I'm a bit young (and too poor) for that shenanigans, but just wanted to say many congratulations and I wish you all the best :-)

As a parent of a six and nine year old boys.

1. It is nothing like you expected it to be

2. The first six months are hard them it just gets worse!

3. Take each day as it comes, remember the good bits and forget the bad

Oh and remember looking at all those parents before you had children and think I can do better - well you can't, which is a relief for us parents who are thinking you just wait!
Just enjoy it and try to relax.

Treasure sleep now for you will have less.

Back up your photos. You thought you music files were important?

The beautiful bits far outweigh the hard bits. But they are a little back ended in the first year.

And congratulations and best of luck.

You can do many things for your children but you can not make them happy. This is a discovery I make all over again every Christmas morning.

comes nine months too late ;)

But seriously, there's not much advice to give becaue you'll have to make it up as you go along. However...

If you think you're a patient guy now, you're not. You'll need to find at least 3 times as much as you've got. Then some more.

Try not to worry - stupid advice because you'll do nothing but, but in fact, they're not as fragile as you might think. Generally they fall over, scream, then stop crying and start hitting something with a plastic mallet. Usually something of yours that you like a lot. See patience, above.

Enjoy it. The time goes bloody quick.

And if at all possible, do everything you can to stop said child becoming a teenager.

Above all, remember you're doing your best, and you're probably doing alright. Larkin's bit about "they fuck you up", it just scares parents unnecessarily. My personal fucked upness is largely my own fault, and your child's will be his/hers. You'll be fine. It all just unfolds somehow.

It's the beginning of the great adventure.

I'd suggest the following :

treasure the time when they are babies - they really don't stay babies long.

take photos & video - my girls are 11 and 8 and they have always loved seeing video footage of themselves as babies and toddlers.

sometimes babies just cry - if you've checked their nappy, their temperature, and they aren't hungry or thirsty, they might still squawk. you will soon learn the difference between "I'm making a noise for the sake of it" and "I'm really not happy here".

work out ways so you can spend time alone with your baby - take the baby out in the pram, on your own, to let your wife draw breath. it's really good for you as people, and I'm always surprised when I find that I know dads who have never been in sole charge of their children.

in the first 6 weeks or so you will both be exhausted but that will pass.

there is a great book by the National Childbirth Trust on breastfeeding : http://www.amazon.co.uk/NCT-Breastfeeding-Beginners-Caroline-Deacon/dp/0...

play the baby music - anything and everything. my girls were keen on Mozart, John Lee Hooker, The Prisonaires, Elvis ...

don't tiptoe around a sleeping baby - live your life as normal, so your baby learns to sleep in a normal house. if a baby only ever sleeps when silence reigns, you will eventually go mad when the postman rings your doorbell to deliver a parcel just as the baby has gone to sleep.

take help when it's offered - if you've got family & friends around and they offer to help, give them the Hoover, point them at the dishwasher, whatever!

if I think of more, I'll add them later.

Grab them by the loose skin at the back of the neck ---- same as a rabbit.

the stuff that comes out of them. How did all that get in there?

Firstly, well done and trust all goes well.

As the proud owner of a 1 year old son, I'd say the main things for me are don't get too bogged down with all the baby books, websites and well-meaning advice from various family, friends and colleagues.

Once he/she arrives your paternal instincts will magically kick in and you'll adopt your own way of dealing with being a new pater.

The best advice I was given was by one of the midwives at the horsepiddle who literally said to us ''enjoy him'' - sounds simple but you'd be surprised how quick the 1st 12 months will pass in a whirlwind of nappies, sterlising endless bottles and lack of sleep.

Just make the most of it, fill your house with music, laughter and love and they'll have a great upbringing.

I'm welling up here just thinking about it all but all the very best to you both!!!! :)

post the birth there is a line that is well worth repeating to yourself when dealing with your FPO in matters to do with the baby and indeed anything else. Remember this and all else falls into place and despite you feeling a bit miffed sometimes, marital hamony will reign:

You're wrong.

the following:

You will almost certainly experience a moment - it's likely to be at about three in the morning when the baby hasn't shut up for three hours - when your brain whites out from the noise, sleep deprivation and frustration and you feel the very powerful urge to throw the ten pound, sanity-destroying demon out of a window.

