Entertainment For Lively Minds
Saturday Night at The Aspidistra & Hatstand
Posted by el hombre malo on 30 October 2010 - 7:33pm.
I am delighted to announce that for one night the Aspidistra & Hatstand is open again, the congenial virtual pub & coffee shop, with smoking facilities for those so inclined.
Here's my dime in the jukebox : Little Richard tells us - "It's Saturday Night and I just got paid", as he takes us through Ready Teddy.
I'm pouring myself another large Montepulciano d'Abruzzo (it's the family wine, for complicated reasons).
I've put something on the jukebox - come away in, please put something on the jukebox and let me know what you'd like to drink.
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Mine's a Guinness...
... and this is my choice from the jukebox.
sorry, sir, been a bit of a rush on - regular or ice-cold?
I'll be a devil
Ice-cold, please. And one for your good-self...
Hellooooo!
Am I early ?
I had a couple of beers before I came, so I'm ready to dance...
That'll get the party started!
Can I please have an old school Screwdriver when I come off the dance floor ?
ice, of course
Dancing is encouraged - carry on!
Any manzanilla in the fridge?
Is what I'm listening to as I type. Always fun to try and work out the time signature at any given second. Mostly 6/8 & 7/8. Apparently.
Of course.
now, this is the last bottle of the regular Manzanilla.
But from my last trip back to Islay, I have stored a bottle of this little treasure - I'm saving it for a special occasion, tonight may qualify.
That sherry's only a half-bottle.
Prepares to adopt the vernacular.. Attempts to enter a Bud Neill state of mind..
*ahem*
Isye callin' me a puff our whit?
Aye
Aye.
Fairy Nuff.
*gets coat and hails a cab to Calton Creek*
Manzanilla.
Order that in my local and you get Camomile tea.
I didn't make
the "Friday Night" so thanks for the invite. Mines a pint of 1664 and a bag of pork scratchings and this
Welcome aboard
Uncle Frank
Disco Boy
A glass of anything, Mr B ?
Tonight I could do with some speed.
I'm loaded with the cold and suffering a diabetic lethargy attack.
Maybe a wee tincture later.
Ahh.
*LOUDLY* ha-ha-ha, oh you joker you. you know there's none of that here!
*whispers* see Jake over in the corner ? Leather coat, leather hat? Take this OVD over to him, and see if he can help you out.
*LOUDLY* Ha-Ha-ha, the very thought!!
Jake's
on cider and black tonight, sort it man
everyone else took him an OVD
I sometime worry his short-term memory isn't what it used to be.
One cider and black. You seem to have perked up a bit?
Jake sorted me
(a tincture has been taken)
***ATTENTION SHOPPERS***
ASDA are doing three bottles of {yellow tail] 2009 Shiraz for an Ayerton Senna
*makes note*
I'll pop by there tomorrow!
Mine's a Lemsip Mojito
I was supposed to be elsewhere tonight, but would you mind me snuggling up instead in the Hatstand's Snug, with a duvet and a cough-remedy based cocktail?
Thanks, Hombre. Oh, and stick a bit of Medicine Head on the Wurlitzer, my good man.
no problem
You can have the quiet corner of the Snug, with a tartan travel rug and your Lemsip mojito. Watch your eye on the umbrella, please
Actually, I've just found a slanket in the store cupboard - would you rather have that ?
I'm liking the slanket.
What an attractive piece of comfort-wear. And there's enough square footage on it to mop up any drink spillages. Sold, barkeep.
Lemsip Mojito?
Didn't he used to be an MP?
Have an arrow, Miss Handcart.
I really don't want to be sucking on that, so I'm going to have to change my order to a Sudafed Sunrise.
Lemsip Mojito..
My mate Roy used to make a special snakebite. It was a mixture of Merrydown and Carlsberg Special Brew topped off with half a bottle of Benylin.
He used to call it a pink witch. One of them and he'd be off his tits for the night.
When I'm feeling shitty and coldy I swear by the healing properties of a couple of aspirins, a brisk walk - I confirm WALK, this is not a typo - and a couple of pints.
