Dusty's Love Power. By the power of Audacity - do people still buy ringtones?

The theme tune to "Are You Being Served"

Mine is the Pochonbo Electronic Orchestra's Ban Gap Seum Ni Da. Translated, it means 'Nice To Meet You'. I guess it's a North Korean take on Don't Worry, Be Happy. Sort of.

*b'boo boo boo*

By the wonderful Hold Steady.

Even the best song can sound completely irritating when the phone is left unattended on somebody else's desk.

Sorry, grumpy old man moment. Mine goes 'ring ring'. Just like a phone.

chords from 'it must be love' by Madness. Recorded myself playing it on the piano and quite happy with it. And I know nobody else has it...

.... looks at shoes and coughs* is Richard burton from where eagles dare repeating the phrase "broadsword calling Danny Boy,broadsword calling Danny Boy..... I know I know

'stuck in your head all day once you hear it' favourite, the Theme From Terry And June.

are deeply amusing the first hundred times you hear them chirping from your cow-orker's desk. Mildly irritating the next hundred times. Then the red mist descends and it all gets a bit messy.

I, of course, have no understanding of the modern world, but my boy was far thoughted enough to put "Like a Rolling Stone", the "proper" version on my camera, sorry, phone, microwave, whatever that darn thing that tootles in my pocket is. The intro is enough to make me smile.

After that opening drumbeat, every conversation was a let-down. But, as said above, I had to change it because the novelty wore off.

because I never have.........just how naff and crap are all those lovely "novelty" ringtones? Mind you, the first time I heard the "Psycho stabbing scene" tone I certainly jumped a bit!

Current personal selection is Candylipn by Gruff Rhys....a lovely pastoral way to be nudged. However, my wife is less impressed that my choice of tone for when she rings on her mobile is Super Massive Black Hole by Muse!! Can't think why.....

with a musical sauce,
10,000 watts of version!!!"
That's the spoken intro - anyone want to guess what it is?

I was on a bus when a woman's phone went off. It was the sound of a cat miaowing. It was incredibly irritating. Her phone went off another two or so times. I got home and wanted to kick my cat to death, it hadn't even said anything by this point.

So some random stranger on a bus made me hate my cat for a few weeks. For that reason I think they should all be banned.

Not Kraftwerk, but close enough. It's not too nice, but it's unique which is useful.

A ringtone of a cat getting run over by an truck. Available now from all main roads.

Soul Limbo, by Booker T and The MGs. Usually known as 'the cricket music'. Not sure what that says about me... or cricket.

Losing My Edge - LCD Soundsystem

recorded off the stereo, with coughing in the background.

but I'd like it to be the theme to 'Heads and Tails' by Derek Griffiths, the kids show from the '70's. I loved it. Lots of mad guitar strumming and scat singing.

Doo-wah-doo-wah-a-dooby-dooby-dooby-du-wah-wah-wah. That was my favourite bit.

The show itself doesn't appear to have lasted long enough to have made it onto the current cBeebies schedule, which is a shame. 'Finlay the Fire Engine' just doesn't have that same edge.

Miles Davis

I've got an MP3 of the OMD track 'Crush' as my ringtone, which 20 years after its release still sounds like nothing on earth, which is a useful characteristic as a ringtone. Its an utterly bonkers song, a mashup of various mid-80s Japanese TV adverts to which Andy McLuskey adds an enervated disturbing soliloquy of cultural isolation (as you do).

For a SMS alert I have a snippet of dialogue from the videogame Bioshock (and for anyone like me who inhabits that overlapping subset of a Venn diagram of the sets named "Word reader" and "videogamer", its from one of the vending machines that sound like they're voiced by Ned Flanders : "Welcome to the Circus of Value!")

Regards,
FT

seems to turn everybody's head, and you certainly answer pdq!

Spanish Eurovision entry - it should have won!

My phone just rings mostly, but my text message noise is the sound of the book from "The Hitch-Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy" radio series (courtesy of a BBC sound effects CD).

It's always a bit of a disappointment not to have the voice of Peter Jones reading the text message.

