Standing on the platform at the Manchester Deansgate railway station at around 5pm, waiting for a train to take me home. Facing me was the expanse of the city's tallest building, the Beetham Tower. The bottom half is the Hilton Hotel, the top half is luxury apartments.

What caught my attention was the flash that indicated someone was taking photographs. Looking up at the tower I could make out the naked form of a female pressed against the window, looking down on us commuters. She appeared to being *cough* "pleasured" from behind.

You never seem to have a camera with you required. Tssk.

I was walking down Broad Street in Oxford when I saw a young woman with two heads. She was with three other people and went into my local coffee shop and the bookshop where I work. I will never forget her.

This is not a wind-up, by the way.

Walking on an almost deserted beach in Wales and coming across a group of Nun's playing footy.

I was in a decrepit old taxi in Beirut some time ago, heading to the airport. We were stuck behind an even more decrepit vehicle, chugging slowly along in front. Finally, the driver sped up and we overtook, to see a tiny, wizened old man at the wheel and two sheep in the car with him, peering happily out.

On a similar tip to the Manchester story - in Berlin, returning home from a party last summer around 5am. Walking down the street, a bit 'tired and emotional', I passed a large recessed doorway to an apartment block where a couple, trousers down, were noisily going at it, in full view of everyone. I was came over all British and hurried past...

Just this afternoon, I was on the U-bahn, which crossed a flyover past an apartment block. Someone had hung a huge banner out of one of the windows upon which, I swear, was daubed 'SO YOU ARE NOEL GALLAGHER'.

Take the plunge into Varanasi's labyrinthine network of waterfront alleyways and before the city spits you back out onto a main road, you are bound to witness something bizarre:

Great picture, how curious!

of a five-legged camel.

Well, no: it's actually a picture taken over 20 years ago on Dhani Beach in Kenya of two girls in bikinis that I was hoping to get to know better, but the penta-pedal dromedary can be seen large-as-life in the background.

It was some years before I noticed the creature - something to do with those bikinis I expect - but it's there, clear as day. Various people have tried to persuade me that it's one camel standing in front of another, obscuring all but one leg of the rear animal; I tell them the odds of that happening are just as long as they are for my version, which is that it's one camel with five legs.

That's when most of them glance at their watch and start to mutter about babysitters and early starts, but some have pressed on, and pointed out that a superfluity of humps supports the 'two camel' theory, as African camels "only have one." I say they're thinking of elephants.

We don't have people round much these days.

I was very young. Behind my parent's house was a hospital, called Coldeast, wherein lived long-term inmates, mostly both mentally and physically handicapped. Once a year, there was a fair / fete on the site involving stalls, roundabouts and the like. We kids would all be taken. We were all used to seeing the residents round and abouts and would never be particularly bothered, having been told from an early age that, despite the handicaps, these were people just like us. Apart from when I ran round a stall to be confronted wth a lady in a wheelchair with one large eye. In the middle of her forehead. I ran crying to my mum, horrified.

Knowing what I know now about developmental defects, I am convinced that my memory plays tricks on me. My mum, however, confirms the story. I can only hope that the lady was unaware that her appearance had scared me.

Anyone else recall the Candyman's story about walking home through some tunnels late at night, only to be confronted by an unearthly figure on stilts? That anecdote still unnerves me...

I looked up from my paper on the train one evening and the guy opposite me had no face.

He was wearing sunglasses but had no nose or mouth, and no neck. I leapt about a foot off the seat.

After about five of the weirdest seconds of my life I worked it out. It was a bald guy who had pushed his glasses high up on his head, then fallen asleep with his chin on his chest.

Fair shook me up, though.

Walking to work one morning, this dog of indeterminate breed trotted down the path of a house, stood up on its hind quarters, lifted the latch to the gate with a dexterous flick of its paw, stepped back, opened the gate with a further practiced paw swing and set off with a determined gait. Almost expected it to say 'mornin guvnor'...

Atocha station Madrid, sometime in the mid 90s. There was an old homeless guy who had clearly prolapsed. His insides were literally trailing out of his arse. What made it all the more haunting was the fact that he was, to all intents and purposes, enjoying a litrona of Mahou beer.

Gary Glitter a burger in Bromley in 1978. He was accompanied by 2 young lasses, and was wearing his tinfoil suit. Hindsight may say I should have assassinated him that day, but he gave me a good tip. There, I've given y'all a good punchline. Seriously, it was bizarre.

As a seven year old son of a nurse specialising in the care of the mentally handicapped, I was frequently brought into my mothers workplace for a meet-and-greet because some of the patients liked it. This was over 35 years ago and institutionalised care was still going strong. It was harrowing from my point of view because people whose appearance would cause alarm on the streets were all in a big building together, roaming around. One rather emaciated lady sticks in my memory because not only did she look deathly, her eyes seemed to be whites-only i.e. No pupils or iris. I hadn't seen any zombie movies yet, so my only frame of reference for this condition was the man who used to say "grasshopper" in the Kung Fu TV series.

I shared this story with an older brother. Later in the week, he was kind enough to cut a ping pong ball in half, place them over his eyes and stumble into my bedroom at night moaning "grasshopper...grasshopper...".

'But I've never been to me'.