Just a quick cup of tea for
Just a quick cup of tea for me as I'm off to work. Hope everyone has a great night. This seems appropriate
Last time I was here I ended up spending a chunk of my hard-earned on Dave Bartholomew and The Ink Spots so I'm looking forward to checking in later to see where my wages are going this time.
don't work too hard!
Pop back in and see us on your break if you can, we'll have some herbal teas as well by then
Pint of gin
with a sambucca top please, I'm going easy tonight.
Hows about some halloweenish music?
mind how you go
How *did* you get home last time ? It is good to see people enjoying themselves on a Saturday night.
Ready for another ?
Pint of Brown Beer Please
Just got back from 4 days in Coventry, so my choice is
The Specials
Nite Klub
ok, but we haven't got a night club licence
Need to be out by midnight at the latest, ok ?
I'm supposed to get important things done tonight...
...somehow I doubt that it will happen.
In the words of mr Newman ( sung by Three Dog Night ); Mama told me not to come!
Ah well, keep the screwdrivers coming! Better still; a shot of quality tequila couldn't possibly do me any harm eh ?
Can I point you at our range ?
Thank you
I guess the only way to find the best one is to try one of each to start with!
awkward
Three Dog Night were huge in their day weren't they? At least in the States. But I don't know that I've ever seen such an uncomfortable bunch of 'entertainers' in front of a camera. Bizarre.
I'll go all Hannah.
I'm off the sauce for a bit, so it's a sparkling water for me, and THIS, loud.
ice and a slice, and no crisps, no pork crackling
You're looking trim, Mr B.
Wow!
My very own phrase! (I much prefer it to "Having a Lenny") (No offence, Lenny). Cool!
I must admit...
...there's little I prefer to having a Lenny.
Fraser! FRASER! Check this out...
Idiotbear's come up with a really great slogan for the new Word t-shirts. I suspect you'll sell loads.
Shawn Colvin
The Heart of Saturday Night, anyone?
Pint of Brewers Gold and a merlot chaser please.
anything else before we close up?
For no reason other
than i) I've had a few glasses of fine red and a nice free range chicken
and ii) I am feeling well disposed to all the regulars and iii) it was the first thing that popped into my head, have some Boston
*shakes fist angrily at Sony Music Entertainment*
What do you have against Sweden, eh Sony ?
C'mon, show us your clips!
Duhn duhn, dun-dun, duhn duhn, dun-dun uh more than a feeliiiing!
*sinks another tequila shot and wipes moist eyes with cardigan*
Sorry to hear that
I'll see if I can scare up an alternative. [edit: try this
]
Meanwhile, mine's a pint of Ubu http://www.puritybrewing.com/pure-ubu.cfm
*starts headbanging*
*stops headbanging for fear of losing dinner*
Hey maaan, you're a real righteous dude!
Come here buddy, let me give ya a big smooch!
*flaps arms in SpaceBoys direction, loses balance*
Look who has just arrived...
She'll have a pint of snakebite
She's only allowed the one
Last time she was in, it all got a bit unnecessary. I'm sure she'll be fine this time.
Just done
an armful of smack and a bottle of Jack and now I'm...
I'll just get myself a banquette in the corner. I won't be any trouble.
over in the far corner there
Jake, in the leather coat & leather hat, he looks after our banquettes. Mr Blast is over there too - seems to have perked up a bit. Good.
Here's Jake's favourite for the jukebox : it's by The Fall, Mr Pharmicist.
A most honourable profession...
Indeed it is, sir
Jake is what you call "an independent distributor". He has some limited manufacturing facilities, I think, but he seems to do well enough mainly on the distribution side. Are you in the same line ?
Who will join me on the dancefloor ?
Meet you by the handbags, Galactic on the jukebox!
Ok
Mr Blast can mind the bar for five minutes, we're up!
You've got some
fancy footwork going there, mr Malo!
just trying to keep up with you!
smooooth moves
Dancing?
