Used to go by the strapline "If it wasn't for us you might not get there".

Which somehow manages to be both arrogant and defeatist at the same time. Not to mention galling to see emblazoned on the bus stop where you'd been stood for 30 minutes waiting for a bus that's supposed to come every 10.

- or was it Kirby Lonsdale? - slogan, "Well worth a visit". Doncaster - "Discover the Spirit" (???!)- mine's a double thanks. Perhaps "It's not as bad as Rotherham" would be more accurate. (sorry to any Massive members from Rotherham).

I do have some sympathy for Mark Hughes, as being a top-flight manager is harder than ever.

I'm sure the romantics would love another team to come from nowhere - in a Clough-esque fashion - and storm the league, but it's never going to happen again. I'm convinced that the closest we've come to a Permiership miracle was when Everton finished 4th, despite playing Marcus Bent up front on his own.

Even when the rule is brought in that clubs can only compete in the Champions' League if they balance their books won't necessarily help; the American fella who owns part of Arsenal has just bought something like £22 million worth of shares in Arsenal broadband, which gives an indication as to how clubs will exploit their commercial interests abroad. Wigan broadband, anyone? Thought not.

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.. professing that they are 'passionate about low maintenance hair styling'

... that is, sadly, success since the top four need 16 teams they can beat on a regular basis to keep the show on the road (figures may also be interpreted as 2/18, 3/17 or some other configuration)

The Fulham mission statement if anything appears a little ambitious to me given their small ground and, by Premier League standards, limited finance. But that may just be me.

My unfashionable rabble, Luton, have been through a number of brave new drawns and actually I preferred it when our hopes resided in nice football, mid-table obscurity in the second tier and maybe a cup run. It is difficult to pinpoint which set of directors where the most incompetent (not the present incumbents - who are a doing a wonderful job in our new reduced circumstances). But the most entertainingly bad, presented the most ambitious mission statement.

The gentleman in question was John Guerney who brought the club for £1 in 2003 and lasted all of 42 days before we went into administration. In that time he mapped out an ambitious strategy that would see the club renamed London Luton, who would be competing in the Premier League in a 90,000 seater stadium which would also double as a formula one racetrack. I think the quote at the time was "People say its ambitious, what is wrong with ambition?"

After a further bout of administration, a record points deduction, and relagation out of the league I think I would have been okay with a bit of mediocrity, thanks.

My walk to work used to take me past a hairdressing salon with an A-board on the pavement outside. One of the promises made by said sign was 'Competent Styling'. Oh good, I always thought; I like it so much better than the other kind. Another hairdressers I used to see in Lancaster advertised the range of its potential clientelle in big letters painted on the glass: 'Ladies Gents Children Eyebrows'.
But for lack of effort it would be hard to beat the rubbish bins around Harris Square in Preston in the mid 80s. They were sponsored by the Lancashire Evening Post whose offices were just around the corner at the time. 'The Lancashire Evening Post', they read, 'Buy it today. It's good.'

Did Viz comic not have the slogan "Officially no longer as good as it used to be" round about Issue Three ?

Is quoted in the press today as being sure that Hughes will "take us to the Championship". He could be right.

"The fourth best band in Hull"

"Now That's What I Call Quite Good".

They were as well.