On their first UK tour. Chris Robinson spent the whole set for berating the audience for "not partying" whilst they were playing.

At one point he said something along the lines of "I don't have to do this if you're not going to make an effort as well".

Not long after that he slung the mic away and stomped offstage.

I took that as my cue to stomp off to the pub.

who had a habit of placing bottles of Jack Daniels secretly filled with cold tea on their amps...?

What o what o what a waste of a voice. It is a fantastic instrument and she plays it well, but she is the dourest, gloomiest and po-faced individual I have ever seen play live. And her banter could out worthy Mr Good Causes Worthyman of Worth. True, much of her material is scarcely uplifting, but even when playing with the Oyster band, reprising the wonderful songs off Freedom and Rain, as well as White Rabbit and songs from (yes, not exactly cheerful) Joy Division, jeez, does she not put a dampener on. Looking like Princess Anne at an anti-bloodsports disco, she clumps about the stage scowling, embarrassing the bejasus out of all, were it not for the voice. Methinks she could use some of that Useless Beauty, in mind as well as matter.

'awrigh...Keef is gonna do a song or two for ya...'

When he toured Greendale acoustically a few years ago, Neil Young spent up to 10 minutes between songs explaining what was going on in the story's plot.

Still, it could have been worse - he could have instead played the whole album twice.

The first sign that all was not well was the seemingly endless series of bad "knock knock" jokes that preceded "Knockin' On Heaven's Door". Then he put on a pair of ridiculously outsized orthopaedic specs for "Visions of Johanna", did a sub-Jacko moonwalk across the stage when he should have been singing "Tangled Up In Blue", and brought out a ventriloquist's dummy of Stan Laurel, tutting "Oh, Stanley" at it at regular intervals through "Ballad Of A Thin Man". But that wasn't the worst of it. No, the worst of it was the animal impressions - "Hey Ricky Rooster, good to see ya, buddy! Say hello to Porky Pig!" - that served as the interminable intro to "Maggie's Farm".

Be good though, wouldn't it?

I saw Van 'laughing boy' Morrison a few years back in Manchester. I don't recall much that could be called banter, and it was all rather 'worship me, for I am Van Morrison'. That in combination with the very loose association with anything resembling a tune made for a fun packed evening I can tell ya!

Stone Roses at Spike Island was fairly poor too. The support act Rough Rough and Ready (some weird rapping Londoners) just spent their time onstage insulting the crowd and when the Roses came on Ian Brown did his floor stare for the entire gig, not one word apart from "hullo" as far as I can remember (and we were straight, despite the intoxicants on offer!). It was apparently a seminal gig, but it was also a bit rubbish...

I argee with you Em ,Van the Man was a grumpy shit when i seen him about 10 years ago muttering alsorts of rubbish between songs. I really resent some of these wankers not showing a bit of respect to people who pay money to see them play. Although to be fair to Van his set was blinding. My dad seen him with Them at our local snooker club 40 odd years ago and he was pelted with coins and stuff after he got a bit lippy with a few locals.Serves him right grumpy bastard. You seen the Stone Roses Em ,jammy sod

where all of the banter was prerecorded and mimed along to by Bowie and his troupe of beyond shite dancers, including the piss yourself inducingly named Spazz Attack.

It was dreadful. Weird between song dialogues about humans mating with aliens and other such bollocks. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. And that bit where he supposedly pulls a young woman out from the front of the crowd to dance with him, who actually turns out to be the woman he was knobbing at the time. My God. It's the only show I have ever been to where I seriously considered asking for my money back. And I've seen The Fall.

You should get the Lou Reed live album "Take No Prisoners." It's a laugh a minute.

A few years back I went to see Jay Farrar, between incarnations of Son Volt, at The Borderline.
He didn't say Hello when he came on. He didn't say Thank You between songs. Didn't say Goodnight. Not a single word of introduction. I guess he felt the songs spoke for themselves but my view is a little bit of chat goes a long way.

