My wife and I spilled out onto Leicester Square having parted with money for this, spoiling for a fight and swearing that David Lynch - whose work we'd both loved over the years - wasn't getting another penny from us.

We buckled at his next film, The Straight Story; but I've since tried the first half of Mulholland Drive and am returning to my previous stance.

After Quentin Tarantino's one good film, Reservoir Dogs, I watched the hollow exercise in style that was Pulp Fiction (since 1994 I've been waiting to find someone on my side in this) and the utter waste of time that was Jackie Brown. I've not seen a film of his since, and don't feel that I'm missing out on anything. A couple of weeks ago I saw the trailer for his new one with Brad Pitt (not sure I can bring myself to say the title: it would involve checking how he spells it). Christ, it looks terrible.

If David Lynch decides to re-embrace narrative, I may reconsider. But, however small minded this sounds, I'm content that life is too short to watch any more Quentin Tarantino films.

what the feppin' hell is going on in Mulholland Drive?! Or is that like, the point, man?

Life's too short.

Matchpoint. With the FPO who decided to stay as I walked out on this dreadful Woody Allen tourist wank.

Gig. John Cale 2006. No concessions to the audience in a fifth full 2000 seat hall. Scrambled out of there half way through. Dull, dull, dull.

Film: Into the Wild, directed by Sean Penn. He had obviously tried so, so hard to make it a work of enormous profundity and significance, but I thought it was absolutely appalling. It didn't help that I thought the central character was a berk of the highest order.

Gig: Howard Jones, Hammersmith Odeon, 1985 - Lots of unpleasant plink plonking on synths and a performance from a goon in chains who did mime. Rubbish.

Book: Writing and Difference by Jacques Derrida. Deconstruction my arse...

Album: A Momentary Lapse of Reason by Pink Floyd. A steaming pile of sonic manure.

I'm pretty sure i won't get many people agreeing with me here but your comment about never underestimating the intelligence of your reader regarding the first harry potter book is a bit silly. you do realise it's a kids book don't you? I'm a big fan of the Potter books and one of my favourite things about it is the fact that the books age with the character, the first book is designed to be suitable for 11 year olds, with the saga getting darker and more complicated as it progresses. Surely you didn't expect the first harry potter book to be as complex as war and peace? yes the early books are simplistic and childlike, but that's because the character and intended readers are at this stage. it's only the start of the story, if you put the time in then it gets better and better.

Book: Labyrinth by Kate Mosse. I was on holiday and desperate. But not that much. Clunking cliched tripe. I was angry inside two pages and after a chapter, it went west.

Film: Elf. The funny bits were in the trailer. Bilge. I blame Jonothan Ross who raved about it. I went just after the bit with the excellent Peter Dinklage who looked as if he felt soiled just by being in the proximity of the film. I was, as others have said, not the first.

CD: It's Low Beat Time by the Young Fresh Fellows. Got raved about in Q back in about '92-'93. Got put on the garden fence and shot at with my air-pistol.

I love HP. I didn't start until the 3rd or 4th had appeared, but started from the first. Some of the ones I've read have been borrowed, all have had the "kids" covers, until the last. However, the fact that I read Deathly Hallows in an "adult" cover simply means that the place I bought it (large Sainsbury's in Haringey) only had that version. So not all the adults reading such a book were doing it out of shame! Still, I agree the two cover thing is kinda silly.

I think the last HP is a masterpiece of structuring and tying up loose ends. Could have done with some pruning for repetitive language here and there, mind.

tried watching it on tv i lasted the first episode-i did'nt get it nor did i find it funny

three years later i saw it cheap on dvd, bought it and the samething happened not one smirk

any suggestions? i am a big fan of charlie brooker and chris morris

For anyone who hasn't got the mailout… David Lynch 'does' Dirty Dancing (sorry, embedding disabled - click twice & you'll be through)

"The Wire" is a tad boring?

Gig: Once went to a Jamiroquai gig unfortunately - freebie.Thought 'how bad can it be?' but was back outside after one and a half songs. His between song banter was all 'Who here smokes weed then?' and 'Have you seen the size of this spliff?!' Utter drivel. Contempt confirmed.

