Entertainment For Lively Minds
The awfulness of "list" songs.
The appearance of Billy Joel's name in the "The Worst Band Of All Time" thread brought back some deeply unpleasant memories of "We Didn't Start The Fire", Joel's portentous baby-boomer "list" song which is perhaps the most unreappraisable slab of pop cack that was ever plopped on vinyl.
Songs that list - or which sound listy - are more often not the sound of either profound smugness or of wells running very very dry.
To Joel's faux-protest-bollocks, you might add "Eve of Destruction" by Barry McGuire, "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies, the lead-off singles from the last two U2 albums, and that song from the 1970's where some bloke on the phone rants unintelligibly fast for about a week and then sings "Life Is A Rock, But The Radio Rolled Me" in the chorus.
There is but ONE good list song, and that is....
?
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Is it...
Reasons to be Cheerful?
Er...
two, sorry.
And/Or is it...?
Imperfect List by Big Hard Excellent Fish?
I reckon so.
See below...
King of the list songs
Is it Sweet Gene Vincent?
R.E.M.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
Sh*t
three.
We might be able to do a list song based on good list songs if we keep going at this rate.
REM
"It's The End Of The World As We Know It"?
Endless Art
by A House.
DAMMIT!
four!
Oh, yeah
they were a good band.
It's "Own Up If You're Over 25"
by John Dummer and Helen April
EDIT: I liked 'We Didn't Start The Fire"
horrrayyyy...
...awwwwwwww.....
Is it...
...'England's Glory', then?
Re 'We Didn't Start the Fire': It's more than merely a portentous baby-boomer list song, it's an absolute apologia for American interventionist foreign policy.
It's the End of the World As We Know It
could this be the other good list song?
Why do list songs
always have to sound exactly like that Bob Dylan song - the one with the video where he's standing with those cards with the words written on them?
Retro goes Bingo!!!!
Right first time, Retro, the very one!
And if you don't want to know the score, look away now...
Yeah, great but what's it bloody called again?
My medication is doing my head in today and I've gone blank...I can't see any links or You Tube stuff on this PC.
Subtaranean Homesick Blues
innit...
I know it sounds like a list
I know it sounds like a list song, but I’m not really convinced it is one, especially in comparison to the others mentioned in the thread.
And the people mentioned in End of the World all have the initials LB after Michael Stipe had a dream about Lester Bangs after he cornered him and asked for advice about the-then fledgling REM. At least that’s what I read in the Bangs’ biography anyway.
Sorry, but it slips in on
the "listy" technicality.
Thank you, that's the one
.
Like this one
and yes it was in WORD a while ago
Soldier's Things
by Ol' Tom Waits
Route 66
another "listy" song. Which is good.
And I've forgotten
this, which is a list song (of sorts)
The Divine Comedy's "Lost Property"
Absolutely sublime... and is it me or are the good "list" songs now outnumbering the bad ones here?
Maybe
but if you take out "Subterranean Homesick Blues" the cumulative badness of the bad list-song list still outweighs the cumulative goodness of the good list-song list on the good-song/bad-song pop scales.
When in a hole...
the best advice is to keep digging ;-)
I would refine it to say that 'protest' type list songs tend to be poor. An example - I bow to no-one (apart from maybe daveross!) in my appreciation of Justin Currie's songcraft, but I can't stand a song that many consider among his best: "No, Surrender".
This one?
Not his best Dougie but a great song none the less. Does it qualify as list song?
http://www.wordmagazine.co.uk/content/justin-currie-no-surrender
Another Divine Comedy one.......
Booklovers off the debut Promenade. Possibly the best list song ever.
oh I can't have that
Promenade isn't the debut. Otherwise you aren't far off.
Damn!
I was hoping no-one would notice my mistake :o) However, I am still trying to locate a copy of fanfare for the comic muse that wont involve remortgaging. Until that happens I refuse to acknowledge it!..........
Did that sound convincing? In all honesty I had completely forgotten about it! A strict diet of Neil Hannon on spotify is in order today.
Ahem
Liberation was The Divine Comedy's first album*, Promenade (which contains The Booklovers) the second.
