I have learned:

- You NEED less sleep than you thought, but you never stop WANTING more.

- There is infinite pleasure to be taken in watching them learn, and if they say something affectionate or funny or clever, you are powerless to prevent your heart melting into a waxen puddle and dripping through your ribcage into your abdominal cavity.

- Being tough isn't as hard as people might imagine. I mean, I'm a teacher, so I see the consequences of kids without proper boundaries every day, but seriously: "no" isn't that hard. And tantrums are eminently ignorable.

(hard to do this without sounding like one those awful life-affirming emails you get, but I'll try...)

The period between 5.30am and 7.30am.

Christmas is really, really exciting again. As are birthdays - even your own.

Having dinner together is vital, as are bedtime routines.

A flat "no", followed up with "because I say so" is usually all the reasoning they need or expect.

Before children, you said it with flowers, champagne and chocolate. Now you say it with a well-timed cup of tea, or a suggestion that the GLW has a bit of a lie-down for a couple of hours.

You didn't hang around.

Our little 'Un's three soon. We've only just started contemplating the possibility of number two.

Of all the music I listen to, Toby randomly twanging at my mandolin and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is my favourite.

But if he dares go anywhere near my Takamine twelvestring I'll take his lug off.

my old mate. she'll be borrowing your Tygers of Pan Tang T-shirts before you know it.

We've got baby no.2 arriving beginning of June and are preparing the house, moving rooms around, etc. Baby No,1 is staying at Grandma and Grandpa's while all the shifting gets done and bloody hell I really miss him. He's two & 4 months and I can't believe the joy he brings me, even when he did his first crayon work all over the living room wall on sunday.

We've got baby no.2 arriving beginning of June and are preparing the house, moving rooms around, etc. Baby No,1 is staying at Grandma and Grandpa's while all the shifting gets done and bloody hell I really miss him. He's two & 4 months and I can't believe the joy he brings me, even when he did his first crayon work all over the living room wall on sunday.

And I'll appreciate all the learnings anyone can offer!

And I look forward to sharing mine, as and when I get them!

A couple of runs through "We don't want a burny bum, we just want a snuggy bum" when testing the water at bath time is enough to prompt Archie (four months) into a paroxysm of giggles. His Mum wrote that, my version's just a cover.
Also, you find yourself planning meals around what you can eat one-handed.
Oh, and in answer to the earlier "What has Sky ever done for us?" - Comedy Central at four in the morning is one answer.

You suddenly realise two things:

1) your own parents love you as much as you love your children. Wow.
2) you don't love your parents as much as they love you.

#2 isn't intended to suggest that we don't love our parents - I love mine to bits, even though my dad's a bit eccentric and drives me mad on occasion. They're great, my mum and dad: endlessly supportive and kind, intelligent, funny, brilliant with my kids. Love 'em love 'em. But the bond between oneself and one's own children is like no other feeling, in terms of depth and intensity. My daughters will have no idea just how much I love them until (if) they have their own.

My wife says - and I know exactly what she means - that there are times when I just can't hold the girls tight enough. It's the most overpowering thing.

6 and 2. Two completely different personalities. The eldest is like her mum, unassuming but deep and is incredibly tolerant of her little sister which in itself amazes me. The youngest is more like me, prone to histrionics, madcap laughter and statements of profound nonsense delivered with a straight face. This morning while listening to the radio she informed us that "the man in the radio (Chris Evans) must be smelly." We asked why. "Because he's hiding in there and it's small". Fair enough.

You learn so much from your children about yourself and they make you want to be a better person all round. You also learn how strong your relationship is with your partner as often there are moments of unique fear and tension (such as when they're very ill for the first time) when you have to find reserves of energy and intuition to feel your way together through such difficult moments. When the eldest got swine flu last year I was beside myself with emotion for the first 24 hours but for her I had to act as if it was all just an annoying inconvenience. As her temperature kept going up and up and up I could feel my mind becoming more and more inclined to derail itself. My wife batted nary an eye-lid.

As Austin said Christmas is a wonderful time of year again and is no longer a chore. Their excitement last year was infectious to everyone.

