Entertainment For Lively Minds
Tap tap scrape
Last night my iPod shuffled up Marvin Gaye's Right On from What's Going On, a song I know reasonably well, and I realised that I will never, ever be able to listen to it again because all I'll ever hear now is the bloke winding a clock all the way through it.
It's not really a clock, obviously, it's some kind of percussion instrument, possibly one of those things that look like a cross between a World War I German hand grenade and a taxi driver's seat cover. It's right for the samba beat but the trouble is it's far too high in the mix and once you notice it, you can't hear anything else. It's in your right ear like a broken doorbell or a trapped fly. It's mesmerising.
The guy playing it must be some kind of percussion virtuoso - he'd have to be to get the gig with Marvin - and what he's been asked to do is play tap tap scrape, tap tap scrape, tap tap scrape for seven and a half minutes. Easy? Try it. Even this expert can't cope with the endless repetition. His scrapes come and go, so fast, some slow, some loud, some soft. His attention first starts to wander at about 1:58, where he temporarily forgets what he's supposed to be doing. At 2:49 he practically drops the thing, he stops to scratch his nose a couple of times between 3:30 and 3:40, and he gets all loud and frisky just before his big improvised solo - tap scrape scrape - at 4.58. He completely loses the plot at 6:05 and it's a broken man who collapses into the flute at the end.
So, with apologies for destroying your chances of ever enjoying this magic slice of Marvin again, I wonder if there are other examples of Songs With Annoying Bits That Completely Ruin Them For You. I'd like to also nominate Mick Karn's botty burp bass on Japan's Canton and the bit in Tubular Bells where out of nowhere Viv Stanshall suddenly says "GRAND PIANO!" like he's standing right behind you, and makes you leap off the sofa in fright.
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Raspy thing
It's a güiro, I believe. And it always seems to be played in the same "tap tap scrape" fashion. Although sometimes it's "scrape tap tap".
And although it's not what you asked, all Lee Hazlewood records are ruined once you're aware that he sounds exactly like Ronnie Corbett. Sorry.
Thanks Fraser...
[gloomily bins Hazelwood collection, mind now full of Arran sweaters and oversized specs]
A pedant writes
Ronnie Corbett is famous for wearing Lyle & Scott sweaters. I don't recall him wearing an Aran sweater but I suspect they'd be a little bit bulky for someone of his diminutive stature.
Ronnie Corbett eh?
I can't hear Sly Stone on "Family Affair" without hearing Elmer Fudd: "It's a Famwy Affaaiiir"
Gloria Estefan's...
...otherwise wonderful Can't Stay Away From You is ruined by somebody playing the restaurant door from M Hulot's Holiday all the way through.
She Drives Me Crazy
Recorded on a squash court.
Len's version of Hallelujah.
Seven years writing a classic only to decide to have it played on a shitty casio. Madness.
I was always amused...
...by the sleevenotes on R.E.M.'s "New Adventures In Hi-Fi", where Nathan December is credited on "Electrolite" with "the ultimate in musical usefulness, the guiro".
For me, though, it's the cowbell in "Electioneering" by Radiohead. Just... fucking LEAVE IT OUT!
The sine qua non
of cowbell interference, forever ruined/rescued by Will Ferrell...
EDIT: Whoops, sorry: someone else got there first.
Cee Lo Green's
F**k You (or Forget You) is fine and dandy until the point he starts squealing "Why, why, why?" like a giant, bawling baby. I know he is taking the mickey, but it just sets my teeth on edge.
It hasn't exactly spoiled it
But, as pointed out by Danny Baker, in the intro to Bowie's Diamond Dogs ("This ain't rock 'n' roll, this is genocide"), the sound of the crowd is lifted from a Rod Stewart concert.
If you listen carefully, you can hear Rod shout "alright!".
The KLF
did the same by utilising the crowd noise from U2's Rattle and Hum on The White Room.
It's news to me about the Diamond Dogs intro but Bowie's never been one to shun a bit of crafty recycling.
It's No Game from Scary Monsters rehashes an earlier Bowie song I'm Tired Of My Life and Move On from Lodger is basically All The Young Dudes backwards. In fact Lodger must have the most recycled material with the soundalike Boys Keep Swinging and Fantastic Voyage.
