Entertainment For Lively Minds
Sid James Infirmary
Posted by Mark Ellen on 15 September 2010 - 8:56am.
Word reader Alan Davies has just emailed me about his latest composition, Sid James Infirmary - which suggests an amusing Massive-related thread in the making. Any more Pro-Celebrity Song Titles? The Paul Greengrass Of Home?
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Pro-Celebrity Song Titles
I'll have a think once I finish reading Jackson Browne's Schooldays.
Calm down! Calm down!
and take a Bryan Ferry 'cross the Mersey
Good way to start the day,
how about Behind Old Blue Eyes.
Quiz night
Was in a Pub in The Cosat Brava on Sunday during quiz night and one of the teams was.
Quiz Team Aguilera
made me smile
When I was in a quiz team
we used to go under the name of the Dreadful Gate. Not too many people got it!
On the same theme...
My pub teams name is Neil and Quiz Team Hamilton.
I was in a quiz team
that tried to come up with variations on that theme every week. As well as they above, we had Quiz de Burgh, Ian Quizlop and Quizzee Rascal
Quiz Quizstofferson
that is all...
I always wanted to use
The Maths Debaters as a team name - but this has never found favour with anyone else - can't think why................
It probably means the drink rather than the hit by The Champs...
...but I always liked Tequila Mockingbird.
Might as well face it....
you're Addicted to Courtney Love
'Chuck Norris He's In Love'
Don't get me started...
Get your motor runnin'
Born To Be Kim Wilde
I believe Paul Simon
left his Art in San Francisco, high on Dave Hill it calls to me.
The Pixies - Hang Nicky Wire
(Eerily prescient song calling for the execution of the hoover-loving Generation Terrorist).
Belle & Sebastian - Megan Fox In The Snow
(Twee Glaswegians lament the Hollywood star's attempt to live alongside Polar Bears).
Marty Robbins - Neil (Kneel) Morrissey And Let The Lord Take Your Load
(Gruesome "what-if?" sexual fantasy set to country music. Lyrics imagine a threesome involving the voice of Bob the Builder, the scourge of the Chinese nation, and Richard Dawkins' arch nemesis).
Michael Winner Takes It All
Art For Art Garfunkel's Sake
Chris Rock With You
SuffoCate Blanchett
Paul King Of The Road
Planet Claire Bloom
Magic Billie Piper Of Love
Melinda Messenger Birds
Jack White Rabbit
How about...
Robert Maxwell's Silver Hammer
Philip Glass Onion
Wes Brown Sugar
One for the Manticore collectors
I Believe in Keith Christmas
U2 - In Gok's Country
(Bono sings of a land of nudists who have sent their clothes to Africa to feed starving orphans).
John Cale - Adrian Chile's Christmas In Wales
(John Cale's account of the Daybreak host's idyllic festive holiday in the land of dragons and leeks).
Queen - You're My Pete Best Friend
(Freddy Mercury informs us that we might be his 5th best friend).
The ex-Tory politicians edition
Douglas Hurd it Through the Grapevine
Kenneth Baker Street
I don't know how this train of thought started
Geoffrey Howe Do You Do It?
John Nott Fade Away
Tom King of the Road
Peter Lilley the Pink
A lament to the tantric one
"Kiss This Sting Goodbye"
I Beg Your Pardon
I Never Promised You a Rose McGowan.
And from the HJH, a double A-side of W.C.Fields Forever / Denny Laine.
Forgive the tortuous set-up...
...it's Christmas morning 1979 and the lads in Police are opening their pressies. Stewart gives Sting a dartboard, sans darts.
"Howay man! Where's the fookin' darts, like" says Sting
"I beg your pardon" replies the drummer
"I never promised you arrows, Gordon"
Evan Davis, I'm Miserable Now
Gordon Brown Sugar
Zidane
If you want songs
featuring the French midfield maestro, surely you want Sophie Ellis-Bextor's early 21st Century smash, Murder on Zidane's Floor
or from Guys and Dolls (for the older listener)
Zidane, You're Rocking The Boat
She'll always be
Amazing Grace Slick
'Mr T in the Sahara'...