You will to put it down in its cot and walk into another room and shut the door. You may proceed to cry, punch a wall, swear in ways that shock and surprise you.

You will then be consumed with guilt. "Am I a bad parent?" "Am I the sort of person who physically abuses their child?"

You aren't.

When you eventually shame-facedly confess that you've felt like this, your best mate or your mother or your colleague will tell you that they have been there and that this is entirely normal. The fact that you put the baby down and walked away is what means you're not a bad parent, not the sort who physically abuses their child.

When my mother told me she'd been through precisely these emotions, an enormous burden was lifted. I then asked my friends with kids, and they had similar stories. This is so normal, it's untrue. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does happen to an awful lot of us.

By the way, when you go back in to the room, your child will invariably look up at you and crack a beautific smile, and you'll realise you've never loved anything so hard in your life.

They're little sods for doing things like that.

1. They're generally pretty robust.
2. They open no end of doors on Mediterranean holidays, particularly in Italy.
3. Complete strangers will want to pat your baby's head. Let them. Later on, complete strangers won't be interested in how articulate/cute/funny your baby is, so don't indulge him/her in public.
4. It's a lot easier second time around.

1. Enjoy reading the paper. You will have no time to do this soon
2. Do something spontaneous with the FPO - you will have no time to do this soon
3. Your FPO may go deeply weird for some time. Mine's only back to normal for very brief moments - say a day or so every month.
4. Everything is a phase - the good bits and the bad bits. Sit down. It will pass

This aside, the whole thing is absolutely brilliant - it starts fantastic and then gets better and better every day

Most importantly, feel how you feel - don't get into the whole business of what you should be doing or how you should be reacting. Just be yourself.

My daughter will be seven months old next week and the time seems to have flown by so enjoy it.

The first three months are quite tough interms of sleep loss and everything seems to be one way with little response coming back...but then you get that first smile and everything changes!

Practically the bits of kit they we have found invaluable are:

1. Bumbo baby seat
2. An entertainer/walker that they can stand in and entertain themsleves
3. A piece of clothing that acts as a conforter when she won;t stop crying

Have fun!

When you say 'No' mean 'No' and don't back-track.
And say 'Yes' sometimes.

I have 4 boys, 23, 18 and 13 year old twins, with all things considered they're ok and making their way in the world without trouble. It was worth every minute. The comments here are spot on. Get this thread published and we've got a million seller!

I can add nothing except to say that when the twins were babies my wife and I had a competition to see what was the most wipes we used when "cleaning up" after a nappy filling incident. I think the winner was 10, down both legs and up the back. There is no clear space to hold on to and they insist on wriggling, aaaaah happy memories. I used to find singing the theme tune to Rosie and Jim kept them distracted long enough to complete the nappy changing procedure.

Congratulations, good luck and enjoy it all.

It is the toughest thing you will ever do. The highs are enormously higher, but the lows are much lower too. Look after yourself. Keep a little selfish bit of your life for yourself. No one will look after you - the priorities change to be baby, then mother. Your role is to stay alive and not bugger off, to paraphrase Nigel Planer. Try to be around as much as poss for the first months - I had 4 months off and wouldn't have missed all those night feeds, nappies and early mornings for anything. But it is tough. Look after yourself, for them if not for you cos they need you. Make sure you and Mrs S stay tight as a couple.

The secret of my success with Twang Jr was to make sure the first music he heard in his life was "Willin" off "Waiting for Columbus".

Oh, and here's what RT had to say on the subject:

"The End of the Rainbow"

I feel for you, you little horror
Safe at your mother's breast
No lucky break for you around the corner
'Cause your father is a bully
And he thinks that you're a pest
And your sister she's no better than a whore.

Life seems so rosy in the cradle,
But I'll be a friend I'll tell you what's in store
There's nothing at the end of the rainbow.
There's nothing to grow up for anymore

Tycoons and barrow boys will rob you
And throw you on the side
And all because they love themselves sincerely
And the man holds a bread knife
Up to you throat is four feet wide
And he's anxious just to show you what it's for.

