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The decline and fall of the pub...

chabsy's picture

Pubs are where I grew up; met people and had the best and worst times of my life. Now it seems they're dying at a terrifying rate of knots, probably like my brain cells. However, I've learned more in pubs than schools or colleges, and laughed more than anywhere else. In "I'm sober, me, you are all sub-human" Frank Skinner quotes his dad saying "If they didn't have pubs, they would have to build more lunatic asylums." This is true, but here's my list over my life of the ten greatest boozers it's been my privilege to drink in (music not essential). PS I'm not talking about those 'Walkabout' monstrosities, I'm talking real good boozers, shitty or otherwise

1: The Dog & Bull, Croydon (Yes, OK) Landlord Frank who walked behind me and brushed my shoulders
ME: Is it dandruff Frank?
FRANK: "Either that or you're wearing a feckin' wig covered in salt" Everard, the huge black guy who dragged the carts behind the market, sweetest guy in the world who would drink a bottle of Malibou for starters:

2. The Good Mixer Camden. Dodgy one, this, you love it or hate it, I think it's tops. Invited 2 strangers to come and see Lee Perry at The Jazz Cafe (I'm paying) and they told me to fuck off.

3. The Watermill, Felling, Gateshead. Alas, flattened, but saw SuperMac grapple with my best mate over a half bottle of Bells outside in the carpark. The best laughs I've ever had were in this pub, with my best friends:

4: The Coffin Bar a.ka. Crown Pasada, Newcastle Quayside: First place I played Space Invaders. Now they do a great pint of Landlord

5. The Packenham Inn, Calthorpe Street, near King's Cross. Landlord Podraig Twomey, who declared "The best 'ting to come out of Newcastle was the road to London" Here occurred a bizarre spectacle; Twomey had 2 Kerry Blue dogs, very vicious, and invited everyone to put their hand over the bar to goad the dogs; "it'll take yer feckin' hand off" Until a regular old lag, 'Macaroni Toni' knocked the dog out with one punch when it went for him

6: The Viaduct, Holborn: possibly the strangest people I've ever met congregated in this pub, due to the fact it was over the road from the Old Bailey. Saw Denis Neilson's Black Maria going in to the Old Bailey whilst on the phone to me Granny in Newcastle, and she told me "Eee stay away from him son"

7. The Queen, Crossharbour: flattened, but full of gangsters, of the Ray Winston variety

8. The Swan, Heworth, Tyne & Wear: Got my face kicked in for looking like Bowie '74 i.e. orange hair, blonde streaks at front and fedora. I weighed 8 stone and probably asked for it. Bought Chris Waddle a G&T in the 80's and the bastard drank it and walked off

9. The Metropole, Gateshead. A truly weird boozer, oddly enough shaped like a coffin from the outside, unlike "The coffin Bar" above. Frequented it for a few years and talked to an old boy who eventually confessed he had guarded Goering in the Nuremburg Trials and then brought in a photo the next day to prove it. I believe some of 'Get Carter' was filmed in it. Currently being converted to 'Luxury Flats'

10. The 'Cricketers' Hebburn. On the banks of the Tyne, every Friday was a meet up of all your mates, fantastic.

Now I just sit in the house and sup wine on me own. Nearest pub is miles away, populated by geezers who think Hitler put back the cause of the Far Right by "going too far" What's your favourite pubs?

4

The Crown Pasada

I used to drink in there a fair bit when visiting back home. Prior to that I was very fond of The Bacchus a bit further up off Grey Street. Was once virtually ran over by a drunken mouthy twat in a Fiesta while I was stood outside The Cooperage in a crowd. Never got over the fact he had the temerity to shout at ME for bouncing off his door.

Was very taken with The Grapes on Narrow Street in Limehouse when I lived there in the early '90's.

I first danced with Mrs B in The Black Cat in Camden.

I don't frequent any decent pubs at all anymore. Apart from The Lamb of course! It's full of us!

1
Beezer | 6 February 2010 - 12:30am

The Metropole

Photobucket

Are you confusing the Metropole with the Central Hotel which was just across the street?