*We can argue till the cows come home about whether Fanfare For The Comic Muse was the first DC album. Apart from the fact that it is long deleted and unlikely to ever see the light of day, Neil doesn't count it as a DC work.
Damn!
I'll fetch my coat....
Is it rare?
I've got a vinyl copy. It's not great.
Have also got a copy of the special edition Promenade with the very excellent acoustic freebie CD, which is very good indeed. Cost me a fiver second hand. But that was back in the day, before Casanova came out...
Hello by the Beloved?
Mind you that's pretty poor. It even mentions erstwhile Pompey player Vince Hilaire.
Hey, Hello's brilliant!
"Zippy, Bungle, Jeffrey Archer..."
On second thoughts...
Surely a contender
for that other thread started a while back 'the weediest acts of all time'.
No way! It's fantastic!
"Billy Corkhill, Vince Hilaire" - come on.
Don't forget "Leslie Crowther..
Come on down.."
Utterly off-topic
But Half Man Half Biscuit's take on that line was better:
"JESUS CHRIST! Come on down!"
Can't remember - was that 99% of all Gargoyles look like Bob Todd? I may be adding lines from different songs, but memory says that also included:
"If you've ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow, you need butter, milk and cheese. And an equilateral chainsaw."
I'll nominate
All I really want to do by Ol' Saint Bob. As a bad example, I mean.
on the first day of christmas
my true love sent to me.......
An Eric Cantona!
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Two Cantonas
and an Eric Cantona
On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Three Cantonas
Two Cantonas
and an Eric Cantona
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Four Cantonas
Three Cantonas
Two Cantonas
and an Eric Cantona
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
FIVE CAN-TON-AHHHHHHS
Four Cantonas
Three Cantonas
Two Cantonas
and an Eric Cantona
and that, mes amis, is a very irritating list song!
12 days of christmas
Funny this
A second Divine Comedy song - The Booklovers.
Possibly profoundly smug, but also undeniably very good/funny.
You're all wrong. It's this:
KLF - it's grim up north
The theme tune to 'Only fools and horses'
My favourite things
My hometown of Maghull is mentioned on that.
Do any other readers have similar etc etc.
Barnsley is mentioned
with grim inevitability but sadly not Penistone...
Although you do have house music diva CC Penistone.
Once described by Adrian Deevoy in Q as "still the only chart star whose name contains the word 'niston'."
The only song in the history of popular music
to mention "Hebden Bridge"?
Probably inevitably
Half Man Half Biscuit lament the chattering classes' invasion of Hebden Bridge in the wonderful Lord Hereford's Knob
The Fall
also make a similar derogatory comment about Hebden Bridge's lecturer belt in a track on "Fall Heads Roll" - I think it's "Assume" but haven't listened to it in years so may be wrong.
Ian McNabb's Merseybeast
mentions Fazakerley where I grew up, can't think of anything with my actual birthplace of Bootle (lovely little fishing village on the tranquil banks of the Mersey)
These Bootle's Made For Walking?
SCRATCH THAT DYLAN SH*T...
How could I have forgotten that THIS is the best list song ever?
Baz Luhrmann's..
..Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen - a tiresome list of well worn advice and observation. Which has no place on a list of good list songs.
John Lennon
'God'?
I think that's more mantric
than listular, if you catch my drift(icles).
Not sure if it counts, but Cole Porter's...
Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love) is almost a list song. And it couldn't be any more brilliant.
Yes, it is brilliant, but I'm not talking
about proper songs, Patrick, only pop songs. ;-)
The winner
another WORD list song
Personally I have no problem with list songs
So it seems list songs are all great
another divine comedy gem "gin soaked boy". Includes the excellent line "I'm Jeff Goldblum in the fly". Sorry this is one of those literalist youtube things where they put the lyrics up.
Some are good, yes,
but you need at least 100 corkers for every "Eve Of Destruction" before you even start to balance the scales.
also
Lost Property by The Divine Comedy
and this one
and does this count?
or maybe this one
Little Feat's Willin'..
list of bad scenes which don't, well, break his will.
and any excuse to share such a great song..