'Me and Julio Iglesias Down by the Schoolyard'
'Like a Hurricane Higgins'
Kenneth Williams, It Was
Kenneth Williams, It Was Really Nothing
Timmy! Timmy! Timmy! (A Mallet After Midnight)
The Night They Drove Old Dick Emery Down
Sloop John Barrowman
Hey Jude Rogers
Fade Away And Ray Davies
Well,
Bridge Over Troubled Roger Waters
Johnny Thunders Road
Last Train To Julie London
David Peace Of My Heart
and Pete Townshend's song about Jim Morrison, Let My Love Open The Doors
And one from Dylan
The Lonesome Death of Hattie Jacques
Not forgetting...
Shelter from the Storm Thorgerson.
The Pogues - Fairytale of Thom Yorke
(Irish folksong in which the Radiohead frontman slays the evil troll and marries the Princess. Hooray!)
The Runaways - Geri Bomb
(Lita Ford and co. pay tribute to the Ex-Spice Girl / girl power extremist's suicide mission on the headquarters of Nuts Magazine).
Duke Ellington & His Cotton Club Orchestra - Fearne Cotton Club Stomp
(Worksong describing the brutal slaughter of Fearne Cotton to provide parts for the traditional medicine industry. Morrissey yet to comment).
Oh lordy...
Gene Hackman In A Bottle
Strange Bruce Forsyth
Sweet Gordon Brown
Forgot About Dreyfuss
Your Lucky Day In Helen Mirren
(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Thompson
One For Paul O'Grady (And One For The Road)
Tony Hart's On Fire
'White Rabbit Bundrick'...
must stop...
As we started with Sid James, we might as well Carry On...
Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Charles Hawtrey
I Fought The Bernard Bresslaw (and the Bernard Bresslaw won)
Not forgetting
The Blue Nile's album Hattie's
Barbara Windsor
& Eton Rifles
What's the
Frequency Kenneth Williams?
Charles
Hawtrey is the magic number
Ahem ...
Mark Ellen Wheels
and
For What It's David Hepworth
Ah,
Whipping Double-Post
You Can
Keep Your Ricky Hatton
And then there's...
Viva Las Johnny Vegas
Fairytale Of New Susannah York
Since I've Been Loving Uri Geller
I Like Dickie Birds
'David Iko Iko'
.
Not strictly related to the thread but, the Sid James tip
reminded me of this little wonder by Fortran 5 and the Pink Floyd
Fortran 5
This must be Sid James singing Syd Barrett - the one where his sampled voice does every word of the song.
Yup. 'Sid Sings Syd'
They did 'Derek Nimmo Sings Layla' a while back but it didn't have the same charm; it sounds very much like they just got the Rocking Vicar himself to read the lyrics rather than doing the clever word-by-word sampling
Hurry Up
Harry Redknapp
Entwine - Six Feet Down Pellow
Goth metaller's account of a fated spelunking expedition deep into the heart of the Wet Wet Wet frontman - Marti Pellow.
obligatory music press headlines
There is the overused Tom Waits-for no man, which has to have a mention and what if we could include food too, the Rolling Stones love of Argentina's famous tinned product "Torn and Frayed Bentos", and Hank Wangford doodle (all night long).
McManaman
pee peee peee dee peeep
The Morrissey You
(The More I Want You)
We're All Going On A
Billie Holiday
No Justin Curries for a week or two
Sorry for being a bit thick..
The Sid James Infirmary.. Don't understand..
St James Infirmary
Classic blues performed by Bobby Bland, Louie Armstrong, Joe Cocker, Cab Calloway etc etc etc.
And even
The White Stripes. The other thing of note about this song is that Bob Dylan pretty much used the melody for Blind Willie McTell. Which might be considered a coincidence were it not for the final lines:
I’m gazing out the window
Of the St. James Hotel
And I know no one can sing the blues
Like Blind Willie McTell
Thanks Fraser
One man's typo is another man's pun:
Louie Louie Armstrong?
not forgetting
Death Cab Calloway For Cutie.
Canadian singers songwriters were awfully popular with...
... high modernist 20th Century writers.
Witness James Joyce's Portrait Of The Artist As A Neil Young Man
Geri Halliwe-ee-ee-eeelllllll
You make me want to shout.
Obama
..We`re all crazee now
...from Jesus Christ Superstar
Hobama
Showboat
Showboat by Rogers & Ramstein.
One for you Creedence / Sunderland fans
Up Around Darren Bent
One for you prog/Spurs fans
Van Der Vaart Generator
Ray Parlour of Light
Ray Parlour of Light
And over in the Sky Sports studio we...
Fade to Andy Gray.
Jay-Z
Jay-Z for saying I love you
Jay-Z for tryin'...
