(it gets on my)

...the bottomless well of mute disbelief and trampled resignation that typically characterises a given working day in an NHS hospital can only be properly expressed in Russian, which unfortunately I don't speak.

In moments of extreme anger I have been known to utter the phrase:

"In the name of c**ting Christ."

I am especially fond of this blasphemous rosary of foul language as, in common with the holy trinity, it's offensiveness is threefold, likely to upset anyone who abhors the word "c**t", the deeply religious, and those defenders of English grammer who can't abide the idea of a noun (the afore-mentioned 'c**t') being panel-beaten in a verb.

I like to spread my rage around and infect other people with it.

was the first exclamation of a girl I once new at the initial onset of rage. This would then be followed by a series of colours - lighter for a mild tantrum and darker for violent, uncontrollable anger. The
darker the colour, the louder she would shout. So, it could go "Colours!! Green, Blue, BROWN, BLACK!!!". I would be on my way at Brown. Her reason for this was that she didn't like using 'conventional' swear-words and this helped get out those pent-up emotions. Fuckin' crazy!

It's a great, multi-purpose Anglo-Saxon word and it feels good to blast out.

favours ‘that gets on my last gay nerve’. It helps that he’s gay, and sounds just great in a Bostonian accent.

is commonly used by moi.

An old friend of mine used to say "oh cuntcakes" quite frequently. I rather liked that one.

or fuck the fuck off!"

the incomparable M. Tucker.

I tend to use a very satisfying expletive once used by 'The Parkie'

Buggerfucktwat

I shared a house for 6 years with both an Irishman and a Scotsman and had my life enriched by them in many ways.

If things went awry for the Irish lad, we'd get many variations on the musical 'Fuckety-O'. If anyone annoyed him the transgressor was invariably told to 'fuck off and boil yer hole'

The Scottish lad used 'Gettae'. As in 'Get tae fuck'

Most nicked from Paul Whicker in Viz. Things still give me severe torsion of the testes, for example.

As far as rude expressions of annoyance go..

"Fucksocks!"

"Big tits!"

"Arsecakes!"

And probably a few more as well.

used to use "that rips the fork out of my nightie" constantly, and I must say that it has stuck with me for the last 20 years. I have no idea what it means, whether the fork in question is an eating utensil or a junction, but it has just the right combination of aggression and implied smuttiness to do the trick.

Taken from Johm Martyn's Live at Leeds album, where he shouts 'shit fuck bollocks'. Used as an acronym I find it very satisfying, doubly pleased when a car I had had it as part of the numberplate.

Works best in an Australian accent, "He was farting sparks".

Personally like the one we use the abbreviation FFS for.

Also been known to say "Tee double eff tee" at the point where annoyance becomes relief, eg. when someone has not just fucked off, but fucked RIGHT off.

Best expressed in a world-weary tone of resignation.

Also handy is "It's completely poobumwilly". Coined by my sister-in-law at the age of six as those were the three worst words she knew at the time. The exegesis of the phrase shares many of the principles outlined in previous posts.

...of saying 'cunnilingus' instead of 'c**t' when used as an expression of annoyance. As though it was a mild Latin derivative that would be inoffensive....

My dad isn't much given to swearing, so when he does, well it is, to my twisted mind, a rare and special treat indeed. We were on a scenic drive in the Burren in Clare when we hit a pothole and on inspection saw we had a puncture. My dad stared in silence at the perforated Michelin and in the low rumbling tones of an Old Testament prophet said, with measured prosody: 'The curse of fuck on you.'
I was beside myself with delight and now save this jewel only for special occasions.

for saying that I'd had the sort of day that sucked a wet fart out of a dead pigeon's arse. I think I pinched the expression from somewhere, but since I can't remember where and no-one else has, I claim it as my own.

I tend to refer to annoying members of the public as 'arse-wipes' or 'arse-clowns' in my more stressful moments. 'Wombat shit' is also quite pleasing to say - not sure about hearing...

Van Dyke Parks, on the recent Word podcast, used the Mississippi phrase 'that really ranked my groove' to express displeasure. No idea what it means but it sounded good with a Southern drawl.

of mine, who was very high up in the Church, came along with some anger issues. 'It rips the living cunt out of me' was how he described his feelings when enraged.

if really racked off with an institution/company or person - particularly if they were con merchants would utter "Swine", or "The Swine!", which I quite like.

"Feck it all to HELL!"

Amongst my favourites

Thundertwat

Arse muppet (see also fuck muppet)

Cock smoker (see also cock strangler)

Knob shuffler (see also knob jockey)

These will often be prefaced with "you steaming" or "you raging"

works for me.
I also like to combine swearwords into one easy to use, off the cuff thing, thus:
"C*ntbuggeringarsetw*tw*nkerbreath"
It saves time.

Bob Mortimer once came out with: "You bilious, small-minded, little shrieker of a twat!"

Fuck my tall & windy hat.

Feckgirlsarse works for me.
In another instance, I was trying to talk one of my staff through a procedure that he had been previously been instructed upon but had got repeatedly wrong, I finished up by saying: "C'mon Harry, you know this, when I told you this the last time you were wearing your blue jumper".

who rarely swore and was also religious used to say when deeply enraged, or in fact just mildly incensed

(West of Scotland accent)

In the name of Christ and all that's fucking Holy.

also Jesus fucking Christ on his bike.

I think often couldn't remember the exact utterance of the time before and there were several variations. All good.

My own current favourite is utter muppetfuckwit

A friend often screams 'He/she is a c*nt. C.*.N.T. c*nt. With all the fucking letters'. In a Spanish accent. Which feels like it to adds to the drama

...nal

via AIOTIM (aiotim) and I think Blade II

You cockjuggling thundercunt

Has always served me well in moments of extreme anguish.

My favourite from the movies is "God's Holy Trousers!" from 'The Man Who Would Be King'.

1. F*cketyf*ck always works
2. This one I cannot claim credit for, but from a good friend of mine - Showing my displeasure at someone else (usually their poor driving)..."Let your next sh*te be a hedgehog"..particularly descriptive, I think.

Christ's Fat Cock!

There's an elaborately vindictive strain of verbose abuse in Salman Rushdie's marvellous early novel 'Shame' along such lines as (not an exact quote as I don't have it here, more of a pastiche) "May your syphilitic grandchildren urinate upon your pauper's grave".

F*ckbucket
C*ntbubble
F*cktard

Brothel Bred Bastard

that were made up for characters on telly to use instead of swearwords

So

You charmless nerk
Naffing hell!
Naff off!!
smeghead
goit
gwenlan

and all these

... I can really get on board with.

Lenny is correct when he says that Paul Whicker is a goldmine of creative swearing. "May the Lord have mercy on your souls, you ignorant, snivelling fuckpig" is one that has stayed with me.

From Mark & Lard: "Well, fuck my tall hat".

Billy Connolly: "Jesus Suffering Fuck" - similar in format to Cunting Christ [above].

Also, from Roddy Doyle's The Van: "Yeh poxbottle fuck, yeh!".

And cockjuggling thundercunt is from Blade: Trinity - it was on the other night. Had a bit of a splutter when I heard that.

I love swearing, me.

I wouldn't have argued...