Entertainment For Lively Minds
Things to say to agitate the average Word Reader
Posted by BigJimBob on 5 December 2011 - 7:18pm.
"Richard Thompson? No, never heard of him."
"Say what you like, but if [insert HJH name here] wasn't in The Beatles they would have been a better group."
"Jo Whiley, now there's someone who knows her music"
Any more?
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"Keith Jarrett?"
"Load of purposeless Emperor's New Clothes noodling. Also: who?"
Jeez..
I'm agitated already. Quick work Buddy.
ATM: what's your favourite Mumford & Sons song?
"Christ, that Florence can sing! Amazing!"
"Apple computers are a load of overpriced toss for hipsters."
True dat....
.
"Did anyone else read that great article in the Mail?"
"Apparently immigrants, not content with killing Diana, are raising your mortgage payments and devaluing your house."
You know that Bob
he just doesn't post enough anymore! :)
Dido on the cover again. Fantastic!
ATM: Queen – The Best Band Ever?
and "He's got a beard? Must be a paedo, right?"
Pop music's just been on the up and up
since the 80s.
Oh dear
Just realised I did a similar thread called The Word Blogger Who... (from that HM Bateman cartoon series) and added the same comment then as well.
Jeremy Clarkson - a national treasure
(edit) whose every word should be taken seriously.
"You've got to admit
that Jeremy Clarkson is right about some things."
(Whispers quietly)
actually he once said Vauxhall Astra's were bobbins. I bought one. It was.
Stewart Lee
.
Keanu Reeves
.
That (insert name of 60+ rock star)
Time he called it a day, isn't it?
Danny baker...
Danny baker... He is a talentuss cunt isnt he?
Wake up, Fraser!
You know, this used to be a place where "keeping it clean" was the norm. Posts like jackthebiscuit's, (among others all over this site, so don't take this personally, Mr Biscuit) make me wince, and the current outbreak of "language" is one of the reasons I'm spending less and less time here.
Come on, folks, you're better than this. Aren't you?
Sorry if my language offends you...
I haved lived/ worked all my life where swearing is the norm, it is the way I am.
As I say, no offence intended.
Must say tho, it feels strange being picked up for bad language at my age (55)
Swearing
The fact is that it does make some people uncomfortable, and it's one of the reasons why the very first thing we request in the posting guidelines is that you refrain from doing so. I swear at work everyday too, but there are other places where I don't, and all we're asking is that this is one of those places where you don't. I don't expect everyone to agree that it's the correct approach, but we'd like it if the request was respected all the same.
Offended is not really the right word
I'm not offended at all by the constant swearing on the blog (and it is pretty much constant), but I do find it really, really crass and ugly to see the "c" word thrown into the conversation almost at will recently.
Most of the time it's unnecessary and it does the blog no favours at all to see it slowly turning into the comments section of YouTube.
Call me old fashioned and idealistic, but I like to think of this place as an oasis of literary excellence and enlightenment in an increasingly dumbed down world. Reading something like (for example) "That Jeremy Clarkson is a right c*** isn't he?" makes me wince and shatters that vision into a thousand pieces.
Yes, there's a place for swearing but IMHO it ain't here.
Other opinions are, of course, available.
I don't think there was any call...
...to pick particularly on jack's post there, geebee. Personalising it isn't fair. Why not start a thread on the topic if you have an issue? All you've done there is make a good, kind, respectful poster feel bad when all he's done is speak as many of us speak. And yes, I know it's against the Rules. But my point is, if it's an issue, it's a general issue.
Still, apparently at least 7 people thought it was fine, so what do I know?
The first posting guideline in the FAQ does say...
"we're a community of many types of people, who all have the right to feel comfortable and who may not think what you think, believe what you believe or see what you see. So keep things clean (like Brian Clough said: no swearing, gentlemen, please), friendly, and polite."
I know.
But I don't think individual posters should be taken to task in that way, except by Fraser. It just struck me as a bit mean.
The FAQ guideline is fine, I know I'm guilty of breaking it more often than most. I'll try to rein my "language" (Timothy) in from now on. I just didn't like the way geebee chose to raise the issue.
Just me, I'm sure.
oh dear
this clearly is something that does agitate the Word reader.
