"Extra special" Christmas present last year from Mr Mandy was a 6CD boxed set of Pan Pipes music - as good as it sounds. After the whole family almost wet ourselves to Bohemian Rhapsody, the joke quickly wore thin, as we begged to be allowed to watch yer actual Queen on the box instead.

I got my revenge on Mr Mandy by insisting we work our way through CD after CD on the long, looong journey back from Scotland to Cheshire.

The happy ending though is that I'm pretty confident of getting a certain Mono Boxed Set this Christmas - else it's gonna be the Peruvians doing "We Are The World" all the way to Scotland and back...

Times have changed.

Peter Shaffer's play The Royal Hunt of the Sun, about the Spanish conquest of the Incas, was a sensation when it was first performed back in the 60s.

It was revived by the National Theatre a couple of years ago. They made the mistake of keeping the original musical score, which was, you've guessed it, panpipes.

What must have seemed unearthly and exotic 40 years before now sounded like the kind of thing they make you listen to on the phone when they put you on hold. Instant bathos.

Maybe there never was a hermit on a mountain peak to deliver the "authentic" sound of the pan pipes, just as when you're bagging a Munro you'd be a bit taken aback if there was a kilted bloke at the summit banging out "Scotland The Brave". Street musicians generally perform in unlikely contexts. Blind Willie McTell busked in the business district of Atlanta, which is a long way from the nearest cotton field. Buskers are supposed to summon up an atmosphere which the place itself doesn't have, aren't they?

My daughter decided to get married at Gretna a few years ago. It was all a bit adhoc and she used a company up there who organise pretty much all of it for you. It was a marvelous day with the small exception of the music which was played as they left the church. As I walked behind the couple I could hear pan pipes quietly in the background - and then the track changed and on came 'I'm not in love' the 10cc track! No words and I'm not sure many others knew it was playing but I did. I went back in and asked who was in charge of the music and told the lady what the track was. She seemed surprised and was apologetic. I still don't know whether they knew the track was on the cd or not as it was one of those 20 track best of pan pipes. Never really cared for pan pipes since.
Incidentally there are a couple of 'red indians' playing pan pipes in Romford market too.

with buskers is there doesn't seem to be a coin small enough to pay them with? If I'm walking through Angle tube and someones playing an echoey version of "Wonderwall" which I hear for 15 seconds tops how much should I pay considering I can have the track forever on Itunes for 79p and possibly free on spotify? Please show your working out and use the spare piece of paper if you need to. Making sure you show all assumptions you make in your calculations.

who plays bottleneck and dobro at South Ken tube from time to time who's seriously good

as a prelude to walking the Inca trail. Everywhere you went their were 'genuine' Peruvian Indians playing El Condor Pasa for all it is worth. Believe me Patrick it sounds little better in the Andes than it does here. Biggest cheer was for Come on Eileen in the night club we frequented which played everything from Clash to Midnight Oil but absolutely no Pan Pipes!!

American Indians in the centre of Kingston last weekend in full tribal gear including head dresses. They played pan pipes, guitars and various other instruments. It was surreal yet very entertaining and they stuck to "traditional" tunes.

...a line along the lines of "What's the population of Peru? About half what it would be if every person playing pan pipes in a shopping centre went home for a visit..."

There was a lull for a bit but they seem inescapable around our way right now.

They'd come into the pub, two blokes with guitars, teenaged lad with immense piano-accordion which he played like a virtuoso. They'd do a couple of songs and pass round a tambourine. So good were they that a pound coin was the normal donation. I haven't seen them for a couple of years. Shame.

The guys who do this in Plaça Catalunya in Barcelona have a serious PA system. They have more equipment than ELP. As a mate of mine said "Like to see them Hump that generator up a mountain". They do a lot of Abba songs for some reason.
A friend of my was responisble for promoting the album "Pan Pipe moods" and she told me they shifted a hell of a lot of copies.
Finally,What about the Patagonians on the Fast Show ?

that's what the Pipes of Pan have become - first time I heard them I'm sure I thought what a wondertful noise - but now the fact that Music of the Andes type stuff is everywhere - makes it as infuriating as the xylophone based muzak piped around the lobbies of the kind of hotel Alan Partidge found himself in.

Similarly, I am convinced many have been put off Indian music as the only time they have encountered it is the indeterminate low level sitar plinkings accompanying a King Prawn Dhansak. Unless George Harrison is to blame, of course. Perish the thought

Has no one else seen the two South Park episodes Pandemic 1 & 2 from season 12?

They're about the government rounding up the pan pipe bands, which causes large guinea pigs to escape from the Andes mountains. Very odd. But quite entertaining.

If you want to stream them, you can find all episodes at allsp.com

recognising the same experience from my own shopping-centre wanderings, I am sitting in a new client's offices for the first time, enjoying a lunchtime sandwich. Behind me, in the cubicle complex I am to call home for some time, someone's mobile phone has just rung.

You guessed. El Condor Pasa. On pan-pipes. Isn't life strange?

They were ubiquitous in Norway a few years ago. Now all we've got are Bulgarians and Romanians murdering squeezeboxes and saxophones.

Pan-pipes is fine for us, obviously but I'm sure that classical mythology ain't all that huge on the plateaux of Patagonia so they must have another name for them.

What's Peruvian for "Sodding annoying blowy pipe doofers"?