It's currently being renovated to it's 'original Victorian grandeur' by the folks from The Head of Steam.

In the 80's a bloke in the Central tried to sell me a false leg....I declined.

0
torrential1 | 7 February 2010 - 12:37am

That's spot on torrential1

that's the one, sorry me mind's going. To the right of this pic there was a shitty upstairs sort of nightclub going towards the Tyne Bridge. My brother had his 21st birthday there. Because of snow 6 people turned up; 4 of them were my mam, dad granny, auntie and uncle; one was a mate. Rock and Roll! Poor sod. I was down the smoke.

0
chabsy | 8 February 2010 - 1:58am

There's one pub in Newcastle, Andy & Chabsy

that I used to love, and I can't remember what it's called, and I only know roughly where it is.

It was on the outside of what I think was Newgate Shopping Centre (there was a covered market there), on the side that wasn't Grainger Street, if you know what I mean.

It was a proper Working Class (tm) pub, and there was always loads of old men in caps sat around the outside wall of the bar. You could tell it was a proper men's pub because there weren't any mirrors in the toilets, but they did have pages from the racing papers and some rather uninhibited "dolly birds" from the pages of soft porn mags at eye level above the urinals.

It would be lovely to imagine it's still there, but I imagine that it has now succumbed to the leavening hand of the gentrifier.

Any ideas?

0
Pax Romana | 7 February 2010 - 2:03pm

You've got me thinking now.

Racking my brains but I just can't place it.

Ever tried The Percy Arms? I've known people walk in there never to be seen again.

0
Beezer | 7 February 2010 - 6:16pm

The Lowther perhaps?

Other side of Newgate Street, but a proper old fashioned shithole of a boozer.

0
heshofcheese | 7 February 2010 - 6:34pm

That sounds like the one.

I've never ever been in it though.

0
Beezer | 8 February 2010 - 10:06am

God it wasn't

"The Clock' perchance was it? If that's right it's still there

0
chabsy | 8 February 2010 - 1:47am

The Clock!!!

Or The Duke of Northumberland as nobody calls it.

This review says it all

http://www.theburglarsdog.co.uk/review.html?71

0
heshofcheese | 8 February 2010 - 4:53pm

Thanks very much

for your ideas, massive. I'm there for the first time in donkey's in a few weeks, and I'll try them all out. Any other good 'uns in Newcastle, bearing in mind the fact that my idea of good is "ramshackle, dangerous hovel where people fence stolen iPhones at the bar and stab each other in the toilets"?

0
Pax Romana | 8 February 2010 - 11:18am

See the above mentioned link

The Burglar's Dog has the lowdown on all the bars in the Toon, and as you can see, they don't mince words.

0
heshofcheese | 8 February 2010 - 4:55pm

Chabsy...That made me laugh a lot.

and Im hard work.

0
D.Green | 6 February 2010 - 12:39am

Portsmouth, particularly Old Portsmouth..

Where I live.. had, at one time, the highest number of juicers per head of population and area in the country. Most closed a long, long time ago. But I still have six pubs within two minute's walk.

Pubs I have frequented and loved:

The Bold Forester in Sarisbury Green. My first local.

The Queen Of Hearts in Fallowfield. Where I got to know my university friends.

The Whitworth in Rusholme. Where those friendships were cemented.

Moncks Bar (now Monk's) in Portsmouth. More friendships made. And where I met a girl one New Year's Eve. She eventually married me and gave birth to our son.

The Sally Port in Portsmouth. More tales than I care to mention. One day I will tell of Sean the chef who played bass for Freak Power.

0
Lenny Law | 6 February 2010 - 1:48am

and Gosport,

where The Vine was a favourite hang out for a while during University days. I was at University in Exeter, but my best mates Ian and Martin lived in Gosport, and so did my girlfriend of the time. Student Travel Cards were ace. Happy days.

0
Vulpes Vulpes | 6 February 2010 - 7:30pm

The Falkland Arms pub in Great Tew, Oxfordshire...

