Weller?

If he stood up and did an impromptu acapella version of Wild Boys at your dinner table, with his finger in his ear and eyes closed, it would be really terrible wouldn't it?

I only say that because Mick Hucknall once did this on TFI Friday and walked through a very impressed crowd. I know he veers towards twattism, but the man can sing.

Like a screeching cat with its nails scratching a blackboard

The bloke out of the Thrills

Wayne Coyne - for Christ's sake man - grow a pair

Weak, weak, weak. Makes Belinda Carlisle sound like Kiri te Kanawa.

Incidentally, there've been a few threads about crap singers, one of which is here.

I know I can bore for England on this subject, but the Flaming Lips would be great.

If only, if only...

The man could carry a tune more than three feet in a bucket.

Listen a bit closer to Marvin you tone deaf wazzock.

As posted on another thread, Jonny Trunk has remastered and re-issued Leona Anderson's Music To Suffer By, which is fabulously awful.

and not that far off Florence either...

I bow to no man in my admiration for Eno's ambient genius, but, to me, his voice is a thin emotionless thing

Sings like he's constantly constipated

But it's Robbie W by a country mile.

I don't care if he's more of an 'entertainer', a 'character' or whatever it is he's meant to be, his vehicle for this is music.

And he cannot sing. Dull and flat with no charm to his voice whatsoever.

Now he's back with Fuck That. Hooray. Another reason to just go to bed and make it go away.

Bruce Springsteen circa BITUSA - An oddly constipated sound. Like someone wrenching a soup spoon out of their bowels whilst trying to howl a dimly remembered song about dustbowl farmers.

Creep era Thom Yorke - the sound of "special" young Oxford. The bleating of a partially slaughtered lamb.

Mick Jagger - Have you ever seen the clip of Mick singing "Young Man Blues" with Muddy Waters? "I'm ah mahn" he lisps. Muddy Waters clearly refutes this contention.

John Martyn - Cleo Laine halfway through gender reassignment.

Almost the only 'vocalist' that has ever made me feel this kind of level of vehemence is Steve Harley.

I find 'Come Up and See Me...' almost impossible to listen to.

At his peak (1965-80) Dylan was an amazing singer of rare quality. His voice had tremendous power and he absolutely sang in tune.

He may sound like Linda Blair in the Exorcist these days, but it wasn't always so.

If you want a truly bad singer (by his own admission) look no further than Mark E. Smith.

I like the Fall, but Smith's vocals are permanently (and annoyingly) flat and off key. This is especially noticable when he's singing a cover version.

He doesn't croon, growl, seduce, roar, make your heart leap for joy or do anything other than make you think "oh, there's Bono and he's being quite sincere." Bland bland bland bland, just so f*ckin' bland.
Has anyone danced to him? Made a baby to him? Heard him and thought "the world is a wonderful place?"

Apart from Bono, Bobby Gillespie. And I do quite like Primal Scream. But he is a rubbish singer.

Alanis Morrisette. Fingernail meet blackboard. I don't think I have heard a more annoying vocal performance than "Ironic."

I can't abide Joni Mitchell. For this I apologize, but her voice has always went right through me. I do appreciate that here I am in the wrong, many have told me so. But I can't help it.

Pete Docherty. I need say no more.

Florence Welsh, Paul weller, ian brown to start with......

In what level of the Matrix are we dwelling in, that this progeny-of-a-truthfully-far-better-songwriter-and-that's-saying-something is hailed as one of the greatest fucking singer-songwriters of the ages? Each to their own, but all I hear is the sound of one nostril blowing.

Hang on..

Bums.

Petard hoisted by Goatboy's suggestions.

Plus her from Sleeper and him from Athlete. All three unable to stretch one breath over one line of a song.

I happen to think that Bob Dylan at his best is a better singer than Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey. For me, technique means next to nothing. Good singing, like good acting, is nothing to do with how hard you work at it or how pyrotechnical you are. It's about using the tools you have to stir an emotional reaction. This is why I prefer Gram Parsons to many singers who are quite clearly more technically proficient than he was. Performers like Houston or Carey don't sing: they try to impress you with how many notes they can fit into one vowel. Give me the bruised passion of someone like Candi Staton's voice any day.