(I wasn't there, but have the live recording CD)

Jaz Coleman, who's always a bit of "rent-a-quote-as-long-as-you-don't-take-it-entirely-seriously", surpasses himself at one point, by saying how pleased he is that Michael meacher MP is in the audience. You wonder what he's playing at (KJ were usually quite apolitical), until he expands by saying how brave MM was in being the only MP "with the balls to point out that 9/11 was A F***ING INSIDE JOB!". (His block capitals, it sounds like).

Oh dear ...

is why I just stick to the records.

Gary Numan at the Astoria in the mid-90s. At one point he told off the audience for their apparent lack of interest in his newer material and then very grumpily told us that it's all right - he will perform "Cars" at some point.

"if you don't like it you can go f#ck yourself" which was van's retort after his adoring fans had the temerity to call out requests

I was surprised when I saw the Wildhearts recently that Ginger had a strop on. He was complaining that the vibe wasn't good and he wasn't getting into it.

He apoligised and said "he was a bit bi-polar"

A *bit* bi-polar? Clearly New York has got to him.

A few years ago I saw Chris Bailey (of Australian punk legends The Saints) play at the Borderline Club in London. He remains a cult figure and even though his set was only a support slot, many in the audience had turned up to see him perform.

Bailey took to the stage and settled into a pleasant, if unremarkable strum through the highpoints in The Saints back catalogue, along with some tunes from his solo albums. He appeared to be rather drunk. While it wasn’t affecting his guitar playing or his vocals, as time wore on he became agitated, apparently unhappy at the appreciative, but unenthused response that he was getting from the audience. As his belligerence increased his performances became more half arsed until, out of the blue and completely unprovoked he announced:

“I didn’t have to pay to get in here tonight.”

A collective murmur of disapproval spread through the club, as any goodwill that his reputation had earned him evaporated. He limped to the end of his set and I don't think that anyone was sorry to see him go.

Fortunately there are second chances in rock. They’re called encores. Later in the evening, Johnette Napolitano brought Bailey out on stage for a duet. Again, he messed around, only this time it was endearing. Napolitano played along, allowing him to go so far, but cutting him off before the joke got old, ending the song with a decisive strum of her guitar.

It was the kindest and most selfless thing that I’ve seen one performer do for another. Reverential of the man’s artistic output, but aware of his human failings, Napolitano created a situation in which Bailey got to show-off his best side and redeem himself for his earlier lapse.

Generally it's any gig where the performer feels constrained to invite the audience to do the chorus for them. My personal nadir being the Ian McNabb acoustic rendition of Evangeline where he entreated twenty or so hardcore fans at the front to enjoy a communal singalong. I wouldn't have minded, but I'd paid to see *him* do it.

Last year at the Shepherds Bush Empire. Interminable mumblings that occasionally reached clarity along the lines of, "we're so surprised we're so popular - perhaps we can buy the whole UK now", "wadaya think, Jahsh", "well perhaps Manchester".

Amusing in an ironic way the first time, but after multiple revisits to the same theme, just tedious.

Nary a word spoken, and certainly no interaction between the band, which I suppose is to be expected.

But after being quite excited that they were reforming and I was going to see them at last - and at £90 a ticket I might add - I ended up fuming at the lack of show. I was expecting anecdotes, etc, but nothing. I realised then I'd only liked them for about six months in 1978 and what was I thinking spending money on this crap. What a disappointment.

Still cross now.

Grrrrrr.

Said nothing at all, I recall, apart to introduce the band. Mind you, maybe he knew he was wasting his time, as you couldn't hear anything of the instrumentation or vocals either, outside of a muddy slurry. And, at the time I blame dthe NEC, yet Mr Cohen was as a clear as a crystal bell.

A group of us went to see the Clash at the Apollo, Glasgow. One of the support bands was The Coventry Specials. The audience did not enjoy their material. So we got a big row from the stage.
I came to like the Specials, but I never forgot the ticking off we got that night.
A couple of years later, I was at the Apollo again with a "friend". Peter Gabriel was on. I don't like Peter Gabriel. There was a long, boring bit of music (surprise). A joker in the crowd shouted out "One Step Beyond!". I heard lots of tutting from the serious fans, but it improved the concert hugely.

If it's the "Say nothing" school of banter you're after, surely Mark Lanegan is the king?
I've seen him with Queens Of The Stone Age, Isobel Campbell and solo, and yet to hear him say a word. Nothing.
There are rumours he actually told a joke at Campbell & Lanegan's gig at Union Chapel last month, but I don't believe it. We would have witnessed the end of days if it's true.

