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THE OLD TUNES RETIREMENT HOME

Bodhisattva's picture

Let us open a retirement home for songs that have worked hard - maybe too hard - all their lives.

Not songs you personally are sick of. But ones that have been wrung dry by cheap films, desperate advertising and lazy radio stations:

May I start with the Big Three:

Brown Eyed Girl
Respect
I Feel Good.

What other once legitimate tunes have now been whored into cliche and are due retirement with our grateful thanks?

Here's your room dear..you'll like it here...Bingo's at six....

6

Room For 6 Please

Don't Stop Me Now/We Will Rock You/Bohemian Rhapsody-Queen
Smoke On The Water-Deep Purple
Angels-Robbie Williams
American Pie-Don Mclean

0
David Wright | 21 July 2010 - 9:16pm

I do hope this recession

finally kills off Pink Floyd's cash register front-loaded opus 'Money', especially as the sound bed for clever news reports on the recession.
My most hated is 'Hi-Ho Silver bastard Lining'
Having worked in Irish pubs and clubs for most of my adolescence, I want to banish the following to their rooms wearing adult diapers:
'Rhinestone Cowboy'
'Don't It Make My Brown Eyes'
'My Way'
Just to surprise Dougie J, I'd like to call last ordures on 'The Fields of Athenry'which some drunk git always bellows in your lug hole anywhere Irish people gather together.

6
PaddyH | 21 July 2010 - 9:27pm

Have an up arrow

for the perfectly described 'Hi-Ho Silver Bastard Lining'. Hate it with a passion.

1
Axekeith | 21 July 2010 - 9:29pm

Have 2

you and me both

0
Sour Crout | 21 July 2010 - 10:03pm

Same here

Never could understand the appeal of that song.

0
Skuds | 21 July 2010 - 10:19pm

I won't hear a word

against Sir Geoffrey Beck, surely the world's best guitarist.

I'll concede that Hi Ho Silver Lining has become somewhat devalued ever since it became a staple at almost every wedding reception, but the same could be said of Free's Alright Now and Stay With Me by The Faces.

Hi Ho Silver Lining will always be welcome in my record collection if only for that wonderful guitar solo.

0
mojoworking | 22 July 2010 - 12:03am

I'm sorry but

Hey Jude. I love the original, but Paul's singalong version at every gig really gets on my nerves.

0
Axekeith | 21 July 2010 - 9:27pm

Whitney's version of

"I Will Always Love You". Just shut up.

1
Locust | 21 July 2010 - 9:50pm

Her version should be sub-titled

"Let me empty the song of any emotional or human content and show off my amazing voice."

0
Mark JF | 28 July 2010 - 3:25pm

One real hard worker

Walking On sunshine

0
raffa | 21 July 2010 - 10:05pm

I'd let that one go on forever if only for the reason

that Kimberley Rew gets a royalty on it.

0
stimpy | 22 July 2010 - 8:14am

Mustang Sally

Beloved of every bar band since the Commitments.

1
milkybarnick | 21 July 2010 - 10:06pm

Oh, a whole bunch of shit..

It's a heartache
Guantanamera
Wild boys
Living next door to Alice
Don't look back in anger
Simply the best
Money for nothing
Radio Gaga
Road to nowhere
Babylon
No woman no cry
Bright eyes
I guess that's why they call it the blues
The frigging countdown

I could go on..

1
Declan | 21 July 2010 - 10:16pm

I will survive

If only for the way it encourages some truly awful singalongs from women when it gets played who can't singalong without pointing at their men and giving 'significant' looks.

Or is that just me?

2
Skuds | 21 July 2010 - 10:22pm

Hot Hot Hot by Arrow

Hot Hot Hot by Arrow has done a gruelling stint accompanying news reports about sunny weather, or anything to do with the Caribbean. Let's give the old bugger a rest eh.
I suppose there was once a time when Love Shack by The B 52s wasn't really annoying.
Kiss and Sex Bomb by Tom Jones. In fact the whole Tom Jones thing.
Much as I love him, I think I've heard Marvin Gaye singing Heard It Through The Grapevine quite enough thank you. And as for Sit Down by James ...

0
Richard Lowe | 21 July 2010 - 10:34pm

Please, please, please let's put these in...

Come On Eileen
Dancing Queen
Love Shack
Freedom

Just so I don't have to hear them at every bloody wedding, birthday party and end-of-season sports club do that I go to!

0
Merv | 21 July 2010 - 10:54pm

to the knacker's yard for

You've got the love
In the summertime
I'm gonna be 500 miles
Knockin' on heaven's door
Sweet home Alabama

0
scrabopower | 21 July 2010 - 11:30pm

Possibly a controversial choice...

A lot of the time it isn't much of a problem, but:
Three Lions

0
Dr Yang | 21 July 2010 - 11:31pm

El condor pasa (if I could)

No, I'm sorry, you can't. Not any more. Off to the retirement home with you. Where you'll no doubt bump into a couple of other Simon & Garfunkel chestnuts.

0
duco01 | 22 July 2010 - 6:50am

If it's 4.37am somewhere in

If it's 4.37am somewhere in the world then a commercial radio station will be playing Dancing In The Moonlight.

0
JamesB | 22 July 2010 - 6:52am

I was once alone in a gym ...

... where the music was stuck on repeat on that song. I couldn't just leave (I really needed the exercise - still do), but there wasn't anyone to turn off the remotely controlled music. I could happily never hear that song ever again.

0
Douglas | 22 July 2010 - 3:52pm

Man On The Moon / Losing My

Man On The Moon / Losing My Religion by R.E.M. Used to love these songs when I first heard them but constant radio plays have made them meaningless and tedius now.

0
carabara | 22 July 2010 - 7:49am

Here Come The Girls

used EVERY time there's more than two women on screen.