We need some Ray Cooper gongage for that
Some promising youngsters in that line-up
What concert was it - a charity gig?
It's one of the ARMS concerts
Action into Research for Multiple Sclerosis.
More here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ARMS_Charity_Concert
The best disco track ever....
Lets go
I'll see your Straight Ahead and
raise you Jungle Boogie!
Fonky!
Where I'm from, that's fighting talk
Of course, I'm from Glasgow where everything is fighting talk.
I would suggest that this is the greatest disco track ever.
Calm down boys
or it will all end in tears...
meanwhile I'm dancing rather ineptly to
Spacer
and Supernature
while pausing to lean on the jukebox from time to time ...
just home from a 15 hour
just home from a 15 hour shift. Something loud and cheery i think. Ermm, some cure? Mint car or just like heaven if you dont mind.
And a lager,followed by wine. I've an extra hour to sleep it off.
there you go
enjoy the extra hour!
Would anybody like to join me
outside on the kerb? I forgot my ID and the bouncer won't let me in.
HO MALO!!
...can we no let the wee soul in?
shh, here's the plan
*whispers* you go over and talk to Big Daddy on the door, and Tom can slip in past him while he's distracted, OK ?
Sorry about that
After the unpleasantness with Miss Bush's snakebite we've had to tighten things up a little. I mean, where would we be without rules ?
I can get something passed out to you from the soft range - a lemonade? dandelion & burdock ?
I wouldn't mind
but I'm twenty-four. I knew I shouldn't have my twice-weekly shave this morning.
Anyway, if it's no trouble, I'll have a Fruit Shoot and a packet of Wotsits?
what flavour ?
(for both)
Original
Cheese, for the crisps; purple for the fruit shoot.
there you go
would you like to put something on the jukebox now we've got you inside?
I'm in two minds
I shouldn't stay too long, my mother will start to worry. Plus, I've got work tomorrow. But while I'm here, stick this on:
A glass of something smooth, red and intoxicating
Some NZ Pinot Noir perhaps? To accompany how about some old school Soul - Latimore and "Let's Straighten it Out"?
there you are, sir
now, if you can start making your way through to the VIP lounge, past those purple ropes. Follow Captain Underpants, he's a regular and he'll keep you right
there you are, sir
now, if you can start making your way through to the VIP lounge, past those purple ropes. Follow Captain Underpants, he's a regular and he'll keep you right
get your
cod piece on:
something a bit more *robust*
now the... eh, tincture is in effect
NIN ~ Head Like a Hole
DAF ~ Der Mussolini
if the latter doesn't get yer buttocks pumping, nothing will!
Crikey, you've got a spring in your step
Jake is a marvel, isn't he ?
Thanks for waking me up, mr Blast
I fell asleep in the corner after my last shot of tequila...
But those two tracks cleared my head!
Now I'm in the mood for something a little smoother though, the Miracles and an Irish coffee.
Aaahh, yes, much better!
Listen - last orders!
I'm putting the kettle on to make Drakeygirl a hot toddy, and me a cup of tea, is anyone else wanting something before I close up ?
Whadaya mean, last orders?
I just got here! It's only ten past - these people are still drinking.. I just got here! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
(sssh sssh)
(whispers) lock-in...
*switches on tannoy*
"Can one of the VIP Lounge Staff come to the bar, please ? We've got a confused gentleman at the bar who has forgotten who he is"
*whispers* Captain, follow the rest of them through the back, past those purple ropes. I don't know who is running the lock-in, but if you go through there, it's all "off the record". No internet or mobiles in the VIP Lounge
righto
Thanks Malo. You're a fine chap, both of you. I'll just splash me boots in the gents then I'll head back there. Mum's the, er, you know.
Evening all
X Files and Trick Or Treaters were terrorising the neighbourhood, but rather than turning the lights off and hiding in the bedroom, Kate Rusby was on down the road so toddled up to that, but back now.
Waiting for me a couple of Obama-sanctioned concoctions from the posh vintner
and then it will settle down to some more prosaic from the Coop (Budvar sadly not available.)