Your mother works so hard to make you happy
But take a look outside the nursery door
There's nothing at the end of the rainbow.
There's nothing to grow up for anymore

And all the sad and empty faces
That pass you on the street
All running in their sleep, all in a dream
Every loving handshake
Is just another man to beat
How your heart aches just to cut him to the core

Life seems so rosy in the cradle,
But I'll be a friend I'll tell you what's in store
There's nothing at the end of the rainbow.
There's nothing to grow up for anymore

Don't be afraid to sleep train your baby as early as possible http://www.askbaby.com/baby-sleep-training.htm , there is nothing noble about getting up five times in the night. I've heard horror stories of parents putting up with broken night's sleep for years. It only took one night with our son when he was 6 months old (although he screamed his head off for over an hour which wasn't nice) which I think now was leaving it late, and we trained our daughter at around 3 months. A few nights of anguish are well worth it in the end.

Do not under any circumstances attempt to avoid changing your fair share of the baby's nappies, especially if they've done a smelly poo. Just face it like a man and look on it as a bonding opportunity.

What works for one (or many, for that matter) may not work for you. There's lots of scary stuff about, contradicting what another generation did and yet we're still here. Instinct is a good start. And yes, they are tougher than they look.

Oh, and there are a few things that will get used so much and take such a battering that it's worth investing: the cot, the car seat and the pushchair/pram for starters.

on taking a little time for yourself, it's very easy to get bogged down in trying to be the perfect parent,thinking that your life now completely revolves around your new addition.

So as others have advised, do it your own way, not how others think it should be done.

Congrats, and enjoy

...not just there to discuss Bargepole and God. I took a punt with this topic, and my faith in you all was richly rewarded.

Thank you one and all - some great advice, genuinely moving comments and a sense of real warmth from a bunch of people I have never met. I shall look at these again over the weekend; perhaps I'll bring Mrs S too.

Oh yes: don't tell anyone but Twangothan's post actually got me listening to RT for the very first time! I know, I know - I can feel the shock emanating through you all. Fists cracking down on keyboards in dismay. After reading what everyone had to say about him I thought it might damage the mystique that you all built up; I didn't dare. If it's any consolation - it won't be the last time...

Your baby didnt come off a conveyor belt and was not perfected in a factory. They are all different - my 2 (now 19 and 10) were both immense fun. As many have said before enjoy them while they are young and innocent - that time doesnt last long. In fairness I missed most of my sons early years as I became a part time dad when he was 5 years old. We had a lot of fun though and the effort I put in then is rewarded now as we are very close and have a lot of good times together.
My daughter is totally different - prone to mood swings even at the age of 10 but very loving, very considerate and has a wicked sense of humour.
Best thing I ever did? My wife and I love to travel - we decided from birth that we would continue our long haul holidays - she went to California at 6 months old. 10 years later she has travelled in much of South America, Europe, Asia and some of Africa. Her horizons are wider and her tolerance of other cultures belies her 10 years.
Enjoy the ride!!

Make friends with the child's grandparents - not always a given.
They can provide much needed respite.

If you gag at the particularly smelly episodes, Lockets are great for blocking it all out.

let the baby sleep in your room. With both ours we came home the day of their birth and put them straight in their own rooms. Best thing we ever did. We have friends who still had the baby in their room many months down the line as they become frightened of something. You need your own life.

You can only take so much advice. I do agree with the others who have said throw the manuals away, but the FPO did find Gina Ford quite useful for the feeding advice.

I would say from personal experience that it works to be cruel to be kind. With both we did let them cry themselves to sleep at times and they both started going down very easily at night. I'm not criticising others but we have seen lots of others who go into their child's room every night for an hour or more until the child falls asleep and this is years down the line. Ridiculous in my opinion, but you have to respect that everyone is different.

Hide the turntable.
Learn a martial art.
Invest in Junior Valium.
Build up a healthy store of patience.
Learn how to bite your tongue.
Be good to your partner.
Enjoy the experience.
There is nothing like this. Period.

Early doors, buy a Swissball. Holding a crying baby whilst bouncing gently on it soothes them in miraculous fashion.

Ignore what the NCsoddingT and the rest of the breastfeeding mafia say. The evidence just doesn't back it up. If your FPO is struggling with the tit, get the kid on the bottle and support your partner who will be emotionally fragile and feeling like she's failed. The NCT is run by a coven of evil, mysogynist witches. But it's a good way to meet other mums.

Best book: The Baby Whisperer.

Make sure your wife takes the kid out in the pram daily, no matter how knackered she feels. It'll make her feel much better and is a fabulous way of reducing the chance of post-natal depression.

Your partner will spend as much time on Mumsnet as you do on this site.

