Entertainment For Lively Minds
The Fabulous Baldwin Brothers
Posted by skirky on 15 February 2011 - 3:47pm.
If I could crave the indulgence of the Massive briefly, I have to create a weekly 'true or false' quiz (by Thursday) based on material which is generally around the periphery of what people could reasonably be expected to either know or succesfully surmise. Recent items have involved deciding between made up and actual Morris sides, and deciding whether names like (for instance) Aradur are chemicals used in paint manufacture or characters from Lord of the Rings. This week I need help in proposing that if there were a fifth Baldwin brother in addition to Alec, Stephen, William and the other one, what would their name be, and what might they have appeared in?
The more feasible the better.
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Mike
Coronation Street.
(I've a feeling that if this were QI, there'd be an alarm going off about now)
Stanley
Appeared in Adolf Hitler: My Part In His Downfall
Adam Baldwin
Big unit, tough guy actor who's seriously funny...a John C McGinley type thesp...currently seen on TV in 'Chuck'
Jerry, 60
A pastor in Georgia.
Adam Baldwin was also in Firefly.
He's not actually related to the Baldwin Baldwins but people think he is.
Is he Animal Mother in Full Metal Jacket too?
.
yup...
well spotted. He is.
Kevin
First Role -Played one the stoner soldiers who hung out with Willem Dafoe in Platoon.
Currently - Has played Detective Matt Reilly in Law and Order - Special Victims unit for the last three seasons. Played Staff Sergeant Tommy Murphy in HBO's The Pacific.
There was a 5th brother
but he was the black sheep of the family: Tommy Baldwin became a footballist rather than a thesp:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_Baldwin
Charlie
Baldwin.
Specialises in appearing in porn versions of his more famous brothers' films, most notably
Pussyjuice
The *unt of Rhian October
Glenn and Garry Do Ross
Frotting Hill
The Usual Sexpests
The Flintstones in Viva Cock Vegas
Twatliners
Lexington Baldwin (AKA "Carmine Baldwin" AKA "Lungfish")
Born in 1956, Lexington, the oldest of the Baldwin brothers, was a weak and sickly child and proved to be such a disappointment and later such an embarrassment to his family that his name is no longer mentioned even in voice-mail threats.
Showing neither any interest in seeking fame and fortune nor any more aptitude for acting than even his youngest brother Stephen, he spent all his spare time as a youth tending to his lungfish (by the age of 15 he had already amassed the largest collection west of the Rockies) and, "as soon as the sun was over the yardarm",[1] masturbating furiously while a Betamax recording of the 1950 Esther Williams vehicle Duchess of Idaho played on a permanent loop.
Imagine, then, the family's astonishment when one fateful morning in late November 1988 Lexington shuffled down the stairs for post-Thanksgiving breakfast, pointed at his brothers and said, "Famous? Who needs famous? I'm gonna be an infamous moddafocka, and youse mutts can call me Carmine!" With an uncharacteristic flourish, he then ripped off his russet-and-brown-checked dressing-gown to reveal that he was wearing a black Lycra singlet and lime-green shell-suit pants, with the gold letters "CB" hanging from a chunky chain around his neck. Oblivious to the peals of laughter and mass spurting of Cheerios at the breakfast table, he then turned on his heel, kicked the dog and walked out. Carmine, né Lexington, Baldwin had left the house for the first time in seventeen years, never to return.
Against all odds, his rise through the ranks of the New York-based Gambino crime family was meteoric, and by 1995 he was already running his own crew out of the storefront That's Amore Social Club in the Bensonhurst district of Brooklyn.
Convicted in 2008 on forty-nine felony counts, including loansharking, trafficking in class-A drugs, union racketeering, gambling, extortion and activities likely to endanger the physical integrity of a protected marine species, Carmine "Lungfish" (né Lexington) Baldwin is now serving a life sentence without parole under permanent lockdown at Marion Federal Penitentiary in Illinois.
Although in the only interview he has ever given[2] he claimed never to have seen any of his better-known brothers’ movies, he still considers himself to be a cinema buff, albeit with specialist tastes. Calling in some old favours, he has arranged to have the Premium Platinum Director's Cut Special Blu-Ray Edition of Duchess of Idaho piped into his cell 24 hours a day.
[1, 2: "Lungfish Loves The Life", feature, New York magazine, April 2002.]
Thanks Archie
Can I have that?
Oops
I've just noticed your feasibility requirement.
Feasibility schmeezibility
I was already on Wikipedia looking him up before I noticed your name at the bottom...