Whoops
Not so suree about Obamabeer.
I'm just in for lasties
Give me four pints of Cains and a wee Jameson. Don't worry, I'll get them down me.
Blast's talking animatedly about himself to everyone around him but stopped long enough to ask me to put this on before the plug's pulled on the jukey.
anything in your Jameson's ?
Crikey, that first pint went fast
Aye,
Another one.
Oh dear, attracts unwanted attention from over-refreshed person
Hey ! That's mine, for next Word Massive alcohol-themed compilation !!! (Bystanders look puzzled)
Just put the clocks
back an hour now and I'll have another pint.
we're closing up now
but some are heading through to the VIP lounge : there's no internet access and no mobile coverage through there - just past the purple ropes, tell them your subscriber number and you're in
Gimme one for the road, please
And give one to this guy as well, he seems to be in somewhat of a bad mood.
Cheer up, kid, it'll all be fine tomorrow!
The staff are getting irritated now in the main bar
Fed up pushing the hordes to the door, they go nuclear with a Siouxsie B-side.
that's the first salvo in clearing
But this is guaranteed to clear all but the most hardened hipster - Pharaoh Sanders. I love Pharaoh, but most people can't get past 2 minutes in this
Ladies and gentlemen, we are now closed
If you've made it through to the VIP lounge for the lock-in, good luck to you and may God have mercy on your livers. Whatever happens through there is all 'off the record', and the technology installed blocks all internet access.
Lovely to see you all again, until next time, ciao!
I like Pharoah
but I hate when drunk guests overstay their welcome...so I'll crawl back home now!
Lovely to meet you all, it's been a while since I was out dancing.
Good night and sweet dreams!
Heads off into the night
I wanna dance with somebody
I feel the need for some *body*
<<< Amphetamine Psychosis
chucking out time
every bar and club i've ever ran i insist this is the song we play at chucking out time.
Hello?
HELLO??? Anyone there?
I'm locked in the Gents! I said I'M LOCKED IN THE- ooh, pineapple chunks
I'll let you out, Pants.
(Well, I have put on a bit of weight, admittedly).
Oh, there you are, Captain. On your way, now. No, I've told you before, those blue things in the urinals are NOT mints.
Anyway, I've just come in with my paints to correct the spelling mistake on the pub sign *points to thread title*.
Were all the Word pedants drunk last night, or something?
*points to thread title*
*whispers* it keeps the licensing board off our back, if I spelled it correctly we'd be hunted down quicker when we're in operation. thanks, though
*LOUDLY* So are you feeling better this morning ? You've decided to keep the slanket, I see - machine-washable, too.
I see. Smart thinking.
Feeling much better thanks. Those hot toddies did the trick.
And yes, I did just happen to forget to hand in the slanket. Can I bring it back next time? It's just that I reckon if I wear it to the cinema I can sneak the whole family in under there, for free.
Sorry to have missed this..
...but after the last event (and the related unpleasantness), the FPO took her title a little too seriously and imposed a parole regime that is somewhat restricting. Apparently, she has pencilled in a review in time for the Olympics - she just hasn't said which ones!
Oh poop
I missed all the fun! The one Saturday night I go out, you guys throw a party!
*sulks*
*Yawns*
Good morning all!
What has happened to the walls, they look a bit crooked to me...
No chance of getting brunch I suppose ? I'm starving.
No ? OK I'll have to go and "have a Macca", my roots are showing. After that I'll head over to mum's house for a long sunday dinner with plenty of wine, that'll straighten the walls I think!
Hangover
Bloody Mary and some headbanging. Kill or cure. Any alternative cures?
Hello,HELLO,Coo-wee,anyone there?
I was washing my hair and then I got arrested on the way.Has everyone gone then?
We'll have something in the run-up to Christmas, I think
I'll maybe put up some posters beforehand to make sure that anyone who wants to drop in can!
Maybe you should
show the awards via the wide screen in the main bar (leave the snug for the locals)?
as usual...
Late to every party. Though I must say the tumbleweed look good at this time of year.