A voice and talent weaker than a kitten's fart

( see also Tim Burgess of The Charlatans - makes Ian Brown sound like Geno Washington )

reading a piece where they got a voice coach to comment on some then recently-emerged singers. She was horrified at Portishead and Beth Gibbons, saying her voice was really thin and couldn't possibly be maintained live. And yet having seen Beth Gibbons play Somerset House (with Rustin' Man) I can confidently say that it was one of the most wonderful and entrancing gigs I've ever been to and she got everything and more from the record.

I have to confess that this opinion is based on about 40 seconds of a video I saw where she shouts along with His Bobness. So bad that I have never had the courage to listen to any of her solo work.

Dave Brock out of Hawkwind.

I suppose he isn't strictly a singer...but he is a vocalist. It's an amazingly tuneless drone that emits from his mouth. On the latest Heligoland album just listen to his contribution on Splitting the Atom (from 2:38 minutes in) and you'll see what I mean. He's been autotuned and it is still out of whack!

Despite my comments above, I'm still a fan of most of Massive Attack's output. There was a 'live' session on KCRW on 6th August, which is available online.

http://www.kcrw.com/media-player/mediaPlayer2.html?type=video&id=mb10080...

..great band, great songs...live on Jools proved he can't sing for toffee.

... Donna Jean Godchaux.

She was quite embarrassingly bad.

Apologies to any Deadheads among the Massive whom I may have offended.

A man unacquainted with the concepts of 'perfect pitch' and 'phrasing'.

to my fellow folkies, but I'd like to nominate the venerable Shirley Collins.

She may have been a major figure in English folk music for going-on half a century;

In partnership with Davy Graham she may have recorded one of the most important milestones in folk music with the 1964 LP Folk Roots, New Routes;

She may have been instrumental in the formation of the wonderful Albion Band with her husband Ashley Hutchings in 1971;

-but-

To my ears her voice has always sounded a little wobbly and just enough off-key to be virtually unlistenable.

isn't it obvious? Truly - deliberately? - horrible!

has a voice like a plaintive sheep, but I have to admit I find it strangely compelling for some reason.

I remember having a particular aversion to Heather Small, M-People's 'chanteuse'. God that voice was like a tearful bull bellowing through a foghorn. Technically wonderful and all that I am sure, but bloody painful listening.

Obviously Jools Holland knows his musical onions, plays his pianner like a proper pub entertainer, but oh dear, has nobody told him? When he, ahem, 'sings' I cringe with embarrassment, avert my eyes, and feel like whistling loudly.

Is it just me?

Paolo Nutini divides opinion - there's plenty that like him, but to me he sounds like old man Steptoe. The whole package seems contrived, and I cannot understand why he is given so much exposure.
I do like Rufus Wainwright, although I was unimpressed with his Southampton show where for £45 a ticket he proceeded to forget several of his songs and did not seem concerned that the show was a shambles.

through the shuffle feature on my Windows Media player that Devendra Banhart is a bit trying for my delicate ears.
Though most of my favourite singers would probably be called "bad" by most. I like distinctive voices, so in the case of Devendra I think it's probably the combination of a grating voice + slightly annoying songs.

Macey Gray (rasping and croaking alone does not equal soulfulness in my book)

Mary J Bilge - Blige by name, Bilge by vocal, particularly singing live where she's always sounded really weak to me. Not a huge fan at all!!

Paolo Nutini (first album - fine). Paolo Nutini (second album - putting on a silly voice, surely?)

that cutesy cutesy troll creature that fronted rock n' roll renegades St. Winifred's School Choir.

...given that I hate over-contrived rock howls and bloodless melismatic diva stylings in equal measure, my list would be mostly populated by people who manifestly CAN sing, but whose style I can't bear. Daltrey and Winehouse are the apotheosis of each category, as far as I'm concerned.