Do not fall asleep on the couch when they start to toddle. You will get a finger in the eye or an even sharper object if they can find one.
Do not under any circumstances question the parenting skills of your wife.They do not forget.They are always right
Do not drink when its your turn to get up with the baby. Changing nappies at 4 in the morning when the drink is dying inside you is one of life's less appealing chores.
Do get used to watching primay coloured buffons prancing around brightly lit studios singing nursery rhymes at 6 in the morning.[warning ,do not try this with a hangover]
Enjoy and wellcome to the world my friend

if you want to survive parenthood - lower your standards!

And now fully in charge.

Mrs B and I are pretty much knackered most of the time but that's not to say it's a bad thing.

Anyway - what I learnt:

- Sleep when your baby sleeps. The first 6 weeks or so yourself and your good lady will spend in a time-limbo dictated by your new baby. Don't fight this, just accept it. When Junior nods off after a feed, join them. Sleep is as vital to Mum and Dad as it is to the little sausage.

- Changing nappies is not disgusting. The first one, I admit, will clear your sinuses, but after that it's a breeze. Though not a fresh one.

- As your baby grows up be prepared for them to be disappointed in you from an astonishingly early age. That bag of Percy Pigs you almost missed your train home to queue up for in M&S as a special treat will often be the wrong size when delivered to the 3 foot tall Queen of your Heart. Or, it should have been the Wobbly Worms. You weren't listening Daddy.

- Cbeebies is fine for about 30 minutes. Any more than that will invoke long periods empty depression. (This does not apply to anything with Sarah Jane in it. But, equally, don't start taping episodes of 'Higgledy House')

- Get a decent camera. You'll never stop using it.

- Learn to draw horses. I had to. For some reason my daughter often insists I draw her a horse at least 4 times a week. Which is my way of saying be prepared to fulfill frequent, difficult odd demands or face heartbreaking tears.

- Make up your own rules as you go. It's the only way.

staying with baby, or holding her hand or singing, or cuddling her until she falls asleep just prolongs the time and makes it harder for her to learn to fall asleep on her own. I have a sister in law who is still doing this with her two year old.

And when they're a little older, be consistent - if you've said no, don't give in when the screaming starts. There is nothing worse than a parent who gives in to tantrums. You have to be strong, mind! Very strong!

...didn't sleep through for THREE YEARS, I say sleep now. Bottle feeding is OK, ignore the breast police - especially the ones who don't have kids. Be prepared to go out, have a pint, then get called back because child has fever/vomited/did vinegary poo.

Should your child end up in your bed they will occupy an inverse amount of space compared to their size, and you will end up teetering on the edge.

Vaccines are a good thing.

You WILL get punched in the balls at some point, typically when you least expect it.

commenting to fellow parents 'doesn't it fly by, though?' and 'it only seems like last week when...' etc.

Also, a plus is that you can (legitimately) spend an inordinately long time watching the rather attractive Sarah-Jane on CBeebies:

Or is that just me? Nina and the Neurons is the more indie option.

Away from female totty - Yo Gabba Gabba is trippily brilliant, in a funkadelic style.

I miss those programmes. My two, at the ripe old ages of 4 and 6, are now on to fare like i-Carly for heaven's sake.

Our generation is so used to not listening to any generation above us that a lot of knowledge about how to bring up kids was in danger of getting lost. I would give Gina Ford a cursory read. We liked what the book promised - a Contented Little Baby, and the book delivered it in spades, along with good sleep for Mum and Dad, which can be as important in building a stable home life.

Friends you meet who are giving birth at the same time can quickly become closer than your friends from way back - the bond created is incredible and so helpful. When your husband is mentally elsewhere, there's nothing like another mother for advice and a shoulder to cry and laugh on. Sleep whenever the baby sleeps. Thankfully, the baby tends to need to sleep off the birth, which lets you get your strength up.

Good luck! It's wonderful - although nothing will ever be the same again!

PS It's never too early to start them on the road to musical intelligence. The Beatles, Beach Boys, Abba, Regina Spektor and Rufus Wainwright have done wonders for us.

A dog is a great child substitute. A child, however, is a lousy dog substitute.

Children are the greatest excuse in the world for anything you want to get out of (with the exception of child-rearing).

Kids never listen to anything you tell them beyond the first five words.

