Entertainment For Lively Minds
The worst reviewer on Amazon?
Posted by LOUDspeaker on 11 August 2011 - 9:59am.
I don't mean to be cruel but this is a comedy goldmine.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A2PYA53EN6UB7L/ref=cm_pdp_...
The shocking thing is, she's part of the Vine programme which means she gets free books etc from time to time to review.
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That's just sad
Don't Amazon monitor those reviews? Clearly not.
It seems she doesn't have a spell checker on whatever it is she uses to write those reviews (predictive text on her phone, by looks of it).
FYI
In one review from this year she said she was 25 and mentions being a student.
It would appear that the reviews
were written by a 10 year old, so in that case the person should be applauded for reading and reviewing at such a young age. Might grow up to be a fine critic one day, who knows.
@dmuper
So this is what he does in his spare time...
Some things to note:
She firmly believes, "that all childrens art should be sustainable and incorporate recycled materials where possible" GROLIES alert!
She's a student. I wonder of what.
She's learning French. Oh good.
She now at least knows what erotic capital is, even if she doesn't know how to get it. She clearly doesn't wanna destroy passer by.
Which is nice
And the "best book I have ever read" is New Moon (Twilight Saga).
Best of all: "...and speaking as someone who has been in a coma". Where would you ever need to say that?
What interests me is, given the low numbers of "people found the following review helpful" stats attached to these things, how did she get onto the Vine programme? I'm in it but had to put a fair bit more effort in than this.
The answer to this may be "go look it up on Amazon"
but I hadn't heard of it until this thread. What's it all about? How did you get in?
I just wrote lots of reviews for stuff
Luckily, people seemed to comment on them and were generally positive (at the moment I've reviewed 109 items and have just over 1000 helpful votes - around 83% or so of the votes I've had). I didn't apply: they mailed me and asked if I wanted in.
It may also be that I buy a fair amount of stuff from there. My last purchases were the two Doctor Phibes movies and Filthy English, which will all be getting reviewed soon, I think.
GROLIES...
I had to go and look up what that meant but, rest assured, I'll now use it at every opportunity!
At least she's reading and enjoying it
We should applaud rather than mock.
We can't all be Matthew Arnold.
None of us
are Matthew Arnold around here.
Thank God. Not sure I could take that.
A small detail,
but I like that she ends her two line review of some cardboard boxes with a kiss.
I shall do that with all my posts from now on
x
You know what I love about the internet?
Anyone can do it. Anyone at all.
Mind you, that's also what I hate about the internet.
Her views on the oeuvre of Anal Cunt...
are notable by their absence.
We are all Frankies
Jason A Parkes appears to have written hundreds of reviews on Amazon. He knows his stuff, but is a bit earnest, and in fact makes me think of my own worst aspects when I read his reviews. It makes me want to lighten up and take things less seriously.
Fair play to him though.
he's also on head heritage
and probably here. the guy has very good taste, in my etc.
also has the same surname as me.
Maybe when she says she *has* been in a coma,
she really means she *still is* in a coma. Which would make her output a) fogivable and b) extraordinary.
I love the bit where she says, "It read so well it could have been a memoire..." Eh?
Mind you, it didn't half remind me of the old line about eating alphabet soup and crapping better work.
There's this chap
that does reviews on Isle Of Wight local news blog Ventnorblog
http://ventnorblog.com/topic/review/film-reviews-review/
They are so amazingly badly written as to be unintelligible:
"Accentuating the positive factors of a heavily biased film that keeps to the formula that anything connected to the subject of Bagdad must therefore be filmed with cinema-verite style is just one of the points accentuated by ‘The Hurt Locker’."
Er - what?
The Dorain Gray review
"The adaptation of Oscar Wildes’ most recognised work ‘The Portrait of Dorian Gray’, could easily have kept so accurately to the book that it would have become as difficult to tune to what is at times a difficult level of writing to accept."
is so strangulated that it's just popped out of its own abdominal wall.
In The Heat Of The Night
His review states:
George Segal?
Or George Seagull
considering the reviewer's location.
*Proudly grabs coat and saunters off to lunch*
Worse than that
George Seagal/Segal/Seagull wasn't even in the film.
I know
it was Steven Seagal.
??!??
"In a staggering two hours approximation there are two impressive scenes of approximately a few minutes of anything remotely worthy of any consideration. The futile efforts are magnified by such scenes of immense boorish-ness such as two characters punching each other in the stomach, while in one room."
Sourced from: http://ventnorblog.com/2011/07/15/liam-maddens-film-review-the-hurt-lock...
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Share Alike
It reads like it was written in a different language and then translated with a free internet tool, with grammar and meaning scattered all over the place.
Repo Man
For a moment I wondered what "nearly missed dialogue" was.
Then I realised I was actually reading some.
I think this has been posted before
but just in case you've not seen it....
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000JU8FXK/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop?ie...
Brilliant
At £1.18, how can you say no!
you can review
items yet to be released, or certainly re-issues. i have been sorely tempted to make this a form of gratification. but not for the artists involved obviously.
in fact!!
Can someone please tell me the difference between a credible, worthless, funny or plain nasty review.
(clue - rhymes with hero)
see also
trip advisor
I wish
I was as positive as Ms L, Bolton.
As Coral Browne said
"Listen, dear, you couldn't write 'fuck' on a dusty Venetian blind."
Worst Reviewer?
It's me, isn't it?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A2QNQCOPK20K13/ref=cm_pdp_...
More comedy with Amazon reviews
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B003NE4V4G/ref=s9_cartx_co_g74_ir02?p...
Never heard of this film, My Last Five Girlfriends, that was recommended to me after I bought something on Amazon.
So I clicked on it and saw that it had three reviews, all of them five stars.
There was something fishy about the wording. They were all rather similar and oddly preoccupied with the state of the British film industry.
I clicked on the names to see their reviews. One of them only reviewed this one film. Another has a few other reviews, but also a review for a book about acting - which is suspicious. And the third one only reviewed this film and a book by Tim Harford (a person with connections to Alain de Botton who wrote the novel this film is based upon).