Umm..
Loads of genuinely great list songs here....
...but going back to the OP, the Grand Satan of the annoying rubbish list song has to be Alanis Morisette.
This girl has a serious problem writing lyrics without them sounding like a list of topics that she plans to discuss at her next appointment with her shrink. Most of her big hits follow this unfortunate pattern. Hand In My Pocket. Ironic. And especially the chorus of this particularly grating ditty:
IRONY:
n., pl., -nies.
1.
1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning.
2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning.
3. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. See synonyms at wit1.
2.
1. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: "Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated" (Richard Kain).
2. An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity. See Usage Note at ironic.
3. Dramatic irony.
4. Socratic irony.
5. Rain On Your Wedding Day.
6. A Public Transport gratuity that you are unable to redeem.
7. A Death Row Pardon Which Arrives Two Minutes After The
Prisoner's Execution
8. The unexpected discovery of insects in Chardonnay.
Jesus Christ!
...Fanny Bryce... Wolfie Mozart and Humphrey Bogart... etc etc etc
Brilliant stuff. Surely without doubt the best of all list songs? Yes, really...
What makes one good and another bad?
As so often happens in musical debate, every time you come up with a rule for what makes a song/band/venue good or bad, someone comes up with an example that breaks it: A good song with all the features that make a bad song, a bad band with all the features of a good one etc.
And again I'm at a loss to explain why this list song is undeniably awful:
while this one is undoubtedly brilliant:
Really surprised
no-one mentioned 'I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE' which may be the best list song of all time. Jackie Leven did a version naming German cities which is also pretty amusing.
You're right Steve...
...and here's the original version, with Australian place names (can anyone imagine learning this?!), by Lucky Starr from 1962 - heard here from his appearance on the 'Long Way To The Top' Aussie vintage legends Arena tour from 4-5 years back:
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This, the intoxicating sound of Kate Radley
rather listily counting to 200 officially consigns my theory to the dustbin:
That's the "as soon as you have a theory" theory in action
Like I said above, as soon as you have a theory, something always comes along to disprove it.
The Wild Swans
From this year this is the Wild Swan's comeback song. It's a brilliant list song!
Song of the year, no two
Song of the year, no two ways. Best two gigs of the year as well. Greatest band ever basically. (That isn't those Beatle lads obviously)
You could list
approximately a third of the HMHB catalogue as "list" songs, the majority of which are great. Here's one that I haven't posted recently elsewhere
My first thought
when I started reading the thread.
Lisa Riley...
Pure genius, see also "The Referee's Alphabet"
Dylan's "It must be Santa"
contains a list of American presidents (!)
Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip - Thou Shalt Always Kill
A great list song & funny to boot!
From an earlier era
Cole Porter wrote tons of great list songs
sorry, double post.
sorry, double post.
Two great songs
from Rodney Crowell: Earthbound, which I've posted before and the wonderful Telephone Road.
Neither song smacks of desperation at trying to find inspiration.
Does this qualify?
who cares, any excuse...
Where does the massive stand on...
..."The Oldest Swinger in Town" by Fred Wedlock?
I'd stand on
a copy if I came across one.
Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)
No one's mentioned that. I love it. It will come as no surprise to you that I like list songs. Especially We Didn't Start The Fire. There's a huge challenge to be had in learning the words.
I did actually
mention that song in my original blog piece, five-c, but that's no big deal; I'm always thundering into posts (both kinds) without my reading glasses on, and at least I now know what the song's actually called.
Tempted
by Squeeze. Possibly their finest hour.
