Entertainment For Lively Minds
Random acts of romance
My wife knows better than to expect a present from me on her birthday. Years of disappointment have worn down her expectations, and nowadays we both agree that "So - no present again this year?" followed by a ten-minute cold shoulder is better than the old days when I'd be frantically searching my pockets for the receipt while she sobbed "You don't know me AT ALL!" and blew her nose on the wrapping paper.
We've also agreed to shelve the spontaneous gestures. We know from bitter experience that if I were to leave her a note saying Meet me at Victoria at 6.30pm. Wear your best frock it would produce the following email in reply:
RE: Tonight
- Do I need my glasses?
- Do I need my wellies (like last time)?
- Will any of my friends be there?
- If so, what will they be wearing?
- Have you booked the theatre / restaurant / Orient Express or are you "holding out for a last minute deal" again? Because we've talked about this.
- Is this an 'ironic' treat where you turn up in a tuxedo and take me to McDonald's? Because we've talked about this too.
- If it's Go Karts, Paintball or Bowling I will run you down / shoot you in the knackers / stick your head in the ball return
- Have you remembered your wallet this time?
The problem is that her suspicion is completely justified. I'm rubbish at romance. I love her to bits and she knows it, but I struggle to show it in any conventional manner. With a couple of very special occasions on the horizon, I need to raise my game.
There must be some great romantics out there who can give me tips - but I don't know any of them so you, Massive, will have to do. What's worked for you?
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the word 'random' is missleading
You have to plan everything well in advance in the finest detail.
So, you do have to book the theatre AND the restaurant AND the hotel. You have to have the present or the flowers beautifully wrapped. The present has to be something you are certain she will like and this can take a lot of detective work (ask friends, workmates or relatives all of whom have to be sworn to secrecy).
You also have to tell her roughly what to dress in. Tell her, you have everything sorted and she has to wear something feminine & light with sensible shoes and a warm cardigan/coat (or whatever is required & remember women like to change their underwear after an overnight stay). All those questions she would ask above are all answered or dealt with.
She'll be amazed when you get it right. All it takes is careful planning.
Good luck
'Spontaneous'
is the really misleading concept. It suggests off-the-cuff, devil-may-care, jump-in-the-car-and drive carefreeness, as if you'll start with cocktails at The Ritz and end up skinny-dipping at dawn in Newquay. More likely you'll end up fighting at a taxi rank in Croydon at 11.30.
I should work on the understanding that a surprise doesn't have to be spontaneous and that the secret's in the planning. We celebrated our 10th anniversary with fish and chips and cans of Stella on the front at Scarborough and I got away with it, but I doubt I'll be allowed to pull a stunt like that again.
this is so true
It has to look spontaneous but it absolutely cannot be.
Plan. Every.Single. Detail. Keep it secret, make it look spontaneous but have all the tickets in your pocket, all the paperwork required. Don't rely on other people who could let you down.
Double check the arrangements on the day (Phone the hotel, check the restaurant booking etc.)
It really works - they love it.
I did a half way one. Told her I had managed to blag a friend's cottage near Loch Lomond for a freebie weekend, I played it down saying it was a bit crappy but nice to get away for a day or two. Then, when we got to the airport, I took her to international departures where she finally twigged I'd been fibbing as I checked us in for Vienna where I proposed after an afternoon at the opera and an evening at the Schonnbrunn Palace.
It worked.
Vienna?
It means nothing to me
(SORRY, I am compelled to do that when anyone mentions Vienna)
(PS lovely lovely story by the way, that's impressive. I got proposed to in Swindon.)
Vince Packet like Freddie Mercury
bringing opera to the missis
The gender gap
Encapsulated in those chilling words 'Women like to change their underwear after an overnight stay'? The fussy creatures. Truly women may be from Venus, but men are from Uranus.
And they say romance is dead ...
As I stated on another thread...
... I am a man who thought a stage version of Brimstone and Treacle was just what a lady wants to see. I also once to my wife to see Lee Scratch Perry on her birthday. On our first holiday together we rocked up in Prague and she went mad when she discovered that not only had I not booked accommodation, I had no idea how to get to the cheap accommodation I had found online prior to leaving.
Reader she married me (not the Brimstone and Treacle lady obv.). But do not follow my love advice ever.
Told the FPO to meet me at Heathrow at 3.30pm once....
...with her passport. 10th anniversary trip to NYC. Looked hugely off the cuff at the time - the amount of work I put in was incredible. Secret calls to her boss arranging days annual leave, leaving no trace of history on the PC (which lead to the usual accusations in the week up to it) - hiding credit card bills, arranging childcare with the parents, shuttling said kids out of school early to parents in Dorset AND getting back to London without so much as a sniff of a trace...
