Bruce:

You ain't a beauty, but hey, you're all right

And Nick, in She's My Baby...

She may not have those classy film star looks
No wisdom that I can find in books...

and

..I know she ain't perfect, but she's the best yet

It's that final 'yet' that's the killer.

"Girl I want to make you sweat
Sweat till you can't sweat no more
And if you cry out
I'm gonna push it some, more, more"

"Girl I want to make you sweat
Sweat till you can't sweat no more
And if you cry out
I'm gonna push it some, more, more"

any women or gay men have any views on the efficacy or otherwise of "pull up to the bumper baby, in your long black limousine"?

That line in I Got A Woman about a woman knowing her place is in the home springs to mind.

I got a rocket in my pocket
I said rocket
Finger in the socket
No way for you to stop it
Rocket rocket
Why don't you just get off it?
Rocket rocket
I said Rocket

"Good morning, little schoolgirl - I wanna make love to you"
-or:
"shake your money maker"

is like a textbook on what to say if you want to end up with rosy cheeks through continued slappage.

There's this...

Ooh, trouble-free transmission, helps your oils flow
Mama, let me pump your gas, mama, let me do it all

Or there's this...

Dig that heavy metal underneath your hood
Baby, I can work all night, believe I got the perfect tools

And if either of those don't work, you can always try this...

Groovin' on the freeway, gauge is on the red
gun down on my gasoline, believe I'm gonna crack your head

"stop your grinnin' and drop your linen for me"

Never tried it out but I'm pretty sure an invitation to have sex has never followed it.

"Don't know about your brain but you look alright"

"Lie down, I think I love you"

I don't mean to sound degrading
but with a face like that
you got nothing to laugh about

red lips hair and fingernails
I hear you're a mean old jezebel
let's go up stairs and read my tarot cards

song credited to Stewart & Wood ... i'm guessing Rod wrote the lyrics

no one will be watching us

Truly the greats when it comes to inappropriate content:

Mr Coverdale complains:

You talk too much,
Always treating me so unkind,
I know what I've got to do,
To get me some peace of mind

So, his chat up line is "You talk too much", not sure it's going to work, especially with the follow up line, complaining that his "lady" should perhaps take a lighter look at life. How anyone can do this if they are going out with David Coverdale is a moot point perhaps, but, fortunately, he has a solution to this impasse:

I'm gonna slide it in
Right to the top,
Slide it in,
I ain't never gonna stop

Hmmm. Some staying power, then. But such terrible grammar.

she won't do it but her sister will' ZZ Top, Tube Snake Boogie

Probably lots of them - but...

your face is jammin'
your body's heck-a-slammin'
if love is good
let's get to rammin'

"Don't you struggle, Don't you fight,
Don't you worry 'cause it's your turn tonight"

game over

What's wrong with this?
"Hello Mabel, if you're able
say you'll come, please do
for an hour or two.."
(no, wait, it's not wot you think)
"Hello Mabel if you're able
come out on your own
lose you're chaperone
and we can be alone."
Now that's proper wooing that is.

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

Led Zep (Whole lotta love) - I wanna be your backdoor man

I suppose a rock's out of the question?

by superb Danish psych rockers Baby Woodrose...

"Got to find myself a honeydripper
Got to get myself some jelly roll
Got to find myself a fingerlicker
Got to get myself a mojo bone!"

I dunno, it could be some sort of paen to a Danish fast food outlet I suppose...

I can't remember which song it is when Mr Coverdale announces his intention to "bury my love so deep inside", but I'm guessing he might have gone home with his hard-on that evening.

And as for ZZ Top and Billy's panting wish "I just wanna do love to you" (from I Need You Tonight), that's a definite Could Do Better.

surely its got to be this from Zep's BBC Sessions rendition of Travelling Riverside Blues.

"Squeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg".

I see youve got AC/DC and Whitesnake covered already so lets have some Kiss.

LICK IT UP

Don't wanna wait 'til you know me better
Let's just be glad for the time together
Life's such a treat and it's time you taste it
There ain't a reason on earth to waste it
It ain't a crime to be good to yourself

Chorus:
Lick it up, lick it up, it's only right now
Lick it up, lick it up, ooh yeah
Lick it up, lick it up, come on, come on
Lick it up, lick it up

Don't need to wait for an invitation
You gotta live like you're on vacation
There's something sweet you can't buy with money - lick it up, lick it up
It's all you need, so believe me honey
It ain't a crime to be good to yourelf

surely its got to be this from Zep's BBC Sessions rendition of Travelling Riverside Blues.

"Squeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg".

I see youve got AC/DC and Whitesnake covered already so lets have some Kiss.

LICK IT UP

Don't wanna wait 'til you know me better
Let's just be glad for the time together
Life's such a treat and it's time you taste it
There ain't a reason on earth to waste it
It ain't a crime to be good to yourself

Chorus:
Lick it up, lick it up, it's only right now
Lick it up, lick it up, ooh yeah
Lick it up, lick it up, come on, come on
Lick it up, lick it up

Don't need to wait for an invitation
You gotta live like you're on vacation
There's something sweet you can't buy with money - lick it up, lick it up
It's all you need, so believe me honey
It ain't a crime to be good to yourelf

From the aptly named 'Jailbait' by Motörhead:

"I don't even dare to ask your age,
It's enough to know you're here backstage."

"All the streets are crammed with things eager to be held,
I know what hands are for and I'd like to help myself,
You ask me the time, but I sense something more,
And I would like to give you what I think you're asking for"

Followed by:

"Let me get my hands on your mammary glands,
And let me get your head on the conjugal bed".
(from "Handsome Devil")

Although this cheeky little couplet is probably my favourite:

"If you ever need self-validation
just meet me in the alley by the railway station".
(I Want The One I Can't Have)

is an exercise on how not to pull.

b: I'm too well hung; but
c: Tonight I'm Going To Rock You;
d: (Tonight).

Smell The Glove?

I see the one I want I say "come here cutie"
I flip 'em around and then I WORK THAT BOOTY

I was just going to post the opening lines, but having looked, I'm going to have to put forward the whole song for your consideration:

"Let me lick you up and down
Til you say stop
Let me play with your body baby
Make you real hot
Let me do all the things you want me to do
Cuz tonight baby I wanna get freaky with you

Baby don't you understand
I wanna be your nasty man
I wanna make your body scream
And you will know just what I (you know what I mean)
24 carat gold
To warm the nights when you get cold
I wanna lick you up and down
And then I wanna lay you down
C'mon silk

I love the taste of whipcream
Spread it on don't be mean (baby don't be mean)
You know I can't resist you girl
I'll fly you all around the world (all around the world, oh baby)
I wanna make your body drip
C'mon let me take a sip (c'mon, c'mon, c'mon)
Take off what you cherish most (c'mon,c'mon, come on, come on baby)
Cuz when I brag I like to brag and boast

You, you, you, you, oh you
You, you, you, you, let me freak you
You, you, you, you, all of you
I want it, I want it
You, you, you, you, oh you
You, you, you, you, let me do you
Cuz tonight baby, I wanna get freaky with you"

"I'm horny. Horny, horny, horny."

Good mornin' 'little school girl,
can I go home, can I go home with you?
Tell your mother and your father
I'm a little schoolboy too

...should be enough to get you locked up for a good long time

"If you don't want to f'ck me, baby f'ck off."

Not overly romantic, but pretty clear.

who hasn't used this?

Jimi Hednrix "Foxy Lady"

Foxy
Foxy

You know you're a cut little heartbreaker
Foxy
You know you're a sweet little lovemaker
Foxy

I wanna take you home
I won't do you no harm, no
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Ooh, foxy lady
I see you, heh, on down on the scene
Foxy
You make me wanna get up and scream
Foxy
Ah, baby listen now
I've made up my mind
I'm tired of wasting all my precious time
You've got to be all mine, all mine
Foxy lady
Here I come

I'm gonna take you home
I won't do you no harm, no
You've got to be all mine, all mine

Here I come
I'm comin' to get ya
Foxy lady
You look so good
Yeah, foxy
Yeah, give us some
Foxy
Yeah, get it, babe
You make me feel like
Feel like sayin' foxy
Foxy
Foxy lady
Foxy lady

That might work on its own, Mr Squiggle, but you've kind of, ahem, shot your bolt before you get there...

U seem perplexed I haven't taken u yet
Can't u see I'm harder than a man can get
I got wet dreams comin' out of my ears
I get hard if the wind blows your cologne near me
But I can take it, cuz I want the whole nine
This ain't about the body, it's about the mind

I've a rocket in my pocket
Here's my plug
Where's your socket?

Despite the beautiful disclaimer there'd be a slap ahoy if I ever said this to my GLW...

Your looks are laughable
So unphotographable

I'll nominate this from the charming Crazy Town.

"I keep my girls in rotation,
Door rotating.
You looking for a good time,
I’m always on vacation.
You could stop by baby,
If you want to try your luck.
But don’t waste my time,
Unless you’re down to fuck."

Searchlight on my trail
Tonight's the night all systems fail
Hey you good lookin' female
Come here!

Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak

sustained metaphor:

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I'd like to check you for ticks.'

I would have quoted the whole lyrics but suffice to say Mr Romeo ( a misnomer if ever there was one) would not have lasted on Just a Minute.

Lie down gal let me push it up push it up lie down
Lie down gal let me push it up push it up lie down

Look how you're big and fat, like a big, big shot
Give the crumpet to big foot joe, give the fanny to me.

The smooth talking romantic.

You better get out the way
And let a boy do man sized job

'There's something about you girl
That makes me sweat'

The ladies I know say this would work every time, if it were Michael Hutchence saying it to them.

I notice in the original post, poor Lowell was turned down, even though he only wanted to maintain the lady's car.

The fiflthiest lyrics are Prince's. I nominate 'If I Was Your Girlfriend' for a genuine Eeew moment towards the end. Funnily enough, i don't know any ladies who like that song.

The full lyrics are here:
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/prince/if+i+was+your+girlfriend_20111378.ht...

Luckily he resisted approaching "Dr" Gillian McKeith when she was at her lowest ebb with:

Can I take you from behind
And hold you in my arms?

shame about the boat race...

'Honey how you've grown
Like a rose
Well we used to play
When we were three
How about a kiss for your cousin Dupree'

You can lick me everywhere...

Mtume's Juicy Fruit

Phwoarrrrrrr!

and tell me that you love me

Are there any pop songs which AREN'T about trying to get a shag, hoping you're going to get a shag, complaining that you're not getting a shag or actually having a shag?

Remember. Nearly all terms used to describe fundamental music (jazz, rock 'n' roll, boogie and probably loads more) were slang terms for sex used by black men from the Souther states.

"Honey them hips is gone
That's alright, I clock 'em that way
Remind me of something James used to say...

"I like 'em fat"
"I like 'em proud"
"Ya gotta have a mother for me"
Now move your big ass 'round this way
So I can work on that zipper, baby
Tonight you’re a star
And I'm the big dipper "

Absolutely guarantee of a slap.

Not sure if this was intended at a lady by Ian.

Appears in 2 (that I know of songs):

1. Robbie Williams - Rudebox
2. Ivor Biggun - I Can Be The Hot Dog, You Can Be The Bun (with the added compliment that "when the light is on behind you, you really don't look that bad")

Peaches by those grizzled old sexists The Stranglers :

Well I got the notion girl that
You got some sun tan lotion in that bottle of yours
Spread it all over my peeling skin baby
That feels real good
All this skirt
Lapping up the sun
Lap me up
(Why don't you come on and)
Lap me up

Something Kinda Ooh...

"Something kind ooh, bumping in my back room
Something inside of me, wanting what you do"

Assume Ben Dover was part of the Xenomania songwriting team for this one.

And the perennial dirty old man in Mr Tyler.

"Schoolgirl sleazy with a classic kinda sassy little skirt hanging way up her knees".

Hello! Is that CEOP? I'd like to report some questionable behaviour.

Actually, the Girls Aloud one wouldn't get a slap - maybe in Terry-Thomas's best voice "Well, helloooo ladies........"

"I'm number one
My Uzi weighs a ton
And I'll be the burger, you can be the bun, girl"

Searing political commentary from Chuck E D.

could be very, ..um, objectionable. Out of loads of possibilities, this:

I'll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little-bo-peep diploma
I'll just put you in a coma
With some dirty love

Worth a slap.

"Spread your wings and let me come inside"

Would you hold it against me?

This is brilliant because whether she answers 'yes' or 'no' you're in!

Unless of course she just projectile vomits all over you - which, come to think of it, is the most likely outcome.

(wake up and make love with me)

I can see through your skirt I got x-ray specs"

Sheer poetry from Mr Mindwarp.

Those old school charmers Blink 182 came out with:

You and me baby well we're basically mammals
so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

I'm presuming it wasn't Shark Week that week.

...on "What's a Telephone Bill?"

"Oh yeah I'm loaded
With verbal rap ability, baby
You know you inspire me to poetry
So listen while I recite naughty nothings
That'll wet your eardrums..."

Good start, that, Mr William, sir, but then you get a bit 1.50 a.m., last-chance-for-a-last-dance with...

"I'd like to, I'd like to, I'd like to
Yeah yeah yeah

Oh, can I make sweet love to you baby?"

(Sigh) He's got it, hasn't he?