I recall when she was born I said something light-hearted to the effect that, seeing as she was beautiful and perfect she would not be allowed to even make eye contact with a young man until I was dead, gone and had fully decomposed.

As time goes on I feel more and more as if that's how I want it to be.

Looking at the lumbering, scruffy numpties that are males in their mid-teens I find I'm fighting a growing urge to cuff them on the back of the head as they walk past me.

It's pure misjudged, misplaced fear of course. I was just like that, as were my forefathers I'm sure.

All the same it's going to be hell the day she brings the first randy oaf home though.

my dad greeted him by growling at him. Seriously.

3 brothers. All over 6 foot. One at 6 ft 5. Thankfully, they're all Leeds supporters so we bonded over football and I was fine.

when we were both teenagers. One day she decided, in my absence, to tell her parents that she'd started having sex with me. The following day, I went round to dinner, and had to face a lift home accompanied only by my putative father-in-law, a bear of a man.

(The happy postscript is that he was fine about it - we were both of legal age - and just gave the usual advice about contraception. Blimey, that was 16 years ago - and we still have no children!)

..and she asks her Mother to not tell Daddy that Jake Marshall is her boyfriend, because Daddy's said "if I get a boyfriend, he's going to stick his foot up my boyfriend's backside".

Oh, how we laughed.

Briefly.

Of course, we're now getting the opposite from the mother-in-law: "Why don't you get a bun in the oven before the gas runs out?"

She's got a way with words. She's been to college, you know.

(My wife is 32, by the way. I imagine she's a fair bit of gas left.)

You know, the one with outline of a body. It has 3 neat clusters of shots through the head chest and groin. I will frame it and put it inside the door once my daughter starts bringing oiks home.

in my head on this subject is a scene from Married with Children, where Al Bundy, on meeting his daughter's latest boyfriend, puts a "fatherly" arm around his shoulder...

..and promptly marches him into the next doorpost!

Wouldn't put it past me to do something similar as I've got 18 and 12 year old girls.

Not having our own kids been taking nephew and niece on holiday each year since they were little to the same place in Scotland and meeting up with a family and their daughter. It was clear she had a glad eye for him but it was just young friendship. Then one year it was can we stay out in the tent - No with no explanation. Next year on rebound from girlfriend nephew and friend's daughter became an item. Cue serious chat about being honourable and not using her to get back at ex. Niece laughed like a drain as I insisted going along as he walked her back to the family holiday home each night - there was going to be no hanky panky whilst I was in charge. Her father has thanked me on numerous occassions as it saved him the "chat".

too young to start worrying?

she grows up ugly.

Have you considered Greggs?

My GF's father can shoot a snake in half at 30 feet with a handgun.

I call him "sir". And make sure he knows his daughter is the apple of my eye.

My son is 6 1/2. I worry.

in just the way that has been posted above. Saying I'd be out on the front step with a gun etc.

I now realise that that says more about me/us blokes than the possible oiks we think we might have to deal with.

Here's a few thoughts.

Girls tend to stick together and look after each other and talk to each other. (As well as falling out and having bitchy little fights etc). But generally if they go out together they stay together.

A bit of parental understanding and concern does wonders. As does keeping in touch with their friends' parents. Sharing the late night pickup from someone's house etc.

Give them the benefit of having some taste and intelligence. There are actually lots of boys who are reasonably sensible out there.

What's more worrying is the binge drinking that goes on - those vodka mixes are killers.

Anyway, hopefully it's not going to be as bad as you might think.

I have three lovely daughters aged 24,22 and 19. All have boyfriends I like, as I have all their previous boyfriends (a varied bunch including a playwright, and artist and a soldier). When the poor lads get dumped, I often take their side (particularly one who was, like me, a great Spurs fan, and his dad owned a sports shop where I could get discounted squash gear - kids only think of themselves...)

The oldest, after living in NYC for a year, is going out with a Mexican guitarist who plays in the Café Wha? house band. Result!

I've always felt that this sort of possessiveness about your own daughters is...er...a bit strange.

I want them to have great lives (and I'm always there if they need me) - But they mustn't be hampered by the macho posturings of a sad old Dad.

only at the boyfriend side of things rather than the Dad side, I'd just like to point out that, more often than not, the boyfriend will be far more terrified of meeting the Dad than vice versa.

or ruin your daughter's lives. A friend of mine eloped with her first boyfriend because her parents were so agin him, all that did was crystallise her 17-year-old wilfulness, she then Duke of Windsor-style had to 'prove' that she'd made the right decision, wasted years of her life in an unhappy marriage that should just have been an adolescent fling. Remember that your own obstinacy and knowallness almost certainly passed on to next generation intensified; and teenagers love nothing more than opposition, it confirms them in their sense of rightness. Sometimes the bleeding obvious has to be stated and it falls to me this time.

My Daughter is 11. This week is half term. Tomorrow I am taking her and her best friends and two boys to the cinema. First date. I am not allowed to watch the same film so I am opting to watch Paul which starts roughly at the same time. When the film has finished they are going to Frankie and Benny's - I am not allowed to be in the restaurant. They will call me when the meal is over.
FUCKING HELL!!!

21, 18 and 2 .. (yes ...2!) My experience is that if you are doing things right, you go from 1) absolutely adored to 2) embarrassing to 3) ignored to 4) invisible to 5) helpful and tolerated to 6) loved.

It's very much a case of 'If you can keep your head ...etc' and very tough at times. As with all things, love is the answer - lots of it.

Oh ...and stage 1) is definitely the best!