I'm watching this alternative election thingy on C4. Rod Liddle has been on. Appalling man.

Tories ahead but without a clear majority.

What happened to the 'new politics' and the LibDem surge?

is on a Tory majority. Got a feeling it is a 1993 replay.

We're headed for a Tory government. Possibly with Peter Robinson in tow. Worst-case scenario really...

I've only got a five figure mortgage and the old man had his bypass last year.

"so you might consider getting into bed with Peter Mandelson?"

Am I the only one who's slightly concerned that they've got the wrong idea about counting the votes (i.e. let's see if we can count them as fast as possible, rather than count them as accurately as possible)?

...the exit poll. I mean, I'm prepared for the Lib Dems' bounce to be a lot less than the polls suggested, but to actually lose seats? Something fishy about that exit poll...

yowsa.

The Stations have been open from 7am until 10pm.

If you can't arrange your life to vote between those hours then tough.

'bloody' Laverne. Switching to Fiona.

I have absolutely no idea what is going on.

Charlie Brooker

Me mum saw Theresa May at her polling station this morning and her hair was a right mess (T May not me mum)

(as Harry Hill) Hello I'm Zeenar Bedawi and here is the news.....

is no Peter Snow. Although he is a complate swinging dick

Labour wins the Houghton and Sunderland South. By quite a long way.

I just like Fiona Bruce. sexy voice, great body, nice face. smart. watchable. yeah!

May as well be doing Alan Partidges 1994 Football World Cup of Football 1994.

He's a pillock.

hair.

Uuurgh!

Lutonians - WTF!

In safe Labour seats and these idiots are trying to extrapolate the results based on that alone, and rubbishing the exit poll. For gawd's sake, wait until a few marginals are in at least!

?

3-0 to the Labour!

Wake me up when something of any note at all happens.

Now might be the time to check out job opportunities in Europe...

but that Nigel Farage story has just given me the biggest laugh of the night. Well second biggest, after the crass domino toppling stunt earlier.

this will be the first time I refer to Monty Python tonight?

pished

And yer nine hubbies Joanie!

Joan Collins, Tony Parsons, Armando Iannucci and Richard Wilson. It's like the most bizarre supergroup ever.

Euro MP candidate a couple years back, the turncoat tart?

party pieces are utterly pointless - fatuous comments from the clueless.

Joan looks like a million Icelandic Kroner.

than 3 seats in by now? My eyelids are getting heavy and more talk of exit polls isn't going to keep me awake for much longer.

about £2.50 innit?

Not with Cameron though.

A pint of Diamond White I assume?

William Hague, he's a right laff

I'm on the wusabi peas and strawberry milkshake

Does the American influence have no limits?

Afghanistan have offered to act as overseer for our crooked election.

I thought if you didn't vote by 10pm then that's that. Is that not true? Does it matter if you are in a queue?

from watching Biffy Clyro tear the f'ing roof off the Hammersmith Apollo and am catching up on the Premier League Darts. Keep the news coming chaps then I don't have to bother with the news channels.

Either my tv colour is right off or he's dyed it a nasty shade of plum

Biffy Clyro are pish :)

Bobby George has held bristols (his own)

...if the Beeb had got Crosby, Stills and Nash in to fill some time between results? Surely Jeremy Vine could have sorted it.

Peter Robinson has been kicked out! One member of the Massive (at the very least) will be made up about this.

him and his stupid bigotted wife used to give my bile ducts an extra kick everytime they opened their big bazoos

What a tit! Faux serious. Vacuous ... "more champers Tobes?" "why not, I'm a nonentity, top me up"

.

I like Victoria Coren. I'd give her my vote.

looks like he should be at home in bed - he won't be up in time for school otherwise

Man in sunglasses from Land and Power party (57 votes) holds up fist as Brown gives speech in constituency.

This is getting interesting.

and it looks like they will, at the moment, I hope every Tory voting white van man racist scum Sun reading "I've always voted Labour but it's time for a CHANGE", or "Maggie was the best PM this country's ever had, apart from Winnie Churchill 2 car new money shits" or wishy washy Lib Dem "tactical voting" loses their jobs and their houses burn down. CHANGE? Ooh it's time for a CHANGE all right, but this is the sort of CHANGE that you you won't like at all, you bastards. Still, on the plus side, I had a new sink put in today. It don't work. Nighty night.

How very, very depressing. Another 5 years of same old same old, Buggins' turn politics. Labour can stop pretending they'd like PR. Lib Dems go back to being patronised by the other two and ignored by the media. And yet they'll still have enough votes to warrant having at least twice the number of seats it looks as if they'll end up with.

May the night prove me wrong.

Glasgow East from SNP!
Labour 40 Conservatives 21

... and this election thingy is just a side show. So says the multi-headed monster that is "The Markets". Live and Let Die.

says Billy Bragg on Twitter.

... Bill Wyman and Al Murray. Are they willing us to bed or something?

on that bloody boat! Oh dear oh dear

Not a good night for the Lib Dems in Scotland

... has seemed really sloppy to me. Too many faces, not enough content and a little too much levity for my liking.

...just suggested that we needed to look at the molecular detail of the voting patterns. Wow. There's some real chemistry there.

Chesterfield from Lib Dems. Con 185, Lab 145.

Esther Rantzen only gets 1,800 votes in Luton

It looks like their's gonna be a hanging.Iv'e got a rope you bring a ladder.

...we all caved at about the same time! I went to bed at 1.45....

In the way we do things?
http://www.takebackparliament.com/

?

I must watch incredibly tedious election coverage more often, it does wonders.

Whoah, stunning footage of Nick Clegg's car driving somewhere. And we thought the excitement was all over!

Ed Balls survived by a mere 1000 votes. What could have been, eh?

people asked 'Whats the story?' i could hear Malcolm Tucker add 'in fucking Balamory?'

A bit too big aren't they?

Jeremy, take your virtual world of shite and fuck off for another 5 years (or six months)

They've been on since 10pm last night - 17 hours all in one shift. Unless they had a nap while I wasn't watching (between 3am and about 7am)

No more BNP. Result.

the sight of Andrew Neill talking pointlessly to an inanely mugging Bruce Forsyth in the company of Don Logan from Sexy Beast during an election broadcast?

That's when I put the wine down and went to bed.