You know that snotty little boy who fidgets a lot, sniffs when he should blow, scratches his arse in public and stares open-mouthed at girls in short skirts?

That's you, that is.

Age: 41

Status: grumpy, embittered, single old bastard

Children: sprogless

I'm staring at an Ice Warrior, a Zygon, Morbius, a Pyramids of Mars mummy and a Sea Devil on my mantlepiece. Says it all really.

Single // 54 years old // 3 children & a grandson.

Buzz lightyear bubble bath, Framed Beatles picture on my bedroom wall Minature statues of Del boy & Rodney as batman & robin in my living room, fluffy Dennis the menace on my bed.

Havent been so happy in years.

Never, not me, not capable of it

Married - 39 (until next week) - 4 kids

Muppet toys (Animal & Beaker), a plastic digger and a Hotwheels model of a Pontiac Trans Am in the glass display case

Laughing at nob gags & other double-entendres

Having two on-line Fantasy Football teams and spending a potentially unhealthy amount of time fretting about team formations and likely results

Giving spanners & other tools names (Ronnie The Wrench, Mickey The Mallet etc)

Still find farting funny

I can play with a wee roll of that for hours. In fact, usually much longer than any of the CDs it fixes to the front of magazines.

At this time of the year I'm mostly in shorts.

My lower legs sport a variety of scratches, bruises, grazes and nettle stings; gained in trail running, biking and climbing up (or falling off) boulders.

Last year I had a medical, and the doc thought I might have a clotting disorder, such were the profusion of cuts & bruises.

Status - married
Children - 4

Plying cricket on a Sunday with other men of my age. Fielding in the covers and flinging myself full length to stop a certain 4 and leaving my right arm bleeding and bruised. Scabbing over nicely thanks since you ask.

(my niece). I'm 57. At her 9th birthday recently, I spent some time in the kids' tepee in the garden (I was being tried for 'something' I think. Well, I was fined a substantial amount anyway). I still have my Dinky cars and I have radio controlled mini which I often drive around the living room. I still walk through puddles when wearing my boots so I can then walk on a dry pavement to make tracks which I look back at with smug satisfaction. I drive my (full sized) Landrover through puddles and into any muddy situations I can find, just for fun. Apart from my music. my biggest collection is my teddy bears (my real name is Ted, known as 'Wee Ted').

I have now stopped pressing traffic light buttons unnecessarily.

Any child psychologists out there?

Age: 35
Status: Single
Children: None

I enjoy the odd skip along the street, when I know no one is watching; had a good laugh when I read someone had altered Christopher Timothy's Wikipedia entry to show him as the new owner of Hartlepool United; I was secretly chuffed when the last time I fell over in the street playing football (October last year)and tore a hole in my jeans (and my knee), that I got a Scooby-Doo plaster to cover it up.

Age: 43
Status: Married
Children: 3

I'm not sure who laughs the most at a fart - me or my 2 year old daughter.

My kids tell me to turn the music down.

Haribo's are irresistible.

I should be marking a load of award entries but instead I'm arsing about on the web (pretty much not doing my homework).

I want a pair of low cut Converse.

... because I'm 28 at the weekend, but momentarily considered buying this:

http://www.character-online.com/products/Doctor-Who-Classics/Eleven-Doct...

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

I still like stuff – like most of the massive, I’ve got a solid collection of CDs, DVDs and books. While I like playing/watching and listening, it’s just good to have the things (the physical objects), to be able to hold them, rearrange them, spend time looking at the covers etc, like I did when I was a kid, marvelling over the pictures in my book, or (as I grew older) the cover art of the album, etc. I'm not a parent, but I have a nephew who's about to turn three, and am having enormous fun 'helping' him with his stuff, too.

Someone once told me that the biggest secret in the world is that it’s really adults that want to have the most fun. We try to dress it up in various guises of maturity, but deep down, I think we all just want to play.

Age - 55
Status - married
Children - 2 (both living in their own houses now)

Tonight I sat and watched the Disney fillum Race To Witch Mountain with my dogs sat beside me, drinking beer & eating crisps. Bloody great night. Tomorrow night I shall talk musical gobshite with fellow Massive members(!) in Liverpool. Life is good.

Age - 54
Status - Married
Children - Nope

Still finger painting.

I've heard that growing up is extremely overrated. I've never tried it myself just in case.

When is one too old to go up the front at gigs? Last year, when blur played Hyde Park, I decided once they came on stage that I should head towards the barrier. Made it too. Had a blast.

This year, at Glastonbury there was a grey-haired guy, about 50, pressed against the barrier during Julian Casablancas who was going mental: singing along, waving his arms, trying to touch JC. I thought I was seeing my future self.

Age: 32
Status: Married
Children: 2

Exhibit A: on the occasions where it's possibly for me to work from home, I feel a glee bordering on mania, and then do about half the work I'd do if I were in the office because I've just found Percy Jackson on Sky Box Office and it's probably shit, but I still love stupid films about adventures, and... dammit, I haven't finished any of my work. Bollocks.

Exhibit B: I went to see The Hold Steady the other week, planning to stand on the raised bit near the back of the Forum, smiling knowingly at the young 'uns going mental and swapping urbane and mature comments with Joe R. Instead, about half a song in, I was in the second row, bouncing like a Ribena berry, with my arms around a bunch of people I've never met before and never will again, apparently under the impression I'm 17.

Exhibit C: The Viz Profanisaurus is the funniest thing ever. I mean, any book which refers to knickers as "dung-hampers" is a winner, surely?

Exhibit D: I love Total Wipeout with an absurd passion. It's fucking hilarious - people fall over and everything!