You are not a bouncy castle, but your child may believe otherwise. Try to disillusion them gently.

Any pain you ever feel again will be met with the response, "At least you never had to give birth". Even when or if you have a vasectomy (And yes, it does hurt. A lot.)

Calpol cures every known baby ailment, short of rabies.

Your child is not a project. He/she is almost certainly not musically gifted or the next Pele. But they are still wonderful (and child prodigies are a pain in the arse).

Poo is the joke that keeps on giving.

Balamory went downhill after the first series.

Small children understand punk instinctively. It's loud, it's childish and the songs never outlast their attention span (about a minute and a half).

Hug first, ask questions later.

This is one of the most uplifting, tender and wise things I've ever read. But guys, you're breaking my heart - I'm childless, and time's winged chariot has now passed us by for such a possibility. It's left a huge, aching void in my life, and your insights into the wonder of parenthood have made me sooooooooooooo broody...

I forgot to mention Medised.

Panacaea. A mixture of syrupy gunk, paracetamol and a mild antihistamine sedative. It is a thing of joy but a great secret. Mothers whisper about it to other mothers at playgroup. You don't want to drug your child, do you?

Only occasionaly.

Ignore the guff about it only being for kids 36 months and up. It was OK from birth a year ago. Lie to the pharmacist.

And, of course, if it all goes horibly tits-up and there's shite, vom and screaming kids in all directions, you neck the rest of the bottle, go to bed and leave the FPO to clean everything up.

Served her right for making me sell my pinball machine.

It was a Twilight Zone for those who are interested. Yes I am bitter.

"you neck the rest of the bottle, go to bed and leave the FPO to clean everything up."

You're not Shaun Ryder, are you?

(He provided my all-time favourite quote on over-the-counter medicines: "If it says to take two, you can take twenty five").

One little nugget for you -
No matter how much you spend on the latest three wheel drive go fast striped deluxe latest super model pram. You will eventually realise that the cheap little stroller type pram which is not much bigger or heavier than an umbrella is the most convenient form of toddler transport. Well it certainly is if you have to use any form of public transport.

but it's in a good way.

I would agree with all of the above. Mine are now 12 and 9, it is certainly easier second time round.

You find that you don't really remember your life before children, and you do wonder how you could have ever thought anything was important. Once they come along, nothing else is.

- are probably the things they need the most. I've almost certainly been guilty of not giving my two (ages 7 and 4) enough of the first thing - there's never enough of that - but I hope they have had more than a lot of the latter.

However, when you've spent a great day with them and you're overflowing with love for them - you get back home, you wrap them up in your arms and tell them how much you love them - they'll say - "daddy - can you get out the way, we can't see the telly"

I'm much too young to have any children of my own, and I should be out having fun. It's debatable whether or not I can look after myself sometimes. I can, however, be trusted to be an uncle and it's at least given me a little insight into what it's like to be around babies/toddlers. I fully acccept that might be a bit like saying, "playing for Runcorn has given me a little insight to what it might be like to play for Brazil".

I have two nieces, and one nephew. Nephew number one, and niece number two are only months old; so at the moment, I'm generally obsolete. Niece number one however, is three. In my role, I find myself as someone to amuse her, do "sticking and glueing" and generally anything she wants me to. She can wrap me round her finger sometimes, but it's worth it.

The day she started calling me "Uncle Tom" instead of just "Tom" though was the best part. I am not, she insists, called "Thomas".

you to do.
Lots of people tell you what to do but trust your own instincts and do what you're happy with re should they be in your room, should I go to them when they cry etc?
Our children are 17 and 15 now and believe me you don't know what love is until you have children.
Try to create time for yourselves, we were lucky and could "offload" the kids to grandparents for a weekend away once a year and the odd night out.
I always remember Paul Morley writing that he found getting up each morning and his children being there made it feel like Christmas every day. That's how I felt - at least until they became teenagers!

Not the most happy of subjects for you Mr Starkley but worth pointing out.

My FPO went through post natal depression and apparently it affects many more than is admitted (or is even realised by by the mother herself). Don't be afraid to speak up (if your feeling brave to the lady herself) to mum-in-law, brothers, sisters etc if you think your other half is showing signs. It will be probably up to you to recognise it and treating it early is the key especially as you both will have tonnes on your hands anyway with the little treasure. Also not to be confused with baby blues...very different.

