I enjoy a countryside walk
I'm often in bed by 10pm
I occasionally find myself agreeing with Daily Mail columnists

and now get excited by home improvements (am looking forward to a day out in Hadleigh this week to go to look at sofas)sofa), waking & getting up far too early (at 6), saying good morning to strangers, still blubbing when watching the Railway Children and admonishing the nephews and nieces.

I think I would be more surprised by the things I would still be doing or believing in ‘middle age’. For instance...

Listening to the likes of Caravan and Yes.
Believing that music was never going to be better than the Beatles.
Wearing jeans with holes in them.
Worrying about my hairline ( but it’s still there ).
Mucking about in a band ( my middle aged bunch were on Welsh telly recently ).
Getting into stupid arguments with people about bugger all. ( Er, like that semi-legendary Comic Relief spat…)
Having my own room full of guitars and amps and pop music cards from the 60s and a whole wall of music ( admittedly on CD now rather than cassette ).
Thinking there was no-one sexier than Fenella Fielding in ‘Carry on Screaming’.
Being convinced that Eric and Ernie were the funniest British comedians ever.
Being convinced that pop music was largely defined in the 60s and that all the major innovations have already been made within the guitar, bass and drums framework.
Still playing rather nifty ‘drums’ with a couple of pencils ( even though I’m not very good with a real kit- possibly because I’m a leftie ).

When does 'middle age' start?

I'm 37 and may or may not be middle aged depending on whether you're squinting or not.

In favour of 'oh yes you are': my hair is starting to make me look like a monk; Friday nights seem to involve a lot more TV than they once did; I would gladly sacrifice all manner of social events to spend a few minutes with my daughter; 6.30am is a normal getting up time; I have no idea what the local kids are saying and I will never tire of being amazed at the half-mast-jeans look

Speaking for 'oh no you're not': I get ridiculously excited by gig-going; I'll happily stay up all night drinking and chatting; I have never yet watched a whole episode of any property show; I take great, juvenile, pride in avoiding wearing suits to work; none of my clothes come from M&S; I don't make groaning noises when standing up or sitting down

talked a lot of sense.

.. to still having a quick one off the wrist?

*smug face*
*realises I'm still 9 years closer to middle age than Joe*
*crestfallen face*

When good old Jasp says...

"you know you're ready for the pipe and slippers when looking through the ads at the back of the Sunday papers and you see a pair of shoes and think 'they look REALLY comfy'...."

I still HATE gardening and DIY and at 41, I doubt I will change. The hoardes that descend on B&Q and Wyvale over the weekend perplexes me no end. I find so solace, no sense of achievement whatsoever for the blight they place on my life. If I had my way, I'd happily patio the entire back garden and pay local painter and decorators to do the job. (Un)fortunately, the FPO takes her job title most seriously and insists on DIY and gardening...allotments, I can understand, but gardening for FUN??? No no no no no no no....

I no longer see the fun in going out and getting so wasted that I can't remember a) what I did, b) how I got home, c) how I paid for it and d) dealing with the mother of all hangovers that now last 48 hours....I seem to recall minicabs from Ipswich to Chelmsford after falling asleep on the last train being extortionate 10 years ago. God only knows what they are now. The 20 year old me that loved to stay out all night would be appalled.

My first thought on reading the OP.

The younger me wouldn't have comprehended the pleasure I now get pottering around the garden at the weekend irrespective of the weather. the enjoyment to be gained from DiY still eludes me.

Other things;

That a meal without meat on the plate can be enjoyable.

There is a point to Jazz (well some of it).

Working away from home and stopping in good hotels/eating at nice restaurants would become a chore.

I would be happy and content living on an income much, much lower than the one I had planned. I was an ambitious, not entirely likeable, young man.

Spending half my time looking for something I´d just put down
Wearing insoles

I sometimes have - like a moment of clarity - a flashback return to being a bit youthful, only to cock it up seconds later with something middle-agedy.

I still go to extreme metal gigs - and spend half the time wondering where everyone is getting the energy. I'm still obsessive about buying new music - then agonise over where to shelve it. Sigh.

the National Trust and enjoy Antiques Roadshow.

I really couldn't have foreseen either, even a few years ago.

then the following would cause the younger me to shout "Old Fart in my diection"

- Drinking proper Beer
- Drinking Bourbon
- Getting up early in the morning (even at weekends)
- Happily staying in on a Friday and Saturday night
- Being a "responsible" father
- Shaving more then once a fortnight
- Wearing a suit to work
- Arguing with the TV, Radio or something written in a newspaper

a big Apple iMac and having the power to go anywhere, hear anything that:
takes my whim, draw any ellipse I fancy (compasses only let you do a circle), see and talk to my aunt in Atlanta GA and my friends in Belgium, meet interesting guys n' gals united buy a love of a daft band from Leeds who deny they were ever Goths (although they are the uber Goth band), then find some lovely old farts who live nearby and enjoy talking bollocks whilst getting pished.

how's that?

but I do approve of scantily-clad young women although generally much more interested in searching out a good beer.