I could go on, but won't.

33, single.

I usually spend Friday mornings teaching guitar lessons at a local school, but they're doing end-of-termy things today, so I had a lie-in to 10:30, breakfasted on tea and a chocolate croissant, then sat down to replay Tomb Raider on my PS2, which I haven't touched in months. A tremendous way to start the weekend.

as long as they keep releasing killer albums like Endgame, I shall continue to be that 28 year old mosher.

52 in August since you ask and resolutely single.

remains the benchmark for every sense-memory of excitement I carry around with me. It is the microwave background in my pop universe, and until it is finally banished to the other side of Amy Pond's wall-crack, I will be forever five:

Age: 58
Status: Married
Children: 2

and has almost completed his collection of original News Chronicle I-Spy books. I have, on my desk, a 1972 'I-Spy Cars' (price 9p) and it's crap - photographs rather than the lovely line drawings in the original books.

I have to disagree, yes, people falling over is (are ??) funny, but I think that loud farts are hilarious.

(as an slight aside, I have also admitted to ownership of another persons fart if it is particularly revolting)

I need therapy.

Age: 46
Status: Married
Children: 1

Currently on the kitchen bench is an almost completed Airfix kit of a USAF P-51 Mustang ('Daddy's Girl')

Painted. The propellor goes round. The cockpit glass has been fitted without a smudgy fingerprint of glue on it.

All I need to do is apply the transfers. I am very excited about this and very proud of myself.

Mrs Beezer flares her nostrils and wants it out of the way - but not (she repeats not) dangling on a length of thread from our bedroom ceiling.

Age: 36, 10 months

Relationship Status: Single

Children: None.

The damning evidence of Peter Pan-like tendencies: “TO LET” signs with their tantalizing gap between the ‘O’ and the ‘L’, awaiting the insertion of an “I,” are a joke that never gets old - To wit: The word “toilet” used slightly out of context.

Whenever I encounter one I immediately feel my lips squirming about on my face forcing an involuntary smile, while I summon every last ounce of maturity and restraint to maintain serious composure and stifle rising convulsions of laughter. To passers-by it probably looks as if I am experiencing a mild fit. The joke is even funnier if the building up for lease is particularly large or grand.

...but women are not all grown up and sensible.
Me: single, 43 soon, no kids.
I have my own made up country. I write a newspaper about this place, for my personal enjoyment only. My latest obsession is to write guides to the nightlife there; bars, restaurants, nightclubs, music clubs, amusement parks - inventing hundreds of places that I wish existed in real life...
I also write interviews; artists ( complete with discographies ), DJ's, athletes...
I've even written lyrics to a musical that I reviewed!
And I have drawn maps... *blushes*...to name but a few things; I'm talking years of creating this other world, hours and hours of writing and drawing.
Of course I can never resist buying good toys either. Stuffed animals, games, beautiful toy cars.
I learned to read at four years old and read Shakespeare and Strindberg at six, but I make up for it these days by reading childrens books with great enjoyment in between the more advanced literature.
And I can't pass by a swing set without having a go.
But I never felt like a kid when I was one, I don't feel very grown up now. It sort of feels like I was born a certain age and have stayed that age all of my life. Early teens perhaps ?

the original Mousey

Still....

....doodle on the back of my hand
....scoot on supermarket trollies when i've got an isle to myself
....enjoy a Curly Wurly
....get excited when it snows

If growing up involves shelving this lot, you can keep it thanks.

Just for the record (42)

playing video games. Highlight of my year so far the release of Red Dead Redemption!

Playing Call of Duty, Uncharted 2 & RDR online is superb.

Many years ago, when I was in the Royal Navy, I attended a formal function for the engineering department hierarchy. I managed to stick a "Warning - Electrical hazard" yellow safety sticker to the back of the senior Electrical engineer, & he was unaware of it all evening.

I thought it was the ultimate in sophisticated humour, & I didnt stop tittering all night.

62 today and my wife bought me some kids sweets e.g., flying saucers, shrimps, blackjacks, fruit salads etc. etc. Early retirement at 56 and went to art college, then joined a band (had to learn rudimentary keyboards first). Went to SXSW in March and stood two rows from the front at Stubbs and saw Spoon, Drive-by-Truckers etal. Brilliant. I feel as if I'm living my life in reverse. Bring it on!

I blame my Dad - it's genetic.
I'm quite sure that with the exception of Jet Black he was the oldest guy at the Stranglers.

Thanks to him, by day I do a responsible grown up job. By night? My collection of super hero T shirts takes up too much space, as does my Superman and Green Lantern collection of books.
I take as much pleasure from the television that my 6 year old watches as he does.
Physically I'm getting older. I haven't matured a day in the last, oooh, 25 or so.

Age 41 and 3/4

Status: Married

Kids: 2

A Lego Minifigure often finds it's way into my pocket. And it feels perfectly placed there.

When I was but a pup, my Mother said to me "Oh, grow up stupid"

So I did.

Married.
2 kids.

TARDIS birthday cake.
Addicted to Mario Kart on the Wii.
Still dreaming of being a fighter pilot.
Still feeling childish excitement as the summer holidays dawn. Still secretly hoping that somehow they might never end.

I have no idea when the addiction started or will end.Two Sons and a Grandson who come to games with me. One son has a vinyl collection bigger than mine. The other likes fishing and will never grow up to my standard, or should that be me to him.
New season about to start and already one friendly under my belt.
My wife just can't understand it???

Age: 62
Sons: 2
Grandchildren: 3
Wives: 3 - but happy for the last 21 years.

I have downloaded 83 comics onto it.