Entertainment For Lively Minds
The stupidest ways to hurt yourself
Reading the interview with Danny Baker in the latest issue got me looking forward with relish to his new show (I hope there's a download so I can listen in the car on the way to work). It also got me thinking back to his shows in the mid 90's. One in particular stuck with me. It was a phone in (or maybe write in) about the funniest ways you've hurt yourself doing something stupid. The two faves I remember were
1) a bloke who told the story of when he was a child in the woods playing Zulus. He made a "spear" from a stick and in a moment of genius tied a piece of string to it, so when it was thrown he could drag it back then throw again. You can see it coming can't you....he threw the stick, it jerked back on the string and poked him in the eye. Pure Homer (D'oh!)
2) the bloke acting cool in front of mates & the girls in the pub, lighting a cigarette by striking a match on his teeth. Yep match head lit but broke off leaving him with a small fire underneath his tongue! Cool blown.
Any other classics............
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I so hope there's a podcast of the show
If not,
i might know a bloke who could help you out,
oooo... sounds inneresting squire
nudge nudge, wink wink.
From Darwinian tales
Guy driving past a wedding shouted "Suckers!" to the newly weds.
He then drove into a wall.
There is of course this famous John Martyn story...
Towards the end of his life when he was living in Ireland he decided that a good way to avoid the attentions of the police when he was driving home after the pub had shut was to do so with his headlights turned off. One evening as he was doing so he ran into a cow which unhelpfully crashed through the windscreen and pinned him to his seat, injuring him in the process.
Forgot about that
yes indeed truly a classic - far more spectacular than just banging your thumb with a hammer (didn't read the cartoon thread that was discussed on the podcast but surely someone mentioned the huge throbbing thumb with knotted bandage?)
Good job he didn't hit a child
Drinking and driving never funny.
listening to advice from your flat mate
the scene: a cold student flat in Dundee, winter 1978
flatmate: Hey I heard if you put aftershave on your sac it heats you up
me: I'll give that a go I can't take much more of this cold
fill in the rest...
I got kicked in the shin
by a miniature Shetland pony the other day.
It hurt my pride more than my leg.
Taking a short cut
through a park on the way to meet (for the first time) my g/fs extremely rich parents in their extremely big house, i proceeded to drag dog shit all over their extremely expensive carpets before her mum noticed my faux pas. Never saw her again after that night... funny that!
Smoking
Just remembered the podcast when one of the Word team mentioned smoking under the bed and the explosion, lost eyebrows etc That's a contender
that'll be the Hep -
I have been paying attention and I knew questions would be asked
Another Candyman classic
was the guy who was trying to light a fag in his car whilst driving.He asked his passenger to do it. The mate passed the fag to him just as he was breaking and by some freak of nature the fag went,lit end first,straight up the drivers nose. The driver pulled the fag out quickly but the lit end remained. They put it out by pouring a cab of coke on the guy's face while he was lying down so the coke would go up his nose.
I still remember where i was when i heard this and i laughed so much i had to sit down to catch my breath.
The best ever story on Danny Baker's show was the One-man-Band/City gent interface.I'll try to find it and post it.
A builder who did some work for me...
told me this tale. A friend of his had got engaged and was going over to meet his fiancée's parents for the first time. A lot of drink was taken during the evening before they all went to bed. During the night this bloke decided he needed to take a leak. He found what he thought was the bathroom but couldn't find the light switch. "Never mind", he thought, "I can make do in the dark." And he did. Suddenly a light was turned on and he realized that he was in the girlfriend's parents bedroom and that he'd just urinated all over them.
The marriage went ahead, amazingly...
Oxford Poly 1974
I had been "supporting" Richard Digance in the Oxford Poly Folk Club (actually just playing a couple of songs but what the hell, you're not to know). I was walking back to my room at Culham College through the car park in the dark carrying my 12-string under my arm when my legs (just below the knee) came in to contact with a metal bar that was there to prevent cars going past. Lovely pivot, head meets just-right-of-right-eye, I end up in the John Radcliffe A&E for stitches.
I still bear the scar of this ROCK 'N' ROLL injury to this day. The guitar got broken as well.
Naughty One (Parental Guidance)
As this thread seems to have got onto embarrassment rather than hurting one self - here is a classic - a school friend's parents showing prospective buyers around the house & when they reached the boys' room the buyers and parents found said school boy making love to himself