Entertainment For Lively Minds
The worst TV show...ever?
Last week, I had the misfortune to catch the new Saturday evening show, hosted by Graham Norton. This new low in TV crapness is called Totally Saturday; anyone who sat through it would consider Totally Bxxxxcks a more fitting title.
BBC1 on Saturday evenings has long been the playground of the vasty untalented, but this show simply made me want to move to a remote island, where I can spend my days attempting to sculpt some Bono shades from bamboo shoots.
What, in your opinion, is the worst TV show to grace primetime TV? I don't mean those awful channel five documentaries that nobody watches, such as "My 15 stone verruca", as I'm talking about shows that someone, somewhere, thought would make good primetime TV?
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I wanted to say...
The Little and Large Show but that's just malicious so I will confine myself to anything that features John Barrowman
it's between
BREAD
SOLDIER SOLDIER
LENNIE AND JERRY SHOW (Lennie Bennett and Jerry Stevens)
but the winner is
JUNIOR SHOWTIME
How F*****' awful(sorry Fraser no other adjective fit) was this show.Bonnie Langford,Lena Zavaroni et al
just when you got home from school. was so bad i wanted to stay at school when it was on. Tuesdays 4-20pm in case you'd forgotten.Kids would deliberately try to get detention.
But the worse was usually after the Poole family had done "Milly Molly Mandy" for the umpteenth time that Mark Curry would announce it was time for Douggie Squires Younger Generation dance troupe.
Thank god they don't have talentless amateurs prancing around on Variety shows anymore. Wait a minute....!!
See Also "The David Essex showcase" or "Britain's not got talent" as it was also known.
Phillip Jap anyone ?
"I am a mime
My body is my tool"
TOOL
couldn't have put it better myself. He won, imagine what the others were like .
Actually here's a trivia question: Which artist who went on to have a top ten hit in 1982 was second in The David Essex Showcase ?
Clue: Eastenders connection
You lot can suffer too
She can sing i'll give her that, but the rest of it...
Bizarrely...
Stax records had the US rights to her catalogue, issuing at least one album.
Oh Doctor Beeching............
Nothing touches it's overall crapulence.
It's just rubbish and wrong on so many levels
Saturday Evening Hell
The Generation Game (Jim Davidson)
Big Break (Jim again)
X-Factor
You've been Framed
Gladiators
Casualty
Dale's In it to win it (Lord help us)
You could be Nancy/Oliver/Lloyd-Webber's stunt double
In fact, has there ever been a Saturday evening light entertainment show that was any good? There must have been...sometime, somewhere.
No forgetting...
Here's a few other terrible programmes from Saturdays gone by
Bruce's Big Night
Bob Says Opportunity Knocks
Seaside Special
The Black & White Minstrel Show
Noel's Houseparty
3-2-1
Leave it!
Ted Rogers 3-2-1. I once sat in the audience to watch a recording of that marvellous piece of entertainment.
Okay it was crap really. Give me the Wheeltappers and Shunters Club anyday.
No one going to mention
that hole-in-the-wall thing? It's coming back for a second series, you'll be glad to hear.
new
The Gen game with Bruce and then Larry Grayson was excellent. The Vic and Bob one { I cant remember what it was called]Harry Hills TV Burp is probably the best Sat evening Tv show of all.
Going back a few years The Two Ronnies Doctor Who Jim 'll Fix It and Match Of The Day.
Yes Gatz that too is great entertainment to watch with the kids
TV Burp
Yes but TV Burp is basically slagging off TV.
More power to it's elbow I says.
Bad TV shows but with brilliant theme tunes?
What about Game On? A not remotely funny sit-com starring Samantha J Anus and some bloke who was agrophobic. Lamentable but with an excellent soundtrack from The Milltown Brothers
Wasn't the theme by
the Gigolo Aunts?
I believe so
The Milltown Brothers did the theme for the actually quite good (All Quiet On The) Preston Front, which went downhil a bit when the bit of the title in brackets got dropped
This was less than good
Big Br...
oh, you're ahead of me
Okay not teatime, but then again What Time is Lunch these days?
BB is the ultimate death of telly in my book/house/iPod
Look away now...
My coat is already on and buttoned up
Come on, some of the Mr Blobby stuff was very funny. The original joke was that the victim TV person or sports star was presenting a piece to camera with the then-unknown Mr B.
Seeing them try to remain professional and keep it together while Mr Blobby destroyed the entire set around them was very entertaining.
,
I've nothing against the guy, but...
Does anyone remember Bobby Davro: Rock With Laughter?
oh, right... you must've blocked it out then
I haven't (unfortunately)
He did a mickey-take of the Thompson Twins and - get this - his version was "The Thompson Twits".
That was probably his best joke.
Two horrors live on in my mind...
... but not youtube.
Several years ago Shane Ritchie hosted a programme called The Wedding Show in which several couples competed in It's A Knockout type events for the rather dubious prize of getting married on telly at the end of it. In the run up to the broadcast Mr Ritchie would emphasize that the show was "very tasteful."
The only thing I can actually recall is two brides riding bucking-bronco style, giant mechanized chickens which fired giant eggs out of their arses. The task of the grooms was to catch the aforesaid eggs using only the comedy hats with nets attached which they were forced to wear. For years I thought I dreamt of this but a friend once corroborated that he too saw this when it went out. There's no youtube footage I'm afraid.
Another horror was Hardwicke House. An "Un-PC" ie hideously sexist, pile of crap, set in a St Trinians style school, it lasted about one episode before dying a death. I recall a lot of scantily clad schoolgirls and Roy Kinnear.
the meds were primitive
back then, weren't they, side effects and all that...?
Bonekickers
This was on at 9pm on a Sunday night on BBC1, believe it or not.
It is one of the worst, most laughable, primetime dramas I have ever seen.
Britannia High
Charlie goes at it
no, you're a c**t....
(although the Tim Kay 'poetry' slot in Screenwipe is just appalling in itself)
You were lucky...
I was stuck in a car listening to Alan Carr on Radio Two last week. I'd've exchanged that for Lisa Reilly presenting You've Been Framed any day.
Star Quality
Just to put it all in context, from the Robert Popper archives of unimaginably bad TV it doesn't get more bewildering than this. Note the random set design, use of the calculator to add up the scores. Inspiration for Numberwang, Look Around You etc...
More info here:
http://www.robertpopper.com/?p=1042