Film: Two nights ago I watched Wet Hot Summer Camp...not what it sounds like! I took it that seeing as it starred jeanneane Garofalo and David Hyde Pierce it would be at least watchable. Unfortunately the script seemed to have been written by witless monkeys. Lame.

Book: I've tried Salman Rushdie too. Gave up after a chapter or so. Got nothing from it.

Album: I remember being forced to listen to Hot Rats years ago and feeling ill. But the last album I heard in full and really detested was Oasis's most recent. Heard it as it was streaming on Myspace and cursed myself for wasting twenty minutes of my life.

At the height of my Scott Walker obsession, I bought a CD called Looking Back with Scott Walker, which promised 'early and rare recordings'.

I listened to about three tracks -- it sounded like some teenagers doing barbershop singing into a tape recorder in someone's bedroom. In fact, that's probably exactly what it was.

Yes, I couldn't read Midnight's Children either. This seems to be a recurring theme: maybe no one's read it to the end.

1) Burn After Reading- couldn't get into this film at all, despite giving it two attempts. It only cost me £3 from HMV though.
Also paid About £15 to see Quantum Of Solace in Leicester Square last yeare. Never been a big Bond fan, but I thought Casino Royale was excellent, Solace was utter pants!

2) Despite all the critical acclaim, I really thought the last Doves album was average to say the least. They've never bettered their first album.

...without having to catch the last bus or train was Roy Harper.

Perhaps I caught him on a bad day, but his guitar string needed fixing, so whilst his guitar roadie came out and did the actual work, he stood like a statue. No banter or chat with the audience, his only words were, "The bar is open", so whilst most took the opportunity to get a pint, I went home.

The good nature his fans show him beggars my belief, as he did nothing to earn it that night.

...was a masterpi...no, it enraged me so much that I had to get out of bed to write a stinging Amazon review about its complete inanity, but I guess I was sufficiently frothing for them to not publish it. As I recall, the 5 star reviews made me even more annoyed, so it's perfectly possible my typed invective was completely random by this point.

"Weekender" by Flowered Up, as raved (you see what I did there?) about in Q lasted about 3 minutes, and most Tori Amos albums since the first 3 have annoyed me because they show just how spectacular her fall from great has been.

There's so much crap on TV, I'm now exclusively downloading series and the cable box has gone back to Comcast - good riddance to it.

I walked out of Buster - an hour on a snow-strewn platform in Middlesbrough was preferable.

Gigs? Left Texas early, very dull.

Gig: Sensational Alex Harvey Band (last year) - we went ofr the support act (the Primevals) and left about 3 songs into the SAHB set.

Album: Yello's Pocket Universe - I usually really like them, but the last track of this album is so disastrously new-age and cosmic I almost threw up.

Film: Happy Go Lucky - so Guardian-readingly cloying and worthy (and I read the Guardian) that I just couldn't stand it after half an hour or so.

Book: Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas - may have been revolutionary in the 70s but I found it so dated and "gosh, aren't I dangerous" that gave up after 50 pages.

Only gig I've ever walked out of.

http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/a-first

At the Albert Hall a few years back.
It was like a few mates jamming. "Hey this is a good riff..." Except it's not. 10 minutes later it ends. Then another starts. Backs to the audience, no chat. No singing. They just kept on and on. The first leavers went about half an hour in. We left after nearly an hour. I understand that he actually played for about 3 hours.
Film - Under Satan's Sun. Not long after we saw Jean de Florette we went to see this Gerard Depardieu film. Clearly with a title like that we weren't expecting a rerun of J De F, but god it was slow and uninteresting and couldn't be endured.

Film - 'A Scanner Darkly' - what a load of pants!

Music - Dylan's 'Self Portrait' - it's just shite! Hotly followed up by Zappa's '200 Motels - pretentious twaddle!

Book - 'Catcher in the Rye' - made to read it at school and it left me completely cold.

Film 'The English Patient'
Every time I see this film listed I read those words 'sweeping' and 'epic' and translate them as 'unfocussed' and 'very, very long.' I struggle to express the mixed feelings of fury, boredom and existential doubt which engulfed me as I sat through this pile of sandy camel dung. Went to see it with my now GLW and sat it out. Had I been alone or with one less loved I would have hurled my popcorn at the screen and run screaming from the building. I just didn't care about these posh gits getting it on in wartime. I felt no emotional engagement with it whatsoever. I now avoid sweeping epics at all costs.

