Primark one would be cheaper and save us commuters some money in ticket charges?
They really haven't thought it through.
The day they start calling me
a curricular facilitator, or some such other balls, is the day I leave the teaching profession. It's coming - they dropped the words 'education' and 'learning' from the name of the government department years ago... Bloody disgraceful!
Any job title with the initials
HR in them. Don't start me off on HR.
Fuel Injection Technician
to be found at your local petrol station
I Did The Same Job....
...for years and every so often they would change the title and I'd get a new badge - only thing that ever changed.
Used to be the wife
Now she's the F.P.O. !
what does FPO
stand for anyway? I've seen it many times on this blog.
Here down under we prefer "the old sheila"
'Fun Prevention Officer'
Should have said....
Job title inflation
like GCSE grades, is out of control. Giving someone a new title is cheaper than paying them more or upgrading their car, but the end result will be entry-level jobs like 'Vice President, Photocopying' and 'CEO Tea'.
They've also thrown any pretense of grammar overboard. I end up writing sentences like: Jim Sparks, Cadbury's Senior Vice President of Procurement, Retail (EMEA) met Tom Stoat, COO Competence and Responsibility at blah blah... and that offends me, as well as taking up half the available word count.
I've mentioned before the PR company who have rechristened their account managers 'Brand Alchemists'. Please!
Bland Antichrists?
That's a bit rude!
:-)
Can they turn Mercury into Gold?
If so let me know and I'll invest in them!
We used
to have a head of 'Ideation'. That's Idea generation.
One of our rival firms has a 'director of freshness'. Fuck knows
I'm sure I saw an ad in the last eighteen months
for Sandwich Technicians (though I could be wrong - in which case it was something equally daft).
Smoking Cessation Co-ordinator (1-2-3 STOP!), makes me think of Joey Ramone recast as a "Joyful Thrash Commencement Facilitator (1-2-3-4...)
Sandwich Technician pops up a lot in the local paper....
... usually in connection with Subway.
Local Media Distributor is one of my favourites.
Collections Unit National Trainer
was the title of a then newly created post given to someone shunted sideways at the finance company my wife worked for about 10 years ago...
Elfin Safety
....geddit??
We've had HSE in our workplace for over 20 years. Now, because it's a better acronym it's SHE.
...and the nurse is the Occupational Health Advisor.
Meet Mark, the Internal Eviction Technician
We just used to call him a bouncer.
ps we have EHS.
Not exactly a job...
...but shows the sort of cul-de-sac such brainlessness can lead you into. The UK Border Agency have rebranded the people they deal with (visa applicants, illegal aliens, asylum seekers etc) as 'customers'. This means (and I'm not making this up) that people they arrest are called 'detained customers'.
one word
logistics