Clock strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to go get myself laid

I am but a fool.
Darling, I love you though you treat me cruel.

You hurt me, and you made me cry.
But if you leave me, I'll poke you in the eye.

"Your loving and affection

Gives me an erection"

In my head, the subsequent line sung by Jimmy Ruffin has always been "Paid a penny and only farted." What else could it be?

Go on, try it yourself. It fits like a glove:

Air Supply:
I'm all out of love
You get what you pay for

Peaches and Herb:
Reunited and it feels so good
Got a fuel injected engine sitting under my hood

Her lips are devil red
Her skin the colour of mocha
She will wear you out
You know that you want to poke her

... but when I was 7 years old I would always sing along to Cat Stevens' Matthew & Son when it came on the radio. When it got to the bit where it goes "he's been working all day, all day, all day..." I would add "he's been working all day in the potting shed." Even now, 43 years later, whenever I hear that song, I insert that bit. Daft, I know.

... Chris Montez's Let's Dance, which goes:

Hey baby won't you take a chance?
Put your hands down my underpants
And let's dance, well let's dance

As if I'd never noticed,
The way she brushed her hair and farted.

"...and the dew on the grass
Has sunk through my arse"

I like to think neil's version makes it explicit that he has thought of the same couplet.

Can't hear Supergrass' Alright without singing along:

"We are old, We are cheap,
Take our teeth out when we sleep
Got no friends, Bad Eyesight
Feel like shite."

who threatened to dump me if I didn't stop singing every time the line came up

"I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these shitty walls"

'

A very funny friend of mine used to perform a cockney version of Julian Lennon's "Much Too Late For Goodbyes" :

"Ever since you've been leaving me
I've been mucking about
Now I know how it feels for you
I'm still mucking about
But it's much too late
For mucking about"

Delivered as a variety tune with a Tommy Steele smile and the odd wink, there is no funnier thing.

Used to happily sing:

"If only I could, I'd make a deal with God
And get in to small, hard places"

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill