Not quite what you're after, but when I worked in a Virgin Megastore branch a customer asked me if we sold honey.

More recently in the bookshop I now work in a gent asked me if we sold industrial magnets.

working in a record shop.

Customer: "This Japanese Beatles' LP you have in the rack"

Me: "Yes, what about it?"

Customer: "Are they singing the songs in Japanese?"

Me (silently): "Beam me up Scotty!"

You know, the chappy wasn't interested in your day. Not really. He was just being polite. He could have asked how you were. What would you have said then? Spent a few minutes detailing all the ins and outs of the Big E?

I was coaching my son's football team a couple of weekends ago. They are all six and seven. One little fellow was trying to tell me something and then, looking up at my once-lithe and manly physique, somehing registered and he stopped his little story and asked, "Oh, are you having another baby?"

"No," I said. "I'm just fat."

When filling the void between college and the grown up world, I took a part time job stacking shelves at tesco.

This is the place of the stupid question

On being asked if i knew where the ice cream was..... i politely answered "in the freezers"

duh!

working in a cat clinic that had "cat clinic" in the name and a logo that clearly showed a feline, we would have several people a day phoning up to bring in their dogs/birds/fish and at least one walk-in each day with a dog. It usually had to be explained several times that the cat clinic was actually for the exclusive use of cats.

was supposedly asked once "What time is it?" and he replied "Do you mean now?"

Do you want a smack?

to finish that pint ?

Get you a drink?

pack your suitcase yourself?

Like anyone is going to say No.

Working in a theatre box-office was a rich source of daftness:

"Are the seats facing the stage?"

"do the stairs to the dress circle go up AND down?"

In the grocery store I work in we used to sell boiled potatoes (I guess some people are in a hurry to eat...).
One of our regular customers who bought them every week came up to me and asked;
"Why are the boiled potatoes so small ?"
I smiled sweetly and said;
"I guess because they were that small before we boiled them!"
He blushed and walked away in a hurry.

"Where have you been?"
"On holiday!"
"Oh, anywhere nice?"
"No, I went somewhere horrible, just for a change."

Oh, I do like these threads. I always feel in real life that I'm a bit of a cynical old grump, but these threads often make me feel like I'm Polly bloody Anna, I'm so laid back and cheerful in comparison.

Firstly, I like people saying things like "How's your day been?". OK, literally speaking your day has just begun, but it's shorthand for "hello other human, let's have a short conversation just to make the world a politer, happier place" isn't it? In the same way "Been anywhere nice on holiday" is. Again, no-one presumably goes somewhere horrible on purpose so they can moan about it when they get home (my mother may be an exception to this rule), but it is just polite.

I'm all for it.

PS I think the customer checking that the Japanese import wasn't in Japanese was very sensible, rather than stupid.

My own dear Mother. On holiday in Israel mid 80s, we're visiting Masada, above the Dead Sea. All of a sudden two military jets appear on the horizon. One banks off and heads towards us. We're on top of a ruined fort atop a mountain, it's level with us given that the surrounding landscape is actually the lowest point on earth.

Continuing towards us with no sign of slowing down it pulls away at the last second and all we can hear is a dull buzz as our ear drums are almost ripped open.

My mum turns to me and asks,

"Did you see that?"

*slaps forehead*

(and he is a tiny dog) an American gentleman asks me "is he, like, an old puppy?"

Err... yes, and I'm an old child.

Lou Reed or Van Morbidson, every question is stupid.

Working in HMV in Wales years back, a Phil Mitchell-lookalike approached me, and Asked "'Scuse me mate - where do you keep the Elvis cds?" " In Rock and Pop, I replied. " No you don't - I looked there and you got nuthin'" It's filed A-Z under surname,and we should have loads, I insisted. " No you AIN'T, " he replied " I been looking through the L's for ages now "... (sound of hand slapping own stupified head )

Mind you, that bloke looked intellectual next to a customer my friend had. A bloke approached him in the shop and asked " Where I can find the latest Beyonce cd?" My friend looked him up and down and said - " Er..In your HAND?" The oaf was already holding the thing...

.

were the bunch who played on "Mull Of Kintyre", and damn good they were to, if you like that kinda thing.
In these halycon days, they would be found most Saturday evenings in the summer playing and marching up and down the town's main street for the benefit of the tourists, playing a selection of well kent Scottish tunes and finishing off with a stirring rendition of MOK... As I have said, they were very good.
In one of the local bars afterwards The Pipe Major was having a post gig beverage in one of the local bars.Now the PM is the main guy in any pipe band, he is also the guy who leads the march whilst throwing the big stick three miles into the atmosphere, catching it then twirling it impossibly, then chucking it up again, this time for four miles, and doing all this whilst conducting the band with hand signals with is back to them.
He is also most extravagantly dressed; bearskin helmet, jacket, kilt, big stick with big metal top etc etc. You get the picture.
Anyroads he is having his pint of Tennents when a wee guy sidles up to him and sez:
"Hi Tony. Been playing tonight then have we?"
WTF?
Pipe Major Tony does not miss a beat:
"Nah, not tonight. My suit is in the dry cleaners, got nothing else to wear."

Classic Embra tourist question:

"What time is the one o'clock gun?"

...what's that about then?"

like an iTunes update, for instance. There's always the tricky multi choice question to negotiate:

Something like "Do you agree to the terms and conditions of this download"

Agree?

Disagree?

I don't know about you, but I never know which button to click

A work colleague asked - "So...were you trying for twins?"

At the time I politley replied "no". On reflection, that really is a stupid question and I should have had a quick-as-a-flash stinging comeback.

Well, it's a sextet.

And how many in the band?

Billy Connolly was always good on this sort of thing.

A young fellow was being interviewed for a job at our office and was asked by the human resources chappie "What gets you annoyed?"
"People asking me stupid questions," came the reply. He didn't get the job.

I was showing an american around Windsor once and we came to a pub "The Horse & Groom".

Her question.

Is that what they call the bride in England?

and what do you consider to be your weaknesses? I always answer none. If I knew of any weaknesses I would work on them.

Looking for a hoover when TJ Hughes was closing down, woman kicking off at the poor Sales Assistant ranting on about how she was being done.

"It says half price and you've only given me 50% off"

if we can't be friends?

The most common question is ' is that your best quote?' Well, yes, I doubt I'd get anywhere if I supplied the worst one.

Me: 'I wonder why some audiobooks on iTunes are so much more expensive than others.'
Wife: 'Perhaps they're reading the hardback.'

was being interviewed in the early 90s by a young guy for I think the Canadian music programme 'the new music' - it used to show very late here on Fridays a week or two later.

Interviewer: 'So, do you read books?' (genuine question)
PMc: 'Durrrrrrrrrrrr no I read comics' (picture very irritated and humourless PMc )

He came across as a bit touchy considering it was an inexperienced interviewer and he was paul mccartney. But in hindsight, you're told your interviewing a Beatle and that is the best you can come up with?

where an elderly couple strolled into the BBC Television Centre reception to ask directions to the BBC Website as they gather Terry Wogan was doing a live interview there later. Apparently, they'd travelled down from Birmingham.

Heartbreaking.