Hey c'mon,
Geebee did say 'no offence' to Jackthebiscuit and made it clear it was nothing personal.
I've sworn on the blog quite a bit, and I recently had a bit of a swearathon directed at Badly Drawn Boy. He deserves it, but I had forgotten that the House rules on swearing are quite clear. I shall swear no more.
I say again...
I didn't take any individual to task for what I said quite clearly is a fairly general issue. Take a breath, Bob. Read carefully before responding!
I swear loads
I think I even got 'fuckwit' into the pages of the mag once, but there's something about that word used in that way that just feels wrong. Twice in the last few days someone's gone for a cheap laugh by dropping the c-bomb. Is that really the best you've got to offer?
**
Scuttles off to remove recent W word**
The 'C' word
"Is that really the best you've got to offer?"
Actually, yes, it is.
Les, you sell yourself short.
There's nowt wrong with a bit of judicious swearing, but you do have a lot more to offer.
Other than in the hair department, obviously.
You playing out in January with everyone else? I'll expect you to keep a civil tongue in your head, mind...
:-)
We should use the predictive text function on our phones more.
It'd stop us from making such ducking aunts of ourselves when we talk shiv.
As a matter of fact...
I went out of my way NOT to personalise it to jackthebiscuit:
"Posts like jackthebiscuit's, (among others all over this site, so don't take this personally, Mr Biscuit)".
OK, fair enough.
I called it like I saw it, since if I were jack, I'd have felt rather got at. But apologies. I'm sure that wasn't the intention.
No offence taken...
I will try to refrain from swearing from now on. (no promises tho)
Sorry for any offence caused.
TLAs
Apologies. I've just used FFS on another thread. Are that and WTF permissible?
(Wouldn't care, but I'm not even a big swearer in the flesh)
Surely....
The odd expletive, used for emphasis or to add to a gag, can often add to the post.
They are never used to address other posters and rarely in anger, nothing like the comment section on you tube.
The odd expletive
can be effective in that way, but in the case the opposite was true.
The OP
I didnt realise it when I wrote my earlier post, but I (unintentionally) got one thing right.
It really did agitate the average word reader.
C'mon! This ban on the use of letters C-U-N-T
is clearly just a ploy to limit massivistas' references to a. n. other music monthly on the blog.*
What does one say to agitate the average Word reader? Well that depends on which clique you want to annoy..
*steps forward to the edge of the stage, picks an audience member at random to patronise. "I mean Uncut dear. U-N-C.. Try to keep up"
Why isn't there a down arrow?
My last "c" bomb here...
... was dropped on the Jeremy Clarkson thread. It was used after I had adapted a quote from Voltaire to refer to his "shoot strikers in front of their families" remark. The only reason I used the word is that for my post to be remotely amusing there had to be an extreme juxtaposition of word and quotation.
I really will argue very strongly that the odd expletive is extremely effective on occasion. Even ones beginning with c. Altogether now...
Fair enough
Context is everything, but later in the thread someone just writes "Bloke's a cunt" and gets 8 up's. That just depresses me. This ain't You Tube, fellas.
For clarification
Can I continue to say "bollocks"? it's been a personal favourite of mine for 40 years. It's a descriptive shortcut that covers all manner of ills.
I'd also like to request that the use of "bloody" be overlooked. All other stronger colloquialisms should be off limits (except bugger).
A famous court case in 1976
confirmed that 'Bollocks' isn't swearing or offensive so I reckon you'll be OK :-)
I'd like
To call this meeting of the Word Magazine Tourettes Support Group to order. Arse.
Can we still say
"Semprini"?
.
"Get out!"
Zarking fardwarks
and Belgium, just holy swutting Belgium.
You're a Ghent
Apparently
You've got to hand it to....
Bono, he's brilliant, isn't he
Say what you like about George Osborne...
But he knows what needs doing for the future of the country
(Works with me anyway!)
Also -
"Isn't it time we called a halt to all the HJH threads I mean my god what's left to say about them - moderately talented tunesters who broke up in 1969 end of"
Actually anyone who says "End Of" kicks me off
Free podcasts
End Of....