I haven't been there for years but they used to have a fabulous selection of real ales: Hook Norton, Summer Lightning and the very hardcore Headcracker. On Sunday nights a folk duo would perform and the everyone would join in with very drunken versions of The Wild Rover and the like.

0
Patrick Crowther | 6 February 2010 - 10:56am

They had a great..

selection of tobacco products too. An assortment of snuff, individual cigarettes (perfect for teenagers) and chrurch wardens' pipes.

0
Jim M | 6 February 2010 - 11:14am

speaking of snuff

I remember another good one; The City Pipe on Newgate Street EC1. They sold snuff and their own brand of ciggies in METAL BOXES, how PiL is that? One drunken afternoon session led to a bet as to how many times we could touch the doorman's impressive whiskers. I managed it 5 times before we were slung out, arriving back at work covered in snuff and stinking to high heaven

0
chabsy | 6 February 2010 - 12:48pm

It's not my local, but this one time, our band went to

The Bass House in Spalding, where we were informed that we were not to pay for any food or drinks and that if we were spotted eating or drinking anywhere else in town we would be barred. We also had to go and watch the pub football team on Sunday morning before re-enacting the dubious penalty decision on stage later and where our drummer succesfully argued that since it was pound-a-pint night, he should have a pint of gin and tonic which was, of course, delivered by the barman who had been nominated as our designated server for the duration of our stay and threatened with the sack if any of our glasses were seen to be empty during the course of the evening. the carpet stuck to your shoes and we once played a New Year's Day lunchtime acoustic gig to the bare arse of an unconcsious girl who, it turned out, had murdered her husband earlier that day.
Don't look for it, it's not there any more.

2
skirky | 6 February 2010 - 2:29pm

Lovely tale

"the bare arse of an unconscious girl who had murdered her husband earlier that day" - all stories should end with this line.

0
Captain Underpants | 6 February 2010 - 3:34pm

"Yesterday there was high drama in Stow-on-the-Wold...

when Whiskas, a cat belonging to WI veteran Mrs Caliper of 23 Honeysuckle Close, got stuck up a tree and had to be rescued by the fire brigade. The brave fireman who undertook this dangerous task, a Mr Barry Hedge, was astonished to find Whiskas miaowing at the bare arse of an unconscious girl who had murdered her husband earlier that day."

You're right!

2
Patrick Crowther | 8 February 2010 - 10:19am

Manchester boozers of my youth

Peveril of the Peak (still there - a red-brick oasis in a hideous regen area now)
The Shady Lady, Oxford Road - once fled after Celtic fans started standing on tables and urinating
The Rembrandt - first glimpse of what would later be the Canal Street scene
The Old Garett - now The Garett - seedy
The Salisbury - good for last train home as just up the steps to Oxford Road station, top pool table downstairs

All in the early eighties not that bothered about your exact date of birth.

0
Moseleymoles | 6 February 2010 - 4:13pm

More.

Sir Ralph Abercromby - I spent so many lunchtimes in there I called it my local. When John & wife (forget her name but she looked just like Faith Brown) retired it went downhill. Real ale, good food, beer garden & full of MEN journos. Saw Bez in there once. Located in Bootle Street next to the police station. Took delight on all the photographers/journalists stood outside for ages, waiting for a banged-up Roy Keane to be released.

John was a scouser and if you told him a good joke you could guarantee he would be telling it back to you a few weeks later.

0
Beany | 7 February 2010 - 12:48am

Mona's

in Main Street, Mallow,Co. Cork. You could go in there on a Thursday afternoon , around 5 o clock, have a quiet pint, read the Cork Examiner and the only sound you'd hear was the crackling of the logs, the ticking of the old fireside clock and ould "Patch" a 13-year old German-Shepherd cross snoring.
Alas, it later got filled with modernity.

1
On The Fence | 6 February 2010 - 4:51pm

The Metropole, Gateshead

The only time I went in this place it was full of pensioners and stank of piss, never went in again. My watering hole of choice in Gateshead when visiting was usually the Trafalgar( now gone.) Down here in Plymouth I am quite fond of The Fortescue.

