Entertainment For Lively Minds
That wouldn't be anything to do with S-E-X, would it?
Posted by David Hepworth on 8 December 2009 - 10:23am.
Little Feat's "Fat Man In The Bathtub" just came up on the Spotify and I was reminded that it begins:
Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands & knees
He said "Hey momma, hey let me check your oil alright?"
She said "No, no honey, not tonite,
comeback Monday, well you come back Tuesday, then i might."
It strikes me that since most pop music is instigated by men and the key reason why they start strumming a guitar is to get girls to notice them, this verse has to be one of the most elegant appeals for sex in the whole canon. Just imagine whispering that over the petits-four or sending it in a text. "Let me check your oil." It's a classic. It's bawdy but undeniably imaginative. Are there any that match it?
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...Trampled Underfoot by Led Zep.
"Baby let me check your points,
Believe I got the proper tools".(NB these lines may not come one after the other!)
What IS he on about, I wonder?
That wouldn't be anything to do with S-E-X would it
More Lowell George's
Buffaloed in Buffalo, I was entertaining in stereo
I got a Rocket in my Pocket, finger in the socket
Horizontal mambo!
A 'Romance Dance' from Feat's Last Record Album
It's not just the men of course
"Pull up to my bumper baby", "Ring my bell" and "I'm a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way" to name but three.
Fantastic
pop song, this is:
To Julie Burchill and all the GA / Sugababes groupies: come back to me when either of those two groups has released a track anywhere close to this or Britney's majestic Hit Me Baby One More Time.
"I's like to make her scream when I bite the bullet"
You hardly expect it of Neil Young, but there it is. It's all over that album. Even Star of Bethlehem begins "Ain't it hard when you wake up in the morning?"...
not sure
if an oil check is really elegant? it runs on the the idea that the vehicle in question just needs a squirt of WD40 and all will be well ...
"Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims, And strap your hands across my engines..." - a bit muscular
"With a tongue like a cow, she could make you go 'ow'..." - perhaps too base
"I can't believe life's so complex, When I just want to sit here and watch you undress..." - winnar!
As usual, the answer is Barry Manilow
"I wanna do it...do it with you
I want to live out my fantasies
Oh baby, baby please..."
If that doesn't work nothing will.
Also, Doris Day in Move Over Darling. Isn't she throwing herself at her chap in a very direct and un-1950's way? Good for her.
Trampled Underfoot, elegant???????
Come on!
If that's elegant then Julian Cope's "I got a spacehopper baby but its strictly one seater, you got to hold on baby to my special feature" is up there with John Donne.
I'm struggling with this topic because "elegant pleading" and "rock and roll" never seem to quite fit and even when someone is quite elegant, things can get a bit "working on a sex farm" quite easily.
Case in point is a song popular amongst many, I'm sure, in this parish but which I have always loathed; "Love The One You're With" by Steven Stills.
Mrs Sprocket loved that song till I suggested that it was actually a knuckle scraper's ode to banging groupies, and general sexist piggery concealed by "eagle fly with the doves" nonsense. Good honest crudeness is much preferred round my way. Now where's my copy of Big Dumb Sex by Soundgarden?
I was being ironic.
Probably :-)
If the GLW
texted me these sentiments... well....
Yes, it was better in the days when it wasn't allowed
Writers were forced to be more skilfully ambiguous, creating a much better effect than, say the Electric Chairs'
Baby, baby, baby f*** off
Elegance be damned. Here's The Donnas.
I'm on my second drink
But I've had a few before...
I'm tryin' hard to think
And I think that I want you on the floor
Uh huh, yeah on the floor!
Go on and take it off
You gotta shake it off baby, for me
C'mon and break me off
'Cause I get what I want and I like what I see
Need your love 1,2,3
Stop starin' at my D cup
Don't waste time, just give it to me
C'mon baby, just feel me up
C'mon, just give it up
Go on and take it off
You gotta shake it off baby, for me
C'mon and break me off
'Cause I get what I want and I like what I see
Forget the application...