... was hardly a laugh a minute from what I've heard. Never saw her myself though, 'cept on the telly and she did come over a bit miserable. Sample quote along the lines of 'These are my band. You've seen them on the telly so I don't need to introduce them'. They should have walked off stage at that point I reckon.

Clapton's tour - 1976 - Glasgow Apollo - Absolutely unintelligible drivel between songs along the lines of ngh urgh nmmmm plllph lllrrrrwww ddddrrrrn sssllllleeeee. Which was apparently him informing us the "Lay down sally" was next up! Blimey. But what was even worse was that his support act was flippin "Mr Pugh's puppet Theatre"

NOT a good idea, especially at the Apollo! Bearing in mind I'd seen the Stones, Deep Purple and the mighty Quo earlier in the year, this was a total shambles. No wonder punk took off.

Have you had a thread about the worst support acts ever?

'bout time you did.

Aimee Mann only used a comedian on her Christmas Variety Show, I think.

Fair enough, she's not going to get a job hosting Family Fortunes, but she does make an effort.

And Bob's gags are good.

"On guitar tonight Larry Campbell. Larry just bought a pig. It lives in his house. I asked him 'What about the smell?' He said 'The pig don't mind' "

"On drums, David Kemper. His wife ran off with a tennis player. Love means nothing to her."

He's got hundreds of 'em. Mostly from Chic Murray.

Worst I've seen is Dick Gaughan. Complaints department always open.

Being Norwegian like me, not many of the massive will probably knowingly have heard of Jokke & Valentinerne, however they are Ole Gunnar Solskjær's favourite band, and where played at Old Trafford at his testimonial.

They where led by the Bukowski-like Joachim Nielsen, a great poet and drinker, who died of a drug overdose in 2000. When I saw them live he introduced the first two songs, and after the second he said, "From now on, I won't talk. We'll just play." I don't think he said anything more, but he averaged about a bottle of beer per song.

I love them to bits and they are great live but I really wish they would talk to the audience a bit. Just something beyond 'Hello' and 'goodbye', a bit of banter, a recognition of the place they're playing in. Maybe it all just adds to the mystique and the privacy with which they seem to guard themselves, but I really like it when people can interact.

Ian McNabb used to be quite good at the between song banter but seems to do less of this these day. Dean Friedman may not be cool but I didn't mind accompanying the other half to some of his gigs because he gave good chat inbetween the songs.

To fill the silence between songs someone had the temerity to show some enthusiasm by calling out the name of a song he would have enjoyed being included in the set list. The misapprehension suffered by most of the audience that they were there to be entertained was comprehensively quelled when he managed his first word of the night: 'F*** off'; pause; 'we don't do f***ing requests'.

I haven't been near him since.

You never know what to expect. Genial putative chat show host at the RFH in October 2003, positively dripping charm and the audience putty in his hands. A year later in Bournemouth utterly incommunicative until the encore (having played new material from the unreleased "Delivery Man') when he managed "ladies and gentlemen, Steve Nieve'

Nothing really stands out, but I remember alot of between song audience baiting and temper tantrums from Mike when I saw him and Peeping Tom open for the Who.

I wish the Pretenders or even the Tragically Hip were opening like each respective band did for some bits of the Who's 06 tour.

I too suffered the interminable Neil Young Greendale Concert For Ego. He even had the bar closed so we couldn't escape. Bastard.

A more recent evening that could have been better was Robyn Hitchock and Friends at Bracknell's South Hill Park. Firstly there was a slight disappointment that Mike Buck wasn't there, although admittedly he hadn't been advetised. But the in-between song made up on the spot and trying to be wacky and failing miserably chat was frankly toe-curling. Just shut up and play your guitar.

Perhaps not directly linked to the theme but I can remember seeing The Cult many years ago, and after what seemed like the seventh encore the singer came back on stage (again) and added to his already extensive list of rock cliches by advising the crowd that the band would be playing until three in the morning, to which an inspired audience member responded; "You can't do that, I've got the last bus to get"