get out the boat!

ruin an apology with an excuse

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up

A friend and I were talking on something similar earlier this week.

He's moved into IT contracting recently and to his own great astonishment given the current climate has landed a peach of a deal that is paying him more than he ever thought possible. It's all temporary of course but he's thrilled skinny at the moment.

Similarly my wife and I are planning a move in the next couple of years back up to my original home in Northumberland and I am currently kicking off all sorts of possible job choices and moves.

The only person who made my friend's good fortune was himself. He decided to go freelance. He built up all the skill necessary. He punted himself out there and proved himself at interview.

Equally, despite the 'help' of job and recruitment agencies the only person who will get me a good job when and where I want it is me.

Nothing good happens to you unless you instigate it yourself. We managed to condense this wholly unoriginal philosophy and attach it to another well-worn cliche; You Make Your Own Luck.

It's become a mantra we quote at each other. It's not perfect but it holds true enough.

YMYOL. As we say.

1.A good life is the best defense
2.If you don’t throw it, they can’t hit it.
3.A simple story, however inaccurate or misleading, is preferred to a complicated explanation, however true

Accept a lift in a car from anybody with the surname Kennedy.

“Never play cards with a man called Doc.
Never eat at a place called Mom’s.
Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”

"Trust no-one" - Fox Mulder

"To do is to be" Descartes
"To be is to do" Sartre
"Doo bee doo bee doo" Sinatra
(The old ones are indeed the best) :-)

often more advisable than 'Submit'"

As you would have seen from what was in here a moment ago...

a dog from a river or a pond. You'll drown. The dog won't.

I live near the Kennet and Avon canal. A couple of weeks ago I was amused to observe a hire boat passing through. Among those aboard said vessel were children, elderly persons of aged vintage, and a dog. Guess who had the lifejacket on?

a woman if she is pregnant.

you don't want to do before you do the thing you do want to do. Doo bee doo bee doo.

is most often found in the simplest things.

Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow (because by tomorrow it might need doing).

...before helping others, especially if you want to keep your identity secret.

"Two things you should be slow to criticise: a man's choice of woman and his choice of work."

...do something else! (I learned that one about 15 years too late)

in the pages of Word a few years back definitely hit a nail with 'Marry your second wife first'.

Nothing can possibly go wrong.

That works for me

never trust an hippie?

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

It's better to keep your mouth and have people think you a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Light travels faster than sound: some people appear really bright until they speak.

and, when in an airport, use the loo before you board the plane.

before you leak.

"Rome wasn't built in a day... although that was the builder's original estimate." (Al Murray, Pub Landlord).

"Rome wasn't built in a day... but I wasn't on that particular job." (Brian Clough).

"Life is blighted by the tyranny of the urgent over the important." (Anon.)

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." (Bertrand Russell)

What goes around, comes around - and when it's your turn, take your turn

all the time.

"Watch out where the huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow"

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." - Dwight D. Eisenhower.Bloody genius or more likely an idiot.

If it ain't broke don't fix it which can be applied to all sorts of situations and also I live by the maxim 'the grass isn't always greener on the other side'. I have seen so many people fuck up because they thought they were going for something better than they had whether it was a job or a partner.
On the same theme 'look before you leap' is another one that makes a lot of sense but which I have occasionally struggled to live up to.

more than the things you did do. Especially when you learn later that she liked you as well, but was too shy to talk.

Also the eternal truth that is "never lend Leif your Elvis DVD".

Enjoy every sandwich.

"Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope." Freewheeling Franklin

1) Do as you would be done by
2) Living well is the best revenge
3) Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life.

If you ever own a sandwich shop, don't close for lunch.

And a former boss of mine told me in the early 90s; "This Internet will never catch on in a million years," teaching me that people senior to you who feel the need to give advice all the time are quite often wrong.

'Brains will only get you so far and luck always runs out'-Harvey Keitel in Thelma and Louise

Then give up. no point in being a damn fool about it

... than the right to arm bears.

Is the whole of the law

My old seadad said to me, never spoil a good story by telling the truth.

Good advice then & now.

If the lie is funnier - tell the lie.