I also find myself wondering if (and hoping) there will be seating when arriving at a gig

I find myself parenting my parents, and they've started asking me for advice

Everyone says I'm grumpy, and I like it

Needing a smoke before horizontal activity with the GLW - or agreeing that a good night's sleep would be more 'sensible'

Police Officers look positively juvenile and doctors seem so much younger these days

Starting on a new crime novelist but insisting on doing them 'in order'

And there's never anything on the TV

Having an allotment...... and a bad back

but the other day I was talking to my brother about "Kids of today" and I listened to him complain about them so I said "You were no angel yourself" to which he agreed. It was then I realised there were three stages in life
1. You are the defendant on Judge Judy
2/ You are the plantiff on Judge Judy
3/ You ARE Judge Judy

This is the good judge herself in action
http://youtu.be/WUqRsM5NAIA

to Gilbert O'Sullivan
Watching "Time Team"
Still be playing cricket (first game this weekend)
Regretting every day not being a better son to my Dad (he won't be around for ever 20 year old Dave, buy him a bloody pint you dick)

Having a haircut which is how short?

Staying in on a Friday night.

Not listening to Iron Maiden, Dio or The Alan Parsons Project any more.

Ever since I turned 27 I have felt 27 from that moment.

Unfortunately I recently became 47. This in itself isn't a concern (see comment above), though I may finally be starting to age. Witness:

- Found myself in Sainsbury's looking at the kitchenware and yelped in delight to find a 26 inch flan dish offered at a 33% discount. 'Oh, marvellous. I'll make a ham and egg pie in that' Not a quiche you'll note but a ham and egg pie. I don't think I've said those words since 1975
- Have started to admire Fred Dibnah's hat
- Planning long car journeys around bladder control
- Discovering the toenails on my big toes are now seemingly composed of quartz and/or marble. Attempts at cutting involve immense sustained pressure on the clippers which finally give to the sound of ricocheting bullet sound effect.
- If Mrs Beezer wants my attention she can do so by pulling at the hairs growing out of my ears.
- M&S Blue Harbour jumpers are starting to look 'nice'
- Thrilled to realise I own 2 pairs of brown brogues.

now look like Bilbo Baggins'
describing hangovers as "Teenage-like" even though I dont remember getting hangovers like this when I were a lad
Saying "now then" when greeting people
Weeing at least twice during the night
Wind
Starting every reply to GLW's comments with "what?" and her having to repeat it
Let's face it, I'm a bit of a catch

But developing a Richard Thompson obsession seems rather inevitable, at least if I remain a part of The Massive.

It's called an iPhone but it's getting on to be the same thing.

2. Admit that Abba, Queen, ELO etc. were brilliant and it was just my youthful censoriousness that ruled them out.
3. Know what "censorious" means (at age 17 I was called censorious by my English teacher when I complained that nothing happened in Jane Austen except a load of toffs having tea).
4. Realise that Blue Harbour clothing is not a matter of choice. Well, it's that or Cotton Oxford.
5. Choose shoes primarily based on comfort.
6. Worry about the effect that "lad mags" will have on my daughters.
7. Ditto the internet.
8. Still agonise over what's the best career choice for me.

who I've known since Infants' School, considers it a sign of a mid-life crisis that I've "suddenly developed an interest in reggae."

Translated: I recently bought a few of the Trojan box sets, to go with the other reggae and ska recordings that I've had for years in my eclectic collection. On a visit once, he "caught me" (his words) listening to one.

We are both 35 years old.

But I never believed that I would find myself in a situation when I was the 'grown-up' in the room. When my mum died a couple of years ago I was shocked to find that everyone was looking to me to make decisions, including my dad. Of course I never thought I'd ever have to organise a parent's funeral, even though obviously you know you proabably will one day.

On a lighter note I'm still waiting to discover that I like Prog, and I still like very little music made by people with beards. (Not quite sure what I'm doing around these parts...!!). I still listen to The Jam, I still want to be either Joe Strummer or Kevin Rowland when I grow up, and I still think Helen Mirren is one of the sexiest women I've ever seen.

The thirteen year old me would still recognise me I like to think.

It's worrying when people think you can be trusted.On a lighter note,I went to see the marvellous Paul Rodgers the other night only to find myself getting a bit sniffy about people of my own age (and over) 'getting down'in a very undignified way.I am 54 and I think I should maybe start arranging my own funeral.