But in terms of peep who really CAN'T sing, I'm going to go with...

Doherty
Mr McBreathyscoopy out of Athlete
Jamie T

That student out of Gomez with the Howlin Wolf impression used to get on my tits, but the poor lamb's barely got a career at all now, so I won't have a dig.

sounds like a pre-pubescent Melvyn Bragg doing a very poor Neil Young impersonation.

Whiny and shrieky - dreadful. Her daughter Rose Kemp seems to have inherited her mother's singing 'ability' too.

She shouts.
Ditto Florence and her infernal machine.

Elvis Costello used to be bad in a good way. Now he's just bad in a bad way especially when he does that annoying vibrato (he's still a top man, though)

Sounds like someone singing through a bucket of sick.
Mika.
Cilla Black.
Bruce Springsteen.
I would go on but just about to watch classic albums on Sky 1

Not a timbre that's to everyones taste but then that's the point. Loved by Bowie and here's one of his lesser known numbers (ie It's not Paralyzed).

but here's a few clues:

She ruined many a Lennon B-Side and made half of Live Peace In Toronto unlistenable.

Oh, and she's often credited with breaking up the Beatles.

Liked your description of Ian Brown's voice, but once saw an even better one. One reviewer likened it to "a despondent goose in the fog"

My vote however goes to Danny M from Embrace. Even through umpteen layers of studio polish, you find yourself willing him on to make the notes. If he hadn't written the cracking 'Fireworks' i wouldn't bother at all.

...and no mention of Bryan Ferry?

Mark Knopfler

That James chap from Manic Street Preachers

Robbie Williams (worthy of another mention)

Patti Scaifa (Mrs Springsteen) - only just gets by when she's set back in the mix of her husband's work; truly awful when on a solo outing.

Another vote for Honking Flo. No subtlety, no technique, just volume. Yeuch!

Dolores O'Riordan from the Cranberries - lordy I can't abide her voice. Breathy and full of those infernal little hiccups, it drives me mad!

And most of the X-Factor type of singing where it's all about crescendo and melisma. Apparently all anyone needs to do is copy Scary Mary Carey, rather than finding their own voice. That kind of vocal pyrotechnics is fine in small doses, but why roll them out in every single chorus? It completely removes the impact...

from Radical Dance Faction - a great dub reggae band, if you can get past the frankly herculean task of ignoring the singer. He comes in about 0:45 into this clip, although I needn't tell you that, you can't miss it

Is it my ears, or is she really just a bad singer?

So, much as I love her, Nico. Just the other side of dreadful, but she's got a certain something. Like a female Leonard Cohen, who's pushing it too.

You know who I can't stomach? George Michael. Bananarama should be lucky to have lasted so long too.

Rod Stewart....hard work.

pointing out that Marc Almond's singing was as flat as a tack. Used to (and still does) annoy the snot out of me whenever I hear him.

Seems to be singing at a pitch she's not really comfortable with and it shows. Not a pleasant listening experience. All rather sharp and strained I feel.

I think this needs an actual bit of polling software on the website, as it's got to be Ian Brown - god-awful. Those who have heard him live will see just how technically accomplished his studio records are.

...you could be Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. Remember Alan Partridge serenading his date with a version of Close To You sung in an excruciatingly inappropriate key? That's Rog, that is.

Marc Almond, of course.

And I have to concur with the choice of Maddy Prior. Like a circular saw slicing a breeze block in two.

used to quite like him first album, now find his voice excruciating, whingey, unmusical in the extreme, time to switch off the radio.

I remember some american DJ/ chat show host isolated her voice during the second half of Hey Jude.

There was much tittering, but IIRC, it was pretty fucking horrible.

...really, really could not sing in any "technical" sense, but he just shows what you can get away with if there's enough passion and self-belief in the performance.

