The gospel according to, like, Prince
Posted by David Hepworth on 18 November 2008 - 10:40am.
“God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’ ”
This is what Prince has to say about religion and gay marriage in a new interview in "The New Yorker".
So this is how the Almighty talks, is it? "Like, 'Enough". Here we have been all these years listening out for a voice that sounds like James Earl Jones and it turns out he sounds like Vicky Pollard or a member of the cast of "Ugly Betty". And what were his other pronouncements?
"Thou shalt not kill, see?"
"Honour your mum and dad."
"Blessed are the poor in spirit for they is soooo sweeeed."
"Let him that is without sin cast the first stone, OK?"
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Can I get
a "Witness"?
By the sound of Prince's quote, he thinks it's more likely
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass. Innit."
I trust
that Prince will be deleting all the tunes with gender-bending/gay friendly lyrics from his back catalogue and refusing the immoral earnings they might generate?
"I not a woman
I'm not a man
I am something that you'll never understand"
UPDATE: According to Perez Hilton (must be true then): 'Apparently, the interviewer did not even use a recorder when she spoke with His Holy Purpleness, and that when she called his people to fact check, it turned out she had several factual inaccuracies, including a little bit about Prince recovering from hip surgery, which he never even had... What His Purpleness actually did was gesture to the Bible and said he follows what it teaches, referring mainly to the parts about loving everyone and refraining from judgment...
"We're very angry he was misquoted," says our Prince insider."'
Do Un2 Others. . .
As U Would Have Others Do Un2 U, U Feel Me?
If Prince were English...
...would it have been more along the lines of:
God was all like, "Don't be sticking it in where it int meant to be in, innit?"
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors...
...bitch, mo'fucker.
More Compton than Minneapolis, however.
Suddenly I'm reminded
of my favourite quote from the great Kinky Friedman. He described himself as a Jehovah's Bystander : "I believe in a supreme being, but I don't want to get involved."
If only His Purpleness were so cautious...
Well
I guess he either sticks with his earliest incarnation and speaks classical Hebrew, or else he moves with the times and speaks, like, street. Either way, he probably doesn't sound like a Radio 4 continuity announcer.
If your God hates...
...the same people that you do, there's a strong chance you've made Him up. (To paraphrase someone who's name I've forgotten.)
What a great quote!
Echoes Voltaire's second most famous quote about religion, "If God made us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment."
You're on the Word website...
...where Kinky Friedman meets Voltaire.
Lest we forget what a numpty the man is...
here is a reminder. Halo my addition.
Down wiv 'im
U Sinnarrrz!
Awwight?
Translation conundrum solved
Excellent.
Could be the first interpretation of God's word where we can actually turn the inaccurate 'Go forth and multiply' back into 'Fuck off'.
"Man cannott make a worm...
..yet he will make gods by the dozen"
Montaigne (and I don't mean Ray Le..)