Never bothered about middle age when I passed my forties, and when in my mid-50s I bought the mandatory droptop it still didn't occur that I might be there, but you miserable buggers have brought the evils of middle age right home. Yup, I suppose it's not really the act of a spring chicken to:

1. Have an unexplained but resisted desire to wear Boden and zip-up slippers. Presumably old age comes when the resistance is no more.


2. Worry inordinately about the size of my pension rather than the size other things.


3. Buy gadgets that I really don't need, just to see what they do and have some fun frightening the neighbours.


4. Feel embarrassed at being so old at Glastonbury, when half the people round me are at least of similar vintage, and the kids always welcome the loan of my deckchair to sit on when they want to skin up.


5. Want to take a swing at medical practitioners whenever they comment on something being "natural at my age".


6. Wonder why young kids (i.e. under 40s) work so much and don't spend all their time shagging and goofing off to cricket matches.


7. Take malign pleasure at winding up people in authority, comfortable in the knowledge that I'm not afraid of them any more, and that they know it. Then spend a lot of time apologising when they don't.


8. Get upset with spell-checkers which reject "apologising", which they think should be spelt with a "z". Bloody Americans.


9. Keep losing my keys, glasses and ... something else. Can't remember what it was. Oh yes, memory.


10. Get depressed when people in their thirties refer to themselves as middle aged.


11. Can't understand why my eldest should feel it an insult for a woman to be told she looks like Joanna Lumley.


12. Boast of my youthful and embarrassingly bad foray into the folk club circuit.


13. Respond to my son's threats to put me in a home when I get older by leaving draft wills around the house leaving everything to their ex-girlfriends.


14. Spend interminable hours plotting to reduce the height of next door's leylandii hedge.


15. Use Friends Reunited to meet up with old school pals and get told to fuck off (again) by an old girlfriend.

I eat Alpen for breakfast

folk revival has come as a bit of a shock..

and listening more to that sort of fol de rol than to teenage jesus and the jerks

oh the shame the shame

Things I do in middle age that would surprise the younger me

Well the younger me was struggling to suppress a yawn as Jonathan Bowler showed me how bleedin wonderful this black box called a ZX81 with its tape recorder memory and everything.

And the middle aged me has just spent all day furtling about with a major corporation's SAP system and here I am talking to some lovely people on a MacBook Pro with more memory than a zillion of those ZX81s listening to something called a podcast.

Surprised? I think the younger me would have thought I was an alien.

..... To apologise when I cock something up.

(Years of practise)

but I don't yet disapprove of young women wearing revealing clothing although it is advisable to peep from behind sunglasses so that you don't get accused of being a pervert.

The younger me would be very surprised to see that:

I don't smoke either legal or illegal cigarettes.
I cry at sad films almost always.
I can cook more substantial fare than fish finger sandwiches
I do the food shopping every week and enjoy it
I love jazz and reggae
I watch Coronation Street as often as I can and get withdrawal symptoms when I miss more than a couple of consecutive episodes

I forgot to Sky plus when I went on holiday recently,

F*cking heartbroken !

that the music I learned to love in my early teens - The Stones, Joni Mitchell, Steely Dan, CSN&Y, Van Morrison, As Usual and Dylan is still the stuff I play the most now.

- Walking to the bottom of the stairs, as opposed to jumping from the top, grabbing the lip of the bannisters on the way down and swinging to the bottom like Errol Flynn. My body can no longer stand those abrupt changes in G-force nor the jarring sudden stop at the end.

- Taking prescribed medicine in order to maintain a bearable existence. Carrying said medicine around in a tiny pill case like an old man.

- Booking a hotel in advance whenever I go abroad, rather than the old plane ticket/visa combination of my youth.

The thing that would surprise and maybe disappoint my younger self the most is how little I have changed. I can't say that I've really grown as a person or exceeded anyone's expectations. I've just slowed down.

1. would be despairing of my lack of Oscars, Booker Prizes, platinum discs, Olympic medals and hefty alimony cheques.
2. would be in full eye-rolling-smirk mode at the crap I can come out with during meetings
3. should be glad that her lack of seeing into the future will allow her to have a bloody good time growing up.

but I can't see where without my glasses...

on a Sunday morning I was reading a blog about middle age on an ipad instead of nursing a hangover and cursing that last pint of snakebite and black.

Speaking of which, my younger self would be horrified to learn that in middle age I have turned into a two pot screamer whose idea of a heavy night out is 4 pints. And then is more worried about not going for a run the next day than having a hangover.

Middle age. It messes with your priorities.