Does whatever a Spider Pig can.

solution to all life's problems"

that the number for 911 is 911

1. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

2. IF the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such.

there will always be about a million people who are better at it than you.

...with my thought.

Is there anything they can't do?

"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover"

"Trying is the first step towards failure."

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"

!

What are the odds? They must be a thousand to one!

....but still brilliant

I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?

if you remember it.

the 3 little sentences that will get you through life: 1 - Cover for me, 2- Oh, good idea boss!, 3 - It was like that when I got here.

and,

"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak english."

Teacher, mother, secret lover.

"What are you reading those books for when there's a perfectly good telly in the house?"

Where's the ANY key?

Kid: Oh Homey, you are So learn-ed.

Homer: It's learned, son, learned.

Marge - It's true what they say Homey, men are from mars and women are from Venus
Homer - Great, give me the planet with all the monsters on it.

then it is not worth doing.

Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

And lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar which is just a pipe dream.

“I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!”

"Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.”

“Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.”

“I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.”

Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

...CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet:

'I'm going to make myself president! No, wait - VICE president! No, hang on - JUNIOR vice president!'

He lives not long who battles with the immortals, nor do his children prattle about his knees when he has come back from battle and the dread fray.

Well I laughed.

Alright, have this then, 'That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! '

"You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!"

Homer's wise words on the subject of vegetarianism.

...I don't even think they SELL beer at this 'Oktoberfest.' (sees Lederhosen-clad bunch exclaim 'Eins, zwei, drei...BEER!')

'Ah, the Germans... You just cant stay mad at them.'

"I used to be with it. Then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what it is, is weird and scary."

"It's easy to forget about Canada, tucked away down there."

is there anything they don't know?

The cause of and sollution to all life's problems

Marge: You know Homer, its easy to criticse
Homer: Fun, too.

I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I may offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors. Sure, I may not be the darling of the so-called City Fathers who stroke their beards, cluck their tongues, and speak of 'what is to be done with this Homer Simpson'

free goo!

"Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!"

I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Lisa : The first step to a cure is admitting that that you have a problem.
Homer : Is it also the last step?

Heh heh heh. 'Learnd', son. It's pronounced 'learnd'.

people weren't laughing at me, they were laughing toward me.

throws it to one side, "No there's no answers in there!".

'Visit a museum?! Fun things don't end in -eum! Fun things end in -mania! Or -teria...'

"Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson airplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson starship. The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft. "

Nuts!!

Mmmmm Doughnuts.

Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population : you.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!

I like my beer cold ... my TV loud ... and my homosexuals flaming.

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

Torn shirt

Cut off trousers held up by string/cord

No shoes

Unshaven

BRILLIANT

[Bart] Can I be a booze-hound?
[Homer] Not till you're fifteen

"How is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?"

Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

...I'd liked to be called sir without someone adding "you're making a scene"

"If you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

...organised crime"

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

..attained perfection in 1973"

"I'm a rageaholic..I'm addicted to rageahol!"

"Strada-whovious?"

..and my own personal favourite.."Oh..I've got 3 kids and no money, why can't I have no kids and 3 money?"

"Marge, I'm gonna miss you so much. And it's not just the sex - it's also the food preparation, your skill with stains of all kinds..."

And from memory (as the full quote doesn't seem to appear on the web), he continues: "but mostly I'll miss how lucky you make me feel, each and every day".

I found that bit so sweet I ended up quoting it on my wedding day (sans the rest, obviously).

Otherwise, every time I hear the name "Sir Isaac Newton" a voice in my head always says: "Sir Is-a-who-who?"

I-hate-you-Walt-freaking-Whitman! "Leaves of Grass", my ass!