An Apple Mac with a 10 inch screen and the form factor of a MacBook Air. Come on Apple! 25 years of playing strange stringed instruments mean that touch screens don't work very well with my dead fingertips.

I used to want a Wurlitzer jukebox with the rainbow bubbles so badly that I only just stopped myself parting with far far too much money for a broken one about 20 years ago. I'm glad I didn't as shortly afterwards they started making CD playing reproductions which somehow rendering even the originals a bit tacky and I have no idea where it would go now.

Big bucks for anything actually worth having.
One day......

a few slices of decent ham once you get your Berkel up and running?

A linen backed poster from "The Lavender Hill Mob" showing Alec Guiness and Stanley Holloway with Drawings by Ronald Searle to go with my 3 sheet of "The Ladykillers"

I would go for Botticelli:

On my bedroom wall

Copernicus fountain pen:

http://www.montblanc.com/products/67.php

a copy of an *incredibly* rare two volume encyclopedia of Italian hand gestures. It was published decades ago and would cost a small fortune.

But I have small golden metallic thing that has a handle and a small cylinder with braille-type dots on it. When you turn the handle, it plays "If I only had a brain" from The Wizard of Oz. You can see all the shiny golden metallic workings doing its stuff as it goes.

It's such a beautifully intricate thing and so very, very small - you could put it in a matchbox. Yet if you get it going on the right surface, it can be as loud as an ice cream van.

I would love more of these things, whatever they are.

that would just pay me the money I am owed and then fuck off out of my life for ever.

I feel better for that.

a monkey

USA model, in sunburst with a tortoiseshell scratchplate. Would help replace the Jaguar that I sold for a song in the 80's when I needed some cash. Still smarts.

the undying affection of Halle Berry.

That might do it.

Number 15 - mint.
Yes please

This may seem a bit strange, but if I had the money, one day I would like a house with a secret door or passage. Looking at the present state of the housing market in Scarborough and my budget, this is unlikely at the present time.Single rich ladies, spare a guy a dime or two.

I think it would be Orwell's Down And Out In Paris And London, one of my favourites. Exploring the catacombs of Paris a few years ago was amazing!Failing that a Famous Five Or Secret Seven novel would be more appropriate as they were always finding them!

I will buy you one Fraser. After I have bought my big house in the country, with rooms for my record collection and Disney memorabilia. Oh and plenty of outdoor space to run my pack of Irish Wolfhounds - they would be an essential purchase for me. Best dog breed in the world.

Carried by Penelope Cruz and Megan Fox.Ta.

A Volvo P1800S from the late 60s or early 70s. The cream one would be ideal.

Jorge Luis Borges wrote a number of short stories that dwelled upon various occult objects, each with the disquieting power to either drive their owners mad, or upset their deeply held beliefs. Never-the-less I still want one of these cursed artefacts for the bragging rights and literary kudos.

I imagine being at some highbrow cultural event and casually remarking, during a conversation with Andrew Motion and Janet Street-Porter, that I am the current owner of The Book of Sand - an horrific volume with an infinite number of pages and no beginning or end. Borges claims to have hidden it in the basement of the Argentine National Library, but I won it in an auction on Ebay and am getting around the problem of never being able to locate the same page more than once by scanning it as I go along.

The Zahir is an object with the power to make all those with whom it comes into contact obsess over it to the exclusion of all other things. In the story it manifests as a 20 centavo coin with the letters N and T scratched into the metal. For Word bloggers it would probably be an early Del Amitri album on vinyl, with Justin Currie’s toothmarks embedded in the sleeve.

The object of Borgesian mythos that I really want to lay my hands on is the Alpeh – a point in space and time from which all other points are visible. It’s essentially Youtube with a far greater reach. In the story the default owner of the Alpeh (it occupies the basement of his home) is using it as the inspiration for an atrocious epic poem whose content he readily explains in interminable detail. Borges the narrator, is using it to catch glimpses of an unrequited love who has since passed away. I would probably employ it as a convenient means of catching up on TV from the last few decades.

and my weekend place on the Thames, I want another 5 of these

'cause they're the best toy I've ever had

Romeo Tipo 33 Stradale

(I know it's several things but if you pushed me, I'd go for the ARP2600 on top)

You are all material girls, living in a material world.
The only thing to have in life is a tiny, sneezing panda.

Long dormant thread, but I've recently conceived of a deep yearning to own one of these. They aren't yet on sale in this country, as far as I can see. Which is just as well, as the current RRP is £1,229, and my saving fund is just under £100. Some time next year, I will own a Charge Mixer 2011, with the Shimano Alfline 11 speed internal hub. *concentrates hard, thinks greedy thoughts, wonders what he can flog without the FPO finding out*

gone astray in the post somewhere...