Entertainment For Lively Minds
THE OLD TUNES RETIREMENT HOME
Posted by Bodhisattva on 21 July 2010 - 8:33pm.
Let us open a retirement home for songs that have worked hard - maybe too hard - all their lives.
Not songs you personally are sick of. But ones that have been wrung dry by cheap films, desperate advertising and lazy radio stations:
May I start with the Big Three:
Brown Eyed Girl
Respect
I Feel Good.
What other once legitimate tunes have now been whored into cliche and are due retirement with our grateful thanks?
Here's your room dear..you'll like it here...Bingo's at six....
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Room For 6 Please
Don't Stop Me Now/We Will Rock You/Bohemian Rhapsody-Queen
Smoke On The Water-Deep Purple
Angels-Robbie Williams
American Pie-Don Mclean
I do hope this recession
finally kills off Pink Floyd's cash register front-loaded opus 'Money', especially as the sound bed for clever news reports on the recession.
My most hated is 'Hi-Ho Silver bastard Lining'
Having worked in Irish pubs and clubs for most of my adolescence, I want to banish the following to their rooms wearing adult diapers:
'Rhinestone Cowboy'
'Don't It Make My Brown Eyes'
'My Way'
Just to surprise Dougie J, I'd like to call last ordures on 'The Fields of Athenry'which some drunk git always bellows in your lug hole anywhere Irish people gather together.
Have an up arrow
for the perfectly described 'Hi-Ho Silver Bastard Lining'. Hate it with a passion.
Have 2
you and me both
Same here
Never could understand the appeal of that song.
I won't hear a word
against Sir Geoffrey Beck, surely the world's best guitarist.
I'll concede that Hi Ho Silver Lining has become somewhat devalued ever since it became a staple at almost every wedding reception, but the same could be said of Free's Alright Now and Stay With Me by The Faces.
Hi Ho Silver Lining will always be welcome in my record collection if only for that wonderful guitar solo.
I'm sorry but
Hey Jude. I love the original, but Paul's singalong version at every gig really gets on my nerves.
Whitney's version of
"I Will Always Love You". Just shut up.
Her version should be sub-titled
"Let me empty the song of any emotional or human content and show off my amazing voice."
One real hard worker
Walking On sunshine
I'd let that one go on forever if only for the reason
that Kimberley Rew gets a royalty on it.
Mustang Sally
Beloved of every bar band since the Commitments.
Oh, a whole bunch of shit..
It's a heartache
Guantanamera
Wild boys
Living next door to Alice
Don't look back in anger
Simply the best
Money for nothing
Radio Gaga
Road to nowhere
Babylon
No woman no cry
Bright eyes
I guess that's why they call it the blues
The frigging countdown
I could go on..
I will survive
If only for the way it encourages some truly awful singalongs from women when it gets played who can't singalong without pointing at their men and giving 'significant' looks.
Or is that just me?
Hot Hot Hot by Arrow
Hot Hot Hot by Arrow has done a gruelling stint accompanying news reports about sunny weather, or anything to do with the Caribbean. Let's give the old bugger a rest eh.
I suppose there was once a time when Love Shack by The B 52s wasn't really annoying.
Kiss and Sex Bomb by Tom Jones. In fact the whole Tom Jones thing.
Much as I love him, I think I've heard Marvin Gaye singing Heard It Through The Grapevine quite enough thank you. And as for Sit Down by James ...
Please, please, please let's put these in...
Come On Eileen
Dancing Queen
Love Shack
Freedom
Just so I don't have to hear them at every bloody wedding, birthday party and end-of-season sports club do that I go to!
to the knacker's yard for
You've got the love
In the summertime
I'm gonna be 500 miles
Knockin' on heaven's door
Sweet home Alabama
Possibly a controversial choice...
A lot of the time it isn't much of a problem, but:
Three Lions
El condor pasa (if I could)
No, I'm sorry, you can't. Not any more. Off to the retirement home with you. Where you'll no doubt bump into a couple of other Simon & Garfunkel chestnuts.
If it's 4.37am somewhere in
If it's 4.37am somewhere in the world then a commercial radio station will be playing Dancing In The Moonlight.
I was once alone in a gym ...
... where the music was stuck on repeat on that song. I couldn't just leave (I really needed the exercise - still do), but there wasn't anyone to turn off the remotely controlled music. I could happily never hear that song ever again.
Man On The Moon / Losing My
Man On The Moon / Losing My Religion by R.E.M. Used to love these songs when I first heard them but constant radio plays have made them meaningless and tedius now.
