but in the meantime give A Tribe Called Quest's Low End Theory album a spin. Go on.

I do not leave the house without physically checking for these three items with this Lancashire Hotpots' tune in my head. I've locked myself out so many times in the last year.
Warning:senior moments ahead.

All Rules Were Made To Be Broken.

Never leave home without a wad of cash. Just in case.

Never fill the car with petrol unless I have exceded the last possible chance of running out.

Will not get on a train if people are eating hot food, even if I miss the train.

go anywhere without some loo roll, just in case, and these days antibacterial gel too.

* A take out espresso must be served in a small cup.

* I must put on the ring on my left hand first in the morning, then the one on my right.

* My roll of kitchen towels must be pushed back against the wall, next to the kitchen scales.

* My books must sit neatly in line with the edge of my shelves.

* My Mr Men mugs must be arranged as follows: Mr Messy out front, Mr Tickle behind and to the left, Mr Bump behind and to the right and Mr Grumpy at the back.

* My Pertwee and Baker Doctor Who DVDs must be arranged in order of story transmission.

* I will inform anyone that will listen that the word 'paninis' is a double plural and wrong.

* I will invariably rescue spiders from my bath by encouraging them to crawl onto a sheet of toilet paper.

* Notes in my wallet must be ordered properly: fivers, then tenners, then twenties.

* Will mutter bad-temperedly whenever someone wheels a double buggy the size of a tank onto a bus.

* I am convinced that modern r&b music was specifically created to test my limits of patience and endurance.

* I am convinced that 99.9% of stand-up comedians are about as amusing as a dose of the clap.

* I will never travel on the London Underground again for as long as I live.

* I would find it hard to trust someone who didn't like Chic.

I won't shop anywhere that I've been 'wronged' in the past. It's getting to be quite an exhaustive list now. Ikea, John Lewis, M&S. They're all on there. It drives Mrs V mad.

and Pocket rules:

Front left: Cash

Front right: Keys, handkerchief, chewing gum. (The last 2 I have on me at all times)

Back right : Small wallet for cards

Back left: Misc, usually train tickets or card receipts.

Never go out 'on the drink' with large groups of friends (this includes stag nights / weekends).

Never cycle on the pavement or jump red lights.

I can't think of any more.

- I will not go to bed if there is washing up to be done. Leaving cleaned laundry in the washing machine overnight is a no-no (in fact I won't nip out if the washer is on).

- Keys, bags etc have their own place. There is no reason anyone should ever need to look for these things.

- As above, I never leave the house without: wallet, keys, phone, inhaler. All windows/switches etc must also be checked before going out.

- I will park next to other cars, but I won't park near the trolley storage areas in supermarket carparks.

- I won't eat-and-walk.

There's probably many more...

- don't hold no blade to stab me in the back
- never talk dirty behind my back
- never lay your head down without a hand to hold
- never make your bed out in the cold
- never lose your temper if you get hit in a bar room fight
- never lose your woman overnight

Make sure nothing has fallen out of your pockets every time you leave a building.

But frequently observed in the breach:

Always hang your clothes up

Never go in the bedroom on outdoor shoes

Put stuff AWAY! (Mrs Policybloke, are you listening?)

Don't put ornaments in front of books on bookshelves

Don't leave the telly on standby overnight.

Don't leave washing-up to dry in the rack

Do not criticise other people's musical tastes, they can't help it if they like rubbish (smiley face here)

the only ones that come to mind are:-

- Never use Tesco (even if it was the last shop on earth).
- Never go back to Italian restaurants that have have those ridiculous huge pepper pots and serve salad with risotto.
- Always use book marks and never turn down the page in books.
- Always use proper bookshops.
- Never buy mail order clothes.
- Always worth investing in decent bog paper.

bloody anything... ever!!"
I've lived my life by that rule!"

