Entertainment For Lively Minds
Spoonerisms
Posted by Beezer on 26 February 2010 - 3:28pm.
The General Ignorance thread has reminded me of the vast amount of stupid things I've said and done in my time.
Particularly said. Like a lot of Planks I spoonerise frequently. Recently, I reduced a friend to jelly when trying to remember, under pressure, the name of a popular concert venue in West London.
It came out as the 'Sheperd's Pie Ambush'
Not the Sheperds Bush Empire. Though as far as he is now concerned it will always be the former.
Any more similar spoons you've dropped or have heard worthy of sharing here?
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Many years ago a friend
in describing his brother's childhood ailment said 'he hasn't had asthma since he was a kipper'..
My Wife
Remarking on a car's horn, said "what a horny pune". "No, what a porny hune". She was trying to say "puny horn" but we were both giggling so much that neither of us could say it.
One of Pixar's well-known animations
briefly came out as "Needing Flymo" at the Dixit household one evening.
Inebriated utterance...
..."I'm not as thrunkle drinkle peep I am!"
I've just spluttered...
a segment of easy peel satsuma over my computer screen. Thanks a bunch.
But it does remind me of an "It'll be Alright on the Night" clip in which an presenter doing on one of those old-fashioned community service announcements says "hyperdeemic nirdle".
Similar
A group of us were in Lambeth one Saturday night trying to meet up with a pal at someone's leaving do in a pub.
He was already there and had got well oiled. All we could deduce from him over the phone was he was sat waiting for us in a pub called 'The Nurglies'
We found it eventually, under its real name of 'The Hercules'
Or ordering beer..
Would you like a shitter bandy, or a shagger landy?
We have an older woman at work...
... who has a bit of a problem downstairs. We call her Kelly Smunt - but not to her face.
My M&D
were Chris and Sally. Of course, my father in law referred to them as Crass and Silly.
Pop Corn
mutated into Cop Porn for a former colleague's missus and I used to work for a quango who's motto was IIRC 'The Deed Maun Shaw' - The Deed Must Stand, since we were about to come to the end of our term I referred to it as 'The Dead Man's Shoes'. Gawd I was a riot back in the 80s.
I've got one
In a French tutorial at uni I tried to show the breadth of my general knowledge by comparing the situation under discussion to the Bay of Pigs crisis. Unfortunately Mr smartypants proved himself to be anything but when it came out as the "Isle of Dogs crisis".
I must have said...
'The Mancunian Candidate' on numerous occasions.
Always thinking of Iggy I guess
My work involves going out on the water every now and then and I was in a meeting to do with Search and Rescue vessels, I gave a two minute spiel about our capacity. When I finished my boss said "Very good, do you want to tell us why you refer to them as Search and Destroy vessels?"
Shining Wit
as heard on the Jasper Carrot song 'Bastity Chelt'
I remember
hearing on the radio that Turdish Kanks had rolled into Northern Iraq.
I'm constantly waiting
for Jeff Stelling to get Kenny Lunt wrong on Soccer Saturday, I've not heard it.....yet.
Stelling is too good to make that mistake...
Paul Merson, however, is another matter.
Par Carks...
...can't seem to stop myself...
and paraphrased from David Niven's autobiography...the red carpet announcer at one of the Oscar ceremonies in the 50s.
"Mr Gregory Peck's car...Miss Sophia Loren's car...Mr Alfred Hitchcar's cock..."
Dear Points of View....
There's some fantastic audio footage out there somewhere of Nicky Campbell's favourite broadcaster mangling the phrase "East Kent Hunt". Quite a moment. Also, on something of a tangent, my younger brother will never be allowed to forget the time when he replied to some grave insult of mine with the immortal: "Hey, I resemble that remark".