Right thats it
(Incomprehensible and misguided 1000 word rave)
"Christ...
...what's with the laugh?"
The West Wing
The Shit Wing, I call it...
Station to Station
not as good as Tin Machine is it?
Save the Squirrels!
.
You know what I think we have found a new National Treasure.
Fearne Cotton take a bow you erudite deep thinking gem you.
How about
using a Star Rating system in the Reviews section?
That Maggoty Lamb chap
from the Guardian media site talks a lot of sense.
I miss
George Lamb on the radio for his erudite and insightful comments.
Lou Reed AND Metallica
That's got to be great.
The Wire...
That's the one with the fella from Robson and Jerome, right?
There should
be more Fuckwittery at gigs.
Potty
mouth
I only buy it
for the advertorials.
Moon landings?
Rubbish, because Professor Brian Cox said so!
Del Amitri
How come nobody mentions them anymore? Confined to the Pop Bargain Bin.
Wyclef Jean
did the definitive version of Wish You Were Here
I thought it was
Judith Chalmers
Beatles, Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Paul Simon
David and Mark think they've been done to death, so in 2012 there will be no mention of any of them in the magazine or podcasts.
Mahavishnu Orchestra
Someone should tell them to learn to play their instruments.
Mahav Orch
It's really just tune-free, pretentious, self-indulgent noodling, isn't it?
OGWT
the two blokes from that run the magazine ? well I never,I thought Richard Skinner went back to doing Newsbeat.
Gideon?
What's wrong with calling him Gideon?
Prog.
It's a bit Meh. :-(
That really was an outstanding version of
"Burlington Bertie (from Bow)" that Sandie Shaw did on that YouTube video.
I don't know Jim.....
Word subscriber here who has never knowingly heard a Richard Thompson song, doesn't particularly like the Beatles (certainly do not own anything by them), no stones and no Dylan either.
Jo Whiley I can take or leave but do not hate her as some seem to do.
I buy it for the articles, honest.
Gerry Rafferty
is dead you know.....
But that Bob Holness
played the sax breaks on 'Jungleland' and 'Pacific State' as well as Baker Street.
The X-factor
A real force for good in the UK music scene. Simon Cowell should be knighted
Respect must always be shown
when speaking of musicians who have recently departed this life.
But not necessarily for those who died just a few months ago.
Do you know what would make
Do you know what would make Mad Men even better?
Having Joanna Newsom in it!
I've got 3...
We all download illegally don't we?
Kate Bush is a shrieking hippie
The Word has gone downhill since (insert random number)
Thatcher
She was ace, wasn't she?
And as for Cameron - genius.
Q Magazine is soooo much better now than it used to be
Swearing
It's the fucking dogs bollocks and anyone who disagrees is a c**t.
More tea
Vicar?
I had never heard of Richard Thompson before I started
... reading The Word.
Then I had to check out Wikipedia to see if he was a "local" British phenomenon.
Seems like it. Has he ever toured Oz? Can't recall ever hearing any of his tracks on radio - not even on the mighty 3RRR...
Am I alone in my ignorance?
I'm pretty sure he HAS toured Oz...
...certainly, I have a friend in Sydney who's a HUGE fan, has all the records and has seen him live several times (and they can't all be on foreign trips, I'm thinking)...
Oh Yes
RT has toured Australia many times, but for reasons of cost he usually tours sans band as a solo artist.
The last tour I recall was for the Old Kit Bag album, so that would have been 2003/4.
The reason I remember this is because I was talking to RT after the show in Fremantle when two fans came up to us. They looked to be a married couple in their 60s. He had a splendid comb-over and she was doing a fair impression of Earth Mother. They were wearing matching tie-dyed t-shirts and were clearly original Fairport fans from the 60s. "'ere Richard" the bloke said, butting into the conversation. "How about a photo, then?" He thrust his cheap camera in my hand and put his arm around RT's shoulders in a vice-like grip, grinning idiotically as I took way too long fumbling with the shutter.
Then he called his partner over, saying "How about one with the old bag, then, Richard?" RT looked nonplussed at this. "The old KIT bag, I mean" the fan said, with a raucous laugh.
"er, yeah, sure" said RT. And the threesome posed awkwardly while I snapped away.