- No dirty washing-up in the sink: if it's for the dishwasher put it in there; if the dishwasher's full or on, hand wash it. (And if the dishwasher's full, why haven't you turned it on?)
- No wardrobe doors open when in bed.
- DVDs to be returned to their box and re-shelved when finished with: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they be left in the DVD player.
- CDs to be re-boxed in correct case, with writing horizontal so it can be read when case re-opened.
- No chatting during TV programmes - they're on to be watched not used as background noise.
- Newspapers are allowed at the breakfast table, but not at dinner or tea (or lunch and dinner if you prefer).
- No Chris Moyles at the breakfast table. Ever. Not even if the most junior Umpire whinges and whines.
- Socks should be washed, and subsequently hung on the line, in pairs.
- Use a book mark and DON'T break the book's spine unless absolutely necessary.

There are probably more, but that'll do for now.

If I'm sitting in an airport departure loungs, or anywhere with loads of seats, I always try to sit somewhere where I'm kind of equidistant from other people. It really irks me if somebody sits next to me when there are loads of empty seats.

Just a couple of nights ago I was sitting in a pub restaurant in the middle of Buttfuck, Queensland (not its real name), filling in my census form. I had the table to myself...the place was half empty, one person per family sized table. I went for a slash, when I got back there was a bloke sitting on the same table. "You don't mind if I sit here, do you", he said, as I returned. "Not at all!" I replied, as I grabbed my little order flag, "I'm just moving to sit outside".

I must be the first to open them.

The funny fiddly little bits are the first parts to get read (best/worst in Word, Classic Scene in Empire)

Read part of it backwards. No idea why. (not literally backwards, just in a back to front order)

On no account is it to be bent or rolled up. And definitely, DEFINITELY, not to be inserted into a lady's boot to act as a temporary shoe-tree. This refers to a very specific and rather painful incident.

I believe life is too short to wash my car. Never done it. I'm not an untidy or dirty person - my house is generally always clean & tidy, but cars are a different matter. I am quietly proud of the "please clean me" that some little tykes wrote in my rear window dust 3 years ago, which is still visible.

... or eat from a bucket.

1. Socks must match a colour on any other item of clothing.

2. Do not listen to any album more than once in any 12 hour period. Single tracks will be assessed on their own merits.

3. Any amount of tedious printing/typesetting/grammar finickiness with which I won't bore you (further).

5. If any small change held in the pocket - always back-right - matches even the last single digit of the price at the till, it MUST be handed over. Apologise profusely to the apathetic shop assistant if you can't quite make it up in pennies.

6. Coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon (though tea first thing is acceptable). An instant coffee shall be tolerated but shall not be taken if it were to follow any kind of Proper Coffee.

7. If it is snowing, there must be ska.

Thank you for your time.

The left sock must always be donned before the right. Ditto with shoes.
I always kiss the photograph of my dear old Dad I keep under my pillow before attempting to grab forty winks.

meeting is now in session.

I really, really hate it when you collect a particular author and the sodding publisher changes the book designs half way through a series, and worse of all changes the size of the book.

This plays havoc with my filing...

And I find myself sitting opposite a hobbit chuckling into a fantasy novel, but then realise that his enormous bag is under the table effectively displacing 100% of my leg room, i do not, as a golden rule, reach into my satchel, remove an Uzi 9mm, and ventilate the inconsiderate git monkey with high-speed lead...

when am darning a sock.

When getting off the DC Underground.

Pat my various pockets to make sure I haven't managed to lose:
Blackberry (on waist)
Wallet (back right)
iPod (either breast pocket or back left)
Car keys (front right)
Two insulin pens (front left)
Office badge (hanging round my neck)

One day, someone's going to put a fiver on a nag at Belmont, and it'll be my fault

A selection of idiosyncrasies/annoying habits:
- Eat Pizza with a knife & fork
- No alcoholic beverage before 7pm
- Won't drive without my Driving Licence in the car (it is in my wallet, which then means I must take my coat as well)
- Won't/can't eat breakfast until I've cleaned my teeth
- Despite spending most of my life looking like Compo's scruffier brother, I always make sure the creases are smoothed from my work suit is properly hung up
- Kettle lead must always be plugged into the kettle. It will not be removed unless the power socket is turned off

and many more (just ask the wife)

Can only be used at the appropriate supermarket, eg no using budgens bags at the co-op. Afterwards they must be folded neatly and put in the big bag of bags.

MrsD has to clean her teeth immediately before getting in the shower. If I am at the sink shaving then I have to get out of the way.

... I would drive most of you to the brink of insanity.

I'll just stay over here then.

Immediately made me think of these wise words

[video:youtube][/video]

Never hit a woman
Never cross a picket line
Never support Ars*n*l
Always get your round in at the bar

They'll do for me

If your mobile phone rings in a public place end the call without speaking to the caller. No-one else is interested in your conversation - believe me I know from the several I have had to eavesdrop in on.

If you get stuck behind a learner on a single lane highway breathe in and count to 10 - easier said than done

If the missus says she will be back at 10 add an hour on to this.

If you are meeting someone and your missus is coming with you tell her the meeting time is 1 hour earlier than it actually is.

If your lady gives you an estimated price of some essential purchase she needs to make add about 50 percent to get the real cost. Ladies cannot accurately estimate.

Don't leave anything in your car that looks remotely valuable - we have plenty of tossers in this country who will smash a brick through your window to nick it. It took me 4 break ins to realise this happens even in broad daylight in apparently decent neighbourhoods.

If the leader of your country tells you one thing the chances are he will do something different regardless of whether he represents the party you support or not.

In business work on the basis that even the friendliest of work colleagues are going to look after themselves first and foremost.

Spiders, Bees and butterflies are essential to our Planet. Rats and cockroaches are not and should be exterminated.

If somethiong seems too good to be true it almost certainly is.

Work shirts have to have long sleeves.

Change out of work clothes when you get home. I've done this since school uniform days.

Before noon, only radio. After then one can listen to recorded music.

Always clean teeth before leaving the house.

Doors must be properly closed, not left slightly ajar so that they tap the frame with every draught.

Don't walk in cycle lanes even if there is no bike around for miles.

Even though bus fares are so exorbitantly high that using a note to pay is almost inevitable, apologise to the driver for handing one over.

Never, ever, ever, even consider voting Tory. Or Liberal Democrat.

Never wear socks with sandals or trainers with a suit.

Never buy anything at the door.

Don't get into pointless arguments on the internet where neither you nor the other party is going to change their view (I don't keep to this rule but should).

As I get older I am becoming less concerned about saying what I think about these fundamental rules of life:

Coffee should only be drunk from a thick-lipped mug/cup. Instant coffee is not worth drinking.

Tea should only be drunk from a thin-lipped cup. Teabag tea does not need a teapot, leaf tea does. Tea bags in tea pots are no worth drinking a minute after making - don't drink it.

Rubbish cutlery ruins any food - good example is pretty much any sort of thin institutional stuff, but a surprising number of friends/relatives have cutlery which makes me physically uncomfortable and, as I age, I find it hard not to rail against. Life/too short, etc.

I hate drinking wine or beer from crap glasses - again, a surprising number of friends (often single/cheapskates in my case) have those rubbish Filling Station glasses which should never be used for anything from which they expect you to drink wine...

Wallet - front left, keys/phone front right. Miscellaneous paper in rear pockets.

Car keys must be on separate key ring to all other keys. I hate driving cars with jangling key rings with every key since the owner left home.

Modern TV deserves decent sound and vision. Buy a new TV and play it through an amplifier and decent speakers, people!

Never panic when something is missing. It is in the most logical place. Always.

Always ask for directions if lost.

Very few people in real life share your passion for music in the same way you do. This makes this forum one of life's great pleasures.

Now, maybe I am not the best person to argue this, because I am a messy person, veering into the disorganised, so everyone who has ever known me has seen me scrabbling around for my keys. However I do have a horror of being set in one's ways. I started to see this from an early age, when I would see friends already develop blinkered positions on everything : politics, football, music, food, you name it.

Now, doubtless those who know me can point to any number of political/grammar/musical/culinary/celebrity aversions on my part. Still, I have a suspicion of folk becoming set in their ways, and an even greater wariness of it in myself.

In a music context, I had disregarded whole swathes of, say, metal or prog for years, but stuff has a habit of coming round again, so years later you end up admitting that yes, AC/DC were always fab, and that King Crimson album is actually pretty good. Changing your mind means you're alive,and, fixed positions come to seem a bit daft. So when someone tells me they don't, say, read fiction, part of my being lurches.

