Live music in a small venue: go and feel it in a crowd of people in thrall with it and remind yourself what it is that gets the juices flowing. Experience music where you don't normally in other words.

Take yourself out of your discomfort zone by not falling back into your old comfort zone! If there was a routine to your life before now is the time to change that routine while your commitment is "unregulated" by a significant other.

After going through a similar naff period in my life a few years back I re-discovered 70's reggae, and for a long while after that's all I listened to. I have never heard a reggae song that either made me think about things or made me feel rotten, most of it, songs like Honeyboy Martin's Dreader Than Dread, always made me chuckle, it's distracting, or 'detente' as a French bloke might say. At the time Trojan were issuing the Ska and Rock Steady box sets and there is also the Blood & Fire remasters of King Tubby. There's loads of it and it's all good.

And also tough luck that Hannah's broken her big bad news in the post above yours which will tend to attract more attention, I fear.

I'd take solace in something which involves lots and lots of very loud guitars.

Grand Prix

That was the album that became the soundtrack of my divorce. It helped me an awful lot. Mileage may vary at this remove though it hasn't dated to my ear.

I was half a world away from friends and family when I split. The best advice I received was via an airmailogrammed letter (do they still make those?). It simply stated: 'Chin-up, you're British.' Made me smile every time I thought of it.

Good luck old chap.

Daft vid with wonderful comedy pigeon at the beginning but decent sentiment for the newly single

I've recently - last week - found myself single again at 41 after 6 years

40 and 5½ years in my case. I don't have any words of consolation, but I know how you feel.

That will be of any use, it's a rough time thT most of us have been through at least once.

In my case, in my mid twenties, after a 6 year relationship walked out the door, I wallowed in musical self pity and you know what, it helped that there were songs of heartbreak out there, if I didn't feel particularly positive I didn't really want songs that suggested I should, so I shut the door, drank loads of tea, stayed off the booze (not good in those situations), lost loads of weight and played hour after hour of broken hearted soul music such as Luther's A House Is Not A Home, Keni Burke's Hang Tight, Why Go by Thurston Bilal, Mistly Blue by Monique, Cameo's Don't Be Lonely and many many more.

Good luck.

My last proper girlfriend ended our relationship after I fell so ill that I could no longer manage the journey up to London to see her. I was a terrible boyfriend. I kept her away from my family and refused to tell her where I lived, so I had it coming.

When the relationship ended I lost a lot of friends, as they were all her friends. By this time the only one of my own friends who was still talking to me had moved to Singapore.

I re-adjusted to my solitary life with an epic Disco phase. I'm not citing this as a cure-all, but Disco is a genre that acknowledges that life is hard but encourages you to have a good time anyway.

What else can you do, other than make a mental note of any lessons learned, and do your best not carry the balance from your failed relationship into your next one.

*digs out Van McCoy's The hustle*

this allas cheers me up, hope it helps if not just click stop

If I Ever Loved You. It may or may not help but it will confirm your feelings one way or another, from there you can move on.

I feel for you both. It's a rubbish thing indeed, and time may be a great healer but it takes its um... time. In my experience, the most important thing is to embrace the misery and wallow for a short period - I didn't get over my last break-up until I'd realised I was actually allowed to be unhappy, rather than soldiering on.

Musically, for me the best option was immersion in other people's existential sadness - OK Computer was on endless repeat, as was Tom McRae's debut album (dark revenge fantasies about cutting his sleeping ex's hair seemed relevant). I interspersed this with arms in the air anthems - Screamadelica was pretty much perfect.

Of course, I'm ignoring the most obvious point: EVERY SONG ON THE RADIO IS ABOUT YOU. My split coincided with the simultaneous ubiquity of Dry Your Eyes by The Streets and Damian Rice's Cannonball. Every cafe, every shop, every taxi reminded me I'd been dumped. Eventually I adopted them as my own personal anthems; for some reason they both make me quite happy now so it must have worked.

A big man-hug to you both.

... Woman by The Anti Nowhere League over and over. Possibly not what you are looking for at the moment though. In my defense, at the time I was behaving like a right tedious scrote, I deserved the dumping but lacked the brains to realize it at the time.

However I'd be lying if I didn't admit that that song made me feel better.

His album 'Boys Outside' was one of my favourites of last year. It documents his breakup - both with his GF and inside his head. Quite magnificent, it is.

Then, in July, my wife of 12 years decided not to come back from NYC and told me so on Skype. I didn't listen to Steve Mason again all year, but have slowly crept back to it and have rediscovered its wonder.

But hey, I'm 45 and have found a new love of quite unbelievable quality, so it can be done.

Oh, another one you might want to try is Marvin Gaye's 'Here, My Dear.'

I love a good wallow.

'Shaun the Sheep'.
I currently have 52 on the Sky+ Box.

Bogart films.

...don't seek advice from Danny Dyer.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/may/05/danny-dyer-zoo-magazine

in a pub near you - even (maybe "especially") a bad covers band. Surround yourself with people.

I'm single at 44. It's not the end of the world. You will, as they say, survive.

Best of luck. It gets better.

Never fails to cheer me up

imagine what you guys and gals are all going through.
I am lucky enough to have only had my heart broken once but I was just 16 and it's par for the course then.
Thinking back I played The Smiths (natch) and Curve (double natch)
If it were to end today (God forbid) I would be playing a lot of Nick Cave I think. He tends to get me through most curveballs.

Finally, finally got that terrible pain in the gut. If I had to put a name to it, I'd probably call it being "gutted". Was wondering when my heart was going to catch up with my brain.

Thanks so much for all the counsel, people.

And anyone else in the same situation, commiserations. Been there myself, and it did get better. Met the present Mrs Policybloke, and life is good (though she does think I spend a lot of time on this blog, in the company of strange people! Does she know something?) Anyway, at the risk of sounding like an echo of all the other posts, it will get better.

But when I have to indulge I play this.

At the time of my last break-up I was really glad to have a couple of new musical genres to get into, namely jazz and drum'n'bass. Seeking out some of this stuff culminated in finding the album 'Ultravisitor' by Squarepusher: Compicated stuff that draws the mind away from other crap; huge amounts of noise... and then this:

('Iambic 9 Poetry' by Squarepusher, accompanied by a rather lovely photo of a fox)

I can also recommend DRUKQS by Apex Twin, if this at all chimes, which has a similar moment at 'Avril 15'.

I was at work when I saw a post called 'NSFW' appear in the sidebar. So I didn't click on it. D'oh!

To Stick, Hannah and those others who've bravely bared their souls on this thread, I can perhaps offer some heartfelt sympathy. And a reminder that, for all the little blips this site has negotiated lately, this place is still an oasis of genuine respect and goodwill, partly powered by the UTTERLY CORRECT belief that sometimes the cure to almost all ills is an obscure musical recommendation.

I am lucky enough not to have a heartbreak story from my more mature years. Jimmyshoes1's post resonated with me because at that young age, it seemed to happen every other week. I did for example once manage to actually lose - as in mislay - a girl while I was in the middle of asking her out. Arguably, that was incompetent.

But - the band that always sorted me out - then and now... are Talking Heads. Irresistably funky - plus their frontman was weirder and weedier than you. Here's 'Sax and Violins'.