Still basking in the glory of a successfully planned op 7 years later...and STILL in credit with the FPO. Expensive, time consuming, logistically a nightmare but well, well worth it.
Nice
one :)
It just takes a little thought and planning
My partner let slip that she liked ballet but had never been. I later discovered she had never heard a live orchestra either. I arranged to meet her for food round the corner from the theatre in one of our regular haunts. I then strolled round to the theatre with her and suggested I pop in to get a forthcoming attractions guide. It wasn't till I handed the tickets to the usher that she twigged we were actually going in. She loved it.
I Can Never Out Do The Wife..
...so don't try. I started work at her place of employment and two weeks into starting the alarm goes off for me to head off to work. "Switch it off you're not going today" - thought this was a subtle way of telling me I'd been sacked. No she'd arranged a holiday in cottage just outside Newcastle - each day I awoke to a new envelope with that day's surprise. Newcastle City Hall with Brian Wilson on his first comeback tour, Van Morrison the night after, the Morecombe and Wise play The Play What I Wrote, the Born in The USA tour with him out of Spandau and the Go West guy (think that was for her but a great night) and the only blip knowing I love Yes a Steve Howe solo show.
Never tried to top her.
Well no
Attempted murder would be an odd response to such... oh I see what you mean.
Does she really mind?
You sound just like Mr H. Last birthday he left me a message saying 'Yo pudding, you're now older than the auld folks were when we met.'
But then, anything more would have had me squirming.
“In a great romance, each person basically plays a part that the other really likes” (Elizabeth Ashley)
Simples
Get a bar of chocolate, and a hot knife, smooth out the "Cadbury's" (other makes of chocolate are available) on each square and write 'I love you' on each square with a sharp knife. Takes a bit of care, and you can only do it once, but it was a winner. Getting the foil back on was tricky and she said "Are you sure this hasn't been tampered with?" on first sight...
Maybe start small...
Cap'n, maybe grand gestures aren't just your scene just yet.
Maybe try starting small with some little romantic gestures?
And if any of you know my husband, please show this post to him because I am married to pretty much the least romantic man ever*.
*I'm not really complaining, he's splendid. Just utterly unromantic.
*actual miles may vary*
Some ladies would NOT like to receive flowers at the office.
Many would - but before sending them, do try to find out if she is in the minority group!
That's true...
In fact all of those would leave me cold.
I was discussing this with my neighbour and she observed that her response to unexpected romantic gestures would be 'OK, who is she and how long has it been going on'
Then we pondered over whether it was time to trade in the OHs for newer models, but then realised that then we'd have to up our game as well.
Oh, that's interesting!
Just goes to show one woman's meat is another woman's poison. I'd completely love any of them (obvs, otherwise I wouldn't have suggested them).
Actually, what I'd *really* love is for my husband to serenade me with My Funny Valentine. While dressed in his Speedos. Rawr. (We've been together for ten years and this scenario has never happened) (and never will, I'm pretty certain, my husband is not one for romantic gestures. as he once said to me, "You know I love you, I come home every night don't I?")
Helena, what would be a romantic gesture that you'd welcome?
Well,
he once screwed the front door shut when I was drunk and threatening to book into a hotel.
That was quite sweet.
My favourite
euphemism ever.
He used
his great big power tool.
It took less than a minute.
Maybe I'm not so bad...
... first two, happens all the time. Third, has happened. Forth? *coughs*
But I may need credit in the future.
One of the wisest books ever written.
Love Lies - What Men Don't Know And What Women Won't Tell Them
By Fiona McKinley. I read it once. Learned loads. I've loaned it to lots of girls who all say they've rolled around laughing saying "THAT'S SO NOT TRUE!" whilst knowing that, yes, it is.
Fiona's take on a delivery person turning up to a workplace bearing flowers.
Every girl thinks "Oohh.. Flowers.. please let them be for me please let them be for me please let them be for me... BITCH!"
Uncle Lenny's hint:
Always pretend that you're not listening. Listen occasionally. Remember the very unsubtle hints. Then use these as the basis for presents or trips much, much later when she's forgotten about the unsubtle hints.
It was once put to me
that the gift that shows you've actually been listening to your loved one is always going to have a far better effect than any expensive piece of jewellery.
Unless of course the gift that shows you've been listening is an expensive piece of jewellery.
Steal a street sign
As suggested on this clip from Frasier ;-)
(from 3m 10s)(Niles steals a street sign for Daphne, can't seem to embed the starting point)
Romance?
My proposal of marriage came as I was lying in bed one morning, flushed and exhausted after a bout of wild, dirty sex.
Mr DG has always had a knack of phoning at the wrong moment.
I've been happily married for 21 years...
but when I read Drakey's posts I feel, to quote PG Wodehouse, "I may have made my selection without walking the full length of the counter".