Here Come The Girls
used EVERY time there's more than two women on screen.
Don't Stop Believing by Journey should be laid to rest now.
Reet Petite must be killed.
Another vote for Walking On Sunshine
If I ever hear Don't You Want Me again It'll be too soon.
And anything at all by the Gyspsy Kings.
Some of mine
Girl from Ipanema
Imagine
Yesterday
in fact everything by the Beatles - no one has any need to hear them any more. they've been played to death.
I didn't know
HJH covered Girl From Ipanema. But I'm with you on Imagine. Imagine no Imagine. I wonder... oh, never mind
I dislike all of this
I dislike all of this charlatan's singles output intensely (his albums might be OK but I wouldn't know because I'd never buy one), but Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi is the one that sticks in my craw the most.
Love Shack
is definitely grimmer than grim. As is Angels. And, yes, Here Come The Girls makes me want to eat my fist.
What about:
I Feel Good
The theme from Friends
The Power Of Love (J Rush,FGTH or Huey Lewis songs -all dreadful)
Bat Out Of Hell
Sweet Child Of Mine
Wonderwall
Shiney Happy People
You Raise Me Up/Wind Beneath My Wings/Flying Without Bloody Wings/Singing Without Tunes etc etc etc
You Raise Me Up
It was my father-in-law's funeral last week. As we walked out of the chapel in the crematorium You Raise Me Up came on, presumably as chosen by my mother-in-law. I turned to my 14 year-old daughter and said "If you play this at my bloody funeral I promise that I will come back and haunt you. Forever." It was the first time she'd smiled all day... She hates the song almost as much as I do.
Prematurely aged
It's not really that old, but I think Song 2 has more than earned the residential fees for the retirement home.
Please stop now
I don't ever want to hear We Are The Champions at the end of any final ever again, but more than that I don't want to hear Simply The Best played at any football ground in any division at any time.
Dont forget
Dont You Want Me
and Stairway To Heaven was wearing depends last time I checked!
Taking the Stannah Stairlift up to the Games room.....
The entire Heart FM playlist. Please.
If I hear Pppppppppoker Face one more time, I will go insane.
In it's two years existence it must have had more exposure than Slade's back catalogue.
Also pulling on the bingo wings and into the loo's with the red cord.....
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
Tainted Love
Love is All Around
5-4-3-2-1
A Whiter Shade of Pale
Great tunes but worthy of the bus pass...
Whenever there's a TV or radio item about motorbikes ...
... you inevitably hear either "Motorbikin" or "Born To Be Wild".
Anything bucolic...
...and it's Nick Drake...
I have only two words:
Chasing F**king Cars.
Classic Rock
There's a few too many great rock tunes ruined by overexposure. As mentioned above, Don't Stop Believin' and Sweet Home Alabama top the list. More Than A Feeling is heading the same way. I just fear the day that the manic eye of Glee alights upon some of my cherished gems. Not Don't Fear The Reaper.. please, no.. have my soul..
The irony is, I suppose, that the original songwriters must be turning cartwheels. Imagine the cheques, even in these changing times, due to land on Neal Schon's and Steve Perry's doormats.
Unchained Melody
used to be done to death on the talent shows. Now it's died a death Without You or anything
(s)Careyfied with the possibility of being melismatic seem to have taken its place. Even I Will Always Love You was a passable little ditty in the hands of Dolly Parton, I defy anyone not to have a damp eye listening to the original, now it's enough to reduce anyone to tears for different reasons.
'Wonderwall'...
stick it somewhere where the sun doesn't sheeiiine.
to name but three
whisky in the jar
whiter shade of pale
won't get fooled again
I could go on but won't. too hideous to contemplate
At live gigs
anything the performer can't be arsed to sing, and knowing it's a crowd pleaser holds the mic out to the crowd. FFS, I know you've sung it a thousand times, but I paid to hear YOU sing it, not a drunken rabble. Are you listening, Mr. Diamond?
The emotional diarrhoea that Chris de Burgh
splattered out one day, spat on, p*ssed in and then called "The Lady in Red."
When I worked for Bob Harris in the 1990s...
he briefly did a radio show at BBC Thames Valley. I remember taking three consecutive calls from female listeners of a certain vintage asking for The Lady in Red. Using every bit of tact I could muster (which wasn't much) I informed them that unfortunately I didn't think Bob would be playing that record. I should have added "...and if he does he'll be looking for a new assistant".
sadly
one has to bid a sad farewell and kiss goodnight to Len's "Hallelujah"..thanks a million Simon Cowell...