"two fans came up to us"
...I had to read that post twice, Moje - wondering why two of your fans (as the internationally celebrated Zelig of Rock) would want you to take their photo with some old geezer from North London.
Now, of course, I realise that they want to tell their grandkids 'You'll never guess who took this picture - it was MOJO WORKING! it was him! Yes, it really was! No idea who that guy with the guitar was, mind...'
The Forrest Gump of rock
that's me.
What's your guilty pleasure?
That Bob Dylan sings like a angel!
Vinyl was never as good as cassettes.
I take it you don't drink?
Good news - those Osmonds are touring again.
The X-Factor really does tap into important and refreshing new talent.
Oh God, not MORE cake!
re: agitate the massive
I hate Bob Dylan - no, honest I do...
and that Brian Wilson can feck off too!
...Actually, the Beatles were a bit over-rated...
and as for Kate Bush (*cannot be printed for legal reasons*)
Advertorials...
Love 'em - more please!
I prefer Mojo to Word...
... because the CD's better, it's not as obsessed with The Beatles and the people on the blog aren't cunts.
More items about test-driving cars
is just what this magazine needs
That Dido cover was excellent.
Can we have an Avril Lavigne one please?
That Ricky Gervais.....
....has really got ironic comedy nailed down hasn't he?
Plenty of music for sale in Tescos
All this fiffle-faffle over specialist retailers is a waste of time
I'm now going to play you this brilliant new record...
The Vuvuzela Orchestra's version of 'Tales From Topographic Oceans'.
Well this annoyed me in the new issue
on the inclusion of the Silver Seas track on the CD
"the Massive took their winning wit and grown up pop melody to their heart"
Did we hell! *
* wanted to say "fuck" but apparently there was a meeting and apparently swearing's out
Does it really say that?
I'd like to see the evidence to back up that statement. Sounds like gross misrepresentation to me. My office, Harrison, and bring your notebook!
In defence of Mr H..
I'm sure I said in passing somewhere that I didn't mind the Silver Seas in small doses so long as they weren't turned up too loud.
Surely that can be extrapolated to a rousing enthusiastic endorsement from the whole of The Massive?
Is journalistic license not allowed any more?
I'm revoking
his journalistic licence with immediate effect for defamation of teh Massive's character. We've far worse taste than that
*puts hand up*
Err...this might be my fault. Had a long chat with Andrew the night after The Silver Seas gig and may have said nice things about them.
Once we'd finished talking about Half Man Half Biscuit, obviously.
You were right there DFB - why didn't you stop me?
I ment to mention it to Andrew
at the Luke Haines gig "Btw sunshine, Silver Seas, we're not buying it."
You can keep your Beatles, your Stones and your Dylans...
... give me Nickelback any day.
Everyone seems to be a bit stressed on this thread.
I've got an excellent homeopathic remedy I can recommend..
It's not that rampant rabbit again is it?
Are you dancing?
I love a bit of cutting the rug to some down and dirty disco beats!
Those riots were great fun
and the feral youth have a good and valid point.
Music
It's so much better these days isn't it?
The mag's OK...
but it's not a patch on Mojo
Great film,The Last Waltz...
especially the bit with Neil Diamond.
John Peel...meh
Now, Jimmy Saville...
I wonder what Bob thinks
about *insert topic*?
edit: Er, this might have been a half-joke if the thread title was 'Things you rarely see on the Word Website' which is kind of where my mind had wandered to. Not meaning to agitate Bob - or anyone else for that matter.
Gypsies
Who needs 'em?
The new mingle venue only sells lager
brrrrrr
I just *love* the cover
of the latest edition.
"Bob Dylan's best gigs
are ahead of him"
...and, Self Portrait aside,
his best albums
The Smiths vs The Beatles
it's the elephant in the room
Good news!
Another local record shop has closed down.
REM
Their best song by miles was Shiny Happy People
I know that was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek example
of an agitation-proviking phrase, but just reading it made me begin to convulse and want to start ripping heads off little girls' dolls.
I was once chatting to someone at a festival shortly before the Manics took to the stage and asked her if she's heard of them - she said "Yeah, I really like that song they did - Your Love Alone Is Not Enough". I have rarely felt more furious.