Jay-Z for cryin...
Hey you.
One Step Beyoncé
Louis Armstrong
" I Seinfelds of green""
Beyonce You, Say Me.
Bruce Dickinson of a Preacher Man.
Jay K The Peg
With the extra leg.
Michael Jackson
"Billy Gene Hackman"
and his loving ode to one of the labour Tonys:
"Benn"
The Dame
Blue Gene Pitney
Bluebells - Neil Young at heart.
Cheque please waiter.
Hmm...
Noel Coward of the County
By The Time I Get to River Phoenix
Light of Bob Hope
Cilla Black Dog
Hughie Green Green Grass of Home
Ricky Gervais Don't Lose That Number
Brian Clough The Magic Dragon
Fool On The Benny Hill
Inspired by the Word Podcast opening music
Alice Roberts' Restaurant
thus
Living Next Door To Alice Roberts
bonus tracks:
The Night They Drove Old Dixie Dean Down
I Fought The Lenny Law and the Lenny Law Won
Song Of The P. Diddy Men
Yoko Ono Not My Baby
Me and You and...
... a dog named Boo Hewerdine.
By the rivers
...of Bobdylan
The Clash present
Straight To Helen Mirren
Jimmy White Riot
Train In Vain Morrison
I'm So Bored With The U.S.A.A Milne
Tommy Cannon Gun
Jo Brand New Cadillac
Dena Washington Bullets
Chris Rock The Casbah
Julie London's Burning
You're So Vain Morrison
...
Maria McKee-p On Runnin'
Real Gone Kid Jensen
Lady In Red Adair
David Cameron Feel The Noize
Oh Rooney
...don't take your love to town
quite superb HH
I can only add feebly Noel Coward of the County
The Jam
A Town Called Alice Coltrane
Pretty Green Gartside
Boy George About Town
Steve Strange Town
'Billy Hunt' could be re-titled 'Gareth Hunt'
Winona
Ryder White Swan
The Smiths
Sheila Ferguson Take A Bow
Yootha Joyce Haven't Earned It Yet Baby
Is It Really So Steve Strange
Matthew Sweet And Tender Hooligan
Half A Nina Persson
William Hague, It Was Really Nothing
Headmaster Ryuichi Sakamoto
The Boy With THe Tracy Thorn In HIs Side
Johnny Cash in the Attic
Badger Watch with Britney Spears
Who could forget...
Seven Seas Of Ry Cooder
Whole Lotta Rosie O'Donnell
Making Plans For Nigella Lawson
I think we've...
... all done that a time or two.
Last Night
DJ Campbell saved my life
Right, a Dexys'
Right, a Dexys' special....
Searching For The Neil Young Soul Rebels track by track:
C Montgomery Burns It Down
Tell Me When My Light Turns Al Green
The Teams That Joe Meek In Caffs
I'm Just Lord Lucan
Jean Harlow
Seven Days Too Long John Baldry
Captain Bligh Couldn't Help If Captain Bligh Tried
Thankfully John Knott Living In Yorkshire It Doesn't Apply
Robert Key-p It
Love Part Wanda Jackson
There There My Dear Watson
Very poor. I'll get me donkey jacket and woolly hat.....
24 hours to John Tulsa
Home is Where the Richard Curtis
Ted Danson is a gift
Take Ted Danson Naked in the Rain
You Make Me Feel Like Ted Danson
Ted Danson in the Moonight
Saturday Night's Alright for Ted Danson
And so on. Also, the Dr Hook Classic:
You Make My Pants Want to Get Up Charles Dance
Slightly off msg
Quiz team :
Grateful Dad
Wikipediaphiles
Hippy Album titles
Surrealistic Pillock
Almost Lost my Hair.
Always the late adopter, never the bride...
...but here goes:
It's a Shame About Ray (Rearden)- Lemonheads
Whole Ray Liotta Love - Led Zeppelin
Heard it through the Tim Vine - Marvin Gaye
She Loves The (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) - The Beatles
Lordy Lordy Lordy Miss Claudi(a Winkelman)- The King
Not forgetting
The spot in Newcastle named after the crinkly faced one - Sid James Park (there's always a carry on happening there...)
Everything's Gone Hughie Green
dontcha think?
Paint the whole world with a Rainbow
Bungleland - Bruce Springsteen
Zippy Zippy Shake - the Beatles
One For Glenn Hoddle
Come On Eileen Drewery