SSSShhhhh!
I thought we agreed not to tell everyone that it was you in bed with me.
I think you must be mistaken, young lady
I don't do 'wild and dirty'. Unless you count that time Mrs W asked me to dress up as David Attenborough.
Why not keep it simple?
Buy her a card and a nice bottle of wine. Sit her down, say "I love you" and open the wine.
As per the 'date from hell' thread
I have a new ladyfriend. I've kept it simple so far (flowers from a cracking florist on Bury market) but the other week I sent her a proper 'love letter.'
In an age of Facebook messages, emails, texts etc, I sat at the table and just wrote her a short note and posted it.
It made her cry. In a good way.
That's a lovely thing to do
That's one lucky ladyfriend you have
Mrs T
It had been a crap year so for her birthday in January I decided to whisk her away for the weekend to some sun. Easyjet from Luton to Barcelona, nice hotel in mediaeval quarter, room overlooking the cathedral (much begging with the booking clerk needed here...), flowers tee'd up, bottle of bubbly on ice. I told here we were going away, but not where. Just to pack for normal duties. We set off in car and I handed her a slim wrapped pressie which she opened - a guide book to Barcelona! Much excitement ensued. 2 hours later we were standing on the balcony looking at the stunning buildings sipping the grog as the first sun we'd seen for months went down. Perfect. Me, that is. Apparently.
In my experience the trick is, whatever you chose to do, it has to be unambiguously about her, preferably where you have had to make a bit of effort for no personal upside other than her happiness.
"In my experience the trick
"In my experience the trick is, whatever you chose to do, it has to be unambiguously about her, preferably where you have had to make a bit of effort for no personal upside other than her happiness."
That's not a bad principle at all.
And it you're rubbish at buying birthday presents it's not a bad idea to be paying more attention during the rest of the year.
Question... when was the last time you went... say... clothes shopping and actually engaged in the process rather doing the usual male stereotype of standing around sulking in a corner being very loudly passive aggressively disgruntled? (as I observe so many significant others doing in the shops at the weekends). **Engaging** in the process can be surprisingly fun and enjoyable if you've never made an effort before... Browsing the racks with her for things for her to try on - some because you think they'd look nice on her and some for precisely the opposite reason with a wink and a "Go on, dare you!"... You'll be astonished what little tips you will squirrel away about her taste and likes which can be deployed for use later. From simple things like sizes and colours to styles and whatever.
And those "Ooooh, I love it but I just can't justify it/afford it" moments can come in VERY useful when thinking about presents...
It's really not rocket science, you know. It's just basic taking an interest!
I once made a girlfriend of mine...
a fry up and arranged the sausages, eggs etc to say "I love you". I think she was quite touched after the indigestion passed.
Did it get
saucy at any point?
Banger?
.
Romantic tip from Barnsley Man
Make sure you take the weight on your elbows.
My experience...
is that little acts of romance which are out of character (i.e. something your partner wouldn't expect you to do) can have the most impact. Instead of a Valentine's Day card this year I bought my wife a small book of love poetry (I've never bought her poetry before). She went very quiet and a bit tearful and then, over the following days, told everyone she met how lovely it was.
As simple as this sounds...
... whenever your lady mentions anything she's remotely interested in (TV, movie, music, book, artist, magazine, some jewelry in a shop window, that scarf she didn't have time to get before having to catch the train, whatever), jot it down somewhere (I've dedicated the back page of my diary), and come prezzie time, you have an instant list of starting points.
OPTION 1 - just buy some stuff off the list. She might have forgotten expressing any interest, in which case you come across like a mind reader, and even if she remembers, it shows you listen to her, which is a present in itself.
OPTION 2 - Be inspired by the list; check out the "like this, try these"-type recommendations on Amazon or wherever, follow your instincts and see what you get. Takes a bit more thought, and is a bit more risky, but when it works, there'll be more bonus points in it for you, especially if you go for the full monty (she likes Picasso? Take her to the Picasso museum in Barcelona. Wine? Daytrip to a vinyard, and so on.)
Yes, it's a cliche, but "it's the thought that counts" - perhaps the best received present I ever gave Mrs Mickey was a ragged old copy of a book she mentioned loving at school and hadn't seen since. Cost me less than £3 on Ebay, tears and hugs aplenty ensued...
Echoing Metal Mickey
the key to great 'suprises' is the phone memory, whether it's the notepad app or sendiong yself an email, everytime she picks something up and really likes it I jot it down.
A few weeks later, one happy FPO and Browie points by the dozen.
We have never done Valentines Day as we keep each other in the love zone with these random acts.
But...
..my GLW absolutely will NOT do spontaneity. It scares her. Her hand goes to her hot furrowed brow and she starts worrying. About everything.