And let us not forget 'Elvis is everywhere' by Mojo Nixon. Essentially a list of where Elvis is:
Not Awful: Todd Snider's Vinyl Records
I've got a dusty old pile of vinyl records sittin' on my floor
I've played each one of 'em over and over a dozen times or more
All I've got is a beat up chair a mattress a fork and another to spare
And that dusty old pile of records on my floor
I got Willie, Waylon and Woody Guthrie
Jimmy Buffett, Lyle Lovett and Bobby Gentry
Jerry Jeff, Bob Dylan, Donnie Fritts,
The Dead, The Doors, Patsy Cline, John Prine and more
I got Jackson Browne, Townes Van Zandt, Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd
Harry Chapin, Guy Clark and Van Halen
I got Rita, Kris, Keith Sykes and Country Joe when he was singin' with the Fish you know
I got Emmylou, U2 and Arlo, James Taylor, Jimmie Rodgers, Hank Williams, Mojo Nixon,
Hendrix, Haggard and a whole lot more
In that dusty old pile of vinyl records I got sittin' on my floor
One time in San Francisco
I was standin' in an airport line
In one bag I had all my clothes and in the other was all them ol' records of mine
The lady said I could only bring one bag
I had two, Oh what a drag
I had to jump on the plane and leave all my clothes behind
But I got Willie, Waylon and Woody Guthrie
Jimmy Buffett, Lyle Lovett and Bobby Gentry
Jerry Jeff, Bob Dylan, Donnie Fritts,
The Dead, The Doors, Patsy Cline, John Prine and more
I got Jackson Browne, Townes Van Zandt, Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd
Harry Chapin, Guy Clark and Van Halen
I got Rita, Kris, Keith Sykes and Country Joe when he was singin' with the Fish you know
I got Emmylou, U2 and Arlo, James Taylor, Jimmie Rodgers, Hank Williams, Mojo Nixon,
Hendrix, Haggard and a whole lot more
I got all of Booker T's, Tom T. Hall's,
Bobby Bare, Belafonte and the New York Dolls,
Billy Joe, Jimmy Croce, Kiss, Crosby Stills and Nash,
John, June and Roseanne Cash
I got Forbert, Fromholtz, Stevie Ray,
T-Birds, Yardbirds, Sam and Dave,
And as some of y'all mighta guessed already
I got piles and piles and piles of Tom Petty
In that dusty old pile of vinyl records I got sittin' on my floor
I had to look into that one a bit further...
Here's a clip of him doing it
Todd Snider...
...special, don't you think?
I'm with you on that..
..and can I just quiote this verse from "Tillamook Couunty Jail" in support :-
Got a lump on my head, and a boot print on my chest
From what the guys in here call the Tillamook County lie detector test
Well I did my best but as you might-a guessed it's a tough test not to fail
I'm sittin’ here waiting in the Tillamook County Jail
Persons Unknown
...by the Poison Girls is at heart a list. But, my, what a list and what a song!!
This is a message to persons unknown
Persons in hiding.
Persons unknown
Survival in silence
Isn't good enough no more
Keeping your mouth shut head in the sand
Terrorists and saboteurs
Each and every one of us
Hiding in shadows persons unknown
Hey there Mr. Average
You don't exist you never did
Hiding in shadows persons unknown
Habits of hiding
Soon will be the death of us
Dying in secret from poisons unknown
This is a message to persons unknown
Strangers and passers-by
Persons unknown
Turning a blind eye
Hope to go unrecognized
Keeping your secrets persons unknown
Housewives and prostitutes
Plumbers in boiler suits
Truants in coffee bars
Who think you're alone
Big men on building sites
Sick men in dressing gowns
Agents in motor cars
Who never go home
Women in factories
One parent families
Women in purdah
Persons unknown
Wild girls and criminals
Rotting in prison cells
Patients in corridors
Persons unknown
Statistics on balance sheets
Numbered and rubberstamped
Blind and invisible
You're lost in your homes
Liggers and layabouts
Lovers on roundabouts
Wake up in the morning
Persons unknown
Accountants in nylon shirts
Feminists in floral skirts
Nurses for when it hurts
Persons unknown
Astronauts and celibates
Deejays and hypocrites
Liars and lunatics
Persons unknown
Hopefuls on football pools
Teachers in empty schools
Kids into heroin not yet full grown
Typists and usherettes
Black men who can't forget
The lonely who long for
Persons unknown
Closet idealists
Baldheaded realists
Rastas and bikers
The voice on the phone
Pimps and economists
Royalty and communists
Rioters and pacifists
Persons unknown
Visionaries with coloured hair
Leather boys who just don't care
Garter girls with time to spare
Persons unknown
Judges with prejudice
Dissidents and anarchists
Policemen deal dirty tricks
To persons unknown
Strikers and pickets
Collectors of tickets
Radical architects
The queen on her throne
Soldiers in uniform
Sailors and stevedores
Beggars and bankers
Perjurers and men of law
Persons unknown
Football crowd hooligans
Bunking off school again
Workers down tools again
United's at home
Smokers with heart disease
Cleaners of lavatories
The old with their memories
Persons unknown
Flesh and blood are who we are
Flesh and blood are what we are
Flesh and blood are who we are
Our cover is blown...
Does this count as a list song?
Always had a soft spot for "We Love You" by the Psychedelic Furs...
gb
It doesn't stick strictly to the 'list song' rules, but.....
....It's The End Of The World As We Know It by R.E.M. is a work of greatness and has a tendency to be very 'listy'.
"The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide.
Mountains sit in a line.
Leonard Bernstein.
Leonid Breshnev
Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party cheesecake
jelly bean, boom!"
What about....
Simian Mobile Disco 'Audacity of Huge'-the finest song ever to mention both Damien Hirst and the Sultan of Brunei?
I've been everywhere
which I know thanks to Mr Johnny Cash.
I've been to:
Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
Tocapillo, Baranquilla, and Perdilla, I'm a killer.
I've been to:
Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana,
Washington, Houston, Kingston, Texarkana,
Monterey, Faraday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa,
Glen Rock, Black Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa,
Tennessee, Hennessey, Chicopee, Spirit Lake,
Grand Lake, Devils Lake, Crater Lake, for Pete's sake.
I've been to:
Louisville, Nashville, Knoxville, Ombabika,
Schefferville, Jacksonville, Waterville, Costa Rica,
Pittsfield, Springfield, Bakersfield, Shreveport,
Hackensack, Cadillac, Fond du Lac, Davenport,
Idaho, Jellico, Argentina, Diamantina,
I've been to:
Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado,
Ellisburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado,
Larimore, Admore, Haverstraw, Chatanika,
Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika,
Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City,
Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City, what a pity.
In reality I've been to three of those places. Including Baltimore - a slightly bizarre trip to a careers centre in a dodgy area, accompanying a member of the House of Lords. To my Wire-watching chagrin I can't remember where, not even if it was East Side or West Side...
A rotter......courtesy of Transvision Vamp
Wendy looks good though.......sigh...........
No more Wendy James videos, please.
It's not good for me.
She ruined my eyesight twenty years ago and still makes we want to bite lumps out of the coffe table. Didn't we deal with all this in the Those We Have Fancied thread?
Come on, Chops, spill the beans old boy,
what IS the only good one?
A chopsmeister writes:
My mission, dear Vulps, was to leave that decision to yous, my elders and betters; hence my elipsis...
Two great list songs from FOTC
Here's another cracker you may have forgotten.
Peaked at a massive number 42 twenty years ago. Which means Ken Bruce will play it in ten years time.
Favourite list of girls song
88 lines about 44 women - the Nails
Two more "list" songs...
..which I hate:
Nina Simone "Ain't Got No"
Lemon Jelly "Ramblin' Man"
Both give me shudders just thinking about them....
I know what you mean
about the My Baby Just Cares For Me hitmaker's song. 'Got my boobies' indeed...
Ooh.. I love Ramblin' Man..
It mentions Fingeringhoe where my mate Rich lives. And Valmorel. Which is a lovely little French ski station.
The regular appearance of REM
on this thread reminds me of Bubonique's (Cathal Coughlan/Sean Hughes) spot-on parody East Sheep Station, which basically a meaningless list of objects and very REM phrases sung in an oh-so-deep-and mysterious-Stipe-voice. Can't remember the whole thing but it's along the lines of
"jelly bean, fruit machine, standard lamp, postage stamp, water bed, am i dead?"
Though the piece de resistance is the "Baa. Baa. Black. Sheep. Have you any. [very long pause] Love?"
The Kinks
performed a few songs that list things - 20th Century Man, Celluloid Heroes and Alcohol to name three. But here is the pick: