Entertainment For Lively Minds
The Thinking Man's Crumpet
Posted by Melville on 19 November 2010 - 2:17pm.
Joan Bakewell has been give a peerage. Inevitably, The Guardian story says that she was once referred to as "the thinking man's crumpet".
Does anybody else have an epithet which is always used by journalists when their name comes up?
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Yes
Piers Morgan does.
Oh, you meant in print.
The Uxbridge English Dictionary
Is a game played in I'm Sorry I haven't A Clue in which the contestants have to invent new definitions for words.
Someone said that "countryside" meant "to kill Piers Morgan. How do they get away with stuff like that on Radio 4 at six-thirty?
That was one of Stephen Frys
was listening to an old series last night and enjoyed these
blistering - someone you enjoy calling on the phone
foreskin - to compel relatives
lambada - a sheep with no legs
macaroon - to leave a Scotsman on a desert island
Love rat
Applicable to any male celebrity who has "played away from home".
Former Ugly Rumours member
Mark Ellen
'Are you sure you're not Mark Ellen?'
David Hepworth
'Prime Minister'
David Cameron
See
Piers Morgan
Ageing rockers
the Rolling Stones, the Who, Led Zep etc.
The material girl
Madonna
Obviously, none of us would recognise...
...the name 'The Beatles' unless it was preceded by that essential aide to recognition 'the Hey Jude hitmakers'...
Some of the best one-phrase preceding epithets to the names of the famous or actually-not-at-all-famous-so-help-us-out are used by the breathless bombastic narrator on 'Celebrity Masterchef'. People have their whole semi-entity or near-non-entity lives invariably squeezed into two words such as 'golfing legend', 'pottery icon', bingo colossus' or whatever. The most abject and self-evidently ludicrous in recent years was Christine Hamilton, routinely descibed in the last series as "TV personality Christine Hamilton". Bloody hell. I mean, is there anyone alive today in the Western world who ISN'T a "TV personality" of some sort...? Is that the best they could do? Can you imagine the production meeting to sort out an epithet for her - they could have gone for:
"disgraced MPs wife..."
"vaguely tawdry harridan..."
"pantomime villainess..."
"post-modern comedy battleaxe..."
"tabloid favouite..."
"living metaphor for parliamentary corruption..."
But no, TV personality it was...
And of course
the obligatory 'former Beatle' when referring to Macca and Mr Peace and Love.
Forgot to mention...
...I just had coffee with a pal who teaches guitar part-time at the school I went to (25+ years ago...) and he asked me was I aware that I was listed on the school's website page of "notable alumni". He brought it up on his mobile phone and there I am described as "charity entrepreneur". I am, honestly, both baffled and speechless. Maybe in a couple more years I get upgraded to "TV personality" or something equally meaningless and without basis in fact!
TV funnyman
Bobby Davro, Billy Pearce, Joe Pasquale (also see "High pitched hilarity") and Duncan Norvelle
The use of the word...
..."funnyman" is as close as you can get to a cast-iron guarantee that the chap in question will be about as funny as testicular cancer.
Gruesome and funny
I really laughed at that. It's so true. Thank you.
What about "rubber-faced funnyman" Jim Carrey?
...you're right, he's not funny either.
Thats
Phil Cool,also. And maybe Rowan Atkinson
Her Majesty
The Queen
I dimly recall that Smash Hits would refer to David Bowie...
... as The Cameleon Of Pop at every opportunity.
Illiterate sods
at Smash Hits...whatever happened to them? :-)
Pop nymphete
Kylie Minogue.
seeing as i am reading
his extremely entertaining book right now....how about
Crumpled Bus Station Layabout
Mark E Smith
'Pint sized pop star'
Prince.
See also: 'his purple reign';'diminutive genius'; 'The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As...'
The Modfather
The Godfather of Soul
the Forces' Sweetheart
the King of Rock 'n' Roll
the disgraced Glam Rocker
Shock Rocker
Alice Cooper
Marilyn Manson
Aled Jones
Voice of an Angel
Shane McGowan
Er....Charlotte Church
The Petzl Charlet Sarken
£140 to you guv and you can see them at this website:
http://www.petzl.com/en/outdoor/crampons
/oh, "crumpet" ... sorry