Right...lecture over.

As a father to a 4month old

1. The baby crying constantly on the plane, on a restaurant etc...previously many of us would have said "why don't her/his parents keep that baby quiet"....Now, I think "been there, done that, you have my sympathies"

2. Babies sometimes vomit a lot so carpet, furniture cleaner are a must

3. You will wash clothes a lot more regularly, and 90% of them will not be yours, unless you are a victime of #2 above.

4. Be silly, pull faces, make stupid noises, your baby will love it

5. You will be tired

6. 4 hours of a fussy baby can be reversed by 1 smile

7. Try these http://rockabyebabymusic.com/

8. Try and spend time with your significant other, even if its just watching a DVD and having a nice bottle of wine

9. Parents are competitive, they don't mean to be but they are....the parents who say that their baby started talking at 3months and started walking at 4months may not be telling the truth

10. Dirty Nappies are bearable, you just need to experience a few "toxic explosions" before it gets easier

Congratulations and Good Luck!

where I heard it but there's a line that runs

Men love women, women love children and children love hamsters

Kind of true

Invest in lots and lots of towels. Hand towels rather than big bath sheets, I mean. Babies are wonderful, but make a lot of mess. You'll always be looking for something to grab to clean up your child's outflow.

If your GLF is breastfeeding (or even if not), get some DVDs of TV series that have episodes that run about half an hour. Perfect for sitting down and watching while feeding.

You might get a bit narky that your wife's affections (may) have switched from you to your child. This is awful, but that's how it goes. Just be aware of it, and try not to let it get to you too much.

I hope I haven't repeated anything said above. I'm not a father (probabaly never will be) but I am an uncle and a number of my friends have been through it. As many above have indicated, it's near bloody impossible, but I've yet to meet a parent that would change the experience for anything. Congratulations!

Don't. I'm talking about those two-way walkie-talkie type things which enable parents to hear their child's eyelashes flickering in the night, magnified to sound like the room's being ransacked. Unless you live in a very large house and are a long way away from your newborn's bed (which, in my opinion, is a very bad idea for all sorts of reasons), you will hear loud and clear if you need to attend your baby's needs in the night.

Crying in the night? We went a sort of Third Way: if she cried in the night, we'd always wait a while before stirring; often she'd get herself back to sleep. If it persisted, we'd go in. We eventually learned that the secret to doing this was to wait five minutes before going in, not stay more than a minute or so, then next time wait ten minutes next time, then 15. It worked pretty well when we stuck to it.

GOOD LUCK!

....Steve Earle is to become a father again.

Just be glad you're not 56? and starting again!

When my wife was pregnant with our first, one of my favourite tracks was "Happy Payday" by Little Willie Littlefield a lot - my wife also liked it but was under the impression it was called "Happy Baby". And when our son was born, he turned out to be a remarkably happy baby. Pretty good, eh?
Two bits of advice:
1. give up quickly before any dispute with young child turns into an issue
2. keep any babymilk tins - they make excellent makeshift drums

Handle with care. It gets everywhere, even if you make a contamination free perimeter around the playzone you will find it gets trodden into your carpet.

There's no avoiding the stuff. Even if you don't buy it one of your friends sans enfants will get it in one of its many variations.

Also you will find you end up with things in your pockets that you have no idea how they got there.

You post a question expecting a couple of responses and get over a hundred! There are certainly some common threads in this ...um thread, which form a fairly heart-warming core:

1 - There are no rules, so just pick and choose what works for you
2 - Enjoy yourself and enjoy your children
3 - It's OK to feel like you're not getting everything right
4 - Sleep when you can
5 - Be prepared to get messy

Aside from that, I have also learned that Gina Ford and Sarah Jane are controversial figures, but only one gets men of a certain age watching TV. I think I'm right in saying that this isn't the Sarah Jane who hangs out with K-9, though. Which clears things up a great deal.

I have also discovered the phenomenal Rock-a-Bye Baby lullaby cds which can only be an improvement on Baa Baa Black Sheep et al. Thanks for that, David.

On that note, one thing I'm surprised by is the lack of discussion of baby gadgets. I assumed tech-savvy Wordites would have all sorts of recommendations for the best stuff out there. Any thoughts...?

That has become my mantra. It applies to good and bad times, and to all ages.

Changes FOREVER.....

Presents - no more laughing at panicking parents scrambling around Hamleys/Toys R Us on the news for the latest "must have" toy. Your ears will inadvertently prick up for the product name, mentally note this and then join in the scrum for the icy cold fear of disappointing your 4 year old daughter on Xmas morning (it's Go-Go Hamsters btw).

In the absence of any real parental training, it seems to me that we're doomed to one of two options as parents:

1. Utilise how you were brought up because, well, it never did me any harm, did it?

2. Rebel against how you were brought up because there's no way you're making those same mistakes.

Either of these options represents an end of the spectrum. If you can find some middle ground, then well done.

Talking about it, though, is a bit like talking about a parachute jump. You can prepare for it all you like, but there's really nothing that can prepare you except for the experience itself.

At the end of the day, it's the most exhausting and yet rewarding full time job that you'll ever experience. When they're born, it feels like the best day of your life. And then it gets better. At least for the first three years. Don't ask me about teenagers, though. I'm still trying to work that one out.

...had me giggling and welling up in turns. There's twin 4-year old boys in our house, and I have found the below a helpful addition to the armoury:

"On Children" - Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Is what they are. That is both babies and the many replies to this question.

Congrats, first of all.

Three things, since this is a music magazine.

1. If you still have lp albums, stack them high. You DO NOT want to come into the room to see your toddler crawling about pushing your favourite Pink Floyd / Beatles / Bowie / insert favourite album ahead of him.
2. The same goes for books, cd's, dvd's and just about anything you can think of. Really. Yes, it goes for that too. And that. Stop trying to think of exceptions.
3. Hide all the remote controls for television, stereo etc and make sure the gear is set up high enough so he or she can't reacht. My boy Thomas (13 months yesterday, proud Forest fan and mad about Bei Mir Bist Du Schön by Andrews Sisters and banging his xylophone) has recently found out that he can reach the volume control on my stereo amp. He loves to tweak that a bit. Preferably to the right. Believe me, you do startle slightly when they do that!

Good luck!

...wants to know what that irritating scratch on the TV screen is. I tell him that was him when he learned to walk and the telly was one big mirror and intoxicating blend of bright colours and Fimbles.

...18 months is too young for the Red Arrows. Trust me on this one.

...come back when he's 18.

I have 2 boys aged 4 and 1

my advice
1. get down on your hands and knees and engage with the child as much as you can
2. if you're outside of the house more than your partner then be the one that gets up in the middle of the night and be first up in the morning, not every other night, every night, you will develop a huge bond and everyone will benefit
3. try not to react to bad behaviour
4. gaffa tape the lid of your turntable (in 5 places)
5. audio and video record him ad infinitum
6. read her stories
billions have done it before you, it will be great, congratulations, your life is already all the richer, good luck

As a father of a 13 year old boy which is a challenge in its own right....

* Get yourself a nappy disposal unit - you will get through a lot of these things - especially if he/she has a runny bum & used nappies smell

* muslin squares to put on your shoulder when cuddling sprog - they ruin your clothes when they upchuck

* dont get too hung up about re-usable nappies - do what works for you - you wont have time to think otherwise

* get organised - as a parent you will not be able to just get up and go - things need to be planned & packed eg buggy/changing bag/drinks etc

* locate the best public loos to change your child and make sure they have unisex changing rooms. Harrang shops/pubs etc if they are not up to standard

* on same tack - you will start to look at facilties in the same way as someone in a wheelchair does - you need lifts and ramps to push buggy up - stairs are not good and travelling on the london underground will cease to be a good idea until they can walk themselves

* take photos, and record events in a diary - time will fly by and before you know it your sprog will be at school

* cracked nipples - i have never experienced these - but my wife did buy these teabag things to stop herself leaking

and finally......try to get some me time when youngster is asleep

We have a 14 month old girl and another on the way in March 2010.

The things worth repeating:
Everything is a phase
Schedules/patterns etc are good, the little one is very adaptable

So what have I learnt?
The arrival of a child is an amazing dividing line in your life. You will quickly become someone who is giving parenting advice like all the people on here. And as soon as you see their beautiful face, you will never be able to unimagine them, you will recall that there was a time when it was just you and your partner, but you wont remember it or feel it. You will always be aware of your kids.