0
dmc911 | 6 February 2010 - 6:46pm

Although being brought up in Glasgow

My memories are the pubs in London and in particular round Chiswick.
I worked in Gunnersbury and we used to frequent the pubs round Kew Bridge.
The Bridge Hotel, run by two sweet old ladies who were maiden sisters and Tim the barman. Best Youngs in the area and one of the old girls would always do you a welsh rarebit no matter the time if you were feeling peckish. My mate and me one night were put in charge of the kitty and we drank double scotches everytime we went for a round. We kept asking for more cash and surprisingly no one questioned us!!

The Star and Garter across the road. Went there as it had a great pool table. One of our crowd fancied himself as a bit of a Fast Eddie and took on one of the local "faces" It got heavy when the car keys were thrown onto the table and we were edging out with cues in our hands!!

The Wagon and Horses, Courage pub, cheaper than the rest and in the local phrase, a bit dodgy. The seafood stall in the car park got torched one night because the stall holder hadn't paid his "rent" quickly enough for the local, ahem, businessman.

The Thatched Cottage in Shepherds Bush. Big QPR pub across the road from a station house so the place was always full of coppers and lock-ins were never a problem. Used to do smashing filled rolls after the game at Loftus Road.

0
Gordon Kerr | 6 February 2010 - 7:10pm

You used to drink...

... around Kew Bridge and never ventured down Strand-On-The-Green? There's the City Barge, famous as the pub where Ringo fell through the trap door in 'Help!' Mind you I was far too young. I moved away from Chiswick when I was 14.

I have fond memories of The Cotswold in Cheltenham in the late 70s and early 80s, and The Empress in Cambridge, where I lived from 1990 to '94.

They don't really do "locals" over here but there's a restaurant/bar down the street where I had an interesting and rather bizarre conversation with a very drunk Allan Holdsworth (he lives in the next town) one night a couple of years ago. I saw him again in the same bar about a week later. He apologized for being so drunk & obnoxious, and gave me a copy of 'The Sixteen Men Of Tain" as a sort of peace offering.

0
Billybob Dylan | 6 February 2010 - 9:37pm

Oh yes

Strand-on-the-Green!

The Kings Head, (now a curry house) saw a great fight in there, full tables chairs, glasses, everything. Apparently some Chiswick lads had the nerve to come across the river for a quiet drink!!

There was a good pub at the other end of the green, Fullers I think, pulled this girl in it one night, went back to her place and in the middle of "getting to know her" she asked me to try to keep the noise down as husband was asleep upstairs!! I made my excuses and left.

0
Gordon Kerr | 7 February 2010 - 2:57am

The Dolphin, on the Barbican, in Plymouth.

These days it's in all the tourist books, the Rough Guides and suchlike. The Beryl Cook connection has upped its profile enormously. It's a cracking boozer, and has miraculously managed to remain largely unchanged over the four decades during which I've enjoyed its charms. Draught Bass straight from the barrel, no TV, no blaring music, just loud friendly chatter and an atmosphere to match.

In my youth the Barbican was a working harbour, and the fishing boats would be tied up four deep along the quay opposite. These days the place is awash with students and media types, and looks more like one of those self-important little harbours that litter the French coastline, Cancale for example, all poncy eateries and wine bars. At least the Barbican's restaurants don't have waiters trained at the de Gaulle School of Gallic Charm. They have Australian students instead.

The Barbican has changed almost beyond recognition, but it's good that Plymouth is finally making the most of what is after all one of its crown jewels. Even if the fishing boats have thinned out alarmingly, The Dolphin remains a gem.

0
Vulpes Vulpes | 6 February 2010 - 7:48pm

A question, Mr Wolf..

Bass. A great beer. But I know lots of people who don't drink it because of the curse which is, apparently, Bass Arse; sufferers are drawn to the Smallest Room in the smallest hours following the consumption of a couple of pints of the above beverage, wherein they do suffer from grievous flocks of pidgeons. Or seagulls, if you're in Plymouth.

I never suffer. Do you?

0
Lenny Law | 7 February 2010 - 1:09am

Bass!!!

Suffered badly, never stopped me drinking it mind!
You always knew the landlord looked after his cellar if the Bass was ok. The stuff is notorious!!

0
Gordon Kerr | 7 February 2010 - 3:01am

The Prince of Wales: New Romney

A true haunt of mine - a little Free House where you pretty much knew everyone in there. Late night lock ins, Shepherd Neame Master Brew (used to smell like a wet dog), raucous New Year's Eves, Welsh Merf on the untuned Piano, the occasional folk duo and French bread and cheese on the bar - courtesy of whoever had returned on the ferry from Calais or Boulogne.

0
Steerpike | 6 February 2010 - 10:30pm

St Albans as a whole

Too many to mention. Back in the late 80s, over a hundred pubs and a dozen curry house in a small town. It'd break my heart to think they're closing down.
Throw a stone from my house and you could hit 5 pubs. You could hit Morris dancers over our garden fence, which was probably the right thing to do.
- We did a timed run of 2.5 seconds to the White Hart Tap across the road. Played 'pick the worst records on the juke box' till the landlord chucked us out. Spent more time there than our living room.
- The Lower Red Lion was a big favourite. Great kebabs on the way home too. The governor organised a trip to the big Heineken brewery in Luton and stuffed it up (I forget how), proving he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery.
- The White Hart Hotel at the end of our street. Very classy.
- The Goat a couple of blocks away - CAMRA central
- The Fighting Cocks down by the cathedral, historical like
- 6 Bells and The Rose And Crown, tudor warmth
...and many more great boozers (well used to be anyway). A quick web search shows they're at least still all active.

Down here in Sydney, pub culture is not so great.... The Lord Nelson in the Rocks does a great line of their own beers. The Oaks in Neutral Bay, great BBQ (but standard aussie beer...). The Balmain pub crawl has some stand outs (The London, Dry Dock, Riverview, Exchange etc). Paddington has a few, but nothing I'd cross the city for.

0
Harold Holt | 7 February 2010 - 1:37pm

I saw England 4 Holland 1 in a pub in St Albans

It was an astonishing game in the 1996 Euro tournament.
There were about 6 of us and we got a bit shouty (but in a friendly, happy way).

For the entire match a man was underneath the TV playing a fruit machine. Every now and then he would ask us to keep the noise down because he was trying to concentrate.

0
Austin | 8 February 2010 - 4:41am

One of my favourite pubs in London

was in Marylebone, and, as is always the case, I can't remember what it was called. It was run by a former body builder, film stuntman and z-list actor who was one of Rank's "gong hitters" during the 1950's, and the walls were decorated with front-of-house stills from some of his films and pictures of him covered in gravy browning posing in his trunks.

I remember one year he was so impressed with his Christmas decorations that he left them until July, and quite often the only other people in there apart from Me and me mate was none other than Wendy Richard (resplendent in furs) and her small retinue.

I don't suppose anyone remembers what it was called, do they?

0
Pax Romana | 7 February 2010 - 2:11pm

It may have been

The Beehive or The Gunmakers. I think I saw her in both, although I think The Gunmakers used to be called something else, like The William Wallace? It was a long time ago ....

0
fortuneight | 8 February 2010 - 10:24am

The Sair Inn, Linthwaite, Huddersfield

There's a sign on the door of this great pub which warns: 'Please do not feed Danny despite his persuasive moves, he's been bringing up bile for three days'. Danny is not a desperate regular, he's the pub dog with give-me-a-crisp eyes.

The Sair is a former cottage, about 300 years old, with stone floors, real fires in ranges, its own beers and a fabulous jukebox (plenty of blues, rock 'n' roll and sixties stuff).

Huddersfield is a great place for good boozers - the Rat and Ratchet, the Star, the Grove and the Sportsman - all freehouses or owned by small companies. They have found a successful formula for good pubs that seems blindingly obvious - nice decor, good beer, good food and friendly staff.

Elsewhere I like the Crown Posada, the Marble Arch in Manchester, the Star in Belgravia and the Traveller's Friend in Woodford Green, Essex.

I think the recession has weeded out a lot of shabby pubs with foul beer and muttonhead staff and customers. They won't be missed and the good ones still shine.

0
Olthwaite | 7 February 2010 - 2:54pm

Talking of pub dogs

just around the corner from Word Towers and opposite the school that the kids who sang on 'Another Brick In the Wall' came from is The Mucky Pup - a rather ace little place. The pub dog is called Pocket but don't try n feed him pork scratchings as you will get a kick up the arse

Steven Wells' wake was held there

http://www.nme.com/blog/index.php?blog=10&p=7040&more=1&c=1

0
DogFacedBoy | 8 February 2010 - 2:11am

Kingston...

Me and my friends recently had a major Facebook-flashback when someone found a group dedicated to 'people who used to drink in the car park of the Flamingo' complete with a load of old photographs; I first got smuggled in there by my sister in 1990 (when I was about 14), started drinking there properly in 91. All seemed very normal at the time in a 'this is just our local' kind of way.

Looking back, it was one of the strangest pubs I've drunk in. Huge place on the ring road leading out of town by the Fairfield - a fairly deserted spot apart from the local Kaleidoscope needle exchange. Was always absolutely rammed on Tuesdays (pound a pint night) and Fridays, but never Saturdays for some reason. General mecca for every punk, skinhead, goth, indie kid, metaller, grebo and piss-stained biker in that entire corner of south west London (remember talking to people in there who'd come from Brixton just to go for a drink). The whole place was like a geological cross section of eighties counter culture. DJ Pineapple (aging cross between Noel Redding and Rob Tyner) played a solid set of old goth and punk hits regularly reducing half the pub to a huge mosh pit.

It turned its toes up with very little fanfare in about 1996 when we were away at university; became The Tup for a short while and is currently the Flamingo And Firkin. The car park which used to house all the under age drinkers and acid dealers has had luxury flats built over it (like every other bit of open ground in the area). It's now a flag-festooned rugby pub, but when I still like to think of it as a pub where at 9.30pm on a Friday evening you could reliably see someone getting cheerfully chucked through a table as 'Temple of Love' started up.

Probably the strangest thought for me now is that those 'ancient old punks' who were drinking in there in 1991 were a) probably younger than I am now and b) were probably first-wave punks.

0
JustinQuirk | 8 February 2010 - 2:42am

Kingston...

Me and my friends recently had a major Facebook-flashback when someone found a group dedicated to 'people who used to drink in the car park of the Flamingo' complete with a load of old photographs; I first got smuggled in there by my sister in 1990 (when I was about 14), started drinking there properly in 91. All seemed very normal at the time in a 'this is just our local' kind of way.

Looking back, it was one of the strangest pubs I've drunk in. Huge place on the ring road leading out of town by the Fairfield - a fairly deserted spot apart from the local Kaleidoscope needle exchange. Was always absolutely rammed on Tuesdays (pound a pint night) and Fridays, but never Saturdays for some reason. General mecca for every punk, skinhead, goth, indie kid, metaller, grebo and piss-stained biker in that entire corner of south west London (remember talking to people in there who'd come from Brixton just to go for a drink). The whole place was like a geological cross section of eighties counter culture. DJ Pineapple (aging cross between Noel Redding and Rob Tyner) played a solid set of old goth and punk hits regularly reducing half the pub to a huge mosh pit.

It turned its toes up with very little fanfare in about 1996 when we were away at university; became The Tup for a short while and is currently the Flamingo And Firkin. The car park which used to house all the under age drinkers and acid dealers has had luxury flats built over it (like every other bit of open ground in the area). It's now a flag-festooned rugby pub, but when I still like to think of it as a pub where at 9.30pm on a Friday evening you could reliably see someone getting cheerfully chucked through a table as 'Temple of Love' started up.

Probably the strangest thought for me now is that those 'ancient old punks' who were drinking in there in 1991 were a) probably younger than I am now and b) were probably first-wave punks.

0
JustinQuirk | 8 February 2010 - 2:43am
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