You're the right guy for the task
Let me take you on vacation
Just do it, you don't have to ask!
And here they are again, bless them.
Seriously, sod allusion and metaphor. If you're going to do it, just DO it.
Spendin' every night in a different state
Spendin' every night with a different date
I come into town and have a look around
And then I find a guy who wants to get down
I got boys all over the road
I got boys helpin' me unload
Forty boys in forty nights
I got no time to see the sights
Sometimes I nibble and sometimes I bite
I kinda sorta wanna get skintight
Have some now save some for later
But there's no cute boys in Decatur
I got boys all over the road
I got boys helpin' me unload
Forty boys in forty nights
I got no time to see the sights
Makin' out all night in Hollywood
You know I'd do 'em all if I could
My honey in Stuttgart doesn't care
That I collect their underwear
I got boys all over the road
I got boys helpin' me unload
Forty boys in forty nights
I got no time to see the sights
Rock Quiz
Q: What have The Donnas and Suede got in common?
The singer from The Donnas was referred to as the 'Prima Donna'
...as was that of Suede?
Not quite right...
...but the thing they have in common does involve their respective frontpersons.
Brett Anderson
Both bands have singers called Brett Anderson : I worked rhis out from looking at my 4 CDs by The Donnas and trying to remember what Suede were
Here she is singing The Ramones
Well done!
I'm afraid there is no prize.
Well done!
I'm afraid there is no prize.
Anything in D Minor does it for most laydees...
...it's such a sad key, as this tender, somewhat alluring piece demonstrates (through the medium of lego):
Pantry....
....from Lyle Lovett's latest CD "Natural Forces" is a novelty song where the protagonist pleads with his partner to stay faithfull to him when he is on the road. At the end of the song though, we find that he himself suffers from infidelity.
I’ve dined the whole world over
I’ve had the fries of France
The melons of Verona
The sausage of Gdansk
No matter where I’ve been to,
From _________ to Rome
Nothin’s quite as tasty as what’s cookin’ right at home
I know, I know....the thread's supposed to be about pleas FOR sex rather than pleas not to have it.
Metaphors tightened by appointment
I don't know what it does for his manly country image to cheerfully admit to enjoying a bit of Gdansk sausage.
Are you suggestiing....
....that having a fondness for Polish sausage makes one less 'manly'??
.....but you got me thinking. Maybe this song is not about sex at all? There's another on the CD called "Choke My Chicken", which, according to the net, is another sexual metaphor.
I've followed Lovett's career from the beginning and never before have I found direct sexual metaphors....he does drop a few risque lines but they're more witty and funny than anything else. I can't really imagine a 50 something performer/songwriter with a career like his stooping so low.
OK...the exception to the above is "Sulphur To Sugarcane" by Elvis Costello.
I need to get my head out of the gutter.
Olde England
How about this bit of buccolic pash..................?
Crop handle carved in bone;
sat high upon a throne of finest English leather.
The queen of all the pack,
this joker raised his hat and talked about the weather.
All should be warned about this high born Hunting Girl.
She took this simple man's downfall in hand;
I raised the flag that she unfurled.
Boot leather flashing and spurnecks the size of my thumb.
This highborn hunter had tastes as strange as they come.
Unbridled passion: I took the bit in my teeth.
Her standing over --- me on my knees underneath.
My lady, be discrete.
I must get to my feet and go back to the farm.
Whilst I appreciate you are no deviate,
I might come to some harm.
I'm not inclined to acts refined, if that's how it goes.
Oh, high born Hunting Girl,
I'm just a normal low born so and so.
And from the same album...
Velvet Green... "Tell your mother that you walked all night on Velvet Green"
In Elizabethan times, someone wearing "a green gown" would be said to have an interest in country matters (due to the grass stains)
Prince and Carole King
Little Red Corvette is a great little sex song and quite surreal. And it's that dreamy quality that I like about it.
Meanwhile, Carole King has Will You Love Me Tomorrow? which looks at sex from a slightly more innocent angle. But almost explicit in it's meaning, certainly enough to get it banned in some states in the US.
And whatabout King's Natural Woman, surely the best hymn to sex ever?
Gi-i-i-r-l
you got an ass like I neauver suyeeeeen.....
and the ride
I said the ride is so smoooooooth,
you must be a limousine...
Then there's the one Bruce Springsteen wrote for Bonnie Raitt
ginger infidelity
Isn't that song about the flame-haired Patti Scialfa, aka Mrs Springsteen?
This puts Barry White in his place
Mind you
the use of sexual metaphors can produce some toe-curlingly cringing lyrics, as these two extracts from the same song demonstrate:
"Call up room service, order peaches and cream
I like my desert first - if you know what I mean.
Yeah, taste it , taste it, taste it
Around the maze of pleasure to the gates of pain,
you're driving me insane."
"I'm gonna love you like nobody ever loved you
climb on my rocket and we'll fly.
Over the moon past the sun till we find
the gates of heaven open wide for lovers
I'm gonna love you like nobody ever loved you
climb on my rocket and we'll fly."
Funnily enough, this track seems to be missing from the group's catalogue on spotify and last fm...
Self love
Peter Green......
Baby, if you got to rock
I got to be your rockin' horse
Baby, think you'd like to roll
Maybe your diggin' it more
They're shakin' the world
When it's time to crash
But when I get home tonight
I guess I got to shake myself
You need some love
You must have the blues
Ain't but the one thing
A good man can do
He do the shake
The rattlesnake shake
Man, do the shake
Yes, and jerk away the blues
Now, jerk it
Now, I know this guy
His name is mick
Now, he don't care when he ain't got no chick
He do the shake
The rattlesnake shake
Yes, he do the shake
And jerks away the blues
Now, jerk it
Tyneside's silver-tongued charmer, David Coverdale, wrote
I never knew what a kiss could mean
Until the first time I kissed you,
You took my love in the palm of your hand
And showed me what a woman could do
Now I don't want sugar coated loving
Just silver tongue tenderness,
You gotta give me a certain satisfaction
The kind of love you seal with a kiss
CHORUS:
Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out
If you don't like it
Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out
If you don't like it
I can remember, I can recall
When I first set my eyes on you,
I'll never forget the thrill of it all
Dreaming of the things we could do
Baby, you must be crazy,
Fooling with a man like me,
'Cos I roll my dice with a heart of ice
And make it clear to see
(chorus)
I never knew what a kiss could mean
'Til the first time I kissed you,
You took my love in the palm of your hand
And showed me what a woman could do
Your sweet caress an' tenderness
Can take the pain away,
The things that you do make a queen out of you
And make me a king for a day
(chorus and out)
Absolute (vintage) filth
Peaches et al take note!
Subtle it aint!
AC/DC Back Catalogue
Although thats not very subtle, is it?
True...
but they're probably more subtle than most of the records in the charts these days.
"Mummy, What is a fur burger?"
"Run along and ask your Uncle Screamin' dear....."
EDIT: The website that carries the words for this fine slab of romance also contains the disclaimer: "lyrics reproduced for education purposes only".
Kate Bush doesn't believe in mincing words
(This one makes me feel funny in my tummy)
After the party
You took me back to your parlour.
A little nervous laughter
Locking the door.
My stockings fall
Onto the floor.
Desperate for more.
Nobody else can share this.
Here comes one and one makes one,
The glorious union.
Well it could be love,
Or it could be just lust,
But it will be fun.
It will be wonderful.
Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,
Feel it, my love.
Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,
Feel it, my love.
Oh, I need it. Oh, oh, feel it,
Feel it, my love.
Feel it!
See what you're doing to me?
God, but you're beautiful, aren't you?
Feel your warm hand walking around.
I won't pull away.
My passion always wins.
So keep on a-moving in.
So keep on a-tuning in.
Synchronise rhythm now.
Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,
Feel it, my love.
Oh, feel it. Oh, oh feel it,
Feel it, my love.
Oh, I need it. Oh, oh, feel it,
Feel it, my love.
Feel it!
See what you're doing to me?
See what you're doing to me?
Just see what you're doing to me.
And good old "Anon." sometime lacked subtelty
CUCKOOS NEST
As I was a walking one morning in May
I met a pretty fair maid and unto her did say
I'll tell you me mind, it's for love I am inclined
An me inclination lies in your cuckoo's nest
Some like a girl who is pretty in the face
and some like a girl who is slender in the waist
But give me a girl who will wriggle and will twist
At the bottom of the belly lies the cuckoo's nest
Me darling, says she, I am innocent and young
And I scarcely can believe your false deluding tongue
Yet I see it in your eyes and it fills me with surprise
That your inclination lies in me cuckoo's nest
me darling, says me, if you can see it in me eyes
Then think of it as fondness and do not be surprised
For I live you me dear and I'll marry you I swear
If you'll let me clap my hand on your cuckoo's nest
Me darling, says she, I can do no such thing
For me mother often told me it was committing sin
Me maidenhead to lose and me sex to be abused
So have no more to do with me cuckoo's nest
Me darling, says me, it's not committing sin
But common sense should tell you it is a pleasing thing
For you were brought into this world to increase and do your best
And to help a man to heaven in your cuckoo's nest
Me darling, says she, I cannot you deny
For you've surely won my heart by the rolling of your eye
Yet I see it in your eyes that your courage is surprised
So gently lift your hand into me cuckoo's nest
This couple they got married and soon they went to bed
And now this pretty fair maid has lost her maidenhead
In a small country cottage they increase and do their best
And he often claps his hand on her cuckoo's nest
Ian Dury
of course does it best
"You might like to hear my organ,
I said riiide Sally riiide..."
One for the Commitments fans
'It's not roide Sally roide, it's ride Sally ride'
When you say S-E-X, David,
You're saying it in this style aren't you?
The oil check image
...which started this thread was used by Robert Johnson in Terraplane Blues (I'm gonna hoist your hood momma/ I'm bound to check your oil), and was probably a commonly used line by then.
I recall an article (in Oz, I think) by Charles Shaar Murray in the early 70s. Subtly entitled 'Cock Rock', it proposed the thesis that ALL popular music is about sex. For some reason I still remember the line, '...when Bing Crosby sang, "I'd like to get you on a slow boat to China", he wasn't contemplating the possibility of a game of deck quoits in the afternoon sun" '!
Personally, I like Dinah Washington's 'Big Long Slidin' Thing' (a tribute to the skills of a trombonist, of course)
Squeeze that filter until the oil runs down my leg
Greased and slicked down fine, groovy leather trim
I like the way you hold the road, mama, it ain't no sin
Trouble-free transmission, helps your oil to flow
Mama, let me pump your gas, mama, let me do it all
Dig that heavy metal underneath your hood
Baby, I could work all night, believe I've got the perfect tools
A model built for comfort, really built with style
Specialist tradition, mama, let me feast my eyes
Factory air-conditioned, heat begins to rise
Guaranteed to run for hours, mama it's a perfect size
Groovin' on the freeway, gauge is on the red
Gun down on my gasoline, I believe I'm gonna crack a head.
Come to me for service every hundred miles
Baby, let me check your points, fix your overdrive
Fully automatic, comes in any size
Makes me wonder what I did, before we synchronized
Feather-light suspension, Koni's couldn't hold
I'm so glad I took a look inside your showroom doors
And of course
this lyric was described in the wonderfully pretentious sleevenotes as "pointlessly obscene"
"Take it
In your hand
All the sirens
And the band
Get to bendin' my ear
How
Was I to know
About the warm
Soulful secret
You been keepin' for years
I got the news
Slow down I'll tell you when
I may never walk again"