Before O was born, the bit of advice that made me want to punch people in the jeans was "oh! ho-ho! you better get all your sleep now!" Yes you will be tired, but she has slept through the night since three months of age. Everything's a phase! Post-natally the bit of advice/speech that's annoying is "you're so lucky, she sleeps at night, she's so good", well, the harder we work, the luckier we get.

The best bit of advice I got, and one I still repeat: "No one told me how much fun this is" It's a riot.

If I had to formulate my own thoughts, I'd say that kids don't know their kids. They don't come out thinking "I'm a cute baby! Everyone will go gooey over me!" I was amazed at how communicative O was from day one, and their life is one of pushing the boundaries of their own ability and independence.

I love fatherhood. And even though my gig attendance has dropped by about 95%, I feel freer than any other time in my life: I can sing in public without fear to keep her happy, play, do silly voices and stop worrying about other people.

It is intense: In the past month alone, O was in hospital needing tests which have all been clear, thankfully, she has also started singing to my amazement doing the tune of Twinkle Twinkle, saying the word "hello" like an infant Kenneth Williams and she has discovered In The Night Garden... despite our intentions that she wouldn't watch telly. In The Night Garden... is truly lovely. And who thought the baby to dance? That's the maddest thing...

I'm rambling... have fun.

(PS Breast feeding is the best. I'm not intending to be a lactivist and we had a very rocky first week needing formula top ups but from our experience all the sniffles etc began when breast feeding ended. If you can do it, go for it. But remember too that formula isn't poison.)

Not to put a downer on things, but it is often said that once you have children, everything else fades into insignificance. This is true up to a point, and there's no doubt that my kids are the most important thing in my life by a long way.

That said, most of us still have to spend a hefty chunk of our lives working, and I have found that my worries over this area - the usual 'where am I going, what's the future in this, what would I do if this ended, is this really what I should be doing?' kind of stuff - have not magically evaporated now that I am a father. In fact, you could argue that these matters attain even greater significance as you no longer have just yourself to think of.

I just want to let you know that if you experience these thoughts you're not the only one. It's unnecessarily pressurising to think you should spend the next years in a kind of blissed-out nirvana, floating above such mundane matters. When you find yourself occasionally not having such thoughts it's doubly hard if you have a guilt-trip about it as well.

Anyway, having got that out of my system, I can say that having kids is unquestionably the best thing I've done. All the best.

Any Major Dude Will Tell You by Steely Dan

http://open.spotify.com/track/51w9GNjVOm18Gr2cVowzqX

Well, certainly the hippest ;-)

...and she's gorgeous!

Sorry for the self-indulgence, but really: wow!

Start stocking up on Calpol. You will shortly find that it's science's greatest gift to parents.

The day my daughter was born was the greatest moment of my life up to that point. And it gets better. You'll curse her when she turns you into an insomniac, but you'll forget about that eventually...

Best to Dad Ma and nipper!

:-)

You're in for a lot of joy

I have three daughters and they are all beautiful. I worry about the inevitability of boys coming into their life, though.

However, as a 21st century parent I am relaxed about what they do and they are free to do what they like. Once they reach the age of 40.

Glad that all are happy and healthy

Your life will never be the same, but you'll love it!

Well done - you've reproduced!

Go home. Sit down in the quiet and realise that it's all going to change forever.

And take advantage of it by having a leisurely wank. It's the last chance you'll get for ages.

See you back on the blog soon with lots of postings timed at 0415 or thereabouts..

Did anyone mention about the lack of sleep?

Bless you all :-)

XTC's Pink Thing...

Anytime you rise, I'm here,
And I'm crazy for you pink thing.
You make me want to laugh,
You make me want to cry,
When I stroke your head I feel a hundred heartbeats high,
Pink thing.

XTC – Pink Thing: http://open.spotify.com/track/0uANDYZd9faLTS2wFzCEsA

Yeah, bless Andy Partridge!

You will sing Paul Weller's "I'm the Changing Man", I have recently discovered.

Here goes:

1) It's easier for the blokes (I am one so I know)
2) They will generally be ungrateful or unappreciative of your efforts
3) If you have two, you may favour one over the other (this tends to even out between the parents)
4) They can break your heart without realising, my daughter will rarely hug me while my son will not leave me alone
5) You will wonder how you filled your time pre kids
6) As they get older they are more fun (mine are 3 and 8)
7) They fill you with wonder over how they will turn out

Welcome to part two of your life.