Even part of Ching A Ling from the Deram years ended up on Saviour Machine.
Bowie
And on 'Stay' and 'John I'm Only Dancing (Again)' Bowie uses exactly the same musical sequence to make two totally different songs.
A working plan for Lodger
Was to use the same chord sequence for all songs, changing all the other variables - Only FV and BKS made the cut.
Outkast - Roses
Almost a great song, if it wasn't for the use of the word 'poopoo', which renders it unlistenable
Don't fear the reaper
More cowbell!
Always sounded
more like a woodblock to me. Never irritated me, either - I always found it integral to the sound of the song.
But further research...
...reveals it was in fact a heavily tape-wrapped, muffled cowbell. Not a woodblock. I stand (self-)corrected.
Most beautiful girl in the world
There's a mention of tears with a "fresh as a day when the pea went pop!" finger in cheek sound effect.
I think it's a "percussion" thing
The Captain's onto something here. I think it's a "percussion" thing.
If I had to reduce my record collection down to a C-90 cassette one of the singles I'd cram on would be Paul Jones' "Bad, Bad Boy". But whenever I listen to it all I can hear is the cowbell. It's not particularly prominent, it's not annoying - quite good actually - it's just that once you've cottoned onto it you can't "unhear" it and everything else just fades into the background. A minute in and all I'm registering is "cowbell".
More cowbell action
courtesy of Wax with Building A Bridge To Your Heart.
I would quite happily play the intro on a continuous loop if it wasn't for the FPO.
Small annoying Brass sections on pop records
Rather non-specific I'm afraid.
They tended to be quite popular with bands miming on TOTP in the 80's and 90's.
Let me make clear I have no problem with brass instruments. Trumpets, cornets, saxophones - wonderful items all. It's their superfluous and annoying use in adding the occasional 'blaaaatt' or 'flaaaaarrp' in live performances. Possibly festooned with streamers and balloons
Why? What for? A line of between 4 to 7 blokes stood at the back to go 'Traaaaaarp' every other beat.
I suppose it's to give a jazz/soul feel to what is usually an overwrought piece of shallow shite.
Starlings
by Elbow - massed vuvuzelas blasting at random ruin a great song.
As any fule kno
The best Christmas song EVAH is Chris Rea's "Driving Home for Christmas".
However, a couple of years back, I noticed that during the, "and it's been so long" section, on the third beat of every bar is the sound of someone apparently banging a block of wood. It's completely rubbish and adds nothing to the song at all.
The HJH
I can't listen to "Back In The USSR" because of that bloody plane sound effect.
"Beatles For Sale" is hard to take in its stereo mix, particularly on headphones, because of that persistent, squeaky kick drum pedal. It's relatively submerged in mono, but in stereo it's right "there" in my left ear.
Of course you know
The sound effect is mr wacky thumbs aloft himself
Was he planing
a door in his Mull of Kintyre farmhouse?
Don't Bring Me Down
Is a fine ELO single, until Jeff Lynne starts shouting "Bruce", or "Grooosss", or whatever the hell it is, after the title. Like fingernails down a chalkboard.
Good point...
that is one of my life's great mysteries...I always thought he was singing "Bruce"...can anyone confirm this? As a kid it kind of freaked me out as my Scottish Gran and Grandad were Bruces (surname of course, silly...).
Any number of loop-based recordings
contain a really irritating noise somewhere. But you probably all knew that.
*** SPOILER ALERT * ONLY PROCEED IF YOU DON'T LIKE FRENCH CHILL-OUT ***
But if you really want a song ruined forever, listen to Air's 'All I need' and notice the "ha-ooh-waaah" refrain sounds like the vocalist is repeatedly suggesting "have a wank... have a waa-ank."
I'm enjoying getting to know
PJ Harvey's new LP Let England Shake.
And The Glorious Land is a cracker of a track. But I could really do without the disconcerting bugle sounding the charge. It would be fine if it wasn't so jarringly inserted, completely out of step with the rhythm of the song.
The first time I heard it, I got my phone out of my pocket, thinking I'd got a text message, and muttered at my daughter for mucking about with my phone's sound settings again.