... buy a mobile phone that lets me record my own ringtone, there are only 42 choices: all tracks off of Naked City's "Torture Garden". First, I'll select "Hammerhead"... :-D

With really good ones, the temptation to let it ring for a while (if I'm by myself - I'm not that cruel) is huge. When someone calls me at the moment, Wilson Pickett screams "one two three" a couple of times, the Muscle Shoals band kick in - sounding a bit tinny, I grant you - and then sometimes I have to wait at least until the opening lines of the song before I pick up. I have to remind myself that it's just going "brrring brrring" at the other end.

but I bloody well hate ringtones, designed to please only the owner and annoy the rest of us. I particularrly hate the ones where a baby laughs, it´s spooky to be travelling along in sleepy railway carriage and be startled by same manic baby gurgling. Mine goues riiinnng, riinnng, riiinnng, at least I think it does , since no-one ever rings me.

"The Great Valerio".

http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

Oh yes!

you need to choose something that you like, but isn't going to be forever tainted whenyou get bad news or that call from the bank/VD clinic etc.

currently it's 'jump' by Van halen,
althought 'jump around by house of pain is on the radio at the moment, could be time for a change!

Ring: Happy House/Siouxsie and the Banshees

Text: Mary Tyler Moore Show opening bars

What this says about me, I do not know or want to know.

I haven't done this yet, but I'm saving up for an iphone, and when I get it I reckon I'll go for either Marquee Moon (Television) or Grace (Jeff Buckley). I guess this will test, possibly to destruction, my belief that I could never tire of those intros...

Fiona who works opposite me has the theme from "The Good The Bad and the Ugly", which hasn't stopped being funny yet.

One of the visiting managers has a bad polyphonic version of "Cars" by Gary Numan which sounds terrible.

One girl here used to have the opening of "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough" which was great but not entirely appropriate when it went off in meetings. Another girl had the opening of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot and was really embarrassed when it rang on the day she'd forgot to put it on silent.

Back in the days of the Nokia 3310, someone had the intro to "Sweet Home Alabama" and it actually sounded quite good. As did the theme tune of "Roobarb". I've also seen someone run the entire length of the office to stop their phone blasting out a tinny version of "Entry of the Gladiators"

There she goes- finest slice of guitar pop intro ever rendered to vinyl. I thank you.

How lovely is that. Sometimes I don't pick up just to hear its svelte goth loveliness.

Iv'e stopped using Ian Durys, Plaistow Patricia. One too many skunkeyed looks. So now it's Jon Rauhouse & Neko Case, A River Of No Return, some what more sedate. Still never hear it ring though.

..cos I'm grumpy and I have no idea how to put a ringtone on because I wont read instructions to work a bloody phone and only idiots care about ringtones anyway (told you I was grumpy). Plus I remember a pillock on the train years ago, when phones just beeped, who had the theme from Airwolf on his. He was so proud of this pathetic fact that he'd let it ring for ages allowing us all to hear this bloody tune over and over again everytime someone rang him (every five minutes) even though the damn object was generally sitting right in front of him. I truly wanted to do him an injury after about half an hour of this.

However a person I used to work with managed to top this by having a ringtone in which an extremely annoying person would sing in a posh Glasgow accent; "I'm your lovely phone/ answer me please/ answer the phone" and variations thereof over and over again. I have never come closer to committing frenzied acts of random violence in my life...

Sorry to sound harsh but I really would love to strangle the bastard who invented the novelty ringtone and the phone speaker, I really would.

'by' Malcolm McLaren on my special phone, a tinny beep beep version of Bowie's Rebel Rebel on my other one.

Don't Ever Wanna Lose Ya by the mighty New England. A very solid urgent riff plus mellotron. It should have been a huge hit.

Mind you, I usually have it on silent.

Don't know, don't care, don't use it. Who wants to be reachable wherever they go? There's an answerphone at home. (Set up so as not to demonstrate to all and sundry how cool I am. All the better.)

... the theme tune from 'Ashes to Ashes'. All synth and sax, but I'm thinking of changing it, as quite honestly it's getting me a few funny looks on public transport...

rings like a phone. Anything else makes you look like a cock wherever you are.

Sat in Bristol airport departure lounge while a group of pissed up stag mates all played Ring of Fire on their phones!! Went on for hours it seemed. Oh how I laughed. Air rage, no jury would have convicted me!!

Mine is hello Moto. Yep, I'm crap!

"Whole Lotta Rosie" - The 'DC
You'd need a pretty big stick to beat that.

It did not require a fake like Geller to tell what was going on in the assembled browsers mind when in the middle of the Newcastle branch of Forbidden Planet a loud Third Encounters ringtone broadcast from a teenage pocket . The pregnant pause before mass laughter was rich with communal glee .

to having the sound of the Tardis (de)materialising saved on my phone.
It's fun to play it back from inside the cubicle in the gents when there are several blokes out there taking leaks, just to hear if they actually summon up enough courage to speak to each other while peeing.

All it was capable of doing was going beep, so all its ringtones were made up of beeps. The one I had sounded like a cross between David Bowie's The Heart's Filthy Lesson and Artoo Detoo.

My next phone was polyphonic, but that just meant it had a selection of ghastly midi tunes.

Just got a new one, so I couldn't resist putting Paradigm Shift by Liquid Tension Experiment on it, because it's utterly ridiculous (and therefore awesome), but I suppose that makes me this annoying

Metal Machine Music. Side 3. What else is there?

I quite fancy Spirit In The Sky but I haven't the foggiest where to find it or how it gets onto my phone, honest. Can any Wordosexual help? And is it likely to be the original version or something by the Ron Dweeble Singers?

Just been doing some Audacity editing for the Mrs. She wanted 'Devil Woman' by Cliff for when her mum rings (the ol dear is a big Cliff nut,) and 'Dogtanian and the three muskahounds' theme tune when her sister rings.

Me?? The last 12 seconds of 'Nantucket Sleighride' by Mountain as my ringtone and Roger Daltrey's scream in 'Won't Get Fooled Again' when I receive a text. How annoying am I??

Not the song - the phone is just set to vibrate.

When I use it as an alarm clock I have either Too Many Puppies by Primus or a loop of the bass line from American Life that I cobbled together myself.

Welcome to the Monkey House by Animal Magnet.

No-one has the faintest idea what it is when it goes off at work. It's probably a Birmingham thing.

El Caminos In The West by Grandaddy

I love it - it starts off with a nice siren-type sound that grabs the attention and then moves into a nice rhythm with a bit of oomph behind it. And the lyrics, when they finally come in (if I haven't bothered answering by then) are great, and very apt for the Bourne films that used it so well.

For text messages, I have Dawn Of The Iconoclast by Dead Can Dance, which opens with a lovely big chord and is just beautiful. If only people would ask me what it is so I could spread the DCD word...

Obviously a single ringtone isn't enough so mine depends on who's ringing. It's either the siren from the start of Sweet's "Blockbuster", The guitar intro to Sparks' "Amateur Hour" (yes I did go to more than one (OK - more than 3) of the 21x21 gigs), or Da Brudders hollering "Hey Ho Lets Go" over and over again. All handy in the car so you can decide whether to answer or reject without looking at the display... but most of the time it's just set to vibrate where I can mostly ignore it without embarassing noises emminating from my pocket and phone back when its convenient to ME.

is Sweet - Blockbuster (the one from Life on Mars with "Dont move, your surrounded by armed bastards" on it - not good when you are in the Post Office)

Text is the wonderful and much missed Wiz of Mega City 4 and the intro to Awkward Kid, "I thought I'd grow up to be coooooooooool". Love it.

(Not Just) Knee Deep. The synth part is trebley enough to hear from the jeans pocket. Ideal.

Was it Eddie Izzard who said you know when you're getting old when you stop trying to keep up with the latest technological advances? Reading the above I think he, or whoever it was that said it, might have had a point. So many of you sound like my mum who "can't see the point of computers"...

My ringtone is currently the really rather wonderful French Disko by Stereolab.

Men Together Today by British Sea Power. Fortunately I very rarely get calls - it's only really been heard by others twice - on both occasions they were clearly more terrified than irritated.

You can't beat a bit of Joan Jett.

Bring her and her caterwauling within an inch of me and I'll thrash her until my arm aches. Any bit of her.

"Any of you pricks move and I'll execute every mother f*cking last one of you" from Pulp Fiction
Makes you answer the phone quick !!!!!
Other than that "Cinnamon Girl" by Neil Young serves quite nicely thank you

I have Love will tear us apart currently, sometimes My Generation and Peaches by the Stranglers get a look in.

The opening riffs of The Who's "Substitute" and "Sister Surround" by The Soundtrack of Our Lives.

My ringtone is the sound of a phone ringing. How's that for originality?

That four note motif makes a perfect ring tone

It is "Elves".
It's staying "Elves" until one of us dies.

Although if anyone can tell me the difference between a hobgoblin and a goblin, I would be tremendously grateful.it's nothing to do with hanging around hobs,either.That was my first thought.