did too much of, well, you know that thing that often involved pictures of Kate Bush and Debbie Harry (I'm addressing the chaps here).

I've never worn glasses.

told me and my cousins he invented "the fingers". That's the V-Sign in my locale!

My mum told me that even though the newsagents were apparently open after school finished, it was only for the sale of the Liverpool Echo, and that they were forbidden by law to sell anything else. Like sweets, comics, pop etc.

I believed her for years.

And a part of me still believes it to this day.

that the reason the Israelis won the 6 Day War was because they were "God's chosen people". Now, of course, I was only a lad and I wasn't armed with a deep understanding of Middle East politics at the time, US support for Israel etc. Moreover, I found out much later on that Israel is essentially a secular society and that while Judaism is the most prominent belief system, a lot of modern Israelis are agnostics and atheists.

But at the age of 11 or 12 I had read enough to be able to say to the hapless Sunday school teacher in terms that the Israelis had a better army and better spies than their enemies, and that God had nothing to do with it

I told my Dad about the exchange and he praised me for speaking up. True story. I've never forgotten it. I've since been a rather cynical argumentative sort, especially on matters relating to God Yahweh Allah.

while the sun is shining then it's a monkey's birthday.

and if you call them by their name they will come to you. They are, however, quite deaf and so you have to get very close so that they can hear you properly.

told me they were little men inside the radio and when you twiddled the dial they would all frantically rush about to get intio character and belt out a pop tune, play violin or read out the news. The sound of static was them changing their clothes.

According to my nan, they didn't work unless held over a wastepaper basket.

it sticks to your ribs, then stays inside you for seven years. Apparantly.

A family wedding party in a pub. I was probably about 7. In the gents:

"Dad, what's in that machine. Is it sweets."
"No, son."
"Then what is it?"
"Erm..."
"Can I have some?"
"No."
"Why? What are they?"
[Thinking quickly in spite of beer having been taken] "They're Feed 'n' Grow mats for houseplants."

Consequence: I spent the rest of the evening trying to scrounge a pound from anybody who would listen so I could buy some "Feed 'n' Grow Mats" for my mother's plants.

Postscript: I still get reminded of this incident at family gatherings nearly 30 years on.

It didn't matter what inadvisable thing you did - not wearing a vest, playing out too late, sitting on the cold ground, wearing damp clothes etc - the result was the same. You'd get Kincoff.

And then, of course, there's the possibly apocryphal story about the parent that told their young son that the chimes of the ice cream van meant that they had run out of ice cream.

and they'd say 'oh, shall we go out and see if we can find any sweets' loudly to each other across me as I looked from side to side. Off we'd march and sure enough EVERY TIME within two minutes we'd find a bar of chocolate or quarter of sherbert pips in the bushes.

I honestly thought the world was like willy wonkas factory where you just popped out had a quick look and your sister would find sweets in the bush nearby.

Not one I heard as a child, but a trick I saw used to great effect a few years ago. I was at mate's house to watch a football match on television. The kids in the house had no interest in the game and were distracting us by running around and being noisy, so my mate took the batteries out of all the remote controls he could find, gave them to the kids and told them that the fish in his tank were remote controlled.

It kept them quiet in front of the tank (give or take the occaisional 'You made yours bump into my one!') for the rest of the game.

And that's true, that is.

It hasn't yet.

And lots of other fairy stories.

My Gran had 3 taps over the kitchen sink (one was connected to a water-softener).

I was told the 3rd tap was a magic tap, which produced the Lemonade I would drink whilst visiting.

It took a while for the truth to come out.

and my mother told me not to hold my fare too tightly when I ran to the bustop in case it slipped through my hands. She even gave me this weird little old man's purse thing to keep my small change in, which had a (perhaps) unintentionally homoerotic drawing of two Jeeves-style golfers in plus-fours on the front.

I hung on to this purse - and my fundamental misunderstanding of her advice - for many years, for the simple reason that I assumed she meant that the coins would actually pierce my flesh and pass out through the top of my hands if I gripped them too hard.

That purse has a lot to answer for...

young Jimmy is TOFFEE Angel Delight not BUTTERSCOTCH that you claim to hate.

Mmm, mum, that's delicious.

Ha ha ha. That WAS butterscotch Angel Delight.

*tears, slammed door and stomps up to bedroom*

I'd ask my Mum and she would say "Yes, of course you can have (insert object of desire here)". Me, about to explode with excitment: "Wow, Mum great. When can I have it?" Mum: "When Nelson gets his eye back"...Those darn parents got an answer for everything....

If there's enough blue sky to make a sailor's shirt, it will be a fine day.

Every time you whistle, a sailor dies. The latter did freak me for a bit when I was. Thanks Gran.