Of course this does not mean that you don't come to a view of what you would prefer, most of the time. And furthermore I will try to persuade folk of the wisdom of my position.

However on a sunny day, under a tree, I will drink barely average beer from a can, and eat the food with a plastic fork, in the company of the scions of the local Conservative Party, and think it grand.

No Chris Moyles at any time though. Obviously.

I think everyone on the planet is a little OCD . . .

Never leave the house without AT LEAST two cigarette lighters
Always stand on the same spot on the railway platform in the morning
Never ever use bloody text speak - a word has not evolved through hundreds of years for you to deliberately hack it to bits

There are special rules for most things - I shall think of them tomorrow as it's late now

All CD's must be burnt to hard drive.
Always have an aisle seat on plane even it means not sitting with family & friends.
Never go into a pub if there is disco playing.
Always have one beer before dinner when eating out and then wine.
Lounge must be tidy before listening to music though it can get untidy as the day wears on.
All travel docs printed including info on hotels etc and put unfolded into clear file.
Shoes always clean.
AMP always in Class A mode.

any important Test Match ie against Australia, South Africa or any of the Six Nations teams.

However, it is not advisable to assume this.

In fact, the more one assumes this and is complacent about a victory, there is more of a likelihood that they will lose.

Therefore, one must spend much time worrying and fretting about whether they might lose in order to guarantee a win.

Sadly, none of the above is necessarily true, especially in a World Cup year.

Change channels during an ad break.

Give the mouse a waggle as the computer is booting up.

Try to turn on the football just as the match is starting so as to miss all the banter and hyperbole.

Take an umbrella.

When alone, use toilet roll to blow your nose instead of tissues as it seems cheaper.

Check the year of the PG Wodehouse book before you read it, and lower expectations if it's after about 1960.

Finish the podcast you're listening to, because if you stop halfway through, you'll never go back to it.

Spell check is for uneducated weaklings.

Never call Glastonbury "Glasto" - I blame Nigel Blackwell for this one!
Never call Christmas "Xmas" even when typing a text. And that is not due to being particularly religious.
The dishwasher must always be packed to the rafters before going on. Even if they are starting to smell unpleasant
Get dressed in the following order. Pants, trousers, shirt then socks. Most definitely never socks first.
Get undressed in the reverse order!
Never use a public cubicle where both parts of the toilet seat are down. You never know what horror lurks below.
Never listen to an album more than once in a row.
Never trust the content of the Daily Mail.

I know there are plenty more. Nowt as strange as folk!

buy cheap shoes.

Having read all these, I'm starting to worry that I may be a bit odd (others came to the same conclusion years ago). Try as I might, I can't think of anything that I will always do in one particular way that I've worked out and stuck with. I don't think I ever say never because I just might.... one day change my mind. I have my preferences but I'm open to other ideas.

watch out where the huskies go
and I never eat the yellow snow.

I also never trust anyone who says they don't like Dylan and The Beatles.

buy hifi from a shop that sells washing machines.

I've got into the habit of stirring my cuppas exactly 27 times. No more, no less.

27 is of course 3 cubed. Previously, for a while, the number had to be 29, which is a prime. Prior to that I wasn't much bothered.

...and feel that you're not alone.

It should also be called The OCD Thread for Strange People.

I have to check everything several times before going to bed.

"Right, that's Wallet, Travelcard, Keys, Change, Cigarettes. Door is locked, cooker is off, telly is off..." repeat until I think Oh Fuck it.

I NEVER listen to the recorded music of the said band at home or in the car (or anywhere else) on the day of the concert.

Perhaps I'm a Strange Person (and I see I'm not alone in this), but if I'm going to see, say, the Decemberists in concert, I want to arrive ... sort of fresh, and not having listened to "The King is Dead" four times already that day.

about using full sentences and punctuation when writing, especially in texts and email. I'm having a bit of trouble now I'm on twitter and it goes against the grain sometimes to have to use partial sentences and miss out punctuation.

'What if no-one can understand what I'm talking about?' - well that's nothing new.

'What is someone takes offence at my abruptness?' - that is something I always worry about when I'm 'talking' on-line and I often write out a whole reply and then decide that it's not appropriate and don't post it.