Make up a song for nappy changing and stick to it. Both daughters were prone to wriggling around all over the place so to hold their attention I used to sing the following to the tune of Happy Talk:

Nappy, nappy, nappy, nappy time
(Do do be do)
Talk about changing your nappy
Have you done a wee?
We'll have to wait and see
'Cos nappy time has come around again

Nappy, nappy, nappy, nappy time
(Do do be do)
Talk about changing your nappy
Have you done a poo?
I think you have..oh noo
'Cos nappy time has come around again

They'd try to sing along and it held their attention. The first couple of times you feel like a bit of a tit (especially when with friends) but it makes the whole process quicker and less messy all round.

Hey Uncle Wheaty, 18 months is a good gap! Our second little girl arrived three days ago and I have to say zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (that's enough zzz - ed)

I was the original poster of the Word Guide to Babies (in my previous guise as Starkley). At the time it was a slightly tongue in cheek request for advice which I fully expected to result in various baby-related puns splicing little-known prog bands with baby products. Instead it turned into a beast of a thread full of wonderful anecdotes, great advice and incredibly touching commentary. I was amazed.

Four months on, I have learned that I shouldn't have been amazed. Fatherhood is without a doubt the greatest thing I've ever done and it has changed my outlook in myriad tiny ways which are impossible to list; it's like an alternate reality. No wonder the Massive exposed themselves as big old softies - that's what parents are. And how can you not be when you see that little smile...

Other things I have discovered

- pinkness. Pink is suddenly everywhere; I could do without it frankly but it seems that the manufacturers are limited in their imagination of what little girls might like

- 4am. It's not just a time to come home after a really good night;turns out it's a time in the morning too - quite a good one for practising your vocals

- pubs at weekend lunchtimes. As Wheaty says, this is where the social life exists nowadays

- dancing sober in the kitchen. Anything to stop her crying and get her smiling again; I am the Deptford Bez

- fear of crawling. My God - we are so unprepared...

- amazement. Something new happens every day. Literally every day. Sometimes it's just a different expression, other times it's something massive like using two hands together. I can't get home fast enough for the latest update...

3 & a half year old Loaf has torn around at 90 miles an hour from birth. He didn't want to sleep for the first 9 months by which time he was walking after starting to crawl at 6 months. I asked him if he wanted to learn how to play an instrument this morning. He said he wanted to climb a tree. That's my boy.

Little miss Loaf is 10 months, has been sleeping through from birth and is quiet content to sit still for a good 20 minutes at a time. She has no interest in crawling prefering to giggle and grin through the day like a little angel.

The 8 is a girl, who has perfected the teenage eye rolling thing, and the "tut" already. Her favourite song is "Bad Romance", which she plays a lot. On a cello.

The 5 is a boy, who has perfected the jumping off the top of the plastic playhouse in the back garder without breaking his legs (so far). His favourite song is "Poker Face" which he plays a lot. On a drum.

The 2 is a girl, who has perfected the talking non stop for 12 hours every day (typical quote "Daddy, I'm thinking! You be quiet."). Her favourite song is Twinkle Twinkle, played by daddy on his acoustic guitar. (Daddy has recently learned "Behind Blue Eyes", and "Witchita Lineman", but she's not so fussed on those. Bah.)

They're the best thing ever. It's that simple.

Oh, and by the way, when people tell you to enjoy them now, because they grow up fast, THEY ARE TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. LISTEN TO THEM!

Today, driving the 18 month old home and flicking through the radio only to be told "me no like" she started to request "holiday" - track 3 off the new Vampire Weekend. This provoked serious carseat grooving. After 4 spins of that one I returned to making her like the HJH. I was quite pleased that after two bars she delightedly went "submarine! submarine!". This made me very happy.

The other song that currently sets her off is The Move's Blackberry Way. I'm sure there'll be payback when she plays me stuff in years to come.

20 years, 17 years and 16 months respectively. It seems like a blink of time since my elder daughters were the age of my youngest. It is an absolute truth that you must treasure every moment that they are small. It lasts but a moment.

I just didn't take enough photos, videos, sound recordings anything. Keep some records because there are times when they become teenagers that you long for some reminders of the under 5 years. I have some but not nearly enough.

What I did do which I recommend is keep some toys, I have boxes in the loft of Power Rangers, original Toy Story figues and Thomas The Tank Engine stuff that my boys get out every now and then and for a few minutes and drop their teenage cool, don't throw everything away.