Kevin Rowlands though..... I saw him get bottled off the stage at Reading while dressed up in a basque and suspenders. So funny, it almost took your mind off the horrible noise he was making.

that irritating faux-Cockernee warbling...Dolores Cranberry tanks and their bombs in my head indeed, rather them than your godawful racket!

sounds like EastEnders' Billy Mitchell doing bad karaoke.

Marianne Faithfull,...i just don't get it at all.

Well Ian Brown's already been mentioned but what about New Order's Barney Sumner/Albrecht? Flat as a fart.

Oddly on record both IB and BS/A sound OK, fine even. But live they just can't hit a note to save their lives.

BTW this thread seems to have degenerated into a "singers I don't like" gig rather than truly BAD singers. (My 2 are OK though :-))

It was suggested that I go see the Unthanks, after the first song I thought she Rachel (well the eldest one) isn't going to sing like this all night. ( a sort of girly breathy voice.
Alas she did; I made my excuses and left.

I can't beleive this thread is still going on. Just goes to show opinions are like stories about being frightened by a horse. We've all got one.

By a totally unscientific process which involved systematic brief scanning of the thread I can announce the Word massives verdict.

The Word's Worst Singer of All Time is:

(Drum roll. Time passes. We grow old)

Ian Brown.

The dying goldfish bumping around the bottom of a song. The honking goose in the fog. The amputater of air stewards. A man divorced from melody in the way Peter Andre is divorced from Jordan. Messily and in the full glare of publicity.

His services to bad singing are legendary and atonal. His is a lifetime devoted to bad singing from his early days flatly chanting along to jangly guitar music which was inexplicably claimed to be connected to dance music to his collabaration with UNCLE ( a cameo as Ilya Kuryakin's tone deaf nephew.) Onwards he went, unintelligibly mumbling in a hideous approximation of a tune, into a solo career, driven by people dissapointed by The Second Coming, which reached its zenith with the aptly named F.E.A.R. He finally reached a peak unattainable to any other bad singer with his starring role in the film "Harry Potter and the Larynx of Flatness".

He drones. He moans. He threatens to cut off the hands of BA staff like a Saudi Mancunian potentate. Lady and Gentlemen I give you:

Mr Ian Brown.

She sucks the light from the sky.

Here's Mrs Miller

And Tiny Tim

Although I can enjoy both of these in an ironic way, anymore than a couple of songs may have people jumping out of tall buildings

a mention in this thread. I like some of his songs and the way he delivers them but as a singer, null point.

Elvis Costello the human bellow..worse since he thinks he's on a level with classic songwriters like Burt B. etc not only that but he is a horrible lyricist

Elton John ...with his mannered vocals and arched eyebrow raising..fuck off

Mark E Smith..bad but in a good way... and I dont care about yelling in a bus station he's great

Bob Dylan..after Blood on The Tracks and the Rolling Thunder tour it went down hill really really quickly

Bruce Springsteen..the more muscle, steroids and fat he takes on board, the more strangled he sounds..slow death by vocal...

Bjork..the musics ok but the tinkerbell fairy like singing is, lets face it..CRAP!

If you listen again to Nothin' Compares 2 U, you'll find that her voice is all over the place. What might once have been mistaken for 'emotion', you will now recognize as tone deafness.
Hope this spotify link works
http://open.spotify.com/track/5j2MMsVR1tqnErTMzzahNc
As I remember from the South Bank Show making of the Gershwin album, no encouragement from George Martin could get her anywhere near the melody.
I think she retired from singing shortly after.

His voice has always grated on my ears, like fingernails scraped on a blackboard. I think it's the mockney twang. It renders almost the whole Blur catalogue unlistenable, with the exception of Think Tank, where the singing sounds nothing like him.

The endless round of guest vocalists for Gorillaz is better, but I'm tired of the cliche of it all now on Plastic Beach (step forward retired soul great, grumpy old fart, abrasive Northerner and so on). Plastic Beach is beautifully produced and includes lots of fabulous musicians but there is simply too much Damon (and, apart from a couple of tracks, no actual tunes and nothing of interest in the beats).