Gig 'Bon Jovi' at the Milton Keynes Bowl in 1993.
I was persuaded by a then friend to attend this hair-rock fest. I had my doubts about going, but friendship makes you do odd things. The rot set in the minute the border patrol confiscated all our water on the way in, leaving us with no option but to queue for tokens, so that we could wait in a further line for a drink. We squinted at an indifferent Billy Idol (ridiculous dreads era), and the Manics, very poor I'm sorry to say. There might have been another support, but my memory fails me. All I recall was the oppressive ambience of The Bowl, the boorish behaviour of the fans and a head that felt like it was going to burst. I left before Jim By-Jovi even strutted onto the stage to play a note of his soft-rock-pop nonsense.
On reflection this was a venue issue, not a Bon Jovi issue - but I have no regrets about the walkout. The friendship ended soon afterwards.

 Book 'Play That Thing' Roddy Doyle
I read the first part of the projected Last Roundup trilogy 'A Star Called Henry' which I really liked, it was well written & contained some great insight into Irish history. Found this second book tedious in the extreme. The self-regard of the central character was extremely grating & I tossed the book in the bin after about 25 pages. Again, I just didn't care what happened to him. I generally like Roddy Doyle however & my kids think his 'Rover' books are a gas! 

CD 'Trout Mask Replica'
Years of seeing this 'seminal' 'groundbreaking' 'influential' album referenced by musicians I admire led me to pick it up in Fopp for a fiver. It was a waste of me money! Unlistenable bilge. I think I gave it to a charity shop. I now doubt the veracity of artists' stated influences & now reckon they mention the most obscure cack possible in order to appear windswept and interesting. (Or their record company gets them to drop over-stocked items into conversation.)

I walked out of the Yes Union tour. It was a very liberating experience, though unfortunately I didn't listen to any prog rock for many years as a result of the injuries sustained.

More controversially, I didn't make it to the end of the Elvis Costello/Attractions show on the Brutal Youth tour. I'm not completely sure why. I just didn't want to be there any more. I recall realizing that I had no clue at all what any of his songs were actually about.

Critis always praise Troutmask but it's expreimental and dense. I can never sit though the whole thing in one sitting, just a few songs at a time.

The Spotlight Kid and Clear Spot should get all the praise and attention, they both have actual coherent songs, good ones at that.

I shall try again with Beefheart.

I bought Trout Mask Replica sometime in the mid 80s when I was busy getting into Frank Zappa, thinking it would be more of the same. I can still remember my horror upon first listen. It didn't get a second until a couple of decades had passed and I bought it on CD... love it now, i must say.

A friend of mine recently pointed out that Trout Mask Replica is almost everyone's first contact Captain Beefheart 'cos it's the one everyone's heard of, and it really is the worst place to start. As well as the above recommendations try Shiny Beast (Bat Chain Puller).. worth it for Tropical Hot Dog Night alone (...two flamingos in a fruit fight!)

I believe that the only gig I have ever left early was Stephen Stills' solo show in Dublin last year. Appalling. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it, so what do I know.

Although now I think about it I very ostentatiously walked out of an outdoor gig (can you do that?) before the White Stripes came on having seen the fabulous New York Dolls as support. To be fair I never had any intention of staying for the Krankies of indie rock.

It took me over 20 years to listen all the way to the end of "Trout Mask Replica", although "Ice Cream For Crow" was an instant and long lasting favourite. And I agree that "Safe As Milk" is the best starting point.

I've never read anything by Salman Rushdie and I don't intend to start now.

And yes, 'Quantum of Solace' is rubbish.

Not really a gig but Beth Orton at Latitude 2008 had been eagerly awaited and was more eagerly left after about three poor songs and some incoherant swearing.

Book was one of the Dan Brown printed leucotomy substitutes. We were on holiday in the depths of Ecuador where English books are not easy to come by, I'd totally finished my reading matter and "Angels and Demons" was kindly loaned to me. I tried, I really did manage about 40 pages before I sighed and closed the thing.

Album, well quite a few really, like others on here I've played Amnesiac once, but probably the biggest disappointment ever was North by Elvis Costello. I'm a huge Dec fan and had eagerly driven home relishing the prospect of the new album (no cd player in my car at the time), opens can of beer and lovingly places cd in tray, listen to two tracks then start of third when I calmly stood, walked over to the cd player. removed said disc. It hasn't been out of the case since.