Don't Stop Believing by Journey should be laid to rest now.

Reet Petite must be killed.

Another vote for Walking On Sunshine

If I ever hear Don't You Want Me again It'll be too soon.

And anything at all by the Gyspsy Kings.

0
Five-Centres | 22 July 2010 - 8:08am

Some of mine

Girl from Ipanema
Imagine
Yesterday
in fact everything by the Beatles - no one has any need to hear them any more. they've been played to death.

1
Twangothan | 22 July 2010 - 8:19am

I didn't know

HJH covered Girl From Ipanema. But I'm with you on Imagine. Imagine no Imagine. I wonder... oh, never mind

1
MyAmericanMate | 22 July 2010 - 9:45am

I dislike all of this

I dislike all of this charlatan's singles output intensely (his albums might be OK but I wouldn't know because I'd never buy one), but Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi is the one that sticks in my craw the most.

0
JamesB | 22 July 2010 - 12:03pm

Love Shack

is definitely grimmer than grim. As is Angels. And, yes, Here Come The Girls makes me want to eat my fist.

What about:
I Feel Good
The theme from Friends
The Power Of Love (J Rush,FGTH or Huey Lewis songs -all dreadful)
Bat Out Of Hell
Sweet Child Of Mine
Wonderwall
Shiney Happy People
You Raise Me Up/Wind Beneath My Wings/Flying Without Bloody Wings/Singing Without Tunes etc etc etc

1
Mr Fade | 22 July 2010 - 12:19pm

You Raise Me Up

It was my father-in-law's funeral last week. As we walked out of the chapel in the crematorium You Raise Me Up came on, presumably as chosen by my mother-in-law. I turned to my 14 year-old daughter and said "If you play this at my bloody funeral I promise that I will come back and haunt you. Forever." It was the first time she'd smiled all day... She hates the song almost as much as I do.

1
Red Umpire | 28 July 2010 - 3:22pm

Prematurely aged

It's not really that old, but I think Song 2 has more than earned the residential fees for the retirement home.

0
Rosbif | 22 July 2010 - 12:26pm

Please stop now

I don't ever want to hear We Are The Champions at the end of any final ever again, but more than that I don't want to hear Simply The Best played at any football ground in any division at any time.

1
Carl Parker | 22 July 2010 - 12:32pm

Dont forget

Dont You Want Me
and Stairway To Heaven was wearing depends last time I checked!

0
Bingham | 22 July 2010 - 12:49pm

Taking the Stannah Stairlift up to the Games room.....

The entire Heart FM playlist. Please.

If I hear Pppppppppoker Face one more time, I will go insane.

In it's two years existence it must have had more exposure than Slade's back catalogue.

Also pulling on the bingo wings and into the loo's with the red cord.....

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
Tainted Love
Love is All Around
5-4-3-2-1
A Whiter Shade of Pale

Great tunes but worthy of the bus pass...

0
Six Dog | 22 July 2010 - 1:47pm

Whenever there's a TV or radio item about motorbikes ...

... you inevitably hear either "Motorbikin" or "Born To Be Wild".

0
Douglas | 22 July 2010 - 3:50pm

Anything bucolic...

...and it's Nick Drake...

0
Richie B | 22 July 2010 - 3:57pm

I have only two words:

Chasing F**king Cars.

1
Pax Romana | 22 July 2010 - 4:09pm

Classic Rock

There's a few too many great rock tunes ruined by overexposure. As mentioned above, Don't Stop Believin' and Sweet Home Alabama top the list. More Than A Feeling is heading the same way. I just fear the day that the manic eye of Glee alights upon some of my cherished gems. Not Don't Fear The Reaper.. please, no.. have my soul..

The irony is, I suppose, that the original songwriters must be turning cartwheels. Imagine the cheques, even in these changing times, due to land on Neal Schon's and Steve Perry's doormats.

0
Lenny Law | 22 July 2010 - 10:44pm

Unchained Melody

used to be done to death on the talent shows. Now it's died a death Without You or anything
(s)Careyfied with the possibility of being melismatic seem to have taken its place. Even I Will Always Love You was a passable little ditty in the hands of Dolly Parton, I defy anyone not to have a damp eye listening to the original, now it's enough to reduce anyone to tears for different reasons.

0
bassclef (not verified) | 26 July 2010 - 6:49pm

'Wonderwall'...

stick it somewhere where the sun doesn't sheeiiine.

1
Patrick Crowther | 26 July 2010 - 6:56pm

to name but three

whisky in the jar
whiter shade of pale
won't get fooled again

I could go on but won't. too hideous to contemplate

0
stuinwolves | 26 July 2010 - 7:04pm

At live gigs

anything the performer can't be arsed to sing, and knowing it's a crowd pleaser holds the mic out to the crowd. FFS, I know you've sung it a thousand times, but I paid to hear YOU sing it, not a drunken rabble. Are you listening, Mr. Diamond?

0
bassclef (not verified) | 26 July 2010 - 8:10pm

The emotional diarrhoea that Chris de Burgh

splattered out one day, spat on, p*ssed in and then called "The Lady in Red."

1
Mark JF | 28 July 2010 - 3:31pm

When I worked for Bob Harris in the 1990s...

he briefly did a radio show at BBC Thames Valley. I remember taking three consecutive calls from female listeners of a certain vintage asking for The Lady in Red. Using every bit of tact I could muster (which wasn't much) I informed them that unfortunately I didn't think Bob would be playing that record. I should have added "...and if he does he'll be looking for a new assistant".

1
Patrick Crowther | 28 July 2010 - 3:42pm

sadly

one has to bid a sad farewell and kiss goodnight to Len's "Hallelujah"..thanks a million Simon Cowell...

1
Bingham | 29 July 2010 - 12:10pm
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