Entertainment For Lively Minds
Pound!
Yesterday I enjoyed/endured the joys of a 300 mile car journey home from Cornwall with a grumpy GGH, a bored tweenager, and a screaming bolus of one year old.
It was still far preferable to tackling the horrors of air travel. I can't stand grinning, maniacal hobgoblin Michael O'Leary, the Ryanair chief bollux, whose idea of 'cheap' air travel is charging you for the seat, for your luggage, for breathing, and (I think) for dropping the kids off at the pool.*
His 'additional' charges, which usually far outweigh the price of the ticket, set me thinking - where have I seen this before? And I've cracked it. It was HIM! Mr Fiddler, in Carry on Camping. Pound!
*euphemism for having a poo
Michael O'Leary:
Mr Fiddler, from Carry on Camping:
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My most miserable flying experiences
Come courtesy of the odious O'Leary. I shan't bore you with in-depth accounts of these experiences, but shall only concur with Drakey that this man is indeed a maniacal hobgoblin of the first water. I hope that when he eventually dies, he spends his afterlife trapped in a shitty airport fifty-five miles out of town, it's perpetually 3.55am and his only company is a hate-filled Ryanair employee with an exasperated, patronising air, continuously prodding him in the nether regions with a clipboard.
Phew. Sorry, had to get that out.
fantastic spot
all we need now is 'Ryanair,Welcome to Paradise'
Michael O'Leary.
A vile man who fronts a vile company. Devious, duplicitous, mendacious, amoral and lots more I would rather walk than put money in his direction. I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his teeth were on fire because he'd probably send me a bill for it. Only once have I had to contemplate a Ryanair flight. I took steps to avoid it, even though it cost me time and money. I didn't care. FlyBe? EasyJet? Fine. Ryanair? Fuck right, utterly and completely off.
Blimey Lenny
So you don't like him then?
The thing is, Ryanair's a very successful business because it would appear enough people don't mind being treated like shit as long as the fares are cheap.
And equally, Michael O'Leary seems to revel in his hate-figure status - he doesn't care what you think of him, he just wants your money.
and he seems to be absolutely honest about that.
"I'll sell you a cheap flight and treat you like sh*t. What more can you expect, it's a cheap flight. You want to be made to feel special, pay 5 times as much and fly with BA"
That's a damn sight more honest than many businessmen and, in it's own way, is something to be admired.
"He doesn't care what you think, he just wants your money."
He isn't getting any of mine.
The fares are cheap. But not as much as he makes out. If he was honest in his advertising, then fair enough.
Let O'Leary run his mucky little airline, dropping plebs miles from where they actually want to be for fees far more than they thought they'd paid. It's a succesful concept but he attaches to Irish business the same stench that the corrupt Charlie Haughey did to Irish politics.
Many poxes on him and all his houses.
He sometimes cares what others think
A couple of years ago, Michael's legal henchmen fired a warning shot across Private Eye's bow over its use of the Ryanair logo, citing copyright infringement for what was clearly a spoof ad.
Lord Gnome, to his credit, told Ryanair where to go.
Charles Haughey
isn't he in Carry on Camping too?
Arf Arf
Arf. And indeed, another ARF. Nice one Captain. You should now promote yourself to Major.
Major Underpants?
No, bought them at Marks & Spencer. I thangyew.
(I'm sorry. It's a disease. I can't help myself.)
If
you are alone, flying short haul, have only hand luggage (one bag), have booked some way in advance, avoid all in flight catering and your trip isn't "crucial" then Ryanair is functional and cheap
otherwise it's a pile of shit
Yeah, that's about it.
I flew Ryanair recently for the first time in a long time. I was me and a satchel on an over-and-back-in-a-day jaunt between England and Ireland. I would rather go elsewhere and pay more if it were a family holiday.
Ha! I like that comment (about your trip not being crucial).
Maybe that should be their slogan: "Ryanair - when you don't really need to get there."
Sadly Mr Bervie
You have also described the only way of making rail journeys economic and bearable these days as well.
Well, Really!
I didn't baulk at the charge for luggage, nor the pound per toilet visit, nor even the standing seats, but really, having to have correct change for the oxygen masks is simply not on.
Like this?
I have the dubious pleasure
of negotiating with Ryanair in a professional capacity - ie as a supplier to the company. Let's just say they don't believe in partnerships.