The Doors in their pomp were a trio of decent sidemen fronted by a spotlight-hogging, self-styled erotic politician. With so much of the band’s identity tied-up in the persona of Jim Morrison and his over-ripe leather trousers, the sensible thing to do following his untimely death would have been to have called it a day. Instead they elected to carry on as three-piece.

Unfortunately the surviving members of the group possessed neither the vision nor the charisma to fill the shoes of their departed figurehead. In his absence they soon foundered. Even guitarist, Robbie Krieger, who had written many of the band’s hits and had a knack for penning songs that were tailored to Morrison’s personality, seemed peculiarly adrift now that he had been severed from his muse.

The group went on to release a pair of albums, deemed so awful that you couldn’t buy them in the UK. To an ardent Doors fan like myself this lack of availability conferred the alluring status of contraband on the post-Morrison years. I vowed to track down the elusive recordings.

A few months after I had first become aware of their existence I walked out of a record shop in Amsterdam clutching a small bag containing cassette copies of Other Voices and Full Circle. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I was about to learn the valuable lesson that sometimes less is more.

Later that day I returned to my hotel room and listened to Other Voices on my cassette walkman. The energetic opener - The Eye of the Sun - proved to be a false dawn for what was to follow: Variety Is The Spice Of Life (“...that’s what the judge is gonna tell my wife”) was bar band vaudeville, a million miles removed from the souped-up roadhouse rock of L.A. Woman. Amazingly it was not the worst song on Other Voices - That would be the cheery, half-arsed desperation of I’m Horny I’m Stoned during which John Densmore, Robby Krieger and Ray Manzarek seem to collectively undergo a midlife crisis.

The Doors’ swansong - Full Circle - contains what was to be their final hit: Mosquito (which ascended to #85 in the US Billboard Chart) was a stab at making a novelty Latin pop record, with lyrics so shockingly abysmal (“No me moleste mosquito, Let me eat my burrito”) that it comes as a huge relief when the song dissolves into what appears to be a field recording of a limbo contest.

All nine of the tracks on Full Circle represent a barrel-scraping nadir of the kind that few bands of any quality ever sink to. Even a guilty pleasure like The Piano Bird, which is essentially a duet between Ray Manzarek and the aforementioned keyboard-loving avian (represented by groovy jazz flute) sounds like it was written for an appearance on Sesame Street.

My love of The Doors was fierce but there was no getting past the glaring truth that after Jim died they made dreadful records. When I arrived home from my European excursion I put both cassettes inside a grey HMV carrier bag and then thrust them deep into the cluttered heart of my wardrobe – an action on par with casting them beyond the event horizon of a super massive black hole. They remain there to this day, although the emotional scars remain.

I walked out of a Bowie Gig at GM place in Vancouver during the "Reality" tour.I just couldn't take his Mockney singing Voice any longer plus a Hockey arena to see a musical hero was a soulless experience.

Film wise I walked out on Basic Instinct after about 15 minutes.

Walkouts at half timeish:

1. Joanna McGregor - halfway through.

2. Pat Metheny-still not quite sure why I just wasn't in the mood (in my defence I have seen him about 4 times and love most of his records)

Leaving to catch a train:

1. Metheny again-I now try and avoid Sunday night gigs, especially by people who give 110% ;-)

2. Reading 1981 (?) - left before the Kinks - I know, I know, all I can say is I had major sunstroke ...

I am still trying to remember if I've ever walked out of a film-there's probably quite a few I should have ...

I went to see the Super Furry Animals a few years ago in Wrexham and this was the night that Liverpool were playing in the European Cup against a team that escapes me now. My friends and i were in the pub before the show and Liverpool were losing 3-0 which was great as i'm a man utd supporter so we head off to the gig and as we're walking we get reports that Liverpool have scored, then they score again and as we enter the venue they've equalised so right there and then i'm pretty pissed off. We enter the gig and wait for the band to come on....and wait....and wait then when they finally show we are informed by the singer that the drummer is a Liverpool fan and they were all watching the game backstage. They play for 40 minutes and piss off no encore !!!. That was the day i stopped listening to the band and haven't done since.