Mahavishnu Orchestra
They didn't record much - one hit wonders, if you ask me.
I think Beyonce stole the show at Glasto..............
Jules Holland - so sincere, and his interviews are top-notch !
Did anyone...
...NOT think Beyonce stole the show at Glastonbury? I thought that was just a nailed-on fact! Who could possibly get agitated about it?
There are those who believe
that her performance was less than stellar, and not necessarily attuned to the feel of the rest of the weekend..
Wow. Those poor people.
Harrumph
Janelle Monae.
Need I say more.............?
I now have a troublesome image
in my head of various male Massive members frugging frantically in their living rooms, slippers on, to Dangerously In Love while their offspring look on in unadulterated horror.
Me
I was over at the Park stage watching Gruff Rhys. Beyonce didn't steal the show for me - I didn't see her!
Cliff's on next month's
cover plus 18 page feature article with quotes from lifetime fans Dave Grohl, Billy Bragg, Lou Reed and Marilyn Manson.
This Cliff?
Lawks a lawdy!
That bloke from the Fall
is a brilliant singer.
That teacher's strike
Bunch of lefty beard-wearing Guardianistas, aren't they?
And that's just the women.
Sandy Denny
Talentless, cider-addled whining old folk groupie with balance issues...
'Yes of course I'm sure that nice Mr Hepworth
will listen to your opinions about what should be in the magazine.'
Pimhole!
.
And that was
another rubbish album from Fountains of Wayne.
Radiohead
are probably the most over rated English band in rock history
(that comment doesn't agitate me personally but I suspect it would annoy plenty of others)
Kate Bush: what a boring cow? and she was not half as sexy as people thought either.(that sort of comment would annoy me and I think most of the Massive, judging by the reverential comments on the luverly Kate I see from time to time).
That Dave Lee Travis really was an outstanding DJ.
We all have many fond memories of DLT, don't we? He was such a great guy. "The Hairy Conflake", "Pilchard", "Snooker on the radio". All tremendous stuff.
That wouldn't annoy me at all.
I'm pro-DLT. Not sure if I'm laughing at him or with him but I'm definitely laughing. Ho ho ho!
Green
Giant
Even better
was Simon Bates and his Our Tune segment. That was truly sincerity personified.
Travis, of course; Bates - indeed
But we're in danger of forgetting Gary Davies' bit in the middle - broadcasting gold.
John Peel
was a sad old sweat-shirt-wearing beardo trying to keep down with the kids wasn't he really?
Bruce Springsteen? Nope. Never done it for me.
Oh hang on. That is what I think. I'll get my coat.
Replace your coat and come and sit back down
We're not all Springsteen-lovers. I'm a kindred spirit on this one.
Without Donovan...
there would be no Bob Dylan
Donovan
probably believes that.
Donovan
started Word Magazine and the entire dad rock monthly genre, didn't he?
Double
post.
Oh how we cheered...
... when punk came along and put an end to all that progtwatmiddleclasswankery.
Now, I'm probably the only Word reader
who is not agitated by that in the slightest...
Nope.
Me too.
No, I really did cheer
(or would have had I not been 7)
Vinyl
Is an outdated form of media and was never as good as cassettes anyway.
(ps anyone else looking at this site on the off chance would think we were all nuts. Top 3 hot topics, how to wind us up, the man who winds up the majority, and complaints about the swearing caused by both)
Keith Levene is a far more
innovative and exciting guitarist than Eric Clapton.
And I certainly agree
with that.
Well, that's two of you then..
..congratulations.
It worked...!
;-)
Move over Aretha
Lady Gaga IS the new queen of soul. FACT.
Daft post removed
(seemed amusing at the time)
That's enough about ourselves
Let's end the navel-gazing and talk about music.
..is the answer to the question:
"Phrases you never hear in a Morrissey interview"
The Levellers Are Grossly Underrated.
And are a National Treasure. We have a lot to thank them for. Fact.
The Krankies are Debauched!
(Oh, wait a minute...................)
Dino Valente ruined
Quicksilver Messenger Service.
I`ve got
Olly Murs tickets OMG!!! I`m SOOOO Excited LOL!!!!