Entertainment For Lively Minds
Suddenly Its Christmas
well I walked into the uber Tescos in Slough yesterday - big enough to house the towns population and then some - and heard Slade's festive song.
So as its that time of year - here's my annual gift
Suddenly it's Christmas, right after Halloweeen.
Forget about Thanksgiving;
It's just a buffet in between.
There's lights and tinsel in the windows;
They're stocking up the shelves;
Santa's slaving at the North Pole
In his sweatshop full of elves.
There's got to be a build-up
To the day that Christ was born:
The halls are decked with pumpkins
And the ears of Indian corn.
Dragging through the falling leaves
In a one-horse open sleigh,
Suddenly it's Christmas,
Seven weeks before the day.
CHORUS:
Suddenly it's Christmas,
The longest holiday.
When they say "Season's Greetings"
They mean just what they say:
It's a season, it's a marathon,
Retail eternity.
It's not over till it's over
And you throw away the tree.
Outside it's positively balmy,
In the air nary a nip;
Suddenly it's Christmas,
Unbuttoned and unzipped.
Yes, they're working overtime,
Santa's little runts;
Christmas comes but once a year
And goes on for two months.
Christmas carols in December
And November, too;
It's no wonder we're depressed
When the whole thing is through.
Finally it's January;
Let's sing "Auld Lang Syne";
But here comes another heartache,
Shaped like a Valentine.
Suddenly it's Christmas,
The longest holiday.
The season is upon us;
A pox, it won't go away.
It's a season, it's a marathon,
Retail eternity.
It's not over till it's over
And you throw away the tree.
No, it's not over till it's over
And you throw away the tree;
It's still not over till it's over
And you throw away the tree.
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Yes, but it's only 51 days to Christmas...
That means there's only (counts out loud to self) 51 shopping days to Christmas.
And the sun's only just gone in...
It's been christmas for months
First christmas stuff appeared in Sainsburys in September.
Including mince pies with an eat by date of end of October.
Easter eggs will appear on boxing day.
Chicken
So, Rufus's dad uses the line "Santa's little runts" in a bilious song about Christmas and chickens out of using the obvious rhyme? Pah!
Is it that time already?
...I posted this piece of little-known brilliance earlier in the year and was advised to 'come back later'.
And later it now is!
It's the Minnows - the Belfast Beatles - with their Christmas classic 'Cheer Up Christmas'. Frontman/writer Mickey Rafferty seems to have created this persona of being a miserable git but, frankly, he always seems to have a big smile on his face any time I see him. The last Minnows album was called 'Leonard Cohen's Happy Compared To Me'. Yet all around the world, people are thinking 'I wish I was as happy as Mickey Raff'.
But let none of these paradoxes get in the way of enjoying this masterpiece:
Here's one from Paddy roberts
Smooth Xmas
has appeared as a station on my digital radio. Started on 1 November, running non-stop, ad-free, until 27 December apparently. Hey, a good song's a good song all year round...
My fave...
... God bless Oscar The Grouch
It's like...
...the jolly old Coca Cola ad man sneaked out last night while we were all asleep and spunked festivity everywhere. Yesterday: naffin. Today: wreaths, glitter, baubles and Egg Nog Latte (*makes ostentatious vom noise*) absolutely everywhere.
I absolutely point blank refuse to do anything festive before mid-December, so all the songs can fuck off until then.
*hides in lead-lined bunker so that when I DO hear "Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)" I won't already hate it.*
Lead lined bunker
Bob, as a fellow Christmas denier / hater,(until mid december at the earliest), can I ask if you have any room for a lodger until 2012?
Oh, I wasn't clear.
I *love* Christmas. Absolutely love it. Just hate it being all festive too early.
I give you today's Christmas Advert
from a multi-national corporation (other coffee is available)
What is 'Let's Merry' supposed to mean?
I can imagine the Starbucks board meeting.
"OK ladies and gentlemen.. Let's wanky.."
Stop
Stop fantasising Lenny.
Wanky coffee
Is that a latte or capuccino?
Let's merry each othah?
We can hev a Christmas wedding dahling!
Restaurants
I am currently eating on my own
in one of those ubiquitous, bogus French bistro places and just noticed they already have a bloody tree and decorations up.Fortunately they are playing Richard Hawley rather than Crimbo stuff. Next visit won't be to next year.
The TV ad campaign
Seemed to properly kick off this week. Haven't seen the celeb S&M one yet, then we'll know it's really here.
At least with the state of the economy we can look forward to January sales before January comes around.
I Have The She & Him Christmas Album Here...
... and really want to listen to it, because (obviously) it's the new She & Him album. But I feel like I shouldn't, because we're not even close to Christmas yet. In previous years, I've had to impose an artificial threshold of 1st December before I start putting festive music on.
It feels like it should be nearer, though - not sure if that's due to all the displays in the shops, or the fact that I'm well ahead of schedule with my Christmas shopping this year...
Well,
come Sunday, once Guy Fawkes is out of the way, the house at the corner of our road will - if previous years are anything to go by - be transformed into a slightly less restrained verion of this
*sigh*
Fuck that shit..
Bring on the Slayer!
(I know we've all seen it before, but it's worth repeating..)
A friend
works in a local department store here in NZ and they have a postbox where kids can send letters to Santa. She was telling me that the very first card that was posted this year wished for "three extra inches on my dick".
Ho, Ho and thrice Ho.
Kitchen sink Christmas